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The Beach.

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Eddie Mair | 08:29 UK time, Friday, 30 May 2008

Everyone should have a Beach to go to, chill out, meet their friends and relax.
In other words it's the off-topic area of the Blog, renewed every week on a Friday, to keep it to a manageable length. Bad attitudes not welcome. No bridges for Trolls to hide under. Just warm sun, sand and virtual sangria. Plus the odd (make that very odd) camel wandering around.


  • 1. At 08:36am on 30 May 2008, DI_Wyman wrote:

    mmmmmmmm, nothing like feeling fresh sand between your toes!

    Now who is up for a Friday fry-up?

    I have got some sausages and eggs, anyone got bacon, toms and mushrooms?

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  • 2. At 08:37am on 30 May 2008, U10783173 wrote:

    Wahey! First hoofprints on the sand!

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  • 3. At 08:44am on 30 May 2008, The Stainless Steel Cat wrote:

    "...bad attitudes not welcome"?

    Ah piddy the fool tries to keep me off the Beach!

    "Don't wanna cause a ruckus,
    With B.A. Baracus,
    But I've got a match for you..."
    Billy Connolly, The theme to "Supergran"

    And with that 80's TV nostalgia, I claim this Beach for the cause of Having A Nice Cup Of Tea And A Bun!

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  • 4. At 08:51am on 30 May 2008, Little Red wrote:

    took time for la plage to arrive this morning. hope there's nothing wrong with eddie.

    DIY - I'll take your breakfast (though I'll have veggie sausages rather than the "real" thing) and I'll raise you a giant pot of freshly-brewed, super-strength (i.e. could-be-tar) coffee!

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  • 5. At 08:53am on 30 May 2008, eddiemair wrote:

    Little Red, there is so much wrong with me it would fill the page. But actually, I am just about to start work on this week's Any Questions stuff. So a coffee would be lovely, thanks.

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  • 6. At 08:59am on 30 May 2008, DI_Wyman wrote:

    Little Red, coffee really is spot on!

    and I have just popped your sausages under the grill for you!

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  • 7. At 09:01am on 30 May 2008, Sid wrote:

    DI_Wyman - I've got some sprouts ...

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  • 8. At 09:04am on 30 May 2008, Fearless Fred wrote:

    Who are the guests tonight Eddie?

    I'll have a mug of the coffee as well, if I may. I'll put a large bowl of muesli on the bar for those not wanting a cooked brekkie....

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  • 9. At 09:06am on 30 May 2008, eddiemair wrote:

    Fred I CANNOT spoil the surprise...

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  • 10. At 09:08am on 30 May 2008, Fearless Fred wrote:

    Wouldn't you have revealed them on the trail that's done just before the 7:30am headlines on Today? I missed it as I was in the newsagents, buying a paper...

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  • 11. At 09:44am on 30 May 2008, U10783173 wrote:

    Sid (7) - I can give some cream for that.

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  • 12. At 10:20am on 30 May 2008, DI_Wyman wrote:

    Sid, 7, you're a star!

    Will serve the sprouts (deep fried in batter, Glasgy style) for elevenses. Will also do a side dish of asparygrass and swede in butter!

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  • 13. At 10:22am on 30 May 2008, Izzy_Tme wrote:

    As it's the beach and there aren't any calories here, I'll have the full on please DIY, ta very much! But with a nice cup of tea, sorry Little Red, I don't 'do' coffee!

    It's nice to find the sun shining somewhere......

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  • 14. At 10:24am on 30 May 2008, DI_Wyman wrote:

    FF, 8, just for you:-

    This week Eddie Mair chairs the programme from St Andrew's Parish Church, Church Street, Rugby,Warwickshire with:-

    MALCOLM WICKS MP: Minister for Lack of Energy
    NICK HERBERT MP: Shadow Secretary of State for Injustice
    NORMAN LAMB MP: Liberal Democrats' stealth spokesman
    Professor GERMAINE GREER: author and columnist and all round good egg.

    Would you be interested in hosting Any Questions?

    To find out more, have a look at the 'Hosting AQ' link to the right..............just by the naughty step!

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  • 15. At 10:26am on 30 May 2008, DI_Wyman wrote:

    Izzy 13,

    no prob, 'n seein' as it's you I have done some of the ol' Black Pudding as well.

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  • 16. At 10:29am on 30 May 2008, mygloriousleader wrote:

    I'd like a slice of coffee. And here's some veggie 'bacon' to go with the veggie sausages.

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  • 17. At 10:30am on 30 May 2008, Aperitif wrote:

    Morning All,

    I'll partake in some of that there breakfast please -- I had porridge in RL and I put apricots in instead of my usual sultanas and it just wasn't the same. :-(

    Anyone coming for a quick swim around the buoys before we eat?

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  • 18. At 10:36am on 30 May 2008, U10783173 wrote:

    I'm up for it, Ap. Is it OK if I do a horsey-paddle?

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  • 19. At 10:42am on 30 May 2008, Anne P. wrote:

    I'm up for it Appy as long as the young Macallan is one of the boys.

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  • 20. At 10:45am on 30 May 2008, U11204129 wrote:

    Is that the sky divers spelling out Honda up there?

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  • 21. At 10:53am on 30 May 2008, The Stainless Steel Cat wrote:

    pmleader (20):

    I don't know, it looks more like "Gouda" to me.

    Do you think they know they're falling towards the shark infested reefs out there?
    (That reminds me, how long should we keep the ambulance-chasers swimming about in that exitless lagoon?)

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  • 22. At 10:57am on 30 May 2008, nikki noodle wrote:

    morning peeps!!

    and to eddie (5) best wishes, hope you at least make it through tonights broadcast

    elevenses for anyone who's had a swim, on the bar...

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  • 23. At 11:00am on 30 May 2008, DI_Wyman wrote:

    deep fried sprouts ahoy, must be 11am (10am)

    n-n, stop swimming on the bar!

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  • 24. At 11:03am on 30 May 2008, DI_Wyman wrote:

    Appy, please take a break, you're making the boys dizzy!

