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Mark Kermode | 14:50 UK time, Tuesday, 15 September 2009

More great stuff from you including some of your most aposite movie venues, and a quick update on the Bride Wars challenge: it's genuine alright, but I do believe some of you need a quick reminder of the working parameters.

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Comments

  • Comment number 1.

    The problem with this whole Bride Wars challenge is my favourite Kermode reviews are the bad ones. For my money, the Bride Wars review has been the most entertaining few minutes of the podcast all year - good though the whole show is. So my dilemma is this - I don't want Dr K to leave, but I really, really want to hear some more bad film reviews. I should add to this that the good films never make it to the cinema where I live anyway, so the entertainment level of the podcast is way more important to me than that of the actual movies.

  • Comment number 2.

    This comment was removed because the moderators found it broke the house rules. Explain.

  • Comment number 3.

    Dr K.

    First to let you know I would like to take back my arguments on Helen. I recently watched it again on your suggestion and I have to say that I think I judged it too harshly last time.

    I still believe it to be very pretentious and the filmmakers being too self congratulatory and would definitely not be in my best films of the year but it does have something fairly interesting about it.

    Anyway I digress. Here are some choices for films worse than Bride Wars:

    Transformers 2 you already have

    Crank 2: High Voltage (Simply what in the name of salvation was that!!???)

    Friday the 13th (Really?? Pointless!!)

    Fired Up!

    Beverly Hills Chihuahua

    There might be more but I've seemed to have banished them from my mind.

  • Comment number 4.

    Agreed. They've got to be not only bad but downright offensive to beat (or lose to?) Bride Wars.

  • Comment number 5.

    Dr. Kermode,

    I think there are 10 movies worst than Bride Wars in 2009, and there will be 10 more in 2010, and I want you here to review them.... but a challenge is a challenge... Using the collective intelligence of the internet, here we go...

    CHANDNI CHOWK TO CHINA
    RUSLAN
    GIALLO
    FIRED UP
    PINK PANTHER 2
    INKHEART
    DRAGONBALL EVOLUTION
    NEW IN TOWN
    THE UNBORN
    THE UNINVITED

    I could add Street Fighter, the Tyler Perry movie, miss march, etc.

    There are simply way too many terrible movies out there.

  • Comment number 6.

    I watched The Wizard of Oz in the back of a semi-trailer in Greensburg Kansas while I was working there on the clean-up response to a large tornado. My colleagues and I put a laptop on a large pile of relief supplies, made couches out of cardboard boxes (useful for people to pack their stuff in when picking through the rubble of their houses), closed the rear door to the trailer, and loved every minute of it.

    Oddly, on the way to Greensbur (the day after the tornado touched down) we were delayed because we were driving into the remnants of the storm, so we watched Twister in our hotel room.

    Wizard of Oz was better.

  • Comment number 7.

    Hi Dr K

    I've not given any suggestions for films that are worst than 'Bride Wars' as I've not seen the film to be able to make that comparison. And unlike some, I would also like you to stick around as a film critic; you're very entertaining and your passion for film is wonderful.

    However, I have seen 'T4 Salvation' and am curious to know what you think are the "couple of moments that are passingly interesting" in this film? I can't think of any.

    RIP Patrick Swayze (and Keith Floyd)

  • Comment number 8.

    Its not that we want you to go, Its just alot more fun when you review bad movies. Lets just hope there are 9 films worst than Bride wars, then we all get what we want.

  • Comment number 9.

    I’ll take that as an “I’m staying” then Dr K. Good.

  • Comment number 10.

    Come on guys, the Dr is right, the suggestions for films that have been worse than Bride Wars have been very poor. There are two main reasons:

    1 - People suggesting films while clearly either not having heard Mark's review or just ignoring that fact that he obviously liked the film a lot. For example Drag Me To Hell, or as above, Inkheart.

    2 - Suggestions of movies that are straight-to-dvd/not really given what could be called a proper release. I think it's safe to say we're talking about movies that have actually been picked up by a distributor and given a theatrical release. Otherwise you might as well nominate something made by your friend's 8 year old kid on the family camcorder.

  • Comment number 11.

    what are the current 4 films worse than Bride Wars?

  • Comment number 12.

    It's official - Mark Kermode is actually a floating head hovering in the darkness, scaring little children with his insightful film criticism. You ARE aware that you looked like ghost in this video? That is to say, really scary in a cool way. As a fan of horror, I thought you'd find it nice to know.

  • Comment number 13.

    Bride Wars came out before i got my job as a film critic, i didn't see it because when it came out i would have had to pay to go see it, and that wasn't going to happen. However, my worst films of the year so far, both as a paying customer and a critic have been as follows:

    Dance Flick
    The Proposal
    The Final Destination
    The Ugly Truth
    Friday The 13th
    Anything with Seth Rogen in it

    I do have to say as well that i really did not like Antichrist, hated it in fact, but i did find it worthy or many a late night discussion, so i won't consider it in the same league as above.

