A service highlighting the riches of the daily press.
It is always better to be safe than sorry, as shown in a number of today's papers.
Dragon's Den star Duncan Bannatyne has made front page news in the Independent - and featured heavily elsewhere - after offering a £50,000 reward to break the arms of someone on Twitter threatening his daughter.
Bannatyne, who says his "family is well protected", was taking the threat seriously and reported the incident to the police.
But it is not just Russian threats that celebrities need to cope with, sometimes they need saving from themselves.
The Daily Star reports that footballer Ashley Cole has hired a 24-hour SAS-trained guard to, in their words, "save him from lusty wannabe WAGs".
Apparently, "he doesn't want to be involved in kiss-and-tells that will mess things up for good with Cheryl".
While Paper Monitor would never question the seriousness of the threats from any "sexy ex-Army babes", £1,000-a-day to be Cole's "minder" seems like a good way to earn a six-figure living.
Elsewhere in self-defence news, the Duchess of Cambridge has been given SAS training to protect her from any kidnap threats, the Telegraph suggests.
She will now, it is claimed, be more aware of anything "unusual" in routine surroundings.
Adding a punchline to that revelation would just be too easy.