    Non Stick Cat, let 'em stay out there till after them thar pigs take off!

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  • 25. At 11:07am on 30 May 2008, RJMolesworth wrote:

    DI 14

    Thinking back to the years of Mrs T. should your post not have read:-

    NICK HERBERT MP: Shadow Secretary for State Injustice

    All that dosh paid "out of court" by the boys in blue to name but one. Not a subject for the Beach I know but no Furrows to Brow today.

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  • 26. At 11:34am on 30 May 2008, Selkius_Piscinus wrote:

    Ey, Sid, pass some sprouts over here and I'll finish cooking them the way the octopodes like 'em: boiled for a bit (well, ok, several months) then fried in garlic butter for two minutes and served slightly browned and ouchy hot.

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  • 27. At 11:36am on 30 May 2008, mygloriousleader wrote:

    All is calm, all is calm,

    Time for a song:
    The sun has got his hat on
    Hip hip hip hooray
    And Gordy's dropped further in the polls
    Looks like he's on his way...

    Everybody's happy
    Hip hip hip hooray
    No one's got enough money
    We all think it's so funny
    Al Kayder's got his way

    All the little bankers singing
    Estate agent hands are wringing
    No money, no work, absolutely nothing to do
    but all to sit on the dole all day
    Hip hip hooray

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  • 28. At 11:45am on 30 May 2008, U11204129 wrote:

    21. SSC

    I love it! Sky diver mis - spellings! There must be some on You Tube!

    All that effort for a birthday or something and it comes out as Intermittent Hoarse or something. That'd make 'em so sore.

    Or 'Will you Merry me?' (though if they haven't by now, don't do it anyway.)

    Or ....

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  • 29. At 12:27pm on 30 May 2008, steelpulse wrote:

    Virtual sangria? And then my mind went wandering. Do you know these instructions abot the 100 or 1000 films you must see before you die. Just a marketing ploy and I have visions of the Grim Reaper waiting outside the local Odeon or Gaumont show film Number 100 for you. I would negotiate a stay of execution by asking to see the Sevent Seal again - as I thought he - Grim Meister - gave a great performance in it

    Drinks I have not drunk - knowingly at least and sangria is one. Virual or otherwise.

    I had that tequila muck - whilst eyeing the maggot with distaste. And taste snowball (never again).

    So what 100 Beach drinks should I try before I dive?

    Remembering I need to walk into the sea and be able to swim afterwards. That discounts poteen then. Oh - I dunno though.

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  • 30. At 12:46pm on 30 May 2008, U10783173 wrote:

    ystavani (29) - I could get you some discounted poteen!

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  • 31. At 12:55pm on 30 May 2008, jonnie wrote:

    Will Eddie be doing a train blog?

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  • 32. At 1:07pm on 30 May 2008, Big Sister wrote:

    Jonnie: A question I asked earlier today, but no response to date .....

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  • 33. At 1:36pm on 30 May 2008, Fifi wrote:

    How come Big Sister and PMleader have their names in a brighter shade of blue than the rest of us?

    By the way, who remembers Simon Berry, the man who wants to use a certain cola giant's distribution network to get rehydration salts out to the remotest bits of Africa? It was on iPM not long ago.

    Well, he's got more than 900 messages of support on a certain networking website we know of, and when he gets 1,000 he's going to pick up the phone......!

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  • 34. At 1:44pm on 30 May 2008, Big Sister wrote:

    Fifi: I thought that only happened from my end of the Blog. Hm. Now you've got me worried!

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  • 35. At 1:48pm on 30 May 2008, U10783173 wrote:

    Fifi(33) - That's because you have clicked on their name at some point to view their grouped postings.

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  • 36. At 1:52pm on 30 May 2008, thenicecatlady wrote:

    Meow. I missed out on the strawberries yesterday. Are there any left? I'll have cream with mine if poss please

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  • 37. At 1:54pm on 30 May 2008, Fifi wrote:

    Horse, that must be it, thank you! Stand down, Big Sister, you're not a marked man.. er, woman.. er, frogger.. er...

    More tea, anyone?

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  • 38. At 2:08pm on 30 May 2008, The Stainless Steel Cat wrote:

    Fifi (33):

    That's nothing. Earlier today I picked up not just the 'phone, but the desklamp as well.

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  • 39. At 2:45pm on 30 May 2008, eddiemair wrote:

    No train blogging today. I bought a USB stick for the sole purpose of train blogging but despite the best efforts of our best techy people, it doesn't work...and the train doesn't have wifi. I am hopeful though that in two weeks, we will have something that might work.

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  • 40. At 2:48pm on 30 May 2008, Big Sister wrote:

    Hello Eddie: Good luck tonight! For what it's worth (not a lot, in fact!) Mr. Herbert is my MP. He's very reticent about his local surgeries, though, as I've tried to see him on a matter and keep being fobbed off. Too busy appearing on the radio/tv perhaps? ;o)

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  • 41. At 3:27pm on 30 May 2008, Little Red wrote:

    eddie (5) so the blog was low on the list of priorities at 6 this morning? can't say i blame you! my response to the 6 olclock wake up call was to roll over and have another half an hour. it's friday after all!

    i'm hoping it's near to pimms o'clock (which no doubt means wonko will be popping up...) so i've stocked the fridge with ginger beer and for a special pimms afternoon.

    oh and i've no strawberries NCL but I do have raspberries. And lashings of double cream!

    now i just need to squeeze a few more hours out of my brain before it turns to weekend mush.

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  • 42. At 3:40pm on 30 May 2008, mygloriousleader wrote:

    Hi eric (39).
    Don't you just l o v e technology that doesn't do what is says on tin. Why don't you to ring up their tech support and ask why and tell us what they said... "...Well and how are you doing today Sir? Now is your computer switched on..."..
    A lot these dongles don't work the same way as most perpherals i.e. you switch on the pc...it identifies the new thingy..it calls for a disc or to snaffle something from the interwebby thing...then it's happy.
    Lots of them just sit there... dumb as anything.... like a glorified lightbulb.
    You might just as well have plugged in a glorified USB cup warmer.

