I can't wait for the Six Nations to begin
Another of my favourite rugby jokes - and these things happened in the olden days on Lions tours. Lions captain to referee: "Sir, who's put-in is it at the scrum?" Referee: "Ours."
But that's another diversion and this is your blog. Yeeeha, this time of year gives me one more delicious reason to live because the Six Nations tournament is here. Ever since I can remember, this time of year means watching the world's best tournament.
You have to understand that my generation stood on terraces accepting cans of beer from Welshmen who made it a week's trip to go to Murrayfield, or taking wine from smoky Frenchmen who smiled and laughed as their team kicked ours off the park.
But who is going to win? Come on, tell me who you think is going to win.
According to the International Rugby Board website, England has more than two million registered rugby players, France has a quarter of a million, Ireland 150,000, Italy 60,000, Wales 46,000, and Scotland 32,000. England have nearly four times as many rugby players as the rest of the Six Nations teams added together!
England first. If the team clicks, someone is going to get hammered. I don't understand why the current English side plays the ball so deep to the stand-off from broken play as they seem to go backwards. That said, I don't see a weakness in set piece, nor in attack.
My outsider's view is that skipper Steve Borthwick is a class act while, with Jonny Wilkinson and Martin Johnson around in albeit differing capacities, they have lots of experience. Plus, they have been training in Portugal, something Scotland, for instance, could never afford.
England are my tip to be joint winners this year, but only if they produce the badness that Johnson had as a player. And they have to overcome trips to Italy, Scotland and France.
Talking of France, you never know which team is going to turn up. However, they only have to travel to Scotland and Wales, so I think they will share the championship with England. The French have become predictable in how they play, though, with a search to take the ball right to each touchline copying English club rugby and Welsh international rugby.
You cannot overestimate the effect that Andy Robinson is having on Scotland. There are lots of options at wing - Evans, Lamonts and Daniellis - but some decisions to be made at back row and stand-off. England and France at home means it might just be mid-table.
I want Wales to do well. A real rugby country with a penchant for self-destruction and at times a lack of real grunt up front - but such a beautiful attacking game, using runners in wide channels. They have to go to Ireland and England.
Ireland have the experience of Brian O'Driscoll, the guile of Declan Kidney and enough gumption to beat anyone on their day - hardly a weak link - though they are starting to get a bit arrogant with their Grand Slam.
And the Italians? Rome is a horrible place to play. They even sold out the San Siro to play the All Blacks. One day Italian rugby will overtake Scottish and Welsh rugby, of that I am convinced. But not yet.
So it's England, France, Ireland, Scotland, Wales and Italy.
What do you think and what is your best Five or Six Nations memory?