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Quotes of the week

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Chris Charles | 12:00 UK time, Wednesday, 24 March 2010

"I didn't expect him (Gerrard) to be charged, simply because it is a dysfunctional unit at the FA. I don't think they know what they are doing....but I certainly think if he was a Manchester United player he would have been done - as was the case with Rio Ferdinand."
Sir Alex Ferguson sees red after Steven Gerrard escapes punishment for allegedly elbowing Portsmouth's Michael Brown.

"He said this just on Friday? Which Friday? This Friday, or every Friday?"
Rafa Benitez learns of Fergie's mischief-making.

"It's not true that we don't love him, we love him a little too much."
Inter Milan's Marco Materazzi feels the love for team-mate Mario Balotelli - left behind for the Chelsea game following a 'blazing row' with Jose Mourinho.

"We should do like Rocky Marciano and retire while the going's good, because it won't get any better than this."
Fulham boss Roy Hodgson after knocking out the heavyweights of Juventus in the Europa League.
Robbie SavageRobbie Savage - a bit of all white
"Nigel Clough took one look at it in the Derby car park and said 'Did you get a two-for-one on your teeth?'"
Robbie Savage after turning up for training with his car re-sprayed brilliant white.

"It was the best thing he did. I appreciate the days are gone when you can go around assaulting people, but home truths shouldn't hurt."
Ipswich boss Roy Keane fondly recalls the day when he was punched by Brian Clough at Nottingham Forest.

"After four-and-a-half years of working with Ric, I can't work him out. Luckily, the opposition can't either."
Stoke boss Tony Pulis on the unpredictable Ricardo Fuller.

"If that happens, I'll get an MBE, an OBE and a visit to see the Pope!"
Nottingham Forest manager Billy Davies will be holy satisfied if they win promotion.

"I'd prefer to kiss a nice, beautiful lady rather than the badge."
Chelsea boss Carlo Ancelotti when asked whether he would repeat Jose Mourinho's Inter Milan badge-kissing gesture ahead of the Champions League second-leg tie.

"It's always important that you don't sit on your laurels and stand still."
Scottish Premier League chief executive Neil Doncaster on the ups and downs involved in reforming the league.

"The thing I enjoy about it is that it's a chance to really annoy the
French."
Mike Tindall on the best thing about earning a Test recall for England.

"Put in the superlatives yourselves, I'm running out."
Barcelona boss Pep Guardiola after Lionel Messi's stunning hat-trick against Real Zaragoza.

"We're all tanned and he looks like he's been hiding in the closet for a few months."
LA Galaxy's Chris Klein on the return of Landon Donovan from Everton.
Think the term has a different meaning over the pond - Ed.



AND SOME FROM YOU

Archbishop Desmond TutuDesmond was delighted with the score
"We're level at Fratton Park, its all gone Archbishop Desmond - 2-2!"
Commentary by Match of the Day's Jonathan Pearce after Portsmouth equalised against Hull.
(Phil Howlett, Cheshire)

"Kilmarnock got off to the perfect start with a shot that hit the bar."
Pat Bonner during half-time analysis of Kilmarnock v Celtic.
(Ranger Will Robinson!)

"For Arsenal to get a winner here, Boaz Myhill is going to have to make a save."
ESPN's Joe Royle on the Hull goalkeeper. I would have thought that for Arsenal to score, Boaz would have to NOT save it? As it turned out, it did take a save for Arsenal to score... so well done, Mystic Joe!
(greg9rovers)
Having re-read it for the third time, I think I'm there! Ed.

"Well the goal was always going to come at either end, wasn't it?"
Online summariser on James McCarthy's spectacular own-goal for Wigan against Aston Villa.
(schulkes)

"Did you steal another of my jelly babies?!"
Nick Mullins to Jonathan Davies during BBC1 coverage of Wales v Italy in the 6 Nations.

"I can repeat to you about five per cent of what Brian Moore said to me at half-time about the referee."
Commentator during BBC1 coverage of France v England in the 6 Nations.
(Chris Powell, UK)

"In the first-half we were like the Dog and Duck, in the second-half we were like Real Madrid. At full-time I was at them like an irritated Jack Russell."
Ian Holloway on his Blackpool players after the draw against Crystal Palace.
(Anthony Ko, UK)

"Rafael van der Vaart drew Real level with an opportunist strike. Fernando Alonso was on hand to give his side the lead just a minute later."
Alonso obviously has spare time between the F1 races in Bahrain and Australia, according to the report on Eurosport.
(Sameen, UK)

"In this yard, all horses are treated equally, but there is one animal that knows he's a little more equal than the others."
BBC News about Kauto Star. How exactly can you get treated more equally?!
(Rob Blenkinsopp, UK)
Think you need to get yourself a copy of George Orwell's Animal Farm - Ed.

"Hazard is their danger-man."
Channel 5 commentator, Liverpool v Lille.
(Mike, England)

"He's got gas to burn!"
Matt Dawson on England try-scorer Ben Foden. Maybe that's why he runs fast!
(Pete in Cardiff, Wales)

Clarke Carlisle on Countdown
Clarke needs to learn another two words - staying and up
Spoony: "Did you know that Clarke Carlisle aims to learn two new words a day?"
Burnley fan: "I wish he would learn the word 'defend'."
Banter on 5 live's 606.
(Olly, UK)

"Frustration was the buzzword in the squad on Saturday."
England coach Martin Johnson. Strange buzzword, Martin!
(RichtheRev, Britain)

"Arsenal defender Gael Clichy says he has struggled with the club's new 4-4-3 system this season."
From BBC Gossip Column, on Wednesday 17 March.
(Tom, Germany - and just about everybody else)

"I love it when a plan comes together."
Iain Dowie turns into Hannibal from the A-Team after being interviewed by Sky when he was named as the new Hull boss.
(blobvilla)

"Red Bull will be really worried about the blue smoke coming from the back of Mark Webber."
Martin Brundle during lap one of the Bahrain GP.
(Chris Fairclough, England)

