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Bride Wars Revisited

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Mark Kermode | 12:37 UK time, Tuesday, 10 November 2009

Last time we checked, four films worse than Bride Wars had been released in 2009 and guess what, Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen is one of them. If there are ten films worse than Bride Wars then, as I promised in January, I will quit. That's it. I'll go get another job. Sayonara screening rooms. So as the year comes to a close, where are we up to, and what is the mysterious nature of what I'm calling the Couples Retreat Quandary?

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Comments

  • Comment number 1.

    Having just seen Harry Brown, I am getting worried about the Bride Wars challenge. I haven't seen Bride Wars but Harry Brown is by far the worst film I've seen this year.

    Harry Brown is a horrible display of Daily Mail politics framed through the eyes of a filmmaker who aspires to be Guy Ritchie, but who is even worse at being Guy Ritchie than Guy Ritchie is. The shot on the motorbike at the beginning being a prime example of horrible filmmaking, it has no purpose whatsoever. Awful, cartoon characters throughout the film apart from Harry Brown himself. Convenient molotov cocktails lying at the ready whenever they're needed for a riot! It is so heavy handed and pointless. Emily Mortimer delivers some of the most fantastically inane lines I've seen, such as her classic comment when Harry Brown is playing chess at home on his own - how symbolic! The more I think about it, it is so bad that it might actually be good. Everytime I remember something I laugh.

    Please stay with us Dr Kermode and don't stop even if there are 10 films worse than Bride Wars.

  • Comment number 2.

    Not seen Couples Retreat (no apostrophe, really?), but I think Bride Wars is actually worse than the films on your list. The other films were rubbish (not seen Dickens, so can't comment on that) and more than a little cynical, but Bride Wars just seemed so vicious.

    The comedy was more mean-spirited than Bottom at its basest, and the whole thing swelled with a repugnant distaste for its audience, as though the filmmakers resented having to entertain us. Haneke and von Trier can only bow down to Bride Wars's achievement: it's a film that physically hates you, and you sit there hating it right back.

    Yes, Transformers is inept, cynical and hateful, but at least after seeing it I only felt exploited. After Bride Wars, I felt violated.

  • Comment number 3.

    Okay, am I the only one who has problems seeing videos here? For the last four videos, I only get an error message. I use Safari on the Mac, but I also tried Opera and Google browsers. Always "This content doesn't appear to be working. Please try again later."

  • Comment number 4.

    Mark this is pointless, none of us want you to quit!

  • Comment number 5.

    If Couples Retreat is exactly as bad as Bride Wars then you can still feature both films on your Worst of 2009 list as a tie. All you said was, "10 films WORSE and I quit." Therefore you aren't bending the rules; you have 5 open slots, and I can say that without putting myself through the horrors of either Bride Wars or Couples Retreat.

  • Comment number 6.

    Heff was in Beverley Hills Cops 2 and I seem to remember that one not being a complete stinker. Nowhere near as good as 1 but nowhere near as bad as 3.

    Do I win anything?

  • Comment number 7.

    No Deutschmann, you're not the only one.

    The content doesn't seem to be working (again) for me either.

    Most disappointing.

  • Comment number 8.

    Hugh Hefner wanted to be a cartoonist before he started Playboy.

  • Comment number 9.

    The last blog I remember watching from this site was the 10 second vampyre movie or some-such... Watch it on youtube, then comment here.

    As for...

    A movie featuring Hugh Hefner that doesn't stink... Hmm. Does IRON MAN count? :P

  • Comment number 10.

    Re: Hef, Mel Brooks' History of the World: Part I?

  • Comment number 11.

    EstonianFIlmFan: thanks! I didn't even realize these were on youtube.

  • Comment number 12.

    Here's a direct link to the youtube version: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fBjYVqn5dpg

  • Comment number 13.

    @ RioBravo

    Watching Bride Wars, is akin to being kicked in the testicles repeatedly with stilettos while while Kate Hudson's botox'd face smiles psychotically into your eyes as you bleed to death muttering and mumbling words of discontentment about wedding dresses.

    Very few films can compare with the cinematic travesty, so suggestions of films such as Harry Brown or even Drag Me To Hell as mentioned in another post to the same running theme quite simply are unfounded. Watch the benchmark first!

