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Review of the week

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Chris Charles | 13:22 UK time, Friday, 14 May 2010

It was out with the old and in with the Blue, as Carlo and Cameron saw off the threat of the Red machine.

From Stamford Bridge to Downing Street, they kept the blue flag flying high, but while Dave was bailed out by the Liberals, there was no third-party alliance to save Sir Alex.

There was talk of Arsenal getting together with the yellow half of the anti-Glazer campaign, but as my five-year-old daughter would be only too happy to tell you, mix red with yellow and you get Phil Brown.

When Ancelotti was wheeled out for the post-match conference on Sunday, his team had scored a hatful and he'd had one over the eight. "Easy questions please, because my level of wine is high! I'm not sure I'll be able to go home," he announced. What's not to like?
Carlo AncelottiAncelotti - gotta love him
Who knows where he ended up, but it certainly wasn't Whisky Mist, where the Chelsea players and their WAGs teamed up with the likes of Danny Cipriani, Cesc Fabregas and Sol Campbell.

Chelsea skipper John Terry insisted on wearing his winners' medal all night, and by the sound of reports spreading through the media on Wednesday afternoon, he'd managed to drop it on his foot. The sequence of events went something like this:

John Terry suffers broken metatarsal - out of World Cup
John Terry suffers suspected broken metatarsal
Terry having scan on suspected broken foot
Terry has not broken his foot but may have ligament damage
Terry hopes to play in FA Cup final this Saturday
Terry 100% fit for FA Cup final
Terry spotted doing barefoot keep-uppies with a medicine ball.

OK, so the last one may not be strictly true, but it just shows you can't believe everything you read, although admittedly I immediately texted my mates to alert them to the original rumour. To a man, they came back with the same response - see if you can guess what it was.

a) "Gutted, can't believe it, he's our most important player, we'll never win the World Cup now." :(

b) "I'm not his biggest fan, but that is a major blow."

Or c) "Hahahaha!! LOL!! LMAO!!"

I'll give you a clue - none of them are Chelsea fans.

Terry and co take on Portsmouth at Wembley on Saturday, with Pompey buoyed by the news that designer Jeff Banks is offering to provide their cup final suits for free. The last I heard, David 'white Armani' James had a hand in designing them, so put on your sunglasses before tuning in, just in case.

Meanwhile, Jamo's barnet continues to grow at an alarming rate - if any Chelsea players 'go missing' on Saturday, you'll know where to find them.

When he does eventually get it trimmed, he should have the decency to hand the clippings to fellow-veteran Ryan Giggs. According to the Sun, The Manchester United star has been having hair replacement treatment at a clinic in Salford. The story was under the banner 'Mane United', although personally I'd have gone with 'Ryan Wiggs'.

In the blue half of Manchester, superfan Noel Gallagher was declaring his undying love for Carlos Tevez. The former Oasis guitarist insisted that not only was he going to spoil his ballot paper by writing 'Tevez is God' on it, but was also planning to name his unborn son after the Argentine striker, whether wife Sara likes it or not.

"If it's a boy, he's definitely (going to be called) - Sara doesn't know this yet - Carlos. Yeah, without a doubt. Or just Tevez. Tevez Gallagher. Sara doesn't know, but I'll nip to Marylebone Register Office when she's having a nap."

If I was her, I'd turn the tables, wait till the old man's safely ensconced in the boozer and go and register the child as 'Liam'.

Staying with celebrity fans and Lily Allen had nothing to Smile about as her beloved, Brave Fulham (copyright) fell at the final hurdle in the Europa League, the victims of a double hit from grinning assassin Diego Forlan.

Like most of the nation, I was a Cottager for the night (just as I'll be a Pompey fan on Saturday) and was gutted they missed out on the big prize.

One spot of light relief was provided by the sight of Hugh Grant being served drinks in the stands, looking for all the world as if he was on the balcony of his holiday villa rather than at a major European football final. Not only did his butler know he was there, it appeared Hugh had brought him along.

A Fulham fan called airfix_9 hit back at the famous opposition chant on Quotes of the Week last week, declaring: "Not all of us have butlers, thank you. Personally, I have to make do with a valet." Nice.

Roy Hodgson is gradually beginning to fill the nicest-man-in-football void left by Sir Bobby Robson, but the only other country he'll be visiting with Fulham next season is Wales, should Cardiff win the play-offs.

The Bluebirds reached the final after a dramatic penalty shoot-out defeat of Leicester (have you noticed that 'penalty shoot-out' is always preceded by the word 'dramatic')?

The Foxes' fate was effectively sealed the moment Yann Kermorgant decided to chip his spot-kick so softly that keeper David Marshall had time to dive the wrong way, have a chat with a bloke in the stands and smoke a cigar before saving it.

It was bad news for Leicester fan Gary Lineker, who lost a bet with his Cardiff- supporting wife that whoever's team lost would have to cook the dinner this Sunday. Expect it to be served up with plenty of whine.

Cardiff will be playing Blackpool in the final after a DJ Campbell hat-trick stunned Nottingham Forest. Manager Ian Holloway, when interviewed the following day, manfully resisted the urge to say "Last night a DJ saved my life" but if his side do win promotion to the promised land a week Saturday, the following Monday will surely be classified as a Bank Ollie Day.
Jermaine Beckford and his blue tongueSinging the blues - Jermaine and his amazing tongue
Congratulations also to Leeds United, who finally made it out of League One after beating Bristol Rovers, thanks to Jermaine Beckford and his strangely blue tongue. Answers on a postcard please.

Text of the week was sent by Jose Mourinho to his former captain John Terry after Chelsea's title win. It simply read 'Champagne'. He's class in a glass, that bloke.

And finally, the big story of the week, for England fans at least, was the announcement of the provisional World Cup squad. There were a few eyebrows raised at Jamie Carragher's inclusion, but Fabio Capello clearly rates him - in fact he'd probably give him eight out of 10.

Right, that's it for another week - and as you probably know by now, it really will be it after next Friday. Have a good weekend one and all. I'll be spending Sunday with the other half and two of her Liverpool-supporting mates, surgically attaching myself to my kids, just in case there are any brainwashing plans afoot.

You can follow me on Twitter - which I'll be using to send out lots of silly stuff once the blog comes to an end.

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