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Quotes of the week

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Chris Charles | 10:39 UK time, Wednesday, 24 February 2010

"Maybe if I was a bit bigger, then maybe it would have hurt more."
Size matters for Stoke's Glenn Whelan after taking one for the team from Patrick Vieira - earning the Man City midfielder a three-match ban.

"I believe that he is either incompetent or dishonest, but I prefer to think he is incompetent."
Arsene Wenger after referee Martin Hansson allowed Porto to score from a quickly-taken free-kick in the Champions League.

"I believe that Fabianski is top, top level and has massive potential."
Wenger on keeper Lukasz Fabianski, before the Pole's horror show in Portugal.

"The staff said that the group of customers was too big and suspicious. All of them were wearing similar tracksuits. The players explained that this was a football team and they had no habit of taking tuxedos to the training camp to go shopping."
Shakhtar Donetsk statement after the squad was refused entry to Harrods, ahead of their Europa League game with Mohammed Al Fayed's Fulham.

"I'm surprised to hear about this. Normally, the chairman loves people to spend their money with him."
Fulham boss Roy Hodgson reacts to the news.
Gianfranco ZolaGianfranco Zola
"I'm just off to check how many points we are behind Chelsea!"
Gianfranco Zola gets ideas above his station after West Ham beat Hull. For the record, if West Ham win all their remaining games and Chelsea lose theirs, the Hammers still can't catch them.

"He'll get a three-match ban. I hope he appeals and gets another one."
Derby's shrinking violet Robbie Savage, following the X-rated tackle on him that earned Swansea's Gorka Pintado a straight red.

"He annoys the life out of the opposition and he can instigate a fight in an empty barn."
Birmingham manager Alex McLeish on....Robbie Savage.

"Knowing him, it wouldn't surprise me if the old man dropped me!"
Bristol City's Lee Johnson, son of manager Gary, after scoring the winner against West Brom.

"I gave up celebrating Lee's goals when he was in under-nines football."
Johnson senior shows his compassionate side.

"I wrote the word 'ugly' on the board at half-time and I wasn't talking about myself - although I could have been."
Ian Holloway on watching his Blackpool side win ugly against Reading.

"I'm a gypsy and I've been a gypsy for many years."
Sven-Goran Eriksson has not dunroamin yet.

"I'm OK with nudity, I'm OK with being naked. There shouldn't be a big deal made about it."
Winter Olympics star Lindsey Vonn talks about the bare necessities, following her Sports Illustrated photo shoot.



SPOT THE DIFFERENCE

"It doesn't interest me who my captain and my soldiers go to bed with. I only care about the ideas they wake up with in the morning."
Carlo Ancelotti, 16 February.

"We are interested, me and the club, in protecting the image of this club. Not only the players and the manager, all the staff - the people who work in this club - have to protect that image... Now they know what they have to do and what behaviour is expected of them when they're in a Chelsea shirt."
Carlo Ancelotti, 19 February.



AND SOME FROM YOU

"Cruciate ligament injuries are a pain in the backside."
Ray Wilkins on Joe Cole's long road back from injury. (MrBlueBurns, England)
Train The next train will be leaving from platform 2 - next season
"And it would appear Everton will likewise have to plan without Fellaini, who had been due to visit the specialist last week before his train to London was cancelled, at least until the start of next season."
From the BBC website. Not many trains in Liverpool, then?!
(Rus, Australia)

"Aston Villa are always dangerous on the counter with the likes of their Ashley Coles, James Milners, Gabriel Agbonlahor."
Dion Dublin on Villa. Ashley Cole?
(Jamie, Rugby)

"The centre-backs were like they've only played twice together, and that's because they have."
Doncaster manager Sean O'Driscoll after the 2-1 defeat by QPR.
(Craig Nicholson, England)

"If Liverpool draw, they'll be on level points with Man City."
From Fox TV commentary. So, only one team gets a point in a draw these days?
(Anna Stolarski, Romania)

"They've just had a huge chunk of slice."
Paul Walsh - Sky Soccer Special.
(Droitwich Blue, UK)

"It's been a cure for insomniacs all over the world."
Commentator fails to get excited about Liverpool in the Europa Cup.
(jmyshkin)

"That one would have been a goal if it had gone in."
Dion Dublin cleverly analysing Wayne Rooney's free-kick against Everton.
(Charlie Baker, England)

"We decided to put the foot on the pedal towards the end - and it came off."
Paul Collingwood describes the painful-sounding tactics employed by his players in the Twenty20 win over Pakistan.
(Ben, Italy)

"He is like a cat in a way - you can throw him around or up in the air and he always seems to land on his feet."
Harlequins RL coach Brian McDermott, talking about winger Will Sharp.
(Conrad Edkins, Halifax)

