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Paper Monitor

14:44 UK time, Wednesday, 16 May 2012

A service highlighting the riches of the daily press.

It's the return of a well-worn turn of phrase as many of Paper Monitor's favourite rags gleefully report on Immigration Minister Damian Green's explanation for queues at Heathrow. "WRONG SORT OF WIND!" - calm down, Daily Star.

No, they're not referring to embarrassing intestinal problems, but to how far meteorological factors might worsen already lethargic immigration queues.

The Commons Home Affairs Select Committee (or Chas, as we like to call it here at Monitor Towers) has also rather startlingly observed that border computer systems are prone to "falling over", (The Times tells us) rather like an inebriated passenger before excise duty restrictions were bought in. Or an exhausted person queuing to, er, get through border control.

Indicating that the British are indeed completely weather-obsessed, the Daily Express (or Daily Express Weather as regular readers know it) trots out some exciting word play on a seasonal theme. There's "snow sign of summer" it gloomily forebodes, illustrating the point with a couple of slightly chilly-looking rural scenes.

Even heads of state, it seems, are not immune to bursts of inclement weather on the home-front and on the continent. Queen Elizabeth II remained sprightly and "cracked some jokes" at a festival in Richmond Park, according to a jaunty picture caption in the Express.

Meanwhile, Francois Hollande appears to have undergone everything short of a plague of locusts as he entered his presidency, according to the Daily Mail. After his drenching in an open-top car (or sun-roofed family saloon, to be more accurate), the Mail somewhat implausibly likens the French Premier to everyone's favourite sodden Regency dreamboat, Colin Firth's Mr Darcy.

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Sorry - Paper Monitor was just having a moment.

A slightly more down-to-earth Sun contributes the neatly-turned "Sarko to Soako". Every cloud has a silver lining.

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