"I don't bet, but anyone who had me down to score must be having a great party right now."
Fabrice Muamba after scoring his first-ever goal for Bolton against Wigan.
(Ginny Hadfield, Manchester)

"In many ways he's very human."
Carol Ann Duffy, Poet Laureate, on David Beckham. In what ways is he not human, I wonder?
(Libby Curran, USA)

"To win the Champions League with a much lesser team in Porto, you have to be tactically aware and tactically acute."
Tactically acute? Paul Merson talks about Jose Mourinho on Sky Sports after the Chelsea-Inter game.
(Jonny Madill, Belfast)

"This draw gives us what it gives us."
Arsenal secretary David Miles after being drawn against Barcelona in the Champions League. Eh?
(Conrad Edkins, Halifax)

"That was a good catch from Matsikenyeri, running away from himself."
Sky commentator after Stuart Matsikenyeri of Zimbabwe took a catch against West Indies, for which he had to run backwards to judge.
(jsybaz)

"He was a definite probably before his injury - now I am not so sure."
Alan Shearer on 5 Live, talking about Carlton Cole's chances of being picked in the England World Cup squad.
(Alex, UK)
Didier DrogbaDrogba - custard or mustard?
"He's six foot four and made of custard!"
Mark Lawrenson commentating on the Chelsea-Inter game, after watching Didier Drogba fall over for the 500th time.
(Dave, Ireland)

"The tactic was to get a goal and to win."
Inter's Wesley Sneijder reveals the true genius of the Special One after the Chelsea game.
(rastafairy5)

"It's pretty much impossible, but it's still do-able"
Portsmouth's Tommy Smith after the win against Hull left them 14 points from safety.
(Jules, England)

"The bookies are literally waltzing out of here under cloud nine."
RTÉ's Colm Murray at the Cheltenham Festival.
(Game Intelligence)

"You know when people stop laughing at your jokes, it's time to leave."
Gary Johnson after leaving Bristol City.
(Joe Shread, England)



CHANTS OF THE WEEK

"Your shirt's too big for you!"
QPR fans to vertically-challenged Nathan Dyer, who appeared to have pulled on an extra-large Swansea shirt.
(Paul Demicoli, London)

"I was there when Muamba scored!"
Bolton fans after Fabrice Muamba scored his first goal for the club in the 4-0 win over Wigan.
(northuppershouter)

"You should have stuck to watching rugby!"
Bolton fans to Wigan.
(Leyland-white)

"Shoot!"
Sheffield United fans whenever Nick Montgomery got the ball against Blackpool - after earlier scoring his first goal since December 2005.
(wehateowls)

"There's only two David Martin's!"
Derby fans after our left midfielder came on to join his goalkeeper namesake against Middlesbrough.
(Bjorn_Otto_Bragstad)

"Same old Terry, always cheating."
Blackburn fans after a foul by Chelsea captain John Terry.
(ChristalPalace)

"You're supposed to be at home!"
Huddersfield fans chanting towards a resident in a block of flats in a corner of the Matchroom Stadium, during their 2-0 win at Leyton Orient.
(Daniel)
Roy KeaneYou wouldn't like him when he's angry
"Keano, Keano knock him out!"
Heard at Watford-Ipswich, when John Eustace went over the top with a nasty tackle on one of Town's midfielders.
(Richard Mariner, England)
"Return of the Yak
"Return of the Yak
"Return of the Yak,
"We've noticed you've got fat!"
Everton fans welcome back Yakubu to Goodison Park in the 2-0 win over Bolton - to the Return Of The Mac tune.
(Jimmy Downing, England)

"There's only one Luke Chadwick!"
Southampton fans' ironic reaction to MK Dons' man-of-the-match choice, after Ricky Lambert got a hat-trick and Chadwick... well, was he actually on the pitch?!
(Rob Clarkson)

"We are staying up!"
Pompey fans after equalising against Hull - despite their nine-point deduction leaving them 17 points adrift of safety before the game.
(Anthony Ko, UK)

"Does your father know you're (rubbish)?"
Cambridge United fans to Histon's Charlie Sheringham - son of Teddy - after he missed a penalty.
(Sam W, Cambridge)

"We hate Tottenham more than you!"
Arsenal fans to West Ham.

"We hate Chelsea more than you!"
West Ham fans reply.
(Kieran Poole, Hong Kong)



STADIUM ANNOUNCEMENT OF THE WEEK

"Please will the owner of a ford Focus Reg XXXXX please come and move your vehicle as it is parked in somebody's drive and you are not allowed to do this.
Stadium announcement at Preston North End.
(Josh Gardner, England)
The same announcement was sent in by 'Iki', although they claimed it was a silver Toyota. Anyone? Ed.

Please add any quotes, chants or stadium announcements you may have heard by adding them to the bottom of this blog - or using the old-school postform.

Comments

  • 1. At 11:45am on 24 Mar 2010, U14393755 wrote:

    Another fine batch Chris :)

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  • 2. At 11:45am on 24 Mar 2010, AddickCW wrote:

    Poor old Clarke Carlisle. Possibly the worst decision he could take was to put himself in the limelight on national TV whilst his form was suffering so badly.

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  • 3. At 11:55am on 24 Mar 2010, Chris Charles wrote:

    1. This User Has Been Referred To The Moderators: Ha! Good name. Cheers ears - I'm actually on leave today (sadly logging in from home) so may be a while before I reply to any more.

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  • 4. At 11:58am on 24 Mar 2010, Jamie Riley wrote:

    Chris,

    Another good selection!

    Here's one I heard when watching Gilette Soccer Saturday.

    Paul Merson:

    'He's headed it, with his well... (thinks about what he is saying) head obviously!


    At the time it was golddust!

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  • 5. At 12:09pm on 24 Mar 2010, The Duke wrote:

    At the Donny vs Newcastle match last night, a programme seller that looked a lot like a certain fictional wizard was doing the rounds inside the stadium.