    Andrew Collins seemed to think very little of "The Ugly Truth", and having not seen the film I am intrigued how it ranks to worst films made this year.

    There is an interesting thread which I found on the internet http://www.movietome.com/news/30245/the-ten-worst-films-of-2009so-far

    If the good Doctor is reading, I would be intrigued to find out what the suggestions for the best film of 2009 is so far, something which I believe deserves it's own thread for discussion.


  • Comment number 14.

    I agree with the good Doctor that Bride Wars and Couples retreat are both equally as rubbish as each other.
    I would like to put forward an aspect that makes Bride Wars worse than Couples Retreat.
    Because seeing Vince Vaughn and Jon Favreau on screen together again, only makes you want to see them in something as good as Swingers was. And after I saw couples retreat, I had to take out my DVD of swingers.
    While Bride wars is bad, but not in the way you have any expectations of 'goodness' from it.
    But at least Couples retreat gave me a reason to watch a good film, Bride Wars only exists as something that is a pure stench of badness of which no good can come. That is how bride wars pushes over the edge of worseness for me at least.

  • Comment number 15.

    For IvorSkrewkyk and Deutschmann, - Kermode works fine on Firefox - Mac or PC.

  • Comment number 16.

    Personally I doubt Dr K will ever quit reviewing movies - I mean what would he do - drive buses and complain about the recent cinema releases to his regular passengers?

    Being totally honest with you I can only think of ONE movie that was worse than Bride Wars and that was the awful, terrible, crappy waste of financial resources: WATCHMEN.

    "VISUAL" director Snyder has shown yet again how he actually has no visual ideas at all by shamelessly ripping every colour and form possible from the seminal graphic novel by Moore.

    He thought it would make him as smart and creative as Moore - IT DID NOT!

    He thought that using post-Matrix slow to fast motion on every single bit of action would make it exciting - IT DID NOT!

    Every bit of brain was squeezed out of this poor bird of a movie to simply create yet another style over substance Hollywood blunder at the expense of a great literary work.

    Snyder should be banned from reading graphic novels just in case he tries it again!

  • Comment number 17.

    I think we can take it that Mark doesn’t bother watching all the straight to DVD stuff (most of those on the Movietome list above) that get put out each month - so they won’t count.

    Harry Brown does look like a geriatric ‘Death Wish’ fantasy for the over 70’s. If this is the best British cinema can manage at present then heaven help it.

    PS Amazing how many people here have seen Bride Wars. Was it just to see how bad it really was?

  • Comment number 18.

    Hugh Hefner had a cameo appearance in The Toxic Avenger 4 : Citizen Toxie but decided against it and threatened legal action if the footage were to be used. Thank god as I'm sure his presence would have sullied the rest of the film.

    P.S Halloween 2 deserves to be on this list or at least to be lampooned by the good doctor.

  • Comment number 19.

    @caveman1982

  • Comment number 20.

    This blog is working fine for me at the moment.

  • Comment number 21.

    Having only seen trailers for Bride Wars (that was torture enough) I agree that is worthy of being in the list. But Couples Retreat is a funny film, definitely a class above Bride Wars!

  • Comment number 22.

    @caveman1982

    I have no doubt that Bride Wars is absolutely brutal, but I am absolutely certain that Harry Brown is awful in every way and one of the worst films that I will ever see (I've seen Troll2, but at least that didn't have such offensive politics as Harry Brown). I do spend the vast majority of my time watching very good films, but I do have a benchmark based on all of the films I've seen.

    I can absolutely state that Harry Brown is a strong contender in my eyes for the bottom 10 of the year without seeing Bride Wars, or Couples Retreat (a film that managed to deeply offend on the grounds of racism, sexism, and crimes against comedy, purely from its trailer). Harry Brown actually has the gall to take itself vaguely seriously.

    Lots of people think that Harry Brown is actually a good film, but they are all wrong, unless they are viewing it as a comedy in terms of bad politics and bad filmmaking. Even if you like it, you can't tell me that it is anything other than appalling because its all about opinions. There are some people who will try to tell you that Citizen Kane isn't a great film. People who think that Guy Ritchie is better than Orson Welles. For them there is no hope.

    Drag Me To Hell is just a great, great film in my opinion, and I don't see how anyone could compare that with a stinker like Harry Brown, or how I imagine Bride Wars and Couples Retreat.