    Are any of above "worst list" worse than Bride Wars?

  • Comment number 14.

    The films have to be worse, but what are the specifics? Kermode, we need some helpful guidelines - like, are films to be included on this 'worse than "Bride Wars"' challenge exclusive to cinema releases? Or can I include, for example, the straight-to-dvd 'Legally Blondes,' or 'Road Trip: Beer Pong,' or 'Dr. Dolittle: Million Dollar Mutts' or 'Ace Ventura: Pet Detective Jr.', all zero-level film-making guaranteed? Add those to your list and you only need another two. So good luck. (P.S. So far I'm liking that you pay attention to the comments page. You know, considering the importance of the audience, which ain't bad).

  • Comment number 15.

    Could the good Dr give me some guidance; given that Bride Wars was released in very early January, were there any movies released in 2008 which would have made the "Bride Wars list" had it been released at the appropriate time? Off the top of my head I assume "The Hottie and the Nottie" would be top of the charts.

  • Comment number 16.

    BCBobUK: 'were there any movies released in 2008 which would have made the "Bride Wars list" had it been released at the appropriate time?'

    BcBobUK, that's pretty redundant, no? 2009 and nothing before, or lose sight of this whole thing.

  • Comment number 17.

    Whoever thought Ruslan was worse than Bride Wars is a total noob.

  • Comment number 18.


    look all this endless listing of lackluster films is all well good but can we not try and get rid of Mayo instead of Mark? - Shall we say 10 songs more yawningly dismal than U2's Magnificent and he's out on his ear?=D

  • Comment number 19.

    I too felt abit alienated by both questions because
    A) I've never really had time or money to see a film in an adventurous place, though I want to see The Lady Vanishes at York Railway Museum.
    +
    B) I don't want to come up with a worse film than Bride Wars because I don't want Doc K to give up his job (though I doubt he would lol) so this has become a quite redundant task now and we should just wait till the next stinker comes out so we can compare it to Bride Wars.

  • Comment number 20.

    I saw Apocalypse Now in the 80s in the palace of culture, that Stalinist monolith in the centre of Warsaw. It was voiced over by a single person who sounded extremely.
    As for worst film...I'm sorry, but I've given up going to the cinema this year, I've had enough of the constant chatter and texting that seems to plague every viewing. It's always the nutters that sit next to me.

  • Comment number 21.

    pig based weaponry: in Pepi, Luci, Bom y otras chicas del montón, the 1980 Pedro Almodovar film, one of the characters kills a man with a ham bone!

  • Comment number 22.

    Sorry, it was "What have I done to deserve this", 1984, Almodovar. Gloria (Carmen Maura), kills her husband Antonio with a ham bone.
    The above is an obvious OT, but my advice for the worst film problem is: don't watch bad films. They are bad for you. Life is short. If you come across one, stand up and leave the cinema immediately. Let the film critics do the job of watching bad films.
    This is the reason why you, Mark, are not allowed to quit. It is YOUR service ti mankind to watch bad films till the end and then tell us not to go. Someone has to do it.

  • Comment number 23.

    psychfursfan83, I haven't seen most of the films in your list, especially the ones with Seth Rogen in them. However, I feel I should disagree with your view on the final destination. Yes it was a bit naff with less plot than Michael Bay's lazy efforts, but I enjoyed it. Albeit, probably not for the same reasons as its makers intended. There were several laugh out loud moments and some of the over elaborate deaths brought a spontaneous round of applause from the cinema. Crap film, but entertaining.

  • Comment number 24.

    Hello to Dr. K and all the watching community. I really DO NOT want you to quit so I am going to try and start something: I want to see if we (the audience) can help remove films from the 'Worse than Bride Wars' list by trying to redeem them! This sounds like a big task, but all we need to do is find something in them of some worth and they automatically become better than Bride Wars and the list gets smaller and will hopefully never reach the dreaded ten. Here goes, I'll have a go at Marley and me (gulp)…

    In the film Marley and me there is a scene where Jennifer Aniston's character tells Owen Wilson's character to get rid of the dog as she is so upset with it as she struggles to cope with raising a young family alone whilst her husband works full time. In this scene the dog wakes the babies and for her this is the final straw, the dog must go. You see the dog is not the real cause of her being upset it is simply the catalyst. I believe the director is being extremely smart here and actually making an allegorical statement on modern society about how disaffected children and youths are seen as one of society’s biggest problems. However the actual problem is with poor parenting and a lack of discipline, just like the dog. The director is saying we need to look at problems in a wider context and not just small incidences. You see the film is actually a very cleaver parable on modern society, what a brilliant piece of writing and directing.

