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No More Coffee for Women in the Lobby

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Lucy McDermott | 15:00 UK time, Tuesday, 2 February 2010

Tim KeyTim Key writes:

Good morning. My name is Tim Key. I'm in my thirties and I live in Limehouse which is in East London. On a clear day I can see the DLR out of my window. I can also walk straight out of my room and onto the roof. Once I even ate dinner on there, with a girl and my flatmate.

This was a tough game of No More Women played out by the lifts at the BBC (you can go on tours there where you catch glimpses of celebs/weathermen). I tried to psych Mark out by turning up in a denim jacket and saying Rod Hull. I thought this would shake Mark up; this sort of thing usually turns the wee man into jelly. However, to be honest, I could have pitched up in the nude and said Rik Waller for all the good it would have done. There are some things you have no control over and this was a pretty stark example of that. No matter how much you prepare, no matter how much you look after yourself in the week, there's pretty much nothing you can do if a fella spills his coffee and - unfortunately for me - a large gentleman did just that not a minute into the game. I never really recovered.

Just to clarify, a large gentlemen dressed in a blazer waltzed through a set of double-doors, upset his coffee and then tried to make amends. I have never seen such an incident in, for example, boxing contests or snooker finals. But it's the sort of shit I've had to get used to doing this series. Undone by a force majeure.

Before the coffee incident I was lively, pugnacious and fleet of thought. After the coffee incident I could barely think of a celeb. My brain was addled and I could only really think of party leaders. I'd called Brown and Cameron and was ready with Clegg but I think when you're talking about a player like Watson - well, he can sense a weakness. The challenge came. I shan't say whether or not it was upheld. The film's there for all to see. Suffice to say there's only a finite amount of squeezes a denim jacket can excavate you from.

In other news, I think this series of games is making my hair go grey.  Hadn't noticed that before.

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  •  To get even more action from the boys, check out the latest in our web series No More Women. Its quite simply taking over the world! 

Tim Key is currently re-building his website. Its heavy work lifting all those poems and photos and he needs a cup of tea, two sugars please.


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