  • Comment number 23.

    dear doctor, the only way to get out of this without loosing credibility: declaring 11 movies as worst than bride wars and admitting that beeing true to your judgement as a critic is more important than beeing coherent with former career decisions.

  • Comment number 24.

    Ok, I haven't seen either of the two "Piles of Poo." as you say. So whether it is worse than them I cannot say. But has Whiteout been mentoined? Utter rubbish in my mind, so much so language cannot even come close to communicating it. But maybe it's just crap in a different way t Bride Wars?

  • Comment number 25.

    I wonder how the Bride Wars challenge would have fared in other years. Imagine if the film had come out in 2005, the year of Last Days, Green Street, The Devil's Rejects, Elizabethtown, and of course, Revolver. Any of those worse than Bride Wars, Mark?

  • Comment number 26.

    Lesbian Vampire Killers without doubt should make the list.

  • Comment number 27.

    OK, Mark, you've obviously decided that you want to keep your job. We can only make suggestions for worse films than Bride Wars if we've seen Bride Wars AND Couples Retreat. That is a brazen changing of the rules to make sure you stay...... Perhaps we'll have to watch Marley And Me twice to even post a comment in the future?

  • Comment number 28.

    I really, really can't watch the two 'piles of poo' as you put it - Transformers 2 was more than enough. Being nauseous and in tears is not my idea of fun.

    And I don't want to mention films worse than Bride Wars(which I refuse to see) as I don't want you to quit! Which critic's comments will I turn to to be informative and entertaining? Christopher Tookey? Victor Olliver? :D

  • Comment number 29.

    In this time of economic austerity Mark is encouraging us to watch films he deems cack! Not only does he encourage us to watch this rubbish he often encourages us to watch it more than once. Maybe this is his way of subverting the supply and demand mechanisms of a market ecomony in crisis?

    Either that or he's a trojan viral marketer of the drek that normally wouldn't be given the time of day by your average discerning film geek.

  • Comment number 30.

    He's just saying we shouldn't judge something unless we've seen it. I haven't (as most haven't). I won't be (unlike most).

    I don't think Marks breaking the rules per se with a tie, however we could be strict and insist he decide between them. Cinema with two screens, you have to choose...

    I'm guessing the fact Mark managed to watch Couples Retreat twice says something.

  • Comment number 31.

    Whilst perhaps you may be just teasing us, no one wants you to quit and why would you, you've got the best job in the world with good fans who have your respect and lust after your opinion in order to shape their own or find which movies we should see in the cinema, you have provided me and the majority of the people on this site with the best entertainment about films on the BBC for years, so if by the end of the year there are ten films worse than Bride Wars who cares. There's always going to be a Let the Right One In, a Pan's Labyrinth, a There Will Be Blood there in that for you to cherish over and love and make you feel all warm and cuddly about cinema. So if it were to come to that conundrum just think what you're leaving behind. Until that point, Couples Retreat is far worse than Bride Wars.

  • Comment number 32.

    HELLO! LOVE HAPPENS! COME ON!

  • Comment number 33.

    We certainly don't want you to quit, but have you forgotten Imagine That, The Ugly Truth, I Love You Beth Cooper, Jonas Brothers in Concert, Year One, Dragonball Evolution, Outlander, Hannah Montana, Observe and Report, Paul Blart Mall Cop...?
    Please stay!

  • Comment number 34.

    Agree on Bride Snores and Couples Sh**reat ...but there has been enormous amounts of rubbish released here too...Lesbian Vampire Killers? Forgetting Sarah Marshall? Surely these should count too.

    Ofcourse being a fan of the doctor I really shouldn't be making this list...but as channel 4 keep proving lists are great...something to do when you can't find anything to discuss!

  • Comment number 35.

    @ RioBravo

    Harry Brown is not on general release yet, so like many others it is not a film which I'm able to cast an opinion over though. Your grounds of opposition seem very interesting though, which I get the impression are focussed on it's Daily Mail politics. The trailer for it didn't look too bad, but I have quite a soft spot for Michael Caine though, as his voice alone makes me laugh irrespective of the film. Maybe because I grew up watching Paul Whitehouse's impersonations....

