Assuming that "pirate" encompasses anyone with strange facial hair, a ship, a suntan and a habit of making off with Spanish gold on dubious legal grounds, I'm afraid Mad Cap'n Tom is a bit late to be the "first pirate in Parliament". Sir Francis Drake was MP for Bossiney, Sir Richard Hawkins was MP for Plymouth, and Sir George Clifford had a seat in the Lords. I make no comment on whether there are any pirates there now.
Edward Green, London, UK
Who didn't read Chips vending machine removed from Hull sports centre and then want some?
Tom, Maidstone, UK
When it comes to actor's terrible accents (Thursday letters), attempts to do Irish accents really are the worst. In some cases it wanders tourist-like across the whole country in the course of a single sentence. A recent prime example is Heroes' Samuel - all the worse because the character was born and lived his whole life in the States.
Cakes all year round (Thursday letters)? The trouble with our office - over 100 people - is that the majority are either Libran or Gemini with Aquarius in third place. This means that at some times of the year (especially October) we have an absolute glut of feasting whereas at other times (especially Pisces and Leo) there is famine.
Paul Morris, Exeter
£20?!? For cakes? Where are you buying them from? Make them, you lazy people. I always make mine, there is nothing better than home-made cake. I have to fight off the tech support boys who return for fourths. Certainly costs less than £20, and we have 100+ to feed.
Monitor note: Jo, it's Paper Monitor's birthday on Monday. Any chance of a Victoria sponge?