    Cue, "There's only one Harry Potter" followed by "Harry, give us a wave..." from the away support. He gave a wave and was greeted with loud cheers.

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  • 6. At 12:10pm on 24 Mar 2010, Pete wrote:

    Ah, Paul Merson... Imagine the fun if we let Beckham loose at SA...

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  • 7. At 12:24pm on 24 Mar 2010, Gilders wrote:

    Benitez - Comedy magic. don't you just love his contempt of all things Utd?

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  • 8. At 12:31pm on 24 Mar 2010, AT wrote:

    After going 1-0 up at Stoke and seeing one of their opposite number get sent off, the Spurs fans started chanting:

    "Delap.
    You've only got Delap.
    You've only got Delap.
    You've only got Delap".

    It made me chuckle anyway.. :)

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  • 9. At 12:34pm on 24 Mar 2010, JacksfromBuxton wrote:

    "It was the best thing he did. I appreciate the days are gone when you can go around assaulting people, but home truths shouldn't hurt."
    Ipswich boss Roy Keane fondly recalls the day when he was punched by Brian Clough at Nottingham Forest.
    ________________________
    Good old Keano.Works for 2 of the all time great managers and what does he learn?A smack in the mouth and then the hair dryer treatment.Which,incidently,is the type of hair cut I'll hand out if you come in my shop and tell me Keane is a good manager.
    Ahoy Chris,excellent as ever.Don't forget to big up your walk to Crystal Palace...

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  • 10. At 12:37pm on 24 Mar 2010, Dan wrote:

    I am a Derby fan and my grandad is also called David Martin.

    Theres only 3 David Martins....

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  • 11. At 12:42pm on 24 Mar 2010, Red_Rooster wrote:

    I can get 7 letters of Clarke Carlisle's letter selection - 'righter'.

    Woo.

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  • 12. At 12:43pm on 24 Mar 2010, Supervisor Number 5 wrote:

    Tell the Saints fans that normally the man of the match award goes to someone on the home side :)

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  • 13. At 12:44pm on 24 Mar 2010, Mikey wrote:

    What has happened to Gordon Strachan?? He has been very quiet since he started down in Middlesborough.. you would have thought he would be back banging out the one liners again..

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  • 14. At 12:47pm on 24 Mar 2010, Richard wrote:

    This comment was removed because the moderators found it broke the House Rules.

  • 15. At 12:59pm on 24 Mar 2010, U14345488 wrote:

    Heard over the tannoy at a local indoor cricket tournament over the weekend:

    "And coming into bat next,take a good look at him because he'll be on his way back after the 1st ball,Mohammed Kamran!"

    He looked like he was going to cry!

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  • 16. At 1:09pm on 24 Mar 2010, deegee550 wrote:

    Isn't it time SAF grew up. It's rather pathetic to see a man of his age indulging in playground tantrums as well as his stubborn refusal to speak on BBC.And his so-called mind games are neither big or clever.
    I'll totally agree with anyone that his record as a manager is fantastic, unfortunately his personality appears not to be.

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  • 17. At 1:12pm on 24 Mar 2010, Cereal_Killer wrote:

    #3 - mid-week leave, usually means a job interview - looks like the ITV blogs will be getting better soon!

    #10 - I work with a guy called David Martin - 'there's only 4 David Martins'

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  • 18. At 1:17pm on 24 Mar 2010, trickysnap wrote:

    Well Savage is not funny, at least not intentionally, but Lawro is.
    Ever since he compared Sven Goran Eriksson to Peter Sellers in the film Being There I have had nothing but respect for the man. Lawro is the thinking mans pundit.

    So is Robbie Earle

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  • 19. At 1:23pm on 24 Mar 2010, HitsMan wrote:

    Carlisle on Countdown, did anyone watch it? Did he win?

    If so...wow.

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  • 20. At 1:38pm on 24 Mar 2010, indraneelan wrote:

    17. At 1:12pm on 24 Mar 2010, Cereal_Killer wrote:
    #3 - mid-week leave, usually means a job interview - looks like the ITV blogs will be getting better soon!

    #10 - I work with a guy called David Martin - 'there's only 4 David Martins'
    --------------------------------------------------------------------

    Unless you work with #10's granddad - 'there's only 4 David Martins, possibly less'

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  • 21. At 1:44pm on 24 Mar 2010, GazUtd wrote:

    16. At 1:09pm on 24 Mar 2010, deegee550 wrote:

    Isn't it time SAF grew up. It's rather pathetic to see a man of his age indulging in playground tantrums as well as his stubborn refusal to speak on BBC.And his so-called mind games are neither big or clever.
    I'll totally agree with anyone that his record as a manager is fantastic, unfortunately his personality appears not to be.


    _____________________________


    So bitterness does know no bounds.

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  • 22. At 1:45pm on 24 Mar 2010, kenny wrote:

    Scottish cup final commentary

    Kevin Thomson with the ball, tackled by Steven Thomson, the foul given by the referee Craig Thomson - there's just too many Thomsons!

    explains why Kevin got sent off then.

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  • 23. At 1:46pm on 24 Mar 2010, GazUtd wrote:


    Can I add one of my own, which came to me in a moment of brilliance while in row 2 at Old Trafford on Sunday.

    Lucas was rolling around whinging after a tackle from Evra so I shouted;

    "Stop moaning, if he'd have broke your leg you'd probably be better"




    Well a few people around me thought it was funny anyway.

    And probably a few Scousers agree with it.

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  • 24. At 1:52pm on 24 Mar 2010, chiptheduck wrote:

    According to Radio 5, the chant from Pompey fans when they equalised against Hull was "We're gonna win the league!"

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  • 25. At 1:54pm on 24 Mar 2010, Pete wrote:

    21. At 1:44pm on 24 Mar 2010, GazUtd wrote:
    16. At 1:09pm on 24 Mar 2010, deegee550 wrote:

    Isn't it time SAF grew up. It's rather pathetic to see a man of his age indulging in playground tantrums as well as his stubborn refusal to speak on BBC.And his so-called mind games are neither big or clever.
    I'll totally agree with anyone that his record as a manager is fantastic, unfortunately his personality appears not to be.