    My initial point was the benchmark, which truly I didn't think would be that bad truly surpassed by expectations. I thought it would be a banal film at the worst but Bride Wars truly destroyed the fragments of my sanity. It is difficult to gauge a film without seeing it, as trailers can be very misleading.

    There is a interesting article @ The Grauniad about Hoodies in films http://www.guardian.co.uk/film/2009/nov/05/british-hoodie-films

    BTW, Drag Me To Hell is a lot of fun, no Evil Dead but few people are Bruce Campbell. Which makes me think how sad it was that 'My Name is Bruce' did not get the distribution it deserved!

    @jayfurneaux
    There have been some great English films in the last 12 months or so, which off the top of my head include 'Of Time and the City', 'Sleep Furiously', 'Soi Cowboy' and 'Fish Tank'. The latter is still probably in a few cinemas....

  • Comment number 36.

    Beverley Hills Cop 2 wasn't totally repugnant, hugh hefner was in that.

  • Comment number 37.

    Saw Harry Brown at "Mystery Movie Monday" and it's basically Rambo5 with slippers. Set-up the bad guys to justify the good guy, bang bang bang, credits. (This takes almost 2 hours by the way)

    The rest of it consists of throwing in some "angles" with the camera at the start to make it appear deep and important, then forget about all that and film the rest like an ITV crime-drama. Oh and make the female detective look like she is going to burst into tears for the WHOLE FILM, she is a woman after all.

  • Comment number 38.

    ...not as bad as Bride Wars though.

  • Comment number 39.

    Inside Deep Throat.

    Great film which also happens to feature one Hugh M. Hefner, Esq.

  • Comment number 40.

    caveman1982. Thank you for reminding me of better British films.
    The posters for ‘Harry Brown’ are covered with quotes about it being the ‘best British film of the year’ and so on.

    I also tend not to like vigilante movies; though they pretend to be upholding ‘law and order’ vigilantism itself contributes to its breakdown; something only a few films such as ‘Gran Torino’ have the intelligence to see.

  • Comment number 41.

    Although it isn’t a film Hugh Hefner did guest star in a good episode of the Simpsons

  • Comment number 42.

    @ caveman1982

    You'll have to wait to see if Harry Brown is as objectionable as Bride Wars is for you. Bride Wars crushed you, of course it did, but Harry Brown has also tested my sanity. The fact that the majority of people who've seen it so far seem to think that its cleverly made, and gritty portrayal of a crime infested cesspool, just makes it worse.

    The filmmaking of Harry Brown is just as bad as its politically offensive portrayal of the working class as one dimensional yobs. As someone mentioned above, the director throws in a 'few angles', and they are rubbish. For instance, the director decided to point out that people make videos on camera phones these days several times. What a sharp social commentary. The person also pointed out that Emily Mortimer looked like she was about to burst into tears throughout. That is a funny observation, and her character and performance are funny, but its not a comedy. She exemplifies the fact that yes, as stated above, apart from Caine and the extreme violence, this is just an ITV crime drama, but a very bad one.

    Like yourself, I had no idea how bad Harry Brown could be until I saw it, but then I knew very little going in, and had not seen the trailer. I have my own imagination as a benchmark, and I can't imagine a film worse than Harry Brown, other than Harry Brown without Michael Caine.

    Great British films this year are In The Loop and Fish Tank for me. Have not see Sleep Furiously, unfortunately. Going further back you do have great films from Britain like Of Time and the City, Hunger and In Bruges. Not worth pretending we have more of them through all of this unwarranted praise for Harry Brown. I think that Drag Me To Hell is actually underrated overall, by Dr K and in general. Its up there with Evil Dead 1 for me.

  • Comment number 43.

    Dear Dr. K,
    How is it that one non-film like 'Michael Jackson's This Is It' can get a tentative thumbs-up from you, while another non-film, 'Charles Dickens's England', is straight into the list? Surely all non-films should be put in the list since regardless of how good they are, they don't belong in cinemas.

  • Comment number 44.

    I am sorry, I am a coward.
    I have not, and will not go and see either Bride Bores or Couples Retreat.
    I take your word for it that they are awful. That's what film critics are for, after all. ;-)

  • Comment number 45.

    Dr.K we really don't want you to quit.
    But i have to say i really really hated crank 2 high voltage!!
    And i actually do believe its worse than bride wars.

