A service highlighting the riches of the daily press.
The front pages have gone hostage-tastic and, with the story suddenly turning on a happier note, the pressure is on to see which paper can reflect this best. The Sun turns in an exemplary performance. "I went to Iran and all I got was this lousy suit" runs its headline, over a picture of the waving captives, each sporting an in Iranian-issue whistle.
What the Telegraph can't offer in irreverent wit it more than makes up for in sheer square-footage of coverage – devoting its first eight (broadsheet) pages to the story… and that's before you get to the comment section.
The likes of the Guardian and Times look thoroughly unpatriotic by comparison. And the Independent? Are you in playful mood? Those clever subs at the Indy are playing games again – offering a reversible front page which neatly illustrates how both the Iranian and British governments are claiming the outcome as a victory.
On to more trivial matters, and Paper Monitor's loyalties on the diary front are being tested again, with the reappearance of Celia Walden in the Telegraph Spy slot… those bootlace-thin shoulder straps in place as ever. Was Ms Walden wearing a negligee for her by-line picture, Paper Monitor wonders?
It's all a little incongruous though. Ms Walden looks nothing like a spy as we might imagine one to look, rather a sort of scrumptious Sloane, who might be called Pandora. But that’s the name of the (faceless) Independent's diary.
No matter. The monicker alone is enough to revive an Adrian Mole-inspired schoolboy crush. Now where did those red socks get to?