    _____________________________


    So bitterness does know no bounds.

    _____________________________

    So, on that rationale, not liking the magnificent Sir Alex (or daring to challenge his greatness) automatically qualifies Bitterness?
    Comedy. Well done, you 'real Red', put us all to shame from the second row.

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  • 26. At 2:02pm on 24 Mar 2010, SuperBlues wrote:

    22 - were they in fact the Thompson Twins from the eighties - there were 3 of them as well.

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  • 27. At 2:16pm on 24 Mar 2010, WeAreTheMags wrote:

    (to the tune of Sloop John B) "We paid for your hats! We paid for your hats! What a waste of Council Tax, we paid for your hats!"

    Newcastle fans to the local constabulary in Bristol when they led away the fans that jumped on the pitch when Andy Carroll equalised.

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  • 28. At 2:21pm on 24 Mar 2010, deegee550 wrote:

    Gazutd
    No bitterness as I have no allegiance to any PL club, merely an observation.

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  • 29. At 2:25pm on 24 Mar 2010, GazUtd wrote:

    25. At 1:54pm on 24 Mar 2010, Pete wrote:
    21. At 1:44pm on 24 Mar 2010, GazUtd wrote:
    16. At 1:09pm on 24 Mar 2010, deegee550 wrote:

    Isn't it time SAF grew up. It's rather pathetic to see a man of his age indulging in playground tantrums as well as his stubborn refusal to speak on BBC.And his so-called mind games are neither big or clever.
    I'll totally agree with anyone that his record as a manager is fantastic, unfortunately his personality appears not to be.


    _____________________________


    So bitterness does know no bounds.

    _____________________________

    So, on that rationale, not liking the magnificent Sir Alex (or daring to challenge his greatness) automatically qualifies Bitterness?
    Comedy. Well done, you 'real Red', put us all to shame from the second row.


    ______________________________


    Like I said, bitterness knows no bounds.

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  • 30. At 2:26pm on 24 Mar 2010, GazUtd wrote:

    28. At 2:21pm on 24 Mar 2010, deegee550 wrote:
    Gazutd
    No bitterness as I have no allegiance to any PL club, merely an observation.

    _____________


    An observation that has no place on a comedy blog.

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  • 31. At 2:36pm on 24 Mar 2010, simon samm wrote:

    23. At 1:46pm on 24 Mar 2010, GazUtd wrote:

    -------

    Sorry Gaz but the day a chant like that ever makes it on to the BBC page, is the day I stop blogging.

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  • 32. At 2:39pm on 24 Mar 2010, Pete wrote:

    31. At 2:36pm on 24 Mar 2010, simon samm wrote:
    23. At 1:46pm on 24 Mar 2010, GazUtd wrote:

    -------

    Sorry Gaz but the day a chant like that ever makes it on to the BBC page, is the day I stop blogging.

    _______

    Where's your sense of humour? It's obviously a comedy blog...

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  • 33. At 2:39pm on 24 Mar 2010, simon samm wrote:

    and to add to that....

    You said it was a moment of brillance...

    Although its probably true,
    god help you. Your humour needs a lot of work pal.

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  • 34. At 2:40pm on 24 Mar 2010, simon samm wrote:

    32. At 2:39pm on 24 Mar 2010, Pete wrote:

    ------

    I see the humour in it..but he built it up...with the line 'moment of briliance'...then i continued my reading..and it was over before it started.

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  • 35. At 2:44pm on 24 Mar 2010, Hessler wrote:

    At Emirataes this weekend arsenal fans started singing "we've only got one song" to song billong to which west ham fans replied "rather have a poem than a song!"

    another little diamond from the bubble blowers!

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  • 36. At 2:57pm on 24 Mar 2010, nufc1982 wrote:

    GazUtd- a typical 'United' fan,(there's only one united after all)

    It is possible to respect someone and not like them.

    Alex Ferguson brilliant manager, horrible person.

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  • 37. At 2:59pm on 24 Mar 2010, Alex wrote:

    What about the Barmy Army in Bangladesh wearing Aussie shirtas for sports relief they chanted

    "We all live in a Convicet Colony, a Convicet Colony, a Convicet Colony, We all live in a Convicet Colony" (to the tune of Yellow Submarine)

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  • 38. At 3:00pm on 24 Mar 2010, CJE wrote:

    Ian Holloway following Blackpool's 5-1 victory over Swansea last night:

    "I'll give my players their subs back after that."

    Quality!

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  • 39. At 3:04pm on 24 Mar 2010, Jamie Riley wrote:

    GazUtd,

    your obviously a regular at OT, so hopefully you can relate to this.

    Can you remember a couple of years back when that woman's voice came over the tannoy system (she is more often announcing on European nights) and said:

    'Operation code-red/ red-code, - cancelled'

    Absolutely hilarious the whole ground was in uproar, as noone (plymouth) had a clue what she was going on about.

    My favourite ever however was again off Gilette Soccer Saturday, taken from the Tottenham Arsenal game.

    Chris Kamara:

    'Arsenal are playing beautifully, but Spurs are fighting like beavers to stop them.'

    (cuts back to Studio)

    Jeff Stelling (barely able to speak due to his hysterical laughter):

    'Did I here that correctly? Fighting like beavers! Hahahaha. Not lions or tigers but beavers!'

    Absloutely hilarious you'll struggle to beat that!

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  • 40. At 3:07pm on 24 Mar 2010, Hi_Im_Mr_Ed wrote:

    Just spotted an ironic typo on a BBC Sports page:

    "Hartlepool director of sport Chris Turner ruesl errors"
    (http://news.bbc.co.uk/sport1/hi/football/teams/h/hartlepool_united/8585191.stm)

    Webmaster's been notified.