    Well, what do you think? Is it off the list? Are we down to three films worse that Bride Wars?

    Now who is going to take on Transformers 2, Dance Flick and Charles Dickens’s England…?

  • Comment number 25.

    I used to subcribe to Mr Kermode's podcast until I started watching many of the films he slated and many of the films he gave good reviews to.

    He is the classic pompus film critic who says a film is bad because many people will like it and says a film is good just to stand out from the crowd (high school musical 3). I think Kermode has lost touch with the average cinema goer, because I like far too many of the films he said were rubbish. Transformers and Burn After Reading are good entertaining films, yes, it isn't rocket science but most people don't always want to cinema for a mentally challenging film, we watch DVD for that like Gone Baby Gone.

    Kermode has probably watched far too many films for far too long and now looks at films differently to the average film goer. Entertainment is lower down his priority list when he reviews films because it is his job to watch films.

    I prefer Jonathan Ross because his taste are closer to mine. If he reviews a populist film, he will not slate it if it is well done and will have a broad enough taste for more art house films.

    I get the feeling Kermode only likes art house films so asking him to review other types of films is pointless. Kermode you owe me 2 hours for that dull dull dull Liverpool documentry film. That is when I took you off my ITunes, your tastes in film is very different from mine.

  • Comment number 26.

    So what exactly has been 100% approved as worse than bride wars?

  • Comment number 27.

    Ok, so i can't think of anything worse than Bride Wars or anything thats going to top its godawfulness this year but i do have one suggestion from a previous year that should you get round to viewing this catastrophe of "film" i practically guarantee you'll want to tear your eye balls from the sockets or throw yourself under the nearest bus. This "film" would be The Sweetest Thing, i have never seen anything worse than this, trust me Bride Wars is a walk in the park compaired to this, if you've already seen this Dr. how could you forget something as bad as this!!!

  • Comment number 28.

    @illustriousJonsey; Wow and there was me thinking that blog comments were for people to casually discuss movie stuff.

    The reason I asked if anything in 2008 would have made a Bride Wars list is that I like many others have not seen many of the movies on the current 2009 list so a few examples which may have been seen by more people from 2008 may help some people in focusing the debate; that and I would like to see if 2008 had more truly terrible movies than 2009 in the eyes of Kermode.

  • Comment number 29.

    To ultramagic - I believe the list stands at; Marley and Me, Transformers 2, Dance Flick and Charles Dickens's England.

    I assume that when you say "100% approved worse that Bride Wars" you are using the Kermode Scale of Awfulness or 'KSA method' as it will now be known.

  • Comment number 30.

    In an attempt to swim against the tide could I ask why The Exorcist is the greatest film of all time? I've heard you review it but I don't think I've ever heard you expand on what is it that makes it stand out, for you, from films like Citizen Kane, King Kong, Star Wars, 2001 A Space Odyssey, Jaws, The Godfather, Lord of the Rings, The Shawshank Redemption, Evil Dead II, Casablanca?

  • Comment number 31.

    BCBobUK, comments can be either, casual or formal, but is Kermode that casual to go over the worst films of last year? I know the prospect of watching the worst films of this year is dispiriting, but I don't see how last years selection would help focus this debate. Surely it would district from it, set it back by a year, even?

  • Comment number 32.

    Mispelled 'distract' in that last sentence I wrote, by the way.

  • Comment number 33.

    I told you he would find something positive even in bad movies, and it has to be something really really bad with no redeeming features.

  • Comment number 34.

    "The skydiving pontiff moment - I did actually laugh. OUT LOUD in the cinema, I was heard to chuckle, snigger, guffaw slightly."

    If you thought that was funny, you should've seen his favourite reading material. A snake actually TALKS in it - no joke.

  • Comment number 35.

    I had the misfortune a coupe of weeks ago to see Megashark v's Giant Octopus. On the basis of the trailer, I thought it was worth a few quid to see what I hoped would be a low budget creature flick. I like B-movies, so I wasn't expecting much beyond a few laughs and some bad special effects. What transpired was that they must have spent a fortune on that trailer, because the rest of the film was tedious, and acted by people with less talent than Orloondo Bland. Have you seen this joyous movie Dr K?

  • Comment number 36.

    Yay. A Mention. Although I didn't think Waterworld sucked. To be honest, it looks like Lawrence of Arabia compared to the blender-edited noise that passes for an action flick these days.

  • Comment number 37.

    A one of the top 10 worst movies, this year, might be Street Fighter: The Legend of Chun-Li. It's not mediocre or even below average. It's a terrible movie! Another suggestion... might be Transformers 2.

