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Paper Monitor

11:14 UK time, Thursday, 15 February 2007

A service highlighting the riches of the daily press.

Brits week climaxes. And oh the agony of it.

How we weep over the reversal of fortunes that is the Robbie-in-rehab-while-old-band-mates-Take-That-scoop-a-Brit-Award tale.

And how could Gary, Mark, Howard and Jason fail to publicly announce their sympathy for Rob as they clutch their shiny new award, sobs the Sun amid the four-page frock-fest.

The Mirror's Brits smorgasbord includes a handy chart of Russell Brandisms from the night - with number one being a reference to Britney Spears' recent tendency for displaying her bits in public.

Had Russell been given a sneak preview of the paper's latest update on the singer? Brit's been swapping undies and fishnets with a stripper in a nightclub and prancing around in them - is there no end to stories of the former pop princess's boozy/fleshy exploits?

Celeb shenanigans aside, it's a busy news day for hacks. PM notes however that the Daily Mirror finds space in its leader column to warn a certain tyre maker that slimming down the Michelin Man won't automatically increase sales. Look what happened to the Little(r) Chef, eh?

Meanwhile, sub-editors on the Daily Express must surely know they have got it right when its readers are spraying cornflakes across the breakfast table at the very sight of its front page.

"YOU COULDN'T MAKE IT UP … BRITISH ROAD SIGNS IN POLISH (NO WE'RE NOT JOKING)."

Cliches abound as page 5 gasps at "bonkers" council bosses who have put up road signs in Polish to help confused migrant drivers.

"Ludicrous" political correctness, "soaring" migrant populations, towns "flooded" by Eastern Europeans - it's all there. A text vote on whether "Britain has gone to the dogs" is the nice juicy cherry on the cake.

What's next? Asks their baffled leader writer - signs in Double Dutch!?

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