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  • 43. At 4:06pm on 30 May 2008, thenicecatlady wrote:

    Can we have another sing sing please. I've sung mgl 27 & I want a change

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  • 44. At 4:10pm on 30 May 2008, Fearless Fred wrote:

    right, now I've made it back to the beach, I'm putting large numbers of bottles of wine on the NCMB. I hereby declare the sun is well and truly over the yard-arm.

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  • 45. At 4:23pm on 30 May 2008, steelpulse wrote:

    Train blogging - not for two weeks, Eddie and then still not certain? Fourteen days - a whole fought knight?

    Take my advice, mate. Leaves on the line. Eddie. It is best left there. lol

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  • 46. At 4:32pm on 30 May 2008, mygloriousleader wrote:

    Train blogging
    Across the whole uk
    Try'in to get the tech to work
    That good ol Mickey soft way
    Train blogging
    Across the whole uk
    It's never going to work
    But we'll keep trying everyday

    and again
    CtlAlt Del
    and again
    and again
    Shut down
    Hmmn...Maybe it'll work tomorrow

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  • 47. At 4:32pm on 30 May 2008, jonnie wrote:


    BigSis is in a lighter shade because you've looked at her comments.

    ie: clicked on her name. It leaves a cookie -

    talking of which -

    I have some lovely Amaretti buscits so if anyone pops over this way feel free to sample them.

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  • 48. At 5:05pm on 30 May 2008, needsanewnickname wrote:

    Brussels sprouts are delicious stir-fried. Splash of sesame oil, splash of good soy sauce. No need to boil for 18 months. Tangy, nutty and better than sprouts n chestnuts - though I like em both.

    But don't tell Sid.

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  • 49. At 5:21pm on 30 May 2008, needsanewnickname wrote:

    Eddie's Song

    Well, I'm
    train bloggin
    And I'm
    leaping into frogging
    Hope the
    streets are paved
    With gold
    for David
    Even though
    I'll never be
    A Dimblebeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

    You may send
    a letter
    An email or a frog
    To say I'm better
    Than he,
    The Dimdlebeeeeeeeeeee

    And then
    One day we'll
    Say, Eddie,
    ach weel,
    He's no much Mair,
    An it's no faaiiiiiiiiiiiir

    And for a new era
    we're ready
    If you can
    just hold it steady
    You could make
    Question Time heady
    Are you ready,
    Just hang on in
    Eddie Mair!

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  • 50. At 5:26pm on 30 May 2008, needsanewnickname wrote:

    Needs a tune. I've got one in my head, but there are better froggers than me to do that...

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  • 51. At 6:06pm on 30 May 2008, Fifi wrote:

    I should stop working now, and get fed and changed ready for folk club tonight. How quickly the month comes round again!

    As we've been kindly offered a lift to/from the pub, I will for once (ahem!) indulge in a little sampling of the bottles Fearless has left on the NCMB. Should sampling-glasses be smaller than usual, or rather larger?

    Larger, I think. * holds out extremely large glass *

    A drop of that Black Stump if you please!

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  • 52. At 8:43pm on 30 May 2008, Simon wrote:

    My header for the Beach this week.

    * does three laps of the Beach out of sheer joy *


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  • 53. At 00:00am on 31 May 2008, Hattie (the world hasn't ended, yet) wrote:

    Good evening, I'm new here,
    is it true there are camels on the beach? Wow, I love camels, I saw camels going through the wheelie bins on the beaches of Oman. Nice place otherwise.
    I guess it is too late for breakfast, I'm having an exotic fruit cocktail, I could stretch it if anyone wants some. I don't know what I fancy to drink, seems too late for Pimms. Maybe someone should tell me is the the beach of the Midnight Sun or is it permanently beautiful sunset?
    Back with political comment later, maybe

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  • 54. At 01:37am on 31 May 2008, U11204129 wrote:

    Oh dear, you foroggers are so far from where it's at.

    'Eddie's' train was delayed and he made the programme by skin of his teeth in Rugby.

    As did the panelists who were also London based.

    He set up a nice tension between the 'public' figures on the panel and the local questions about a lad who was stabbed to death outside the very church the shindig was held in.

    What could the community hope for in their time of trouble, the local vicar asked?

    Which of course phased the national politicians and cultural celebs 'cos they knew ziltz about local youth club etc provision.

    The vicar had the lad down as 'murdered' a week ago so expect a hanging jury when the case comes to trial.

    The vicar didn't mention God as a source of hope, but what vicar does these days?

    Hey, suddenly realised all this stuff about 'Eddie's' journey is on the Beach.

    Don't knock 'Eddie' too much He may yet turn out to be a goodie.
    After all he got the job tonight without being a Dimbleby and without an Eng Lit degree.

    Who knows, he may yet tell the middle classes to p*ss off.

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  • 55. At 07:14am on 31 May 2008, The Stainless Steel Cat wrote:

    Now that's a good way to wake up on a Saturday morning:

    Listening to my clock-radio just before six o'clock, about to fall back to sleep, what do I hear but our own Eddie, talking about how many times he can have, erm, Thingy... in fourteen minutes.

    That woke me up properly, I can tell you!

    Clarrie's evil twin (53):

    Welcome to the Beach! Thanks for the image of Omani camels and the wheelie bins. Our camels tend to be a bit more refined, with their food being delivered on silver platters, and just using the wheelie bins to give each other rides up and down the Beach.

    Political comment is welcome... but not here. This is where we escape from such things. Every Monday (*gives Eddie a sharp look*) /nearly/ every Monday, Eddie sets up a new Furrowed Brow thread for us to be serious on, plus of course the other normal blog threads and iPM advert threads...

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  • 56. At 08:16am on 31 May 2008, Deepthought wrote:

    Morning all,

    Already been at real work in RL this morning :-(.

    I missed iPM *again*, this time because it was 12 hours early. Guess it was not live this week. I thought it was only being podcasted, (with or without the pod), as opposed to broadcasted (with or without the broad, as EM pointed out in a trail I heard yesterday).

