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Paper Monitor

11:33 UK time, Thursday, 6 May 2010

A service highlighting the riches of the daily press.

Because we're not mentioning the E-word, and in response to the row over Danny Dyer's agony aunt column in Zoo magazine, today Paper Monitor will only read the newspaper problem pages.

Dyer, the star of a slew of solid-sales-on-DVD classics, says he was misquoted by Zoo when it had him telling a lovelorn reader to "cut your ex's face, then no-one will want her".

Zoo have blamed a production error for the advice appearing, but there has been an avalanche of criticism.

It's the kind of mistake the Sun's Dear Deidre would never make.

Deidre's shtick is this - racy letters are met with totally straight-laced answers.

Today an 18-year-old woman with a boyfriend the same age keeps having sex with older men she meets on the web. Deidre's answer: You're blotting out the pain and should read the leaflet Hooked on Casual Sex.

A 21-year-old man has difficulty forming relationships because of his "average-sized penis". Deidre's advice: Ring 75p-a-minute phone line entitled Manhood Too Small?

Over in the Daily Star there's a not dissimilar format in Just Jane with Jane O'Gorman.

The highlight today is about a widowed grandmother who's in a state of mortal embarrassment. She had a bedroom littered with "sex aids" and after a fall left her in hospital, she was unhappy to hear her family had been in her house doing a bit of redecoration.

"I went cold remembering how many sex toys were left around in my room. I got home and they'd all been neatly tidied into a pile."

Both Deidre and Jane have their serious answers bordered with a photo casebook. Deidre today has a scantily-clad man and woman having an affair, but Jane has two dyed-blonde women enjoying each other's company.

There is no such visual stimulation over in the Daily Mirror, where Dr Miriam Stoppard is Dear Miriam.

Dr Stoppard gives you a full page on skin conditions before she even gets to the problems. And there are not usually letters about threesomes or wild steamy affairs with bosses.

Each to their own.

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