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Doctor Firth helps with Boredom

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Doctor Firth | 17:50 UK time, Tuesday, 6 October 2009

Doctor FirthMy name is Dr. Firth. Ever since receiving a highly prestigious Yahoo! Answers PHD in the field of "knowing certain things", I have been settling queries from the general public. Allow me to correct your life.

Letter from Howard:

I'm bored. Who should I blame?

Howard, I feel for you, I really do. It's not uncommon to be bored with everything, I know I am. The only reason I'm writing this is to keep myself awake. Boredom may be the biggest problem facing our country, yet there is currently no one interesting enough to solve it.

Did you watch the news this morning? I struggled to stay awake. Finance this, referendum that. It's all so boring. We need explosions, more unexpected celebrity deaths and shocking horrible visions of the near future. I don't know anyone in Basra, so I don't care if they're dead. Let's blame something, so we can throw rocks at it. Let's get our pointing fingers out! It's blaming season.

What I want YOU to do, Howard, is put the TV on. Start at channel 001, and try and watch for more than eight seconds without being bored. If you get bored, write down the name of the person responsible, and move to the next channel. By the time you're at GemsTV, you'll have a strong list of blameables. That is your starting point. I will do radio and then we'll get started on the internet. It's going to be a struggle, but our efforts will be a starting point. And with a blame-list steadily expanding, we'll eventually be able to solve this problem.

Jill (Somerset) says: When I'm bored I turn to social networking. It's a great way of telling others how bored I am. 
Thanks Jill.

Letter from Kerry:

I'm bored of cooking dinner, any solutions?

Kerry, we're all bored of cookery. Cookery is a bastard. Plain and simple. Cooking isn't your friend, if it were, then food poisoning wouldn't exist and meals would always taste good.

In reality, cookery is a stubborn, spiteful little menace that requires time and effort, and rarely pays off. Cows don't need cookery. Their food is right where they need it, all day long. They're laughing at us, along with the rest of the animal kingdom, for wasting valuable time, heating up food and eating, when we probably don't even need to eat at all. In fact I'm sure of it. Kerry, my advise to you is stop eating altogether. It can't do any harm.

For further reading on the subjects of blame and boredom, Google the following questions to see what you find:
  • How to blame people for things and then change the subject before any suspicion arises.
  • How to subtly change the subject when someone is boring you.
  • Do cats have pubic hair?

But what about the youth of today? How do they deal with boredom? I recently diagnosed myself as "out of touch with today's youth", so I am unable to comment. My resident child contributor Jerry Jackson offers his views, in the form of a short animated film:

View the full blog post to access video content. In order to see this content you need to have both Javascript enabled and Flash installed. Visit BBC Webwise for full instructions

Doctor Firth and Jerry Jackson are the creations of David Firth. Watch more of his videos on Comedy Extra.


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