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Paper Monitor

10:42 UK time, Friday, 26 August 2011

A service highlighting the riches of the daily press.

Paper Monitor has a serious case of deja vu today. Last week, it was A-levels and now it's GCSE results, and yet again it is the girls charging ahead of the boys.

While, the papers are still partial to students who get multiple A*s (particularly if they're pretty girls or twins or famous or have overcome some great adversity), GCSEs tend to bring out the young geniuses.

Take Callan Sharples for instance, a nine-year-old who got an A in higher maths. Not media studies or drama BUT maths. Impressive. But Paper Monitor finds it cannot be so charitable towards the six-year-old who got an E in Maths.

Yes, she's only six but an E? Maybe Paper Monitor is being churlish. The Sun calls her a "Maths Whizz". She will be dismissed out of hand by all decent employers, although to be fair, a job is a long way off and she will probably get an A next year.

Talking of young-uns, many of the papers have been unable to resist pictures of Prime Minister David Cameron and his youngest child, Florence.

The PM is back on holiday in Cornwall (another case of deja vu), and Dave and Sam Cam took their child back to the hospital where she was born last year.

He told a new father there would be no more mini-Camerons, so the Sun's headline is "No more after Flor". Meanwhile, the Daily Telegraph is just "going with the Flo".

But the Mirror has cracked the case wide open. It has a picture of Florence at her first public engagement, under the headline: "Pictures PM wants you to see". But underneath it has pictures "he tried to hide" - pictures of him wrestling with a corkscrew and also playing cricket on a beach. The insinuation is that he is having a jolly good time while Libya loses its "Mad Dog". The Mirror aka Magnum PI.

Going for the triple deja vu, there are apocalyptic forecasts for the bank holiday weekend. The story usually starts "Millions face misery..." and it goes on to talk about rail closures, congested roads, bucketloads of rain and washed-out festivals.

What to do? Well, judging by the adverts, you have to hit the shops for the LAST EVER, FINAL CLEARANCE sales before Armaggedon and there's nothing left come Tuesday.

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