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Tips for entertaining the disabled

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Crippled Monkey | 00:00 UK time, Wednesday, 26 October 2005

Crippled Monkey has discovered some rather fabulous tips on entertaining the disabled.

I'm getting all giggly as I write this. Can anyone tell me why? Yes, it's a thoughtful guide on how to cater for a disabled house guest. (I hate myself for writing this weblog entry).

Helpful hint number 5

"Offer us a dress rehearsal visit prior to the main event. That way, we can make an assessment together as to how to "make this festivity visit work." It may also be a reality check that says that we will have to live with remaining in the most accessible, safe portion of your home."

The good people of are hosting this box of delights, written by someone who hurt themselves once so they get it.

One hitherto unmentioned aspect of this guide is that, as you can see, it is written from what I think is meant to be the perspective of a disabled person . . . though looks more as if it is written with the voice of a pet cocker spaniel: "remember not to tread on my tail or my fragile small furry paws with your giant human boots while walking round the house".

Yes, I know I'm being uncharitable again. She was being nice. Why can't I stop myself? Why oh why oh why? It's like a red rag to a monkey. Maybe you'd like to analyse my behaviour? Can you put your finger on my issues?

(Thanks to Ouch reader Larae for pointing us to this, which we've now printed out in case of an emergency and/or Christmas.)


  • 1.
  • At 12:00 AM on 26 Oct 2005, Lady Bracknell wrote:

"Please invite us to your safe home. Isolation at this time of year can be debilitating in and of itself." Erm, no. Please DON'T. I loathe and detest Christmas, and I have no desire to be a spectre at somebody else's feast. I'll be perfectly alright on my own, and at least I won't be ruining somebody else's idea of a good time. See, that's the thing about chronic pain. It dramatically reduces my ability to dissemble.

  • 2.
  • At 12:00 AM on 27 Oct 2005, Oda Lisa wrote:

Being totally blind, my personal party game is to see how many of the hostess' objects I can knock over without actually breaking anything. Although, breaking something valuable earns 100 points and a permanant spot on the hostess' "Do Not Call" list. The trick is to get invited to an upper-crust home where the said valuable objects are more plentiful. Happy holidays!

  • 3.
  • At 12:00 AM on 27 Oct 2005, anne wrote:

>Please provide us a personal loot bag of personal comfort items discretely. Personal, anti-bacterial wipes are great, anti-bacterial gel such as Purell for our hands is a delightful luxury, extra paper napkins, a tissue packet, and perhaps a small bottle of spring water when we get thirsty or need to take medications.> Sounds like she's just after some freebies, oh wise monkey

  • 4.
  • At 12:00 AM on 28 Oct 2005, Fey wrote:

"We are not mind-readers and we really do not want to be a bother...we want to be, and can be, a fabulous addition to the festivities." As Tonto said to the Lone Ranger: "Whaddya mean 'we', white man?" "We", healthy lady who thinks she's all that understanding because she once was on crutches, can speak for our own damn selves. And we don't want to be "a fabulous addition to the festivities", like a chocolate fountain or this year's latest h'ors d'oeuvre. Do not invite me in order to provide yourself with extra hostess points.

  • 5.
  • At 12:00 AM on 28 Oct 2005, paul wrote:

I think the reason you responded thus is the same reason I did. It is an obscenely stupid, pointless bit of drivel from some well meaning numptie trying to justify her existence on about.coms payroll. Perhaps she would have been better served writing about something she knew more about; "Catering for the inane at a dinner party" perhaps? I will hold my ranting inside and nurture it.

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