A service highlighting the riches of the daily press.
"Driving ban for rugby star who sucked pennies to fool coppers" - a round of applause, please, for the Times sub who came up with this gem of a headline. Shame the online version is so much more prosaic.
Not only is it a neat play on words, it is a pithy example of a headline that tells the story all by itself.
"JPR Williams, one of the legendary figures of Welsh rugby, sucked pennies after being stopped for drink-driving in the misguided belief that it would help him to cheat a breath test, a court heard yesterday."
And - and - JPR is now a surgeon, adds the Sun.
"Defending, Nigel Daniel said: "Dr Williams is full of remorse. He is somebody who as a medical expert should clearly have known better."
It's the type of myth one might have to be a little, er, tired and emotional to believe. And Paper Monitor would have to be very tired and emotional indeed to even contemplate sucking on a penny. Gruuuuu-bbbbbb-yyyyyy. Yuck.
Meanwhile, let's play spot-the-Oscar-outfit-that-gets-thumbs-up-AND-thumbs-down...
- Sarah Jessica Parker's frankly weird yellowy dress (left) is unanimously disliked. With good reason.
- As is Mariah Carey's, for different reasons ("the cheapest dress we've seen on the red carpet," sniffs the Guardian).
- The Dailies Mirror and Express LIKE Carey Mulligan's fork 'n' scissors gown. The Times and Daily Mail HATE it.
- The Sun LIKES Sandra Bullock's golden dress. The Guardian HATES it.
- The Guardian LIKES J-Lo's sculptural big-hip dress (middle). The Mirror and Times HATE it ("an extension built on the wrong side of her fashion house").
- The Mirror LIKES Kate Winslet's column dress. The Guardian hates it ("an industrial catering tray"), as does the Times, who wants Kate to let her wild side loose.
- And many hate Vera Farmiga's hot pink ruffled frock (right). But it reminds the Times of strawberry Viennetta. Which, apparently, makes it so bad it's good. "Mmm, Eighties desserts."