"I thought we did well in the first-half, but the first-half precedes the second-half."
Mark Robins shows some spectacular insight after his Barnsley side's embarrassing second-half performance against Plymouth.
(Michael, UK)

"Lambert has scored 60% of all of Southampton's goals, but I wonder how many of the other 60% he has set up?"
Commentator during the Southampton-Portsmouth game adds an extra 20% to their goals tally. Oh, and Lambert hasn't scored 60% of their goals, either!
(TImmagic123)
Matt Prior and Kevin Pietersen'Hey KP, I heard someone say you're no longer the world's best batsman!'
"When you know the best batter in the team isn't scoring runs, of course you love it as the opposition."
Kevin Pietersen describing his poor form on the tour of South Africa.
(Shiraz, England)
Modest as ever - Ed.

"You never know what will happen - warranties and guarantees are for washing machines."
Mark van Bommel on Bayern being 'guaranteed' to beat Fiorentina in their Champions League last-16 match.
(TeabYo)

"People have to realise we're the only northern hemisphere team in cricket."
Paul Collingwood, in the Metro newspaper, appears to have forgotten that West Indies, India, Pakistan, Sri Lanka and Bangladesh are also cricket-playing nations from the northern hemisphere.
(Jack H, UK)

"Arsene Wenger is gyrating furiously with the fourth official."
Commentary on an internet stream for the Arsenal-Porto game, following Porto's second goal.
(Alex, England)

"Liverpool have started positively here."
Commentator on Channel 5 - after seven seconds of their game with Unirea Urziceni!
(Chris, UK)

"Free-kick awarded for a foul by Francisco Fernando on Francesc Fabregas."
From the FC Porto-Arsenal live-text on BBC Sport. Alliteration at its best!
(John Bourner, England)

"This club turned out to be so weak that Fulham had no other choice than to smash the guests without mercy."
Shakhtar Donestk's report of Fulham v Notts County.
(Morris, England)



WINTER OLYMPICS SPECIALS

"It's Crosby and Nash on this line, all we're missing is Young and Stills!"
BBC commentator Brent Pope on Canada's musical-themed ice hockey line-up.
(Stephen F, UK)

"To beat Canada on their own soil is special."
USA ice hockey forward Ryan Kesler after their shock win over Canada. Perhaps the Canadians would have won done better if they'd played on ice!
(Steve Buttigieg, Belgium)
'Albert Steptoe' in the bathAlbert Steptoe was a big fan of bath-sliding
"The Bath slider...."
BBC Sport wesbsite's description of golden girl Amy Williams and her apparent bathroom hobby.
(Richard Jeffs, Canada)

"Perfect conditions".
BBC commentary at the speedskating INDOOR arena.
(Sam Hollis, UK)

"Number Yellow hasn't been doing very well."
Eurosport commentary of the men's snowboard cross.
(Matt Darley, Oxford)

"I can't say for sure, but it was definitely an injury!"
The BBC2 commentator in the snowboard cross small final after Britain's Zoe Gillings pulled up before the first jump.
(GaffaCake)

"And Kelly is lying down in 13th place now."
BBC commentary from the women's skeleton. I thought they all had to lie down!
(Chris Huff, Italy)

"It's the kind of shot she would get nine times out of 100."
Steve Cram commenting after British women's curling skip Eve Muirhead missed a shot.
(Will Haggerty, UK)



CHANTS OF THE WEEK

"Saw your mum on Jeremy Kyle..."
West Brom fans to a rowdy Reading fan.
(Hessler)

"Singing we've got Ledley at the back...sometimes."
Spurs fans about their injury-prone defender.
(Heurehlo_Spurs, England)
WomblesRefereeing today's match..
"The referee's a Womble!"
Chant at Berwick Rangers match.
(Hugh Petit, UK)

"You're Hull and you know you are!"
Fulham fans when playing Shakhtar Donetsk (they wore an orange and black kit).
(Recmo, England)

"Subo!"
Plymouth fans to the Swansea physio.
(Dave, England)

"You're just a fat Steven Pienaar!"
Dartford fans to the Tonbridge Angels number eight, who bore an uncanny resemblance to the Everton star.
(Tom, England)

"Born in a town in Algeria, Belhadj! Belhadj!
"He fitted the Fratton criteria, Belhadj! Belhadj!
"He turned down the Nou Camp to come to Pompey,
"He's fast as a cheetah and fit as a flea.
"Nadir Belhadj, Portsmouth's 39!"
Pete Alexander (what a guy) on Sky's FanZone.
(Pete Alexander, UK)
Nothing like bigging yourself up, eh Pete? Ed.