    Anyway, while waiting for something to dry, I'm making tea, coffee, fresh fruit salad, toast, marmite/alade &c. Keeping it simple here, others can fry up if they've the time....

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  • 57. At 09:42am on 31 May 2008, nikki noodle wrote:

    Never one to need being told twice, have eaten the huge fry-up as suggested! Anyone wanting a rasher or two, a couple of snorkers, a nice pair of sunny side ups, heaps of shrooms, toms, and black puddin, I think its still going on over there.....!!

    did I mention toast and marmalade?!

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  • 58. At 10:20am on 31 May 2008, jonnie wrote:


    I'm curious?

    What was the USB stick? Was it a Bluetooth dongle?

    You seemed to achieve excellent results last year with the Nokia phone and the viao so am puzzled as to what it must be?

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  • 59. At 10:28am on 31 May 2008, DI_Wyman wrote:

    Deep and n-n, thanks and sooo much to choose from!

    I think today will be a non-dieting day!

    Me and Mrs DiY have been invited out for dinner this evening but as we don't know what we will be eating I have scouted around in the 'wine cellar' and found a bottle of 2004 Chateauneuf-du-Pape and a bottle of 2006 Chardonnay - Saone et Loire plus a couple of bottles of last years scrumpy, one cannot just turn up with a bottle of Vin Red can one?

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  • 60. At 10:30am on 31 May 2008, DI_Wyman wrote:

    Oh, i see curious jonnie is up and abaht!

    Has Eddie really got a dongle?

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  • 61. At 11:43am on 31 May 2008, needsanewnickname wrote:

    SSC, I heard young Mr Mair this morning as well - only just awake, so didn't take it all in, but what a surprise.

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  • 62. At 1:05pm on 31 May 2008, jonnie wrote:

    DIY ;-)

    Dongle - it's a bit of kit you stick into one of the slots on the side.

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  • 63. At 1:07pm on 31 May 2008, jonnie wrote:

    and Frances :-

    I'm told you can now download the ipm programme as a podcast!

    You could take it with you wherever you go and keep on playing back the best bits!

    It's the BBC - It's what they do.

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  • 64. At 3:09pm on 31 May 2008, DI_Wyman wrote:

    Dear curious jonnie from down south,

    I haven't got a any slots on my side. Is it 'cos i'm a norverner?

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  • 65. At 6:44pm on 31 May 2008, needsanewnickname wrote:

    So they say, jonnie, so they say...

    I had a sudden fancy for gazpacho on my way home from the large orange supermarket today. I've already got tonight's meal planned, so it'll have to be beach gazpacho, on a strong table by Nick's.

    And, since it's the last day of May, it must be time to start Pimming. Large vats of both liquids now full.

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  • 66. At 6:50pm on 31 May 2008, needsanewnickname wrote:

    btw, and this follows on from jonnie's 63, apparently the Beeb has overspent on bbc.co.uk and Questions Are Being Asked. I've mentioned on other threads that the Today programme's message board is being closed - possibly today? - hope the frog is safe?

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  • 67. At 7:09pm on 31 May 2008, Froggersfroat wrote:

    Frances O (66)....feel frog definitely under threat, especially as DiY has no spare slots on his side!...

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  • 68. At 7:20pm on 31 May 2008, Froggersfroat wrote:

    DiY (64)... under present economic conditions, spare slots now available,@ reasonable prices, from BBC (You & Yours) and Heathrow Airport...though can't confirm if they are on your side!....

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  • 69. At 9:09pm on 31 May 2008, jonnie wrote:

    Oh that Pimms is soooo delicious.

    Thanks Frances.

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  • 70. At 9:16pm on 31 May 2008, Fifi wrote:

    Clarrie's Evil Twin (53) : Welcome, welcome, welcome!

    Our camels, it must be said, are firmly NOT of the bin-rummaging species. What's more, the (well, one of them) look down their noses at the reindeer... but that's another story!

    Now then.. I do hope you're not a teetotaller because, it has to be said, this Beach is a tippler's heaven! Since ValP gave me an Australian Shiraz pipeline for Christmas, I've been an exceptionally relaxed and happy bunny!

    I've been barbecuing whiting tonight... anyone fancy a bit of very fresh fish? Heaps of boiled spuds and salad on the side??

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  • 71. At 09:23am on 01 Jun 2008, DI_Wyman wrote:

    morning froggers!

    Francis O, gazpacho, mmmmmmmmmmmmmm!

    have you tried the 'adult' style, just add some really good vodka!

    anyhoo, in the mean time toast and lemon marmalade with freshly brewed coffee available at NC's!

    BTW, thanks for the info about slots, I am in negotiation with BAA for a couple at Heathrow!

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  • 72. At 09:33am on 01 Jun 2008, The Stainless Steel Cat wrote:

    Di_Wyman (64):

    No slots in your side? Lucky you.

    I have this terrible pain in all the diodes down my left side. I've asked for them to be replaced, but no-one ever listens. Life? Don't talk to me about life...

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  • 73. At 10:20am on 01 Jun 2008, Thunderbird wrote:

    Good morning campers.... Slots ??? what did I miss, sounds like a "Carry-on" sketch

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  • 74. At 11:36am on 01 Jun 2008, nikki noodle wrote:


    A lot of Talent last night, and singing in the rain too!! Can't beat it....!! There is a sheet on the wall in the bar - sign up if you have a talent, hidden or not-so-hidden!!!

    meanwhile, a large pot of strong coffee, and a biscuit -


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  • 75. At 11:40am on 01 Jun 2008, Thunderbird wrote:

    surely it depends on how deep the talent is hidden, too deep and we could all suffer.

    I hope your strong coffee is "fair-trade"

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  • 76. At 11:51am on 01 Jun 2008, Thunderbird wrote:

    This must be the quietest beach in the country…..

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  • 77. At 4:27pm on 01 Jun 2008, nikki noodle wrote:

    it is, thunderbird, today, what a pleasant weekend...

