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Paper Monitor

10:44 UK time, Friday, 30 September 2011

A service highlighting the riches of the daily press.

The sun has clearly gone to some people's heads and the evidence is as follows.

Mirror columnist Polly Hudson gives us 10 reasons why boy band One Direction are better than The Beatles. One of those reasons is that the teenagers are the ambassadors for Pokemon. It's a compelling argument. Not. Go and lie down in a cool, dark room Ms Hudson.

The fact that guests had to stand up at Balenciaga's fashion show in Paris yesterday makes a page lead in the Times and the Daily Telegraph. Who would have thought, Anna Wintour, Salma Hayek and Catherine Deneuve can use their legs. Hold the front page!

The Daily Mail sees fit to tell us that taking part in this year's Strictly Come Dancing has pepped up Edwina Currie's life in the bedroom. She now feels "sexier" than ever. She is reported as saying her husband John Jones is "a very happy bunny". Who at the paper ever thought we needed to know that? Clear case of sunstroke.

The Express has an outstanding I-blame-the-parents story. It runs the findings of research (and Paper Monitor uses that word in the loosest possible sense) which has concluded that if a mother walks well in high heels then her daughter will too. But "mums who could only totter also passed this on". Time to call in social services?

Finally, what is it with the giant fish? Every Tom, Dick and Harry seems to be hooking a monster. In the Sun it's the biggest catfish ever caught by a Brit. It weighed in at 17.5 stone (111kg) and was just over eight feet (2.4m) long.

While in the Mirror there's a world record halibut. That monster was a whopping 38.5 stone (244kg) and was also just over eight feet (2.4m) long. That catch of the day would serve up 1,000 fillets, just in case you were wondering.

There must be something in the water. Literally.

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