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  • 41. At 3:14pm on 24 Mar 2010, Captain Obvious wrote:

    First?

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  • 42. At 3:20pm on 24 Mar 2010, Jamie Riley wrote:

    More from Kamara and Stelling (quotes taken from the same match - Tottenham v Arsenal).

    Chris Kamara:

    'Not a lot's channged since you were last with me Jeff, Arsenal are carving them open like... I don't what, but Spurs are standing strong.'

    (Cuts back to studio)

    Jeff Stelling:

    'Arsenal are carving them open like.... Beavers maybe Chris? Hahahahahah!'

    Brilliant!

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  • 43. At 3:21pm on 24 Mar 2010, Webb of Deceit - Not606 when 606 shuts wrote:

    "You're not fit to wear the shirt" West Ham fans finally realise what the rest of us have known for years

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  • 44. At 3:24pm on 24 Mar 2010, Cereal_Killer wrote:

    #20 - 'My' David Martin is 28 so hopefully not a grandad just yet, unless he has borne some super charged kids who have grown up so fast their life has been like a Rocky style montage.

    Reckon its back to 4 DMs

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  • 45. At 3:43pm on 24 Mar 2010, Jupiter wrote:

    This comment has been referred to the moderators.

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  • 46. At 4:10pm on 24 Mar 2010, You can take our lives but youll never take 606 wrote:

    "We're all tanned and he looks like he's been hiding in the closet for a few months."
    LA Galaxy's Chris Klein on the return of Landon Donovan from Everton.
    Think the term has a different meaning over the pond - Ed.
    -----------------------------------------------------------------------
    Now, I'm probably being really dim, but I keep seeing this all over the place, where after a sentence a person puts 'Ed'. What does it mean? Answers on a postcard (or better still, on this webpage).

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  • 47. At 4:12pm on 24 Mar 2010, Richard wrote:

    At 1:17pm on 24 Mar 2010, trickysnap wrote: "Well Savage is not funny, at least not intentionally, but Lawro is. Ever since he compared Sven Goran Eriksson to Peter Sellers in the film Being There I have had nothing but respect for the man. Lawro is the thinking mans pundit."

    What he actually is is the bloke in the pub who laughs at all his own jokes and is the only one who does.

    "So is Robbie Earle"

    Much as it pains me to say so [as Vale fan], Robbie's a plank.
    Only decent pundit = Claridge; the DRINKING man's pundit.

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  • 48. At 4:15pm on 24 Mar 2010, Richard wrote:

    "I'd prefer to kiss a nice, beautiful lady rather than the badge."
    Chelsea boss Carlo Ancelotti when asked whether he would repeat Jose Mourinho's Inter Milan badge-kissing gesture ahead of the Champions League second-leg tie.

    Proof positive that Carlo IS Swiss Toni:
    "Managing a football club, Paul, is like making love to a beautiful woman..."

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  • 49. At 4:16pm on 24 Mar 2010, You can take our lives but youll never take 606 wrote:

    This comment was removed because the moderators found it broke the House Rules.

  • 50. At 4:17pm on 24 Mar 2010, CJE wrote:

    #37 "Convicet Colony" doesn't really fit with the tune, maybe you should have sang "Convict Colony", that would work.

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  • 51. At 4:18pm on 24 Mar 2010, George Willmott wrote:

    And at loosehead prop, David the Lightning Bolt Barnes!!!

    Bath Stadium announcer at Bath vs. Worcester

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  • 52. At 4:19pm on 24 Mar 2010, You can take our lives but youll never take 606 wrote:

    whoops. Sorry for posting everything. That was a mistake. I will now refer myself to the moderators to show my great disappointment in myself.

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  • 53. At 4:22pm on 24 Mar 2010, Richard wrote:

    This comment was removed because the moderators found it broke the House Rules.

  • 54. At 4:26pm on 24 Mar 2010, lazydeity wrote:

    "I had a groin that lasted me a season and a half" - Lee Dixon on 5Live on Sunday.

    Must have given it some hammer, I'm pretty sure they're not supposed to wear out that quickly.

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  • 55. At 4:31pm on 24 Mar 2010, amigonumberone wrote:

    gazutd wrote: 'Stop moaning, if he'd have broke your leg you'd probably be better' and 'An observation that has no place on a comedy blog'. Was the irony intentional, or did you accidentally post the least funny blog in the history of the internet?

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  • 56. At 4:36pm on 24 Mar 2010, Kapnag wrote:

    Alex Ferguson brilliant manager, horrible person.

    ==

    Haha, shall we listen to the delusional paranoid internet brigade, or pretty much any prominent figure in british/european football on what they think of Sir Alex the man?

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  • 57. At 4:36pm on 24 Mar 2010, Tim wrote:

    @ #11, how about goitre? It's only 6 letters, but at least it's a real word, unlike righter.

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  • 58. At 4:37pm on 24 Mar 2010, Superhoopmango wrote:

    46- The Ed stands for editor, and is a well known device for intimating what an editor may say.

    As for the ManUtd and Pool fans.....can you not go to your own boards for that kind of "banter"?

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  • 59. At 4:40pm on 24 Mar 2010, Dave wrote:

    Enjoyed seeing Rangers getting ahead against St Mirren despite only having 9 men in the Scottish League Cup final, at which point the crowd pointed this out to the hapless St Mirren players

    "9 men!
    We only need 9 men!
    We only need 9 men!
    We only need 9 men!"

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  • 60. At 4:46pm on 24 Mar 2010, nufc1982 wrote:

    Kapnag- it's the way he comes across to me, some people will agree some won't it's called an opinion. Glad to know everyone who disagree's with you is part of the 'delusional paranoid internet brigade'.

    In addition since when does being a prominent figure in football make you a good judge of character?