    Is that someone singing I can hear over there!?!!

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  • 78. At 4:41pm on 01 Jun 2008, Fifi wrote:

    My talents extend to cooking other froggers' recipes. Ask Big Sister for a reminder of her excellent chilli sans carne. And tonight chez Fifi we will once more be dining on Fearless Fred's Fabulous Bird, a chicken recipe I recommend to all carnivores!

    I can also simultaneously type and wait for a new keg of beer to settle ... a feat I am demonstrating right now!

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  • 79. At 4:43pm on 01 Jun 2008, Gillianian wrote:

    Nikki, it's me - I'm having a little warble to cheer myself up!I've got 2 slots in my tummy, and two under my ribs ;o(

    I've just wandered down to have a refreshing shower under the waterfall. You'll find me in the purple silk-lined hammock, if you'd like to come and feed me a grape.....and would you please point the Young Macallan in this direction if he's not too busy with Anne P ;o)

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  • 80. At 5:03pm on 01 Jun 2008, Fearless Fred wrote:

    Sorry, was busy watching the England - BaaBaas match. So, you're doing the chicken again, are you Feef? Glad you like it!

    Now, I see the camels have started practicing for the group gymnastics display for the Olympics opening. Should camels be able to do handstands????

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  • 81. At 5:05pm on 01 Jun 2008, Thunderbird wrote:

    Hello Gillianian, I am so sorry but I keep reading your message but haven't got a clue what you are on about. Maybe I need some reading between the lines lessons

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  • 82. At 5:07pm on 01 Jun 2008, Thunderbird wrote:

    camels don't have hands therefore making hand-stands virtually impossible, they do however have fleas.....

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  • 83. At 9:14pm on 01 Jun 2008, Deepthought wrote:

    Fearless (80)

    Oh that was the reason for the traffic jam on the A316 (RFU ground). Nashing of teeth, I knew yesterday's excuse, but today *gnaws carpet*.

    Once free of SW London, I noticed a load of BBQs going off. Some apparently needing red lorries parked outside. But, for complex reasons, also noticed Red Kites circling the town centre of a significant town everyone else responsed as "where?"

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  • 84. At 9:50pm on 01 Jun 2008, nikki noodle wrote:

    that was *lovely* Gillianian!!! delicately tinkling off the cascading water too!!!

    Here, I have rounded up some grapes, and marshelled them into a fruit bowl...but I have had no luck with the young Macallan, I'm sorry to say.

    Fearless, I think once again, I ought to apologise, probably more to the camels than to you, but then you did have quite a sight!!! ...I fed the camels what I thought were some raisins, olives and dried dates at lunch time... it turns out they werent fruit at all... more like pods....and the spicier ones would have blown a hole in anything... but (please!) dont let on it was me...

    I went and got them some ice cream as soon as i realised, but they were already hot-footing (hot-hoofing??) it along the beach by then


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  • 85. At 10:04pm on 01 Jun 2008, Sid wrote:

    Is it my imagination ... or is that the third time the tide's come in today?

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  • 86. At 10:15pm on 01 Jun 2008, Fifi wrote:

    Gillianianianianian ... THERE is the young Macallan, lurking shyly behind the gooseberry bush behind the palm tree behind Lady Camellia!

    Fabio was there as well, but I'm hoping they were just sharing life-saving tips. . .

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  • 87. At 08:24am on 02 Jun 2008, gossipmistress wrote:

    Gillianian are the slots you refer to anything to do with a gall bladder? If so, get well soon!!xx

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  • 88. At 08:49am on 02 Jun 2008, DI_Wyman wrote:

    Morning peeps, I see the grapes are on the loose again! And there was me thinking I could have a fruit salad for breakfast.

    Budge up Gillianianianian, i'll hang around here and see what elevenses appear.

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  • 89. At 09:08am on 02 Jun 2008, needsanewnickname wrote:

    There's a banana lurking here that needs eating. Supermarket 'nanas - green for a couple of days, then all of a sudden brown and soggy. Anyone got any tips for catching them in the brief moment in between?

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  • 90. At 09:11am on 02 Jun 2008, needsanewnickname wrote:

    And not with a net.

    I know what beachfroggers are like.

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  • 91. At 10:25am on 02 Jun 2008, U10783173 wrote:

    Frances O - This Top Tip comes courtesy of Viz.

    BANANA LOVERS. Buy your bananas in bunches of 5 on Sunday. Then arrange them in order of ripeness and write a day of the week on each banana in felt pen, Monday on the ripest, Friday on the greenest, to save time making those decisions on a hectic weekday morning.
    Mrs Facebook

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  • 92. At 10:39am on 02 Jun 2008, U10783173 wrote:

    Frances - You might also find the following product invaluable!

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  • 93. At 11:31am on 02 Jun 2008, U11204129 wrote:


    I know it's been said before by loads of people on loads of sites, but have you tried kiddie fruit in certain well known and not so well known supermarkets?

    If the little darlings (great grandchildren by now!!!) are yelling 'I don't like fruit!', trying the kiddie packs will let you see why.

    The apples and pears look SO nice but are hard as rocks. The pears are unripe, the apples sour.

    The bananas you can check visually. Terrible! Cruelty to children.

    Frances 0, the ones pf which you speak (sorry, I had a plum in my mouth) are better eaten green I think. 'At least I think (they're) not too ba-ad!' . Though green fruit from strawberry fields I would eschew.

    A lot of fruit in supermarkets is like that these days. Pears for example. They're unripe at first, then suddenly OK at a thin outer layer, but also, simultaneously, mush inside.

    I fink it's 'cos (there, I've swallowed the plum) the fruit is kept for n months (years?) in refrigerated storage which keeps the outer layer 'freshest' and holds up the decay processes like a damn. So out of storage 'ripening' goes into overdrive and the outer layer of (and hence look of) the fruit is OK whilst the inside is mush.
    (I think n is a large number)

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  • 94. At 11:52am on 02 Jun 2008, Big Sister wrote:

    All this talk of bananas reminds me of a very naughty joke I was told as a child, but I won't repeat it here because not only is it rude, but it is politically incorrect.

