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Paper Monitor

14:12 UK time, Tuesday, 16 February 2010

A service highlighting the riches of the daily press.

Sometimes newspaper features, like oil tankers, can generate a momentum that makes them hard to turn around.

Manchester United play AC Milan and all eyes are on David Beckham, once of Trafford, now of San Siro. Just how bitter is he? How much will he relish getting one over on Alex Ferguson, the man who sold him.

Er, not at all.

The Guardian decides to blurb Beckham's pre-match comments on the front page of the news bit.

"David Beckham. This is not about revenge. I have no scores to settle."

You have to put stuff like this in the same news basket as headlines like "War doesn't break out", "Weather fine" and "Man, dog not biting each other".

Elsewhere in the tepid news basket is the story about the footballer who is involved in the latest sexting outrage. Paper Monitor will obviously will not identify him other than saying he is the one married to a perma-tanned pop star who moonlights as a talent show judge.

Today's Sun story on said footballer contains a wealth of lovely tabloidese.

There are no affairs, only "flings". People do not have sex, they "romp". Footballers are really "Aces". Things are not sexy, they are "raunchy".

Beautiful detail in the story.

"The secretary told how she and [the footballer] watched two dud sci-fi films before getting down to sex."

Lovely.

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