A service highlighting the riches of the daily press.
Let's kick off the belated start to this working week by welcoming Craig Brown, late of the Daily Telegraph, to the Daily Mail stable where he takes over from Keith Waterhouse. Unfortunately, Brown doesn't bring his charming pen and ink caricature picture byline with him - but fans of the satirist will doubtless enjoy his collection of Parliamentary clerihews. Example:
"Douglas Hogg: Says 'It's like falling off a log - You earn their vote Then they pay for your moat'"
Readers are encouraged to follow Brown online at www.dailymail.co.uk/craigbrown although at the time of Paper Monitor's publication sadly, the link was broken.
Not only has the Mail substituted Brown for Waterhouse, but in a further display of its efforts to attract a more with it crowd it seems to have called on the services of a camp 80s pop star to wrestle with Kim Jong-Il's nuclear ambitions for North Korea.
The Sun, like all good tabloids, is keen to remind us how the weather lurched from sunny to sodden over the course of the bank holiday weekend. And its coverage allows Paper Monitor to awaken one of its dormant strands from winter hibernation - Brighton Beach Mammoirs.
Yes, just to remind us that the weather was truly hot on Sunday, the paper offers up a picture of Brighton beach, er, on Sunday. Admittedly the mammary count is low as most of the sun worshippers are covered up. So, maybe it wasn't that hot after all.
Finally, to the Guardian, which inadvertently offers balm to the open wound of any journalist who has ever missed a big story... only to see it appear several days later in a rival publication.
However awful the lingering bitterness, news hounds can rest assured it won't be as bad as that of former New York Times editor Robert Phelps. In his newly released memoirs, the Guardian tells us, Phelps recalls how he passed over a story about the cover-up of a break-in and attempted bugging of the Democratic National Committee offices in Washington DC - a story pursued by the rival Washington Post which eventually took on the mantle of Watergate and led to a not insignificant scalp being claimed - that of Richard Nixon, president of the United States.