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  • 95. At 12:08pm on 02 Jun 2008, DI_Wyman wrote:

    Francis O, 89,
    re banannas and .........."Anyone got any tips for catching them in the brief moment in between?"

    lasoo, electric cattle prod, banana trap, 12 bore with number 7 shot or a really deep bowl of warm custard?

    anyhooo, i'm off to catch wild strawberries................

    Sid, yer sprouts have escaped!!

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  • 96. At 12:09pm on 02 Jun 2008, jonnie wrote:

    What a great tip from Viz.

    I'm finding that the bananas available from Asda are either too ripe or too green.

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  • 97. At 12:55pm on 02 Jun 2008, Thunderbird wrote:

    Big Sister (94) shame on you.

    It is so wrong to tease.......

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  • 98. At 1:19pm on 02 Jun 2008, U10783173 wrote:

    jonnie (96) - Unfortunately not all Viz Top Tips are as useful as the banana one!

    SLOVENLY HOUSEHOLDERS. Always keep a few 'Get Well Soon' cards on the mantlepiece. When unexpected visitors arrive you can tell them that you have not been well and that's why the house is untidy.

    SAVE electricity by shortening the cables to all your household electric appliances.
    Lt Moley Mole

    CONTACT lens wearers. Keep your eyes snug and warm this winter by adding a few drops of chilli sauce to your cleaning solution.
    Garry Kidwell, Stoke

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  • 99. At 2:31pm on 02 Jun 2008, Big Sister wrote:

    T-bird: Sorry, I know it would be modded anyway. But it involves two women, shopping, and soft bananas. That may jog the memories of some other froggers. ;o)

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  • 100. At 2:37pm on 02 Jun 2008, Big Sister wrote:

    Off this afternoon to the Great Smoke to see a Cambridge Footlights retrospective that's being recorded for Radio 4. No idea who'll be there, but they're tempting us with lots of the old greats. Sadly, of course, lots of the old greats are no longer with us, having met early deaths, but it should still be fun.

    I'll be the one with the loud laugh. :o)

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  • 101. At 3:12pm on 02 Jun 2008, U11204129 wrote:

    Isn't the Beach the place to laugh one's troubles away?

    In another place I got an attack of the Dr Spooners. I found myself busy talking about White Horse and Intermittent Rat. Which is surely how each thinks of themselves and of the other. (Please insert your own joke here, preferably mentioning bananas. (You could fit one in after insert too. (And another one here. Smut is such fun)Smut is such fun)Smut is such fun)

    So when they're tearing strips off each other and kicking six bells out of each other, maybe they could ask themselves 'Am I the White Horse or the Intermittent Rat (again)?' (Both names blog copywritten)

    Well. must go. I've got a ticket for the next down drain.

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  • 102. At 4:04pm on 02 Jun 2008, DI_Wyman wrote:

    Big Sis, 99, I prefer mine, long and firm.

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  • 103. At 4:20pm on 02 Jun 2008, DI_Wyman wrote:

    Thunderbird, 97, try tempting Big Sis with a glass or three of a really good chilled white wine!

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  • 104. At 4:21pm on 02 Jun 2008, DI_Wyman wrote:

    failing that a pint of Scrumpy usually does the trick!

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  • 105. At 4:23pm on 02 Jun 2008, DI_Wyman wrote:

    pm Leader, "In another place I got an attack of the Dr Spooners".............wot?

    You haven't been naughty in the upper Beach have you?

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  • 106. At 4:59pm on 02 Jun 2008, Fifi wrote:

    It's time for PM with Eddie Mair - hurrah!

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  • 107. At 5:28pm on 02 Jun 2008, DI_Wyman wrote:

    boo hoo.....son #3 has got his visa for Australia through and has booked his flight for 10pm on July 3rd out of Heathrow!

    soon it will be yours truly and Mrs DiY rattling around in this big old place.....!

    i need a glass of something strong....!

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  • 108. At 6:00pm on 02 Jun 2008, Sid wrote:

    My favourite Spoonerism of all time - 'Kenneth Baker, the shining wit ...'

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  • 109. At 6:00pm on 02 Jun 2008, Sid wrote:

    DI_Wyman - do what we're doing - take up fostering!

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  • 110. At 7:09pm on 02 Jun 2008, nikki noodle wrote:

    DIY - here, let me pour...it's as strong as you like, I've been brewing it from all those green bananas....

    Liquor?! I should be so lucky...


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  • 111. At 8:18pm on 02 Jun 2008, DI_Wyman wrote:

    Sid, thanks for the tip but Mrs DiY already works for Narfolk CC Unsocial Inservices, Fostering Dept so I think not!

    n-n, crickey 110% proof, don't you think NASA will miss it?

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  • 112. At 8:47pm on 02 Jun 2008, Selkius_Piscinus wrote:

    Sid @ 108, I am very fond of the one I heard when a small boy's mum was asking someone to keep him out of trouble for a few minutes, and the friend said that sounded like Mission Impossible.

    'Your querilous pest, should you choose to accept it...'

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  • 113. At 9:57pm on 02 Jun 2008, pmmolly wrote:

    What's been happening then? Anything exciting?
    Isn't it funny how you miss the old beach and simply have to pop down and see who'se been doing what.

    Good AQs on Friday but I didnt catch wwhat the heckler said- what was it?


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  • 114. At 08:35am on 03 Jun 2008, DI_Wyman wrote:

    Hi Molly, hope you stayed over for breakfast!

    chilled OJ and toast with my favourite lemon marmalade at NC's

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  • 115. At 09:13am on 03 Jun 2008, pmmolly wrote:

    Gosh! Is that the time?
    That hammock.....lulled me off it did.
    Good thing I heard you cclattering around , DIY.

    Breakfast? Yes please........Mmmmmmm- lovely!

    Right- back to the "'Reith''......


