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Dance in the Bride's Wedding Party

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Enayat Enayat | 03:33 UK time, Friday, 9 July 2010

I and my office colleagues were invited to participate in a wedding party held in one of the city hotels last night. Most of the people have already been there when we reached. Those who invited by groom's family seemed glad and were roaming around inside the hotel and those who were invited by bride's family were calm and sitting in several corners of the wedding hall. Relatives, friends and family members of the groom were dancing to the live music of a famous Afghan singer. One of my friends who comes from a part of the country where they naturally likes dancing to live music whispered to me and said "I want to dance" I quickly replied with a smile " no problem but you know, traditionally it doesn't seem well if one from bride's side dance" and we are invited by bride's family.

It still belongs to our rural culture and the reason behind this, is, losing member of one family to another family where the girl will be a permanent member of another family not of her parents by then. And this is why the bride's side shows its sadness and sympathy by sitting calm or merely talking to the people around the tables. But this custom is changing day by day especially in the cities and both sides try to make fun.
We were looking at musicians' performance. They started to play a very rustic music and song with hitting the drums when my friend looked around in a glance and said loudly, "I don't care who has invited me, I cannot wait any longer" we all were laughing and within few seconds he was among the groom's side dancing crazily.


  • Comment number 1.

    Hımm, this is an interesting wedding custom from Afganistan. In Turkey, groom's family goes to bride's home before the wedding ceremony with a convoy consist of many car belongs to groom's family and friends. And, especially in the my region, the nort of the Turkey( the cost of the Black Sea), among the convoy there is a pick up on which there are men dancing with drum. And so, generally when the bride's mother hear the sound of drum, she start to cry, bride get on the bridal car while her mother is crying and groom's friens are dancing with drum. But, everyone enjoy at the wedding ceremony. I can say dancing men with drum is one custom of my region but I can't say crying mathers is a custom. Because, they don't seem as if they preten to cry or as if they perform a custom.

    Some things comes from heart.

    Best wishes.

  • Comment number 2.

    Hi Enayat,

    It's a nice custom or tradition whatever you say. It, in fact, is sharing with the feelings of a separation that the parents and near and dear ones of the bride bears in mind. It's showing respect to them in a way. Though the situation is not same in our country, the parents and close relations, in many cases, are found even to cry for their beloved one.

    Anyway, I would like to congratulate your colleague for dancing. It’s reality. I think we all should do so, if we feel it naturally. If something happens inside our mind, we should express it rather than thinking courtesy. I think he’s enjoyed the party the most. Others who couldn’t do it like him, surely is the looser. Congrats!!!!!!!


  • Comment number 3.

    Hi Enayat

    Greetings from Mexico, I'm new here, I found extremely interesting read about you and your country.

    When a wedding will be celebrated, here in Mexico, before the party, groom's family goes home of bride's family, to "ask for the bride". Back in time, bride's family used to pay the wedding party but nowadays this is just a tradition followed by some families, specially in rural places.

    In these days there are different ways to organize one wedding party, it depends on the likes of the future husbands and on money wich they want to spend on the celebration.

    Well, I hope to learn more about Afghanistan and it'd be good see photos of your country.

  • Comment number 4.

    Hi Enayat!

    Your choice of themes seems very unusual to me. I really enjoyed reading this post because it was very interesting for me to learn about such a small but meaningful detail of the Afghan culture. As for me, I've been only twice at wedding ceremonies and to be honest I didn't like it very much. To my mind, single people feel lonelier at wedding parties seeing at least one absolutely happy couple. But it's only my humble opinion.

    Of course there are some wedding traditions in Russia too. For example, when the groom's car approaches the bride's house, the driver sounds his horn for a very long time so that the bride and her family know beforehand that they are coming. It should be said that the whole street as well knows that someone in their neighbourhood is getting married :) I think it's relatively a new custom. Another tradition I know about is that the bride's family and friends refuse to give her to the groom until he pays a ransom for his sweetheart. It is symbolic so the "bribe" as I like to call it can be given in small coin. The bride also should be stolen during the wedding party and the groom has to find her. Actually, almost all wedding traditions have something in common: they are invented to put obstacles in the couple's way so that their love can be tested. And in fact a wedding IS a test, and a very difficult one. One bride at whose wedding I was had a fit of hysterics in the evening after the party was over. The poor girl was simply exhausted. I think it's a very instructive example for those girls who dream of a perfect wedding.

    I'm looking forward to your next post.

    Best wishes!

  • Comment number 5.

    Hello Enayat and hello everyone in bbc community!

    My name is Vera, I'm from Russia and like others on this site I'm here to improve my English and to share my thoughts, experience with people from different countries.

    According to your post, I think it's really interesting to study wedding traditions from different places. Also it suggests me that most traditions and customs connected with bride, not a groom. Why no one cries over a groom's future?=)

    Maybe it's because it was always considered that for the girl wedding is more important step than for a man. As you said, the girl comes to another familly to be a permanent member of it. Now she is not a girl anymore, she is a wife and must keep the house.