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  • 61. At 5:00pm on 24 Mar 2010, Fernando Partridge wrote:

    31. At 2:36pm on 24 Mar 2010, simon samm wrote:
    23. At 1:46pm on 24 Mar 2010, GazUtd wrote:

    -------

    Sorry Gaz but the day a chant like that ever makes it on to the BBC page, is the day I stop blogging

    -------

    I wholeheartedly agree. If you don't get a Comedy Award nomination next time round there is no justice.

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  • 62. At 5:21pm on 24 Mar 2010, FedupwithGovt wrote:

    # 23

    "Can I add one of my own, which came to me in a moment of brilliance while in row 2 at Old Trafford on Sunday.

    Lucas was rolling around whinging after a tackle from Evra so I shouted;

    "Stop moaning, if he'd have broke your leg you'd probably be better"




    Well a few people around me thought it was funny anyway.

    And probably a few Scousers agree with it."

    ===================================

    Errrrr - No.

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  • 63. At 6:15pm on 24 Mar 2010, United Dreamer wrote:

    "53. At 4:22pm on 24 Mar 2010, Richard wrote:
    Can the Manure & Longballpool 'fans' take it elsewhere?
    No-one else cares about their silly PLCs.

    "

    We wish!

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  • 64. At 6:16pm on 24 Mar 2010, United Dreamer wrote:

    Hey GazUtd were you in the Liverpool end when you made that comment?

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  • 65. At 6:31pm on 24 Mar 2010, meiklelogie wrote:

    @11 redrooster

    don't want to be pedantic or anything but 'righter' might not actually be allowed....

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  • 66. At 6:32pm on 24 Mar 2010, James White wrote:

    Hate to point out the obvious but the un-amusing missive from Gaz united isn't a chant. So humorous or otherwise (otherwise) its about as relevant as Alex Ferguson at a fair play rally...
    ....bringing me to another point made earlier; Alex Ferguson is a fantastic manager, one of the all-time best, but carries himself with so little dignity that it is no surprise that so many people dislike hime. I cant help but respect the man but If he was working in another industry and treated it's officials as he does those in Football he would be pretty quickly out on his bright red ear!

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  • 67. At 6:33pm on 24 Mar 2010, Leviticus wrote:

    Steven Gerrard escapes punishment for allegedly elbowing Portsmouth's Michael Brown.


    Allegedly? Surely the video evidence conclusively shows there was nothing allegedly about it. So why no action?

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  • 68. At 7:12pm on 24 Mar 2010, AlabamaTiger wrote:

    @11
    @65
    @57

    Righter is an American word so if you were playing in England it could be classed as "foreign"

    There is one 7 letter word though - Heritor, as in a person who inherits something.

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  • 69. At 7:17pm on 24 Mar 2010, Gavin wrote:

    Actually the Arsenal and West Ham chants are round the wrong way, which makes them far funnier!

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  • 70. At 7:29pm on 24 Mar 2010, Zeemo wrote:

    IF y'ate man united clap yer 'ands!!!!

    Complain about this comment

  • 71. At 7:29pm on 24 Mar 2010, Zeemo wrote:

    @clap@

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  • 72. At 7:31pm on 24 Mar 2010, lessismoron wrote:

    21
    25
    16
    Gaz, do you wear girl pants?

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  • 73. At 7:36pm on 24 Mar 2010, Zeemo wrote:

    I do. You should try it, lessismoron. Get in touch with your feminine side.

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  • 74. At 7:45pm on 24 Mar 2010, lessismoron wrote:

    This comment was removed because the moderators found it broke the House Rules.

  • 75. At 7:50pm on 24 Mar 2010, Zeemo wrote:

    This comment was removed because the moderators found it broke the House Rules.

  • 76. At 7:52pm on 24 Mar 2010, lessismoron wrote:

    you gettin interested Zeemo?

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  • 77. At 9:30pm on 24 Mar 2010, RobNox wrote:

    57 or rioter - surprised no Millwall fans spotted that one!

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  • 78. At 10:10pm on 24 Mar 2010, wvforest wrote:

    Hello

    Must the comments turn into a slagging match every week?

    Jeff Stelling on SSN

    'Leroy Lita, would love to score v Reading, and he has, but in the wrong goal'

    Dean Windass : 'Your wrong jeff it was David Wheater'

    Jeff : ' Its cockney rhyming, Leroy Lita, David Wheater'


    Classic

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  • 79. At 10:40pm on 24 Mar 2010, col029 wrote:

    19. At 1:23pm on 24 Mar 2010, HitsMan wrote:

    Carlisle on Countdown, did anyone watch it? Did he win?

    If so...wow.

    --------------------------------------------------------

    I didn't watch it because I'm probably one of the only people in Burnley with a job... but yup... he won. Apparently he also won some show to find Britain's most intelligent footballer a few years back.

    Now if he could transfer that winning form onto the pitch we wouldn't cringe every time he's on the ball!!

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  • 80. At 10:44pm on 24 Mar 2010, itsmeross wrote:

    Paul Merson might be the most stupid man alive.

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  • 81. At 10:58pm on 24 Mar 2010, mightymuave2 wrote:

    I'm surprised no-one picked up on Dallaglio's comment during France v England: 'Two words we haven't associated with each other in this tournament: "quick ball" and "England"'.

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  • 82. At 11:05pm on 24 Mar 2010, georgiesthebest7 wrote:

    SAF's comments only reflected what everyone (outside Liverpool) was thinking - the "dysfunctional unit" bit confirmed this week by the departure of yet another FA Chief Exec!
    And this lot is supposed to be in charge of our bid to stage the World Cup???

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  • 83. At 07:18am on 25 Mar 2010, I dont want a display name wrote:

    29. At 2:25pm on 24 Mar 2010, GazUtd

    What a fool!

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  • 84. At 07:31am on 25 Mar 2010, I dont want a display name wrote:

    47. At 4:12pm on 24 Mar 2010, Richard wrote:

    "Lawro is the thinking mans pundit."

    What he actually is is the bloke in the pub who laughs at all his own jokes and is the only one who does.
    ==========================
    Laughs at his own jokes?
    I'd say that Lawro's delivery is more like Jack Dee's than Roy Hudd's.

