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Paper Monitor

12:15 UK time, Monday, 14 June 2010

A service highlighting the riches of the daily press.

It's a clean sweep, a full house - bingo! The face of England goalie Robert Green is pictured on every single front page this morning. John Terry must be more than happy to hand over the column inches to his team mate.

Yesterday was all about blame, but today it's about rebuilding and the papers are taking it very seriously. Show the hapless Green a video montage of his best performances to re-create a "winning feeling", suggests one psychologist in the Guardian - assuming there are any.

The Independent speaks to no fewer than four psychologists to get advice. Among their suggestions is don't bring in a psychologist to talk to him - that would be "patronising". Or maybe they're all just too busy giving the papers advice on giving advice.

And it seems a football is not the only thing Green has let slip through his fingers recently. His ex-girlfriend features prominently in the red tops. Model Elizabeth Minett, 23, is splashed across the Daily Mirror's front page - in an England bikini of course. A "close source" says Green broke up with her because "he wanted to focus on his football". That went well then.

The Daily Telegraph offers some alternative advice to Green - how to turn his butter fingers into a bumper bank balance. They have gone to brand experts to find out how he might turn this mishap into an opportunity. Advertising butter, insurance and spectacles are his best bets, it seems.

The coverage of the game in the US papers brings the Guardian some cheer. It sniggers at the headline in the New York Post: "USA Wins 1-1". It says Americans are now falling in love with 11 heroes who "most of them still couldn't pick out of an FBI line-up".

But while the papers debate Green's howler, his future, his lovers and his life in general - what about the man himself? He has done what any self-respecting footballer would after a personal trauma - and just about anything else in their life: Green has headed for the green to drown his sorrows with a round of golf. Cue the "putter finger" puns.

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