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  • 116. At 09:51am on 03 Jun 2008, Sid wrote:

    Oh yes, Selkius, I like that one ...

    A friend of mine, when asked how she was, used to reply: 'Straining up under the bear.' Always made me laugh. Still does.

    Back to sleep.

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  • 117. At 12:43pm on 03 Jun 2008, Gillianian wrote:

    Well I never! The children's author Allan Ahlberg (whose work I love) is a Black Country man! I've just listened to a lovely R4 programme all about him - and many, many years after running away from home, he's still got his Black Country accent. Bless 'im ;o)

    I've left some omelettes on the bar, if anyone pops along for lunch. Mine's cheese and chive, and you'll find me in a hammock, reading ''the Jolly Postman'' for the umpteenth time!

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  • 118. At 1:02pm on 03 Jun 2008, Big Sister wrote:

    Gill: I heard that programme too. It was delightful.

    Thanks for the (mushroom) omelette - So light and fluffy!

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  • 119. At 1:40pm on 03 Jun 2008, U10783173 wrote:

    Gillian (117) - Didn't he write 'Funnybones' and "Cops & Robbers'? I used to know them off by heart as I read them to the children when they were small. His wife did the illustrations for the books.

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  • 120. At 1:44pm on 03 Jun 2008, Big Sister wrote:

    You're right, horse, of course (I'm a poet and I know it)

    You may like to listen again to the programme. It was lovely (if a little sad).

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  • 121. At 2:34pm on 03 Jun 2008, Fifi wrote:

    This tale is dedicated to my friend John, who's starting his new job as manager of a care home today:

    It was entertainment night at the senior center and the Amazing Claude was topping the bill.
    People came from miles around to see the famed hypnotist do his stuff.
    As Claude went to the front of the meeting room, he announced, "Unlike most hypnotists who invite two or three people up here to be put into a trance, I intend to hypnotize each and every member of the audience."

    The excitement was almost electric as Claude withdrew a beautiful antique pocket watch from his coat.
    "I want you each to keep your eye on this antique watch. It's a very special watch. It's been in my family for six generations."

    He began to swing the watch gently back and forth while quietly chanting, "Watch the watch, watch the watch, watch the watch..."

    The crowd became mesmerized as the watch swayed back and forth, light gleaming off its polished surface. Hundreds of pairs of eyes followed the swaying watch, until, suddenly, it slipped from the hypnotist's fingers and fell to the floor, breaking into a hundred pieces.

    "S**t!" said the hypnotist...

    It took three weeks to clean up the senior center.

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  • 122. At 2:51pm on 03 Jun 2008, Big Sister wrote:

    The whereabouts of Ed Iglehart?

    He's still BBC blogging, but elsewhere. Perhaps he'll return to the PM Blog sometime. Perhaps the level of our discussions doesn't inspire him any longer. Perhaps, perhaps .....

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  • 123. At 2:52pm on 03 Jun 2008, Big Sister wrote:

    (Sorry, pressed submit too quickly)

    ... but the reassuring thing is that he's still busy arguing his case. I'm sure a number of froggers will be reassured of that. I know I was!

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  • 124. At 8:57pm on 03 Jun 2008, Fifi wrote:

    Yes Big Sister, I think you are right. The PM blog, even our beloved Furrowed Brow, doesn't quite give Ed I the forum he needs for his favourite issues. I do miss his updates on the tree house, counting his neighbour's livestock, the various visitors etc though.

    I am a petanque widow tonight. Anyone fancy a chat at the Cransley?

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  • 125. At 09:19am on 04 Jun 2008, DI_Wyman wrote:

    Good to hear Ed I is still about, and, I like other froggers miss his updates!

    Anyhoo, late breakfast this morning, just chilled Cranberry juice and toast being served at NC's.

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  • 126. At 09:20am on 04 Jun 2008, DI_Wyman wrote:

    Feefs, anguished pet widow? Wots all that about then?

    *snigger* Diy

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  • 127. At 09:22am on 04 Jun 2008, DI_Wyman wrote:

    Feefs, Oh, I got it now. Your SO has been lobbing his balls about again.

    *bigger snigger* Diy off to the naughty step............

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  • 128. At 09:38am on 04 Jun 2008, Perky wrote:

    Hi everyone - have been away from the beach for far too long, so am bringing lots of goodies to the bar in the hope I can be forgiven for deserting you. So, brioche, croissants and pastries on the bar along with some strong coffee (help yourself, Eddie) and some Yorkshire tea.

    I absolutely have to go for a swim now, as I see Appy was out with the buoys earlier in the week and I hate to miss out . . .

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  • 129. At 09:45am on 04 Jun 2008, Anne P. wrote:

    Morning all, Hello Perky good to see you back - a croissant will suit me nicely thank you.

    Now which is it to be? one of those tasks I've been putting off since forever, or half an hour in the purple hammock which I see now has a silk lining - no contest.

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  • 130. At 10:28am on 04 Jun 2008, U11204129 wrote:

    Paging jonnie!

    Hey, thank you, guy, for the picture of Durdle Door, Dorset.

    What a beauty! I am going there a week Saturday, poste haste.

    Can you swim thru' the arch?

    This Beach is like the one in Lebanon, with warriors from nearby conflicts taking almost convincing R&R between escapades.

    That beach looks like heaven on earth.

    PS The photo is superb, far better than any I could (then) find on the net.

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  • 131. At 10:38am on 04 Jun 2008, Big Sister wrote:

    I'm bringing a crate of 'whatever you fancy' to celebrate the outing of My Glorious Leader as the artist behind the ever-evolving Glass Menagerie.

    Well done that man/woman/martian!

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  • 132. At 11:42am on 04 Jun 2008, Anne P. wrote:

    Strange things happening on the 'Discuss' thread this morning - weird display in reverse order and instead of being an unnamed user it knows who I am - should I be worried?

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  • 133. At 11:49am on 04 Jun 2008, Big Sister wrote:

    Anne: Be afraid, be very afraid ...... ;o)

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  • 134. At 2:00pm on 04 Jun 2008, nikki noodle wrote:

    "This way up ^ "

    hang on...