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  • 85. At 07:38am on 25 Mar 2010, blackcatG wrote:

    Sam Allardyce after last nights win over Birmingham

    "I am proud that we are in the top 4 of premier league home form", not quite big Sam, I have you sitting in 7th on goal difference and also have you in the bottom 3 for away form. So much to be proud of.

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  • 86. At 08:16am on 25 Mar 2010, Deep-heat wrote:

    I have to say that I think this discussion about Fergie is all wrong and slightly misses the point.

    I feel that many people are looking at Fergie's numerous and excellent achievements as Manager of Man U and on this basis have false expectations of him.

    Can people not begin to recognise that first and foremost Fergie is a grumpy old grandad who puts on this big gruff exterior simply to fulfill his duty to the stereotype of grumpy old grandads. Secretly he wants a nice big cuddle, a mug of cocoa and a werthers original. The only reason that Man U's youth policy has been so successful is because when the little 'uns on the training ground kick the ball over the hedge, Fergie makes them go to the neighbours and ask politely if they can have their ball back please and he won't let them leave the club till they've done it. Then he plies them with Extra Strong Mints.

    Stop getting on his back and give the man a cuddle. Bless 'im.

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  • 87. At 08:37am on 25 Mar 2010, collie21 wrote:

    11. At 12:42pm on 24 Mar 2010, Red_Rooster wrote:
    I can get 7 letters of Clarke Carlisle's letter selection - 'righter'.

    Woo.
    ---------------------------------------------------------------------
    Pray tell, what does this 7 letter word mean, righter? You are more right ? Or you took a turn on the right perhaps? Get out of the garden mate you're trampling the flowers

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  • 88. At 08:40am on 25 Mar 2010, Andrew wrote:

    I was watching Chelsea at Bramall Lane a couple of seasons back and one of the stewards was a large black fella with an afro and everytime he threw the ball back (and he was stood right in front of the away fans) he was greeted with the chant "you're just a fat Michael Jackson"

    It was about the most entertaining thing during yet another very work-man-like performance from Mourinho's Chelsea.

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  • 89. At 08:56am on 25 Mar 2010, Andrew wrote:

    I can get 7 letters of Clarke Carlisle's letter selection - 'righter'.

    ----------------------------------------------------------

    Which I don't actually believe is a word. So very well done.

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  • 90. At 09:03am on 25 Mar 2010, Andrew wrote:

    Pray tell, what does this 7 letter word mean, righter? You are more right ? Or you took a turn on the right perhaps? Get out of the garden mate you're trampling the flowers

    --------------------------------------------------------

    An author that can't spell perhaps?

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  • 91. At 09:31am on 25 Mar 2010, Dunc wrote:

    87, 89, 90 - this has been pointed out earlier on the thread, now stop trying to hurt the poor chaps feelings.

    Great blog Chris, my quote of the week has to be from NW after the Swansea game: "I did tell the players not to tackle today so as not to upset Paulo." Cheeky!

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  • 92. At 09:41am on 25 Mar 2010, Andrew wrote:

    91

    I'm sorry.

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  • 93. At 10:35am on 25 Mar 2010, Zootmac wrote:

    "Hogtriker" is clearly the nine-letter word which Clark Carlisle is contemplating on Countdown, and with good reason.

    A Hogtriker is one who trades with Hogtrike on e-bay. Hogtrike's last trade was a purchase of "pantothenic acid 500mg 180 CAPS GREAT FOR ACNE".

    Rather alarmingly for Hogtrike, the seller leaves very positive feedback, ending with the words "Hope to deal with you again."

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  • 94. At 10:59am on 25 Mar 2010, Stevat wrote:

    Perhaps foolhardy of me given the grief the poor soul has encountered since his 'righter' assertion, but I am going to side with him on this one. Is a righter not a person who corrects wrongs? A righter of wrongs if you will.

    Anyway, the SAF argument is a strange one, I don't know the man personally and I dare say none of the people making comments on here do either so I can't say whether or not he is a good person or not. He has repeatedly shown an absolute lack of class in public however, and has regularly made comments that defy logic entirely. He may not be the brightest bulb, he seems very far from it, but he could still be an amicable chap for all I know?

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  • 95. At 11:10am on 25 Mar 2010, Andrew wrote:

    Anyway, the SAF argument is a strange one, I don't know the man personally and I dare say none of the people making comments on here do either so I can't say whether or not he is a good person or not

    -------------------------------------------------------------

    I've met him once before and he rubbed the top of my head, lifted me up and did that thing that your grandad used to do where he puts you above his head.

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  • 96. At 11:50am on 25 Mar 2010, ed wrote:

    http://sportsmediauk.blogspot.com/

    This is a great blog about sport similar to the ones on the BBC

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  • 97. At 12:01pm on 25 Mar 2010, j_brown27 wrote:

    "Same old Terry, always cheating."
    Blackburn fans after a foul by Chelsea captain John Terry.
    (ChristalPalace)

    Blimey that's original! How long did it take the Blackburn fans to think that up? And has it not been chanted at every Chelsea game since the story broke? Cannot believe it's made it on to this blog!

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  • 98. At 12:08pm on 25 Mar 2010, JoeStimo wrote:

    Cannot belive this didn't make it from the Utd/Pool game: -

    THURSDAY NIGHTS, CHANNEL 5,
    THURSDAY NIGHTS, CHANNEL 5,
    THURSDAY NIGHTS, CHANNEL 5,

    The BBC's love affair with Pool runs deeper than we thought.....

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  • 99. At 12:17pm on 25 Mar 2010, HappyCamper of West Dorset wrote:

    If he's a Burnley defender he ought really to try and play safe without taking too many risks. He should have gone for "the".

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  • 100. At 12:20pm on 25 Mar 2010, joni wrote:

    How did everybody miss out on Alan Smith saying "that's like meat and drink for him"? Can't remember which game it was in though, my memorys a bit suspectable after a few shandys.