    In Russia there was beautiful and symbolical ceremony called "untwining of a plait". Unmarried women used to plait theirs hair. And before wedding with songs and lamentations the plait was untwinning. It was symphol of saying goodbye to all your previous life.

    Now we don't follow this tradition but a few old customs are still with us, of course in their modern versions.

    I'm looking forward to hear more about your country and your daily life.

  • Comment number 6.

    Hi there?

    It was very interesting to read how a traditional wedding is celebrated in your country,it would be nice to see some pictures of the celebration.
    There are many beautiful wedding traditions in many cultures, but I think nowadays many people disregard old traditions, which is very sad.

    Best wishes,

  • Comment number 7.

    Hi Enayat , It 's my first comment on your Blog . I 'm from your neighbour country Iran .we are all eager to hear more about life in Afganestan . You are very brave people to continue life in such hard situations which are in your country , recently . If I was in your shoes I will escape the country !
    by the way I really liked your recent Blog which brought smile to my face . The situation is about the same in Iran but you know the old customs are changing luckily .....

  • Comment number 8.

    Hola everybody!

    Enayat, thank you for such interesting theme.
    There are different custom in countries. But what should lovers do if they are from different side of the Earth? I'm very interested your opinion......

    Good luck!

  • Comment number 9.

    Hi Enayat!

    I have to say I'm very surprised to see an Afghan appearing in the student blog.And I think it's amazing for you to live such a happy life which I haven't expected.your life is different from what I read from newspapers.I am looking forward to hear more about your life and your country.

  • Comment number 10.

    Hi Enayat,
    thanks. It's an interesting post, to me your friend's behaviour is very praiseworthy:) I respect such persons who are try as far as possible to break those any old customs, not only concern weddings, Kazakhstan is teeming with such characters among an young people in the different society.
    As for the wedding traditions in Kazakhstan it's might be for sure there are some unique customs - I don't know, but all the same it seems to me all of wedding traditions have a lot in common than differences.
    Best wishes,

  • Comment number 11.

    Hi Enayat!
    your blog " Dance in wedding ceremony " is interesting! I enjoy it.
    But what I have to tell you about the custom you reminded your friend not to dance , is just due to " fanaticism! " As the extremists tribes do!! It isn't because of missing a member of the family!
    If you have a look at the Middle East people lives, you will find such a custom there!!
    Karoun from Iran

  • Comment number 12.

    Dear Enayat,

    It was nice to read your blog about traditional wedding in your country. It would be nice if you could attach some pix for us to see!

    We are living in Vietnam, economy of which is booming day by day, people is living as "a rat race" therefore traditional wedding would not be taken seriously as before. We tend to celebrate a wedding with mixture of half modern and half of traditional style. Why I have to say so, the simple reason is to simplify the wedding party as much as you can to make cost effective. Young generation like us today would not sponge on parents to celebrate their own wedding but they will count on their own to do it. A Simple wedding is still believed to be able to bring a lot of meanings, warm happiness to the couples rather than a luxury one.

    A traditional wedding in Vietnam is really complicated and it must pass many steps to come to the end, which definitely costs a lot of money from both families and waste a lot of times.

    Although we live in Vietnam, the way of celebrating wedding defers from area to area, from region to region and from North to South. People also try to make it as less complex as possible, still they keep what is mainly pure, core of tradition to remark that tradition will not be forgotten.



  • Comment number 13.

    Hey, it's quite interesting!!!
    Here in Brazil when a couple decides to get married it's a party since they decided when it's gonna be the ceremony. They spend a lot on the party, and to dance is an obliged activity. Normally people drink a lot and many funny accidents happen during the dancing of the guests. I particularly didn't have a party at my wedding. It was very different from the normal ceremonies, but my husband, our parents and our friends got together and celebrated the new "home sweet home" we had just formed.
    Here in our country it's a great happiness when a new couple form a new life togeter. It doesn't mean that they'll live happily forever or even if they'll be together forever. Many divorce. I've been married for eleven years so far.

  • Comment number 14.

    Hi Enayat

    Your story is very intersting to me. I'm from Korea.
    We don't dance during wedding.Korean wedding is like a western style.
    We wear a white dress and suit.Theare are many kinds of weeding.But rarely we have a traditional wedding. I can say we stop it.
    To be surprise is that Afganistan's wedding is very liberal and relax.I totally dont have any idea about your country.
    As people say, I can't wait for your another blog.

    take care.

  • Comment number 15.

    That was very interesting Enayat. I would love to be invited to a wedding in your country to see what it is like. It seems as if, through the description of the wedding that the bride’s family would practically isolate her since she is no longer apart of theirs. The situation is complex. If my assumptions are true, what in the case of a divorce which can be a very emotional process especially for females and she needs the support of the family she was born into? Another question that just came to mind is, if she chooses to re – marry then which family will she be a part of? It’s quite interesting and informative. Tradition can be quite crippling sometimes. However as you mentioned such traditions are quickly being overridden by modern trends.



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