  • Comment number 46.

    I’ve seen an abundance of bad films this year, and probably will go to see more next year, so I don’t list these films to add force to the wave shipping the ‘The Good Doctor’ TM out of our screens and radios. We need these films as when we watch something that’s good the pleasure will be earned and the effort and craft employed by the filmmakers will be rightly lauded. Who is going to remember Bride Wars in 5 years time, we will look back on this year remembering ‘The Hurt Locker’, ‘Let The Right One In’ and ‘Slumdog Millionaire’ to name but a few.

    Firstly...

    ‘Seven Pounds’ this is a truly awful film, the only thing worse than a bad film is one that thinks it’s smart, fresh and goes in search of tears and Oscars. At least with Bride Wars they know they are not trying to make a masterpiece, the film knows its place. Seven Pounds is an unashamedly award grabbing whore , which got exactly what it deserved, nothing. Worst film of the year.

    ‘Year One’ an unfunny comedy, trying much too hard to capture the Python brand and claim an audience which is far more sophisticated than that toilet paper of a script.

    ‘Hamlet 2’ Steve Coogan’s attempt at American-indie cinema starts of bad and steadily gets worse, the title was the funniest thing about the whole production.

    ‘Punisher: War Zone’ it’s really difficult to take two bad incarnations of a comic book which stank and then be the worst of the lot. You have to hand it to them it’s a valiant effort, just who thought this was a good idea, no doubt we’ll be watching another which will try and succeed in being yet worse probably starring some ex wrestler trying their hand at acting.

    And Finally...

    ‘Lesbian Vampire Killers’ I liked Gavin and Stacey and now I’m dreading the third series as this duo have become so glib and over-exposed it’s driving me insane. I tried to force myself to laugh, I wanted to like it, in the end I just had to give up maybe they were just a flash in the pan. Not as bad as the sketch show though.

  • Comment number 47.

    If you say two films are equal piles of poo Mark then who am I to disagree?

    I see no reason to ruin an evening watching both; you at least get paid for the time spent watching poo movies, I have to shell out sums of dosh, so there’s little incentive there.

    2012 is opening soon; I’d be surprised if it wasn’t an equally large pile of poo as Transformers 2. I also doubt that you’re really looking forward to Ritchie’s Sherlock Holmes? But even with those two on the list still it leaves you safely under ten.

  • Comment number 48.

    What you must remember when comparing films is that things in the past don't seem as bad as they seemed at the time. For example, having your tooth drilled or getting your hand trapped in a closed door. These seemed terrible at the time but now these events are in the past they don't seem as bad now because we are not currently experiencing them. For a true measure of how bad something is - direct comparison is necessary. So why not watch the films side-by-side with Bride Wars and make absolute certain they are indeed worse (or better) than Bride Wars. In fact if the good Doctor watches Bride Wars before or after every film he watches then he is sure to hate it so much it becomes the most terrible film of the year and hence he does not lose his job!

  • Comment number 49.

    So Mr. Rudhall, are you then saying Couples Retreat is the cinematic equivalent of circumcision? Terrible once, but the emotional and physical wounds heal with time?

  • Comment number 50.

    Yes, the poops are equal, now come away from the edge... there will be good films again, I promise...

  • Comment number 51.

    There are many terrible movies this year,but for me the sheer dumb,laddish,misogyny of 'Doghouse' with thug wannabe Danny dyer.Really,ranks up there with or dare I say worse than bride wars.Its really repeatedly palm slapping the forehead time for the male species and sad to say I'm one of them.

  • Comment number 52.

    Dear Dr,
    I have not seen BRIDE WARS but have regrettably seen TRANSFORMERS 2, which I genuinely consider to be the worst film ever made; I have also not seen GI JOE but reliable sources say it is a far worse film than T2, has the good Dr avoided a GI JOE review for fear it will make the 10 WORST LIST?

    Also: Would Dr K provide a blog on films that he intensely dislikes even though general opinion of these films are positive.
    Two examples that I would gladly include...
    FERRIS BUELLER'S DAY OFF. Has there ever been a more irritating character on screen than Ferris?
    THE HORSE WHISPERER. A two hour lecture by Robert Redford on how fantastic being Robert Redford is, and how all our lives would be greatly improved if we lived our lives more like Robert Redford.

