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We Are Klang love you all

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David Thair | 17:47 UK time, Thursday, 13 August 2009

We Are Klang's Greg writes...

I think that one thing that has united Klang over the years is our love of people. Having worked together for several years we have learned that if you treat your audience well, they will take you to their hearts. A couple of incidents spring to mind.

After one live show we did a few years ago, a smartly dressed middle-aged lady decided to talk to us about some of the less family-friendly material we had presented. Before she found her way to our dressing room, we had enjoyed the hospitality provided by the venue and the conversation that ensued went as follows:

Woman: I would just like to say how offensive I found-

Steve: Sorry can I stop you there.

Woman: Pardon?

Steve: I just wanted to let you know before you go any further that I don't care what you think.

Woman: But...I...

Steve: By all means continue but I think it's only fair to warn you that I'm not interested.

Marek and Greg: Childish and antagonizing giggles.

Woman leaves; a fan.

It was around this time that I realized we were equipped to charm and win over any crowd. At another gig when warming up for Edinburgh, we witnessed a group of students in the audience loudly heckling the acts before us. When we took to the stage I politely requested that they mind their manners. All went well until their self-appointed floppy-fringed leader decided to join in with a finely crafted sketch that involved Marek and I ramming Jaffa Cakes and grapes into our over-full mouths. The moment the curtain-faced adolescent piped up, Marek, one by one and with professional accuracy, threw an entire packet of Jaffa Cakes into his face from very close range. I have always thought of the Jaffa as comfort food so was surprised to see the devastating damage they can cause when thrown with force.

He left, covered in chocolate and blood; a devotee.

At the Edinburgh festival later that year, a member of our audience decided to walk out halfway through the show. He was at the opposite side of the room from the exit and had, therefore, to make a very laboured and clunky exit. I lead a chant of every foul and offensive insults in my vocabulary and in so doing questioned the gentleman's parentage, sexual practices and gender. We ploughed on with the show satisfied that one of life's vermin had been vanquished. He returned to the room venue five minutes later and clearly very upset. He had just been to the toilet.

He stayed for the rest of the show and left; a disciple.

This episode of Klang is about an Inspection that ultimately reveals us to be total losers. I like to think of it in some way an apology to the three people mentioned above.

We Are Klang continues tonight at 10.30pm on BBC Three. Read more from Klang and watch extra video in our Klang blog archive.

P.S On this piece of backstage footage I detail the members of crew I'd be prepared to sleep with. It wasn't a bit off-screen japery. I did all of them that night:

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