A service highlighting the riches of the daily press.
Perhaps it's the baneful effect of the local elections casting a dark shadow over the news, but the papers are a barren wasteland bereft of interesting nuggets.
The Daily Express frees up pages four and five for OK! magazine's resounding victory over rival Hello!, which had the temerity to print sneaky photos of Catherine Zeta-Jones's marriage to venerable star Michael Douglas.
Sadly, the Express finds no space for Desmond's priceless post-victory quote.
"This Spanish guy, this caddish cheat frankly, that's come over and tried to cheat everybody, has been put in his place."
Pages one to nine of the Independent are mainly the to-be-expected very serious fare: Israel and the Lebanon, elections, gene science. But what's this on page 10… Keira Knightley is considering retiring at 22. The nation's favourite thinifer is worried over images of her naturally slender body being used on anorexia promotion websites, but the real reason seems to be a desire for a change. Perhaps, the Indy empathises.
The Sun also seems to like a change, relegating the acquittal of a 29-year-old female teacher, who had been accused of having sex with a 15-year-old male pupil, to four paragraphs on page 15. The Daily Telegraph decides the story is worthy of the front page with a rather large picture. Could it be because, as the Times suggests, the defendant was "six feet tall, slim and attractive"?
Kelvin MacKenzie in the Sun takes the ferocious war over fortnightly bin collections to new heights with a column featuring a wheelie-bin with Osama Bin Laden on it. Geddit?
Paper Monitor is going back to sleep.