"Daddy, Daddy, help me out!"
Blackpool supporters to Preston manager Darren Ferguson in the Lancashire Derby at Deepdale. Sir Alex was in the crowd.
(Dan Raistrick, England)

"Ding dong, ding dong - where's your bell gone?"
Saints fans to Pompey - instruments aren't allowed in St Mary's.
(Luke, England)

"Rooney, Rooney, what's the score?"
Everton fans against Manchester United.

"You'll never shop at Harrods!"
Fulham fans to Shakhtar Donetsk, after the Shakhtar players had been turned away from Mohammed Al Fayed's shop.
(Tony Warner)



STADIUM ANNOUNCEMENT OF THE WEEK

"Let's give it up for Partick THISTLEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!"
Announcer at Firhill, followed by a deadly silence.
(Rob_LFC_Fairbairn)

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Comments

  • 1. At 12:00pm on 24 Feb 2010, D Crawford wrote:

    This comment was removed because the moderators found it broke the House Rules.

  • 2. At 12:02pm on 24 Feb 2010, Nick wrote:

    Great as per usual, love the chants. "The referee's a Womble!" is a classic.

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  • 3. At 12:08pm on 24 Feb 2010, D Crawford wrote:

    Paul Walsh - Huge chunk of slice! - Brilliant!

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  • 4. At 12:09pm on 24 Feb 2010, Andy Connor wrote:

    "You're Hull and you know you are"

    Genius, football fans helping teams in denial!!!


    Chris, make some calls, Ian holloway needs his own blog on here!!
    Written by the man himself!

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  • 5. At 12:21pm on 24 Feb 2010, irochel wrote:

    "He has played at World Cups and, if he can do that for us, it will be great."
    Harry Redknapp on Roman Pavlyuchenko, after he bagged two goals against Wigan. Play at a World Cup for Spurs?

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  • 6. At 12:25pm on 24 Feb 2010, Count Berbatov wrote:

    D Crawford
    -------------
    You are so amazing for being 1st
    Im in unbelievable envy

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  • 7. At 12:37pm on 24 Feb 2010, StephenCWLL wrote:

    Love reading this every week. Keep it up :)

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  • 8. At 12:38pm on 24 Feb 2010, That piece of halibut was good enough for jehova wrote:

    On the 5 live commentary of Man U/West Ham game, the commentator (sorry, forgotten his name) to Roberto martinez (co-commentator)

    "We shall discuss The Robbie Keane goal at the weekend......the first goal for spurs that was a mile offside"...

    Didnt realise Keane had left Celtic already!

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  • 9. At 12:38pm on 24 Feb 2010, Rob Gray wrote:

    after super pavlyuchenko made it 3-0 against Wigan there were chants of

    "12-1 on aggregate... 12-1 on aggregate.."

    and

    "SIX more, we only want SIX more, we only want SIX more..."

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  • 10. At 12:42pm on 24 Feb 2010, boredfootballfan wrote:

    Highlight of my week, keep them coming.

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  • 11. At 1:00pm on 24 Feb 2010, Bishwaksen Bandyopadhyay wrote:

    someone give that man Ian Holloway a knighthood

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  • 12. At 1:17pm on 24 Feb 2010, Feel MaDullTie wrote:

    Cringing at that Belhadj chant....

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  • 13. At 1:29pm on 24 Feb 2010, Richard wrote:

    Thing to remember about Savage is he could start a fight in an empty house...but he wouldn't take part in it; he'd just stand back and watch it happen.

    There's a word for people like him:

    Coward.

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  • 14. At 1:36pm on 24 Feb 2010, ControlledMagic wrote:

    #4 - re Holloway blog.

    He did have one, when he was Plymouth boss.

    Got a bit boring, to be honest!

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  • 15. At 1:39pm on 24 Feb 2010, blackcatG wrote:

    heard on ladbrokes online live racing commentary when:

    "barry Geraghty just looking over his shoulder to make sure no one is coming up his inside" while leading a race at the bend.

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  • 16. At 1:41pm on 24 Feb 2010, Stuz359 wrote:

    Why do all the best chants seem to come from Fulham fans?

    There are the two above, and the one that sticks in my mind from earlier in the season (to Chelsea fans) 'there's only one Iniesta!'

    Not particularly clever but it made me chuckle at the time.

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  • 17. At 1:51pm on 24 Feb 2010, D Crawford wrote:

    Thanks Count Berbatov! (Even though you are being sarcastic) :o)

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  • 18. At 1:55pm on 24 Feb 2010, vamos2000 wrote:

    After Kieron Dyer cam on in the Man Utd West Ham game, commentator says without evident irony 'It really has been a dire time for him'

    Complain about this comment

  • 19. At 2:05pm on 24 Feb 2010, A Shot in the Dark wrote:

    That's a picture of a National Express East Coast train! Fellaini would not be able to catch one of those since he lives on the wrong side of the country and they lost the franchise!! Come on chaps, surely you didn't deliberately choose a still from a non-existent train company to avoid being sued?