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  • 135. At 2:28pm on 04 Jun 2008, Big Sister wrote:

    The Afternoon Play claims to include, in its cast list, Katherine Helmond - a great favourite of mine (and now, I'd imagine, a very senior citizen). How wonderful that she's still acting. How many froggers remember Soap! - some of which is available on YouTube, which I still think was the best ever US comedy, and introduced Billy Crystal, and others, to a UK audience.

    Happy memories!

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  • 136. At 3:14pm on 04 Jun 2008, Sid wrote:

    Confused? You will be ...

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  • 137. At 3:20pm on 04 Jun 2008, Big Sister wrote:

    "You want me to get that?"

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  • 138. At 4:09pm on 04 Jun 2008, Anne P. wrote:

    Oh, we've been turned upside down ! or should that be right way up ?

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  • 139. At 5:00pm on 04 Jun 2008, jonnie wrote:

    Oh gosh, you are right Anne!

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  • 140. At 5:05pm on 04 Jun 2008, Fearless Fred wrote:


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  • 141. At 5:58pm on 04 Jun 2008, DI_Wyman wrote:

    See what happens, yer turn yer back for just five minutes and LOOK what happens. What was at the botty wotty is now at the toppy wotty and what was at the toppy wotty is now at the botty wotty. Or sumfink.

    Anyhoo, sun, yardarm, is over. Chilled bottles of Macon - Villages Chardonnay at NC's to celebrate!

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  • 142. At 6:06pm on 04 Jun 2008, Fifi wrote:

    Big Sister, I am a HUGE fan of Soap. I still quote it regularly, to the puzzlement of most people who don't remember it at all.

    And whatever happened to Northern Exposure, more recently?

    (I LOVE the new-look blog. It even remembers I'm Fifi, and not 'an unnamed user' which always sounded slightly seedy to me.)

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  • 143. At 7:35pm on 04 Jun 2008, Anne P. wrote:

    Fifi - Northern Exposure - loved it! Has it ever been repeated? I remember being amazed when I looked up Juneau Alaska and found it was south of Shetland! Importance of the Gulf Stream.

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  • 144. At 7:38pm on 04 Jun 2008, Big Sister wrote:

    Fifi: If you (or any other frogger) knows where I can get the complete Soap (I think there were about 90 episodes, so it may be a tough one!) I'd love to be tipped the wink.

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  • 145. At 7:54pm on 04 Jun 2008, Little Red wrote:

    big sis (144) you should try out the east bay where all good things beyond their sell by date are found. failing that there'll be some independent sellers set up in the rainforest.

    now. who's for a pimms?

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  • 146. At 7:55pm on 04 Jun 2008, Little Red wrote:

    oooh. they fixed the timer. well a little bit. but they didn't enable all the html properly. dissapointing.

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  • 147. At 11:11pm on 04 Jun 2008, Stewart_M wrote:

    Hey this is back to the right way round. Yippee! I'm using thunderbird but does the timer work with Opera?

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  • 148. At 11:48pm on 04 Jun 2008, holistic-jones wrote:

    The Today programme and PM provided me with a blog post on care of older people:


    If the link is deleted please google 'Welcome to the QUAD'

    Thx for the inspiration.


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  • 149. At 06:37am on 05 Jun 2008, DI_Wyman wrote:

    Morning peeps, foggers and gentle good folk of the beach.

    Awake early this morning to the sound of Rosie (cat #2) complaing about / at something. Opened curtains to find madam engrossed in the 'let's-chace-the-small-frog-game'.

    What is it with young cats and wildlife?

    Caught cat and frog, frog back into the undergrowth, cat indoors for an early breakfast!

    Anyhoo, coffee brewing and the Kornflakes are ready, tuck in!

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  • 150. At 07:33am on 05 Jun 2008, Fifi wrote:

    Up unusually early for me... off to town to give away lots of money. What a wheeze!

    Assorted cereals on the bar for later-rising Froggers. And a huge platter of cured meats and cheeses for those of a continental bent.

    Anyone ever seen a pheasant trying to leap up to peck a fat-ball? A highly amusing sight but, DIY, I recommend you don't visit my garden in your Speedos just in case..

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  • 151. At 08:06am on 05 Jun 2008, DI_Wyman wrote:

    Feefs, thanks for the peppered salami!

    as your SO is 'into' lobbing his steel balls about I think I will give visiting your your garden clad in my going-out-visiting-Speedos a miss anyway, jumping pheasant or not!

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  • 152. At 10:09am on 05 Jun 2008, Sid wrote:

    Morning all. Is it time to get up already? Pint of coffee, please, if anyone's near the bar ...

    I got terribly excited yesterday - we had a green woodpecker in our garden (though only for a minute). It seemed to be watching the squirrel who had been burying peanuts. I wondered if Woody might dig them up ...

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  • 153. At 11:41am on 05 Jun 2008, DI_Wyman wrote:

    nice one Sid, not seen a Green WP for ages round here but we do get the Lesser Spotted relations visiting us. If it is of any interest we had a Jay on the lawn this morning!

    They don't often visit because we also have a very rowdy family of Jackdaws that think the garden is only for them!

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  • 154. At 6:58pm on 05 Jun 2008, nikki noodle wrote:

    Evening everybody?!!

    Has it been one of those days? Or have we just busted the *news* blog?!!

    There is a woppingly large puddle in the middle of my lawn at the moment, so the only orthinological ornithological orthilonogorical...birdtype creatures around here are ducks!


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  • 155. At 7:20pm on 05 Jun 2008, DI_Wyman wrote:

    n-n, mallard?

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  • 156. At 10:11pm on 05 Jun 2008, Fifi wrote:

    On ITV tonight, at 9pm...

    "Therrr wuzzz a murrr durrrrr!"

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  • 157. At 10:49pm on 05 Jun 2008, Stewart_M wrote:

    I am surprised by the lack of comments about Speedos' here on the beach after tonight's piece. DIY do you go for the full body version or the classic light weight?

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