Basil Long (Wednesday letters) - judging by the byline photo, my guess is that Paper Monitor is actually an Afghan hound in disguise, and the comments are a cunning ruse to draw us away from the correct conclusion, in an attempt to ensure the Kennel Club stops us humans breeding a poodle with superior journalistic wit who may, one day, replace Paper Monitor.
Bec, York, UK
Can someone arrange for a large white ball to bring him back please?
David, Hong Kong
Does anyone else think maybe David Caldwell watched Fight Club before commenting on the specifications of President Obama's new limo?
Lizzi Wilson, Blandford, Dorset
Re Heron to blame for fish 'thefts': I bet it is a "Big Heron" after pinching 27 Koi and three large goldfish! I bet there wasn't even room for chips.
Adam Morris, Bristol, England
Ex-KGB spy in bid to buy UK paper initially sounds like the most uneventful news story ever.
Mike Harper, Devon, UK
Re the ongoing debate of Batman's theme (dinner dinner dinner): how about the well-known dead ant, dead ant, dead ant, dead ant, dead ant that is the Pink Panther theme?
To Andi, of Rutland (Wednesday letters), the answer to that question may just reveal your age to the Monitor world. Snaarrfff!
Ed S, Hong Kong