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[John Keller] Balloons

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John Keller | 12:00 UK time, Wednesday, 10 March 2010

I'm John Keller and this is my web area. As you can see after years of correspondence (inc. urine samples) the BBC has finally agreed to broadcast my Truth(TM) - I hope not too late.

CV (Curriculum Veritatis)
I was a successful record company executive until the first of my nine main revelations. After the fourth one ("El Biggie"), I parted company with EMI and have washed up here as the BBC's Truth Correspondent.

Now, with my colleague Helen Atwill, I am working undercover in this psychiatric institution to show how the Powers are marginalising truthspeakers with the label "mentally ill." The BBC has agreed to serialise our findings (see clip, below) but to preserve then from interference by Powers they cannot be broadcast on the terrestrial networks - thankfully cyberspace is still safe from the controlling lunacy of cranks, so these will be going out on the BBC Truth Online website.


Helen and I are posing as Doctor and Patient and she has even come up with a 'condition' for me - fun! The food is not great here but the ethos is 'indoorsy' - which suits me.


Bulletin 2: 08 Feb 2010 AD

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Now, read on for the Case Notes of Dr Helen Atwill...


Case Notes of Dr Helen Atwill (DPsych (Prof), MSc, BD, AKC, MTh, UKCP)

This week, Subject was allowed to believe that he had breached the 'firewall' surrounding Youtube. In reality this was lifted by myself: where previously it had been thought expedient to isolate Subject form other sources of reality-revisionism, Subject's condition is so pronounced that it was decided that no significant damage could be done - but that giving Subject free rein might be useful as a diagnostic tool.

An internet browsing history was kept. Some surprising findings. Subject is not drawn to conspiracy websites, but predominantly to comedic montages of cats at play - this has not been factored in to his condition and is considered 'downtime'. Less surprisingly, Subject frequents UK and World news sites (especially music news) and is a keen absorber of disparate facts, spending many hours 'link-surfing' on Wikipedia. This is consistent with his fractured educational background (army bases) and is certainly structurally visible in his theories.

Internet Q&A

Dr Atwill: Do you think 'Balloon Boy' Falcon Heene's parents were irresponsible when they led the world to believe that their son had floated away in a helium balloon?

John Keller: More disturbing even than Balloon Boy is Boy Balloon. This gas-filled balloon was fed to a boy some months ago by a Bilderberg-employed dentist. It may have affected his syntax.

Fig. 1 - Boy Balloon?

boy balloon
Fig. 2 - American Psycho?

Christan Eats Balloon
But who is releasing these balloons? The Joker? Of course not, of course not. A clue turned up this week in Fiji. A balloon was found in the suitcase of a known duckblood who had been exploded in a supermarket (no injuries). On the balloon was this mark:

Fig 3.
Bilderberg flag
This is the symbol of the Bilderberg Group. The black iris in the red eye represents a black stewardess called Iris who works the red-eye between New York and Frisco. Despite her lowly Earth-profession, she is the alpha-duck of the The Bilderberg Group and gives her instructions in laced ginger ale.

Within the iris are the miscegnated profiles of the mallard De Burgh and the bufflehead Clinton - note their mismatched beaks. Bill Clinton and Chris De Burgh have given their names to the Bilderberg group, allowing Iris to remain anonymous until this moment.

Other Points of Note

Note that the iris is off-centre, representing the roving spirit of the Bilderberg Group's many interests. The brown spot in the corneal zone to the right of the eye represents rheum, a natural watery discharge from the eyes, commonly known as "eye potatoes", "sleep sugar," "sleepies", "eye cheese", "eye crusties", or "eye boogers". This is believed to be for realism.

While the general 'reddish-blackish' quality of the symbol is admittedly reminiscent of nazi symbology, it would be an error to conflate the Bilderbergers with the European Far Right. Fig. 4 shows this:

Fig. 4

Fig 4 EquationObservations

At last. Subject has arrived at the 'Satan Point' typical in this condition - where a single figurehead is found to blame for the world's problems. This behaviour is seen at the macro scale in organised religion, where a quasi-neural network of believers tacitly agree to shift responsibility onto a Satan figure. At the individual level it can often precede an analytical breakthrough. Whether JK's 'Satan' will turn out to be Mother or Father is not yet clear, but the next, stressful stage must be managed carefully or Subject's mind will rebel. HA
 
John Keller and Dr Helen Atwill are the inventions of Dan Antopolski.
'Boy Balloon' photo courtesy of David After Dentist.


Comments

  • Comment number 1.

    Your remarks about my parents are ill-chosen, Helen, even in the context of our little 'Doctor' game - and I find myself cooling towards you. Satan is neither my mother NOR my Satan. Be careful.

  • Comment number 2.

    John are you aware that you just substituted the word 'Satan' for the word 'father'?

  • Comment number 3.

    That was obviously a joke. You are an idiot and don't understand jokes. Why do you address me as 'John'? I am Johnannes Princeps and you will all kneel. You will all kneel. You will all kneel. You will all kneel. You will all kneel. You will all kneel. You will all kneel. You will all kneel. You will all kneel. You will all kneel. You will all kneel. You will all kneel. You will all kneel. You will all kneel. You will all kneel. You will all kneel. You will all kneel. You will all kneel. You will all kneel. You will all kneel. You will all kneel. You will all kneel. You will all kneel. You will all kneel. You will all kneel. You will all kneel. You will all kneel. You will all kneel. You will all kneel. You will all kneel. You will all kneel. You will all kneel. You will all kneel. You will all kneel. You will all kneel. You will all kneel. You will all kneel. You will all kneel. You will all kneel. You will all kneel. You will all kneel. You will all kneel. You will all kneel.

  • Comment number 4.

    John I have upset you.

  • Comment number 5.

    I am Big Boy! Wipe me! Talc me! I hate you

  • Comment number 6.

    This comment was removed because the moderators found it broke the house rules. Explain.

 

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