A service highlighting the riches of the daily press.
Well, it sure ain't fake tan. As Ronaldo recuperates from whatever he has done to his foot to necessitate the wearing of blue bootie, he has embarked on a sunbathing tour of the world.
And, as the Daily Mirror notes, the word "brown" seems insufficiently descriptive. The paper has compiled a tan chart akin to those found in paint shops to help, and the closest seems to be "Big Ronseal" - but perhaps those with an artist's eye for colour might add a little more red into the mix to replicate the exact tone.
An even closer match than their paint swatch is the barbequed sausage pictured alongside the oiled, buffed and basking Manchester United star. "Done to a turn," says the Mirror.
Monitor note: We apologise for the interruption to this service, Paper Monitor appears to have left the building. Wearing a comedy chef's hat and clutching a rather large pair of tongs.