A service highlighting the riches of the daily press.
If Tabloid Plc was a listed company on the London stock exchange, shares in the enterprise would be in freefall today after news that Charlotte Church is in the family way. (And that's not a comment on the real world stock market CRASH, capitalisation courtesy of the Independent's front page.)
With her carousing and drunkenness, Lotte, as the tabs are wont to call her, has served above the line of duty for the popular press in recent years.
Her column-inch count could surely be rivalled only by that other teenage singer to have so spectacularly gone off the rails, Britney Spears.
Of course, mother-of-two Spears never let parenthood get in the way of a good time. But pregnancy tends to put the kibosh on late night partying and louche behaviour, and Ms Church has certainly mellowed in the run up to this announcement.
So how do the papers handle her big news?
"Up the Daff" – the Sun, which notes that the Welsh couple's announcement came on St David's Day.
"I'm Expecting a little Angel" – The Daily Mirror, although Church said nothing of the sort.
"Charlotte is expecting a little Angel of her own" – the Daily Mail... ok, the Mirror's tactic of putting it in quotes is more effective.
"Lotte's Gavin a baby" – The Daily Star.
The Express, meanwhile, finds the hitherto unexplored eugenics angle… albeit refracted through the prism of a bookmaker. "This baby is set to inherit some first-class genes," a Ladbrokes spokesman tells the paper. "He'll be able to kick a ball from Cardiff to Swansea and sing the national anthem."
"We've already been flooded with bets on his - or her - future."