A service highlighting the riches of the daily press.
Michael Phelps, eh? He's a big bloke. Muscular too. And Paper Monitor doubts that its own diet of porridge for breakfast, the odd jog about the park and sprint training (ie: running for the bus) will ever result in a bod to rival that of the man some call the greatest Olympian of all time.
So it's time to ditch the oats and eat like an Olympian. The Guardian, handily, details his 12,000 calorie a day diet. Once Paper Monitor has gone a couple of weeks on this eating regime, Phelps better watch his back.
BREAKFAST: "Three fried egg sandwiches with cheese, tomatoes, fried onions and mayo. Then he has a five egg omelette, a bowl of grits, three slices of French toast and three pancakes with chocolate chips."
Chocolate chip pancakes! For breakfast! That man has all the fun.
But he does wear baseball caps back-to-front - in public. Which is surely too high a price to pay.
He's on the front page of the Daily Telegraph too. And what's this? A Telegraph tradition lies shattered in the dust. Today is the day A-level students get their results. Which means tomorrow's papers will be covered in photos of attractive young fillies in summery tops hugging each other.
To get in early with a pic of jubilant pupil, the paper has an eight-page guide for those about to embark on life after school. Their chosen student has all the usual attributes present and correct, except for one. T-shirt? Check. Beaming smile? Check. Easy on the eye? Check. Female? Uh-uh. It's a young man.
Bet the picture editor reverts to type for tomorrow's editions. Watch this space.