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  • 101. At 12:23pm on 25 Mar 2010, kelman chambers wrote:

    What about the Hearts fans while beating their "flair-laden" local rivals - Hibs :-

    It's just like watching Brazil

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  • 102. At 1:06pm on 25 Mar 2010, ColinBellter wrote:

    Hi all.

    I've been dying to get this off my chest, but it's a bit complicated as I'm going to have to do it phonetically.

    Bear with me.

    Channel 5 commentator, Liverpool v Lille, pre-match chit chat... apparently one player was INILLEGIBLE to play [or maybe he couldn't work out his name on the team sheet]; and another player was INDYFATIGUEABLE [he must be able to go box-to-box for the full 90 that lad].

    These are so bad I initially thought he must have done it for a bet. Genuine or not it didn't stop me SHOUTING AT THE TELLY. Grrr.

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  • 103. At 1:27pm on 25 Mar 2010, ColinBellter wrote:

    86. I think you've hit the nail on the head there Deep-heat. It's the Grumpy Old Men [and Women come to that] who always push-in in queues. Bet that's what SAF's like when he's down the Post Office cashing his pension. Not sure he's the cuddling type though... look at how he gets on with the Reague and even his own pray-ers.

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  • 104. At 1:56pm on 25 Mar 2010, berbyred wrote:

    This comment was removed because the moderators found it broke the House Rules.

  • 105. At 1:58pm on 25 Mar 2010, berbyred wrote:

    Song at OT ( to the tune of Que Serra Serra)

    Steve Gerra(rd)Gerra(rd)
    You kissed the badge on your shirt
    And put in a transfer request
    Steve Gerra(rd) Gerra(rd)

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  • 106. At 2:00pm on 25 Mar 2010, chopper_dyes_his_pubes_ginger wrote:

    100. At 12:20pm on 25 Mar 2010, joni wrote:
    How did everybody miss out on Alan Smith saying "that's like meat and drink for him"? Can't remember which game it was in though, my memorys a bit suspectable after a few shandys.



    Not sure what's wrong with that statement? fairly common.

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  • 107. At 2:06pm on 25 Mar 2010, DCrump14 wrote:

    Portsmouth Fans to John Terry, after injuries to a couple of their playes:

    "Terry's f----d the referee"

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  • 108. At 2:18pm on 25 Mar 2010, TalesOfThe54Side wrote:

    Darren Gough, on Talk Sport, talking about Jarvis of Wolves:

    "If you compare him to [Stewart] Downing, there's no comparison."

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  • 109. At 8:19pm on 25 Mar 2010, stockportexile wrote:

    "Steve Gerra(rd)Gerra(rd)
    You kissed the badge on your shirt
    And put in a transfer request
    Steve Gerra(rd) Gerra(rd)"

    nice one berbyred, except there's an alternative that's approximately a hundred years old and even rhymes:

    "kisses the badge on his chest
    and puts in a transfer request"

    and sir red nose is a bad loser, but a bad winner too. my favourite so far this season: "an insult to the game and the players out there" after chris foye had the temerity to award a mere five minutes second half injury time against leeds.

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  • 110. At 8:28pm on 25 Mar 2010, MUFC_4_LYF wrote:

    Park, Park wherver you may be
    They eat dogs in your home country!
    Could be worse, could be scouse
    Eating rats in your council house!

    haha

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  • 111. At 1:46pm on 26 Mar 2010, Raccoon wrote:

    I particularly liked in the Man U Liverpool game -

    Park Ji, Where-ever you may be
    They eat dogs in your country
    It could be worse, you could be scouse
    Eating rats in yer council house

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  • 112. At 4:14pm on 26 Mar 2010, Re-communicated wrote:

    09:00–10:00
    Satellite and Cable OneFormula 1
    2010, The Australian Grand Prix - Forum
    Jake Humphrey presents the post-race forum alongside a pane of experts and pundits.

    it's true, no-one likes Eddie Jordan, or dyslexia

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  • 113. At 4:16pm on 26 Mar 2010, Re-communicated wrote:

    105. At 1:58pm on 25 Mar 2010, berbyred wrote:

    Small club mentality
    Small club mentality
    Small club mentality
    Small club mentality
    Small club mentality
    Small club mentality
    Small club mentality

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  • 114. At 4:18pm on 26 Mar 2010, Re-communicated wrote:

    93. At 10:35am on 25 Mar 2010, Zootmac wrote:
    "Hogtriker" is clearly the nine-letter word which Clark Carlisle is contemplating on Countdown, and with good reason.

    maybe he saw the form dipping and was aiming for a new career as the first chocolate (easter) Egghead.

    What's interesting about this, Dermot, is...nothing, CJ, shut your face!

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  • 115. At 4:43pm on 26 Mar 2010, LincsKopite wrote:

    Some right gems there :)

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  • 116. At 6:48pm on 26 Mar 2010, monsieurgazerina wrote:

    Liverpool fan on sky sports news

    "In many ways the league table reflects where you finish"

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  • 117. At 10:19pm on 26 Mar 2010, david wrote:

    announcer after the villa vs sunderland game

    man of the match goes to number 6 stewart downing!!!!
    all the villa fans start laughing because he was our worst player...

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  • 118. At 08:00am on 27 Mar 2010, DennyCraneWHU wrote:

    @ 17, 57, 65 and 68,

    In addition to @94’s “righter of wrongs”, righter can also mean further to the right.

    For example, no one would deny that the BNP is righter of centre than the Conservative Party – or Brown’s Labour Party, for that matter.

    I love it when I am being intelligent, sophisticated, witty and up myself. Well, one of those, anyway.

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  • 119. At 6:34pm on 29 Mar 2010, HarrysDisciple - 606 SOS wrote:

    From BBC site today regarding the British Swimming trials

    "I was really pleased with that, especially without the swimsuits and everything," said Adlington

    Going to have to record these championships!

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