  • Comment number 53.

    Adrian,

    T2 stands for Terminator 2. Now apologize :D

  • Comment number 54.

    On a slightly different note,poor Sir Arthur Conan Doyle must be starting to revolve like a breakdancer on speed,at the approach of Guy ( I'm completely C^*P at making movies )Richies turn on Sherlock Holmes.Is it me or are there certain so called directors that should never be allowed near a camera,yet,are repeatedly given money to make yet more S%*t movies.I say the list starts here.
    1 Michael Bay
    2 Guy Richie
    3 McG
    Anymore offers?

  • Comment number 55.

    Why are people worried about Mark going if there are more than 10 movies worst than Bride Wars.Lets be honest here,Marks not going anywhere.He will find a reason why the 10 can't be completed.

  • Comment number 56.

    I still have to say X Men origins: Wolverine should be on the list. Terrible effects, naff action sequences, bad scipt and awful dialogue. I would prefer to cheese grate my testicals and then sticking them into a bowl of salt and lemon juice than see that film again.

  • Comment number 57.

    EstonianFilmFan,

    You are quite right, I apologise.

  • Comment number 58.

    darkdreamweaver1,

    To your list I would add...
    1. STEPHEN SOMMERS, is equally as bad as Bay / McG.
    2. LEN WISEMAN, is almost as bad as Sommers / Bay / McG.
    3. KEVIN SMITH, to give him credit, he has stated that anybody can make a better film than him; he is correct.
    4 & 5. ROBERT REDFORD & JOHN HUGHES, all their films are loathsome.

    To your list I would detract...
    1. GUY (born RITCH)IE, sorry, but he's a great guilty pleasure.

  • Comment number 59.

    Mega Shark vs. Giant Octopus is this years worst movie Mark, sorry but this must be included in your top ten. It wasn't a case of it was so bad it was good or funny it was simply awful & included the worst acting I have ever seen in a feature film & to make matters worse all of the cast seemed to be taking it very seriously not a tongue in cheek anywhere. This wasn't straight to DVD either it did get a (albeit limited) theatre release which adds insult to injury! This must be considered Dr K, it it doesnt make it in questions must be asked in the house.....

  • Comment number 60.

    Beverely Hills Cop II, with Hugh Heffner. Loved it.

  • Comment number 61.

    Remind me never to borrow your scales. I agree that you are not breaking your own rules if they are in fact that finely balanced. Since wild horses couldn't drag me to see Bride Wars or Couples Retreat I think you should keep your job so that I don't accidently wander into next years equivalent pile of poo.

  • Comment number 62.

    Enough people, enough.

    Yesterdays reviews were a great example of why good and bad is purely a personal thing - not matter what anyone who considers themselves intellegensia (sic) may think.

    Why? Here's why, feel free to shoot it down . . .

    1)The whole 2012 review was basically Roland Emmerich films since ID4 stink, and the whole review seemed informed by that view point. This is something we ALL do - it's why we develop our own tastes. There are things we like, things we don't. It's why I won't see the Hobbit films when they come out, as I believe the LOTR trilogy is whackingly over-rated (brickbats on a postcard please . . . ) but clearly, most of you will. It's why I'm sick of vampire films, as the original idea of them - ie some scares! - is now relegated to second place to like, y'know, the angst, forbidden love etc etc.

    It's wierd because I won't go to see 2012. Why? Because, as Mark said, you KNOW what'll happen - pretty much blow for blow. But if that floats your boat, then go for it. It's what we all do. Who on this blog who is a serious film fan, who loves their Von Trier, PT Anderson, Jackson, Del Torro etc will think 'Ohh, what shall I see, Pan's Labyrinth or Bride Wars? I fancy rom-com farce tonight . . . '

    (I know they weren't out at the same time!)

    What's the point in going to see something you know you're not going to like? In Marks's case, it's his job - fair point. But what about the rest of us?

    2) The Harry Brown review could not get past the subtext. I've not seen the film yet, probably have to wait for the DVD. But . . . if the subtext/politics of a film offend your personal politics, then clearly you're not going to like it, are you? But should you not review it on it's merits / faults, or does the subtext/politics be all? I remember Mark mentioning Driller Killer, and the idelogical backdrop for that. Sorry, it sucks. It is a terrible film (in my opinion). But is that because I don't buy into the subtext? Maybe. But I had no back knowledge of it past the title, and I just thought it utterly terrible - no more, no less.

