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There are few who can outdo Paper Monitor in admiration of the great Nick Robinson and all his works. The man's a genius. He's unflappable. Industrious. Perspicacious. But why oh why has his Newslog been ignoring the issue of the day?
Thankfully the Times tells us what he has strangely omitted. It's about the Home Secretary, Jacqui Smith. "I bring you news on an issue of national importance," writes Ann Treneman. "I speak of course of the cleavage. Ever since Ms Smith told the world of a terrorist attack while dressed for success in a singles bar, this subject has been top of the pop questions. 'How's the cleavage,' has become the standard first query whenever Ms Smith appears at the Dispatch Box."
Yesterday apparently there was a cover-up, with a "stripey blouse". But the paper's cartoonist Peter Brookes more than makes up for it by turning Ms Smith into a flu-y turkey, with an enormous avian breast plump enough to serve Christmas dinner for the whole Cabinet.
Making a real meal of the analogy, the Guardian's Simon Hoggart notes that Ms Smith had "no intention of turning herself into a tasty snack" when savaged by her Tory shadow, David "Jaws" Davis. And he goes on to add that although prime ministers generally dislike surprises and those who bring them surprises, "Smith does not look like anybody's lunch".
Mmmm.. All this talk of food has left Paper Monitor quite peckish...