A service highlighting the riches of the daily press.
There's plenty of horror in the newspapers today - and Paper Monitor isn't talking about those pictures of model Heidi Klum winning this year's prize for the most stomach-turning Halloween costume. A skinned corpse.
If actor Ewan McGregor turns to the Life and Style section of the Daily Mail today he is likely to get a fright. There's a feature on how celebrity crushes can improve your love life. It's a frothy piece all about how a healthy fantasy life can get you thinking about sex in a fun way again.
But the playful tone gets considerably darker with Nova Selly, 37, who has crush on McGregor. She admits to moving to Scotland to live with someone simply because they looked like the actor. After a month she says she "came to her senses" and moved back to London. Phew. Just a moment of madness then? Err, no:
I know it's hopeless and even dangerous, as I actually do feel as if I am in love with him, even though I'm now in a happy relationship."
It sends chills down Paper Monitor's spine, let alone McGregor's. He probably frantically searching for his lawyer's number as you read this.
There is horror of another kind in the Daily Mirror for George Clooney, courtesy of ex-girlfriend Elisabetta Canalis. It's a master class in getting your own back on one of the world's most eligible bachelors after they end your relationship and within weeks are walking down red carpets with your replacement. The TV host, 33, kindly "opens her heart" about their relationship especially to tell us she regarded 50-year-old Clooney as more of a "father" than a boyfriend. Ouch.
Finally, there's big fish news. In what's becoming something of a regular feature, Paper Monitor likes to keep track of all the giant catches of the day. This time it's a cod caught off the coast of Norway. A 80lb (36kg) monster cod. Of course, there is the ubiquitous fish supper calculation. This beauty would serve up 135 such suppers, according to the Daily Mirror.