A service highlighting the riches of the daily press.
Paper Monitor is feeling a little sorry for the Daily Star's agony aunt Jane O'Gorman. It's not normal to extend a hand of sympathy to those who dish out advice on how we should live our lives - agony aunts are oracles of wisdom when it comes to our modern-day dilemmas.
But today Jane's sage advice is definitely playing second fiddle to the problem itself. And what's worse, is that the reader seeking a life steer from Jane isn't even named. Not even a "name withheld " or an "anon".
His problem is that he can't stand his girlfriend's moaning... no, not that sort of moaning.
"My girlfriend... is completely intolerant of other people, of noise and even smells," writes this poor put-upon reader.
He goes on to explain that as someone who works from home, he is dreading the imminent prospect of said girlfriend also working from home.
But what's this, apropos of not much really, he reveals that "I've got a secret arrangement with a woman a few doors down. She gives me massages in return for me looking after her garden. Nothing sleazy (well, a bit sleazy sometimes!)"
If his girlfriend is at home full-time, he'll never be able to "visit my neighbour again".
Eh? What exactly is the nature of this plea for advice? Is it about being wound up by somebody's whingeing, or about a little of extra-curricula, ahem, gardening?
Jane's advice is squeezed into a few short of paragraphs at the end - and suffice it to say, it wouldn't pass muster on the Guardian's women's pages.
"Why doesn't she rent an office nearby... you need your space. She might not fall for it, but it's worth a try."
This seems an appropriate juncture, readers, to invoke that time-honoured BBC warning: "don't try this at home."