A service highlighting the riches of the daily press.
After a two-day break when another tale of alleged sexual - sorry, textual - shenanigans knocked John Terry off the front page of the Sun, he's back.
The footballer has flown to Dubai to make nice with his missus
now his important football games are out of the way just in time for Valentine's Day.
And the man who bumped Terry off the front page on Tuesday and Wednesday - a man the paper thoughtfully refers to as "text fan Vernon Kay" - has himself been relegated to page three (Paper Monitor will spare your blushes by omitting a link), and is taking a break from his live Radio 1 show to spend time with his wife, Strictly's Tess Daly:
"Yesterday as Kay stayed at home in Beaconsfield, Bucks, Tess pulled a newspaper column due to focus on their happy marriage. But the 40-year-old is set to appear on both The One Show and This Morning next week to plug her new book - which talks about her family life."
Paper Monitor imagines advance copies of The Baby Diaries: Memories, Milestones and Misadventures will be pounced upon with rather more gusto than otherwise might be expected, as hacks scour the pages for mentions of Vernon taking time out from changing nappies to fiddle with his mobile.
Meanwhile, Metro reports that Sarah Palin's ex-son-in-law-to-be Levi Whatsit has stripped off for Playgirl (the BBC is not responsible for the bared pecs found on this link). Now, Metro isn't a paper noted for being first with the news. That's not what it's for.
Followers of the ice hockey jock-turned-celeb wannabe - or "caribou hunter-turned-aspiring model/actor", as People magazine puts it - will know that Johnson (stop tittering at the back) stripped off ages ago.
What's new is that the photo shoot in question is in this month's Playgirl. Or, as People magazine puts it, "Finally! Levi Johnston's Playgirl Cover Revealed".
"Finally!" - perhaps one of the least called-for exclamation marks in the history of exclamation marks? Oh well, each to one's own...