  • Comment number 38.

    How about that (fast becoming) cult film The Room Doc K? surely thats worse or as bad as Bride Wars?

  • Comment number 39.

    I feel troubled but I have to disagree With the Good Dr. Bride wars may well be an awful movie, but very few people cared that it was going to be a good movie and the only way people would have been surprised by Bride Wars was it to find out that it was a good movie. But People care about the Horror/SF/fantasy genres much more for some reason than any other. That why when a film is bad it means so much more than Bride wars. I actually though Terminator Salvation was ok, but then again I am not a uber Terminator fan. But my reaction to seeing X men Origins Wolverine and the awfulness of that film was like being repeatedly kicked in the groin with steel toecaps.

    The effects are much more dramatic when it comes to fans as they actually care, which makes fan films much worse that something like Bride Wars because film companies know that there is a big fan base and don't care enough to make something decent. A much bigger crime, than the 100s of crappy chick flicks which are constantly being released.

  • Comment number 40.

    There is a volunteer run cinema in Newcastle upon Tyne called the Star and Shadow. It was built from donated cast off materials and skip rescued bits and pieces and now houses a good collection of all sorts of film production and projection kit. Anyone can use the space and the equipment. We put on all sorts of nights there from events, films, exhibitions and workshops. We can make and show films regardless of their commercial appeal and we love working with 35 and 16ml stock. If you haven't heard of us check us out on the web. I am organising a night at The S&S to celebrate the fiftieth anniversary of the publication of William Burroughs Naked Lunch.Not showing the film but inviting poets writers and musicians to contribute to this homage to Burroughs. If you are in Newcastle be good to see you there, TS.

  • Comment number 41.

    Oooops posted this on the thread.

    There could be a few more added to your list of bad bad bad movies.

    Vince Vaughn in Couples Retreat, that looks seriously bad.

    Saw VI - There's another sequel being made for next year.

    Did You Hear About the Morgans? - Hugh Grant, and Sarah Jessica Parker

    Sherlock Holmes - directed by Guy Ritchie - nuff said.

    Old Dogs - Starring Robin Williams, and John Travolta - A Disney family comedy. This is the plot. Two friends and business partners find their lives turned upside down when strange circumstances lead to them being placed in the care of 7-year-old twins.

  • Comment number 42.

    I watched a double bill of Close Encounters of the Third Kind and ET projected onto a sheet in the common area of a campground. Pitch Black Night with no city lights and so many stars and satellites overhead we kept waiting for our ride to come but no joy.

  • Comment number 43.

    Dr. K,

    While watching this vid I was concerned that you mentioned the original Dawn Of The Dead (one of the finest and most infintely re-watchable movies ever made) while showing a still of the zombs storming the buses in the Dawn Of The Dead remake (Un Film De Zack Snyder).

    The very worst things I've seen this year have been Antichrist and Bruno (on the same day), and Giallo, the new film from Dario Argento. (Oh, and Zombie Women Of Satan, but that doesn't really count because I walked out after 20 minutes.)

  • Comment number 44.

    Even though I haven't seen 'Bride Wars' I know it's monumentally crap just by the trailer, poster, themes, plot, and cast list. And while I can't really think of any film that could be worse than 'Bride Wars' I thought John "I'm a one hit pony" Carpenter's 'Ghosts of Mars' was excrementally bad.

    To be honest, I haven't seen that many terrible films. I'm usually careful about what I see and I'm rarely disappointed. However, I had the chance to see 'The Fountain' the other day and I was really disappointed. While it was stunning to look at, it was just an incoherent mess otherwise, full of disjointed imagery and pretentious waffle. However, I can safely say that compared to 'Bride Wars', it was 'Let the Right One In' (fantastic film, btw).

  • Comment number 45.

    Does being killed by a falling pig in A Private Function count as pig-based weaponry? Involved a human being being killed solely by the sudden impact of a large swine, albeit accidental.

  • Comment number 46.

    Not having wasted my time on Bride Wars, Something about Marley, or The Proposal, because their premises offended me when I saw the trailers I have been wracking my brains to remember a film that was totally devoid of any redeeming feature. Even Titanic and Waterworld that were big and stupid(I remember being appalled that my boyfriend at the time cried in Titanic I just wanted get out of the theatre it was so bored)had some nice visuals. While they didn't move me they didn't offend my moral sensibilities. I have seen lots of bad or indifferent movies but there is usually something that the film maker was trying to say that might have been interesting if they had been more skilled. To truly find 10 films with absolutely no redeeming features would be catastrophic. The fate of a favoured critic notwithstanding.

  • Comment number 47.

    hey mark!

    if you have to quit you can always come play bass in my band! we need someone with some musical talent....

    god bless the Kermodites!

 

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