- 25 Aug 08, 10:05 AM
So, the 2008 Olympics are done and dusted, with over 900 medals dished out to happy sportsmen and women from across the world.
There are some Beijing honours, however, that are yet to be awarded. Let's make them public without further ado.
Feel free to add a few categories of your own down below. Who knows - Jacques Rogge might be reading over his breakfast croissant and take note.
Most impressive move
Two contenders: Usain Bolt, for his jerky dancehall moves around his golden spikes after those three record-breaking runs, and Usain Bolt, for presenting Yelena Isinbeyeva with the flowers from his 100m victory ceremony. Smooth.
Most widely circulated conspiracy theory
"I swear, I seen the photo - there was no way that Michael Phelps touches the wall before that Serbian bloke in the butterfly final. Honest to God. Massive stitch-up. The Americans is behind it - I read it on the internet. And the Chinese - they're in this too, cos they wanted the publicity. And Omega. And Speedo. And the CIA..."
Chris Boardman's "secret squirrels" - the British cycling team technicians responsible for the carbon fibre frames, aerodynamic helmets known as the Smurf and the one-piece carbon-fibre handlebars and stem, nicknamed the Cobra. Hundredths of seconds saved, hundreds of medals won.
"Pingping," thinks Belarus's Yahor Lapo, when he meets the mount he's been randomly assigned in the modern pentathlon. "What a fine name for a fine-looking horse. I'm in business." The business Yahor was in, it transpired, was demolition. If Pingping had ever cleared a fence before, it was a very small one. By accident.
Best job of a bad job
All over Beijing, starch-stiff sentries have been stood on small flat boxes, miles from anywhere, guarding nothing but not moving an inch, all day long. One chap I walked past on a daily basis was stood facing a hedge for the entire duration of the Olympics. And you thought the dressage was a tough watch.
Strangest Mandarin word not understood
After three weeks, I had ni hao, zai jian and xiexie off to a tee. The one word I could never make sense of was the one that sounds like a posh English drunk man saying "arse". Arsch. Ourshce. Any ideas?
Most unfortunate case of mistaken identity
BBC swimming commentator and 2004 Olympic bronze medallist Steve Parry thought it would be a good idea to go for a stroll through Tiananmen Square, carrying a few items of swimming equipment with him. Two minutes later, he's being mobbed by hundreds of over-excited locals, all desperate to get Michael Phelps' autograph. I'm not saying you've got big ears, Steve, but...
You'd walk down Olympic Green, look to your right and know with complete certainty that the Water Cube was the greatest sports building you'd ever seen. You'd then turn your head 180 degrees and think exactly the same thing about the Bird's Nest, before jumping on a bus out to Laoshan Velodrome and deciding that the Flying Saucer was the best of the lot. The next day, the process would start all over again. Twenty-one days after arriving in Beijing, I still haven't made my mind up.
Saucer of milk to Swedish wrestler Ara Abrahamian, who after being forced to settle for 84kg Greco-Roman bronze, took the medal from around his neck, stepped off the podium and flung it onto the mat in disgust before storming off. It's not the winning that matters, it's the taking offence.
When Spain's Fernando Echavarri and Anton Paz took gold in the Tornado class catamarans, did they simply shake hands and wave briefly to their supporters on the shore? Or did they throw themselves overboard while Team Espana came swimming out into the briny to join them, and then thrash about wildly in the waves like a party of drunk Club 18-30 holidaymakers?
Who said table tennis was a sport for village halls and maths geeks? The Peking University Gymnasium was like a cross between a cock pit and a cage-fighting tournament when a ping pong ding dong was in progress, with any player from China - or Hong Kong, or Taiwan/Chinese Taipei - roared on until the rafters rattled. Despite having earlier been beaten 21-5 by an 84-year-old man, I had my faith in the great game restored.
Most often-heard song
If you spent most of your time at the velodrome, it was God Save The Queen. Anywhere else and your weeping ears were unable to avoid the horror that was Sarah Brightman and Liu Huan warbling the official song of the Beijing Olympics, "You And Me". I've heard more tuneful pneumatic drills.
Most frequently taken photo
Wherever you went on Olympic Green, you could see people standing with the Bird's Nest in the background, one arm up raised to the side, their palm curled as if gripping an invisible cup. It was only when you walked in front of them that you realised that this was Beijing's version of the "holding up the Leaning Tower of Pisa" photo - the "holding the Olympic flame". They never tired of it.
New Zealand's Hayden Roulston seemed to sum up the British dominance of the track cycling before his individual pursuit final. "I think anyone is beatable," he said, "but you have to cut your head off to beat Bradley Wiggins."
Worst joke not used in a blog until this point
"I've had a great tip from Steve Cram and Brendan Foster about the possible winner of the men's marathon."
"Yeah. They kept banging on about him all evening."
"What's his name?"
"He's a Chinese chap - a fella called Wai-Ai Mann."
The BBC is not responsible for the content of external internet sites