    Very rare is the person, irrespective of age, who genuinely has no preconceptions of any film they are going to see - be it informed by a knowledge of previous work, the posters, trailers, the cast etc etc. We're all as bad as each other. Indeed, isn't it because of our preconceptions we're going to see that particular thing? And sometimes, we can be surprised, and those views might be altered by a good or bad film.

    Over to you!



  • Comment number 63.

    I've not seen either film (I listen to your reviews for a reason), but if this was some ploy to get out of counting Couples Retreat, I think your logic is flawed. If Bride Wars needs to be in your top ten worst films of the year for you to keep your job, you need to have no more than nine worse films released this year. HOWEVER, If Couples Retreat is, as you say, exactly as bad as Bride Wars, then *both films* need to feature at a tied position in your top ten worst films of, meaning you are allowed only eight films worse than Bride Wars to keep your job.

    In short, you only have three slots left.

  • Comment number 64.

    Grr... Should proof read before hitting post. Below is a version of the above that shows I can actually string a sentence together.

    I've not seen either film (I listen to your reviews for a reason), but if this was some ploy to get out of counting Couples Retreat, I think your logic is flawed. If Bride Wars needs to be in your top ten worst films of the year for you to keep your job, you need to have no more than nine worse films released this year. HOWEVER, If Couples Retreat is, as you say, exactly as bad as Bride Wars, then *both films* need to feature at a tied position in your top ten worst films, meaning you are allowed only eight films worse than Bride Wars to keep your job.

    In short, you only have three slots left.

  • Comment number 65.

    HEY, KERMODE! THIS JUST IN: "THE TWILIGHT SAGA: NEW MOON" IS WORSE THAN BRIDE WARS.

  • Comment number 66.

    I'd also like to say Beverley Hills Cop II was pretty funny and I quite liked it.

  • Comment number 67.

    Patently you can’t (and won’t) quit your vocation, if only because you are surely destined (if there is any justice in this world) to take up the Film 201? mantle.

    But should you get to the tie-breaker stage (nine films confirmed worse than Bride Wars), what would it take for you to admit to this abominable pantheon Terry Gilliam’s latest - ‘The Imaginarium Of Doctor Parnassus’?

    All right, I’ve not seen it. But as he is one of my four ‘Most Loathed Directors Of All Time’ (Richard Curtis, Mike Leigh and David Lynch, since you ask), I’ll bet that the only way it could be worse than it surely is would be if Vince Vaughn was in it.

    We’re all allowed our personal obsessions - I think I’m probably one of the few people who would nominate Green Dolphin Street as one of his top ten films. But why this conviction of yours that Gilliam is a genius? He’s an appalling filmmaker. He sucks the wonder and magic out of any film he directs. If we ignore the Python films, which were, well, Python films, what are we left with?

    I’ll (kind of) give you Brazil. Although I notice that in the Sight and Sound 2002 poll of critics and directors, only you, Alexei Balabanov and one Ernest R. Dickerson considered it worthy of inclusion in their Top Ten films of all time. (I like that you also had three in your top ten that not one of the other 250 plus critics and directors voted for). But, really, it’s an essentially adolescent film, worthy of cult status but nothing more.

    Then there’s the quartet of Jabberwocky, Time Bandits, The Adventures of Baron Munchausen & The Brothers Grimm. These films are the real reason why I think he’s such a terrible filmmaker. They are the worst examples of the ‘ Hey, I’m A Magical Teller of Tales, Let’s Throw Some Dwarfs In There’ school of film making. They have no life in them. There is no enchantment.

    I saw The Fisher King, and promptly forgot it. But then that’s something I try to do with all Robin Williams films.

    Twelve Monkeys – OK, that I think is a watchable and entertaining film.

    Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas was a train wreck of a movie.

    And I haven’t seen Tideland.



  • Comment number 68.

    My friend dragged me to see 2012 before Mark's reviews ever hit online...possibly the worst film I've ever watched in cinema, gotta be worse than Bride Wars (which I haven't seen, but in comparison it has got to be more exciting).

 

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