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  • 20. At 2:11pm on 24 Feb 2010, Tim Boyde wrote:

    Also Plymouth Argyle Fans , directed at the Swansea City physio:
    "One Vicky Pollard, there's only one Vicky Pollard...."
    Cruel, so cruel.

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  • 21. At 2:21pm on 24 Feb 2010, mewilko wrote:

    Haha! love the stadium announcement.

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  • 22. At 2:30pm on 24 Feb 2010, Lozza wrote:

    BBC sport breaking news headline literally this second-"CRICKET:Ireland appeal against six-week ban given to hooker Jerry Flannery" Cricket played by rugby players? no wonder hes getting a 6 week ban

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  • 23. At 2:45pm on 24 Feb 2010, Andy ES wrote:

    Loved it when Ed Lee referred to the Jamaican Ski-Crosser Errol Kerr as Errol Flynn in the quarter finals - can't remember exactly what he said but it was funny at the time!!

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  • 24. At 2:55pm on 24 Feb 2010, Chris Charles wrote:

    1. D Crawford: Yep!

    4. Andy Connor: I did a weekly column with Ollie on this very site for a couple of seasons - never a dull moment! Hoping to catch up with him for a chat soon.

    14. ControlledMagic: Or maybe there were a few dull moments!

    19. SoctraticPosh: Ooh gawd, didn't realise we had the trainspotters in! To be honest, I just put 'train king's cross' into our picture search engine and that's what it came up with. Happy to change it if there are any more objections. Well, happy-ish.

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  • 25. At 3:11pm on 24 Feb 2010, steve wrote:

    Robbie Savage co commenting on the Man City v Liverpool bore draw answering the question what was it like playing against Mascherano?

    "Well, he was just one of those players I just wanted to smash!"

    Cue commentator not knowing what to say, classic line. One you would never hear from the boring Dixon, Redknapp brigade.

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  • 26. At 3:15pm on 24 Feb 2010, Ritchie wrote:

    who's the hottest girl in london ???

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  • 27. At 3:47pm on 24 Feb 2010, LABSAB9 wrote:

    #26

    SUN-ita!! I'll get my coat

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  • 28. At 3:50pm on 24 Feb 2010, Andy Connor wrote:

    Chris and Controlledmagic, shown my lack of experience with bbc blogs there then!!

    Anyway, heres a quote from Mr mourinho about Mr Ancelloti which really tickled me.

    "I think he knows everything about us, everything about our players, but I don't think it's an advantage at all."

    No of course not Jose!

    If he knew nothing about your team or what to expect or even how his team should approach the game then you would be screwed!!!

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  • 29. At 3:54pm on 24 Feb 2010, Demoremda_AJAX wrote:

    robbie savage could instigate a fight in an empty barn haha classic
    the daddy, daddy help me out chant funny aswell

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  • 30. At 4:34pm on 24 Feb 2010, DorsetTangerine wrote:

    Stadium announcement at Bloomfield Road at half time versus Reading:

    Leeds 'the wheels have fallen off' United 0 - Brighton and Hove Albion 0.

    Also when talking about an upcoming evening celebrating promotion over Preston 40 years ago: 'Celebrating our promotion winning game against Preston Dead End'

    Both classic.

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  • 31. At 4:45pm on 24 Feb 2010, gr3atd4ne wrote:

    Passed the home of Cheryl and Ashley this morning and someone had placed the BANNER OF WEEK near the entrance to their estate. The text of banner said "Cheryl, please call me, love JT xxx"

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  • 32. At 6:40pm on 24 Feb 2010, Robokopthe3rd wrote:

    Is it so long since anyone posted a comment on here?...anyway, great blog as ever Chris. Both of the following were on the bbc website at the weekend:

    "Everton come from behind to deservedly get a 2-2 victory over Man Utd" Fergie can not only bend time, he can change the footy results at will!

    "Real Madrids coach is coming under increasing pressure as they were defeated by Lyons in the Champions League" I expect losing to a cake company is pretty hard to swallow.

    Anyway, Chris what do you make of Neil Warnock`s apparent appointment to the QPR? Can he last the rest of the season? Who do you think will be next after Warnock? I reckon it`ll be old Svenny Goran Eriksson meself. After that, Fabio Capello, followed by Gordon Brown (all out of a job after the summer).

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  • 33. At 6:58pm on 24 Feb 2010, HillsideDesolate wrote:

    Lovely stuff, Chris

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  • 34. At 7:42pm on 24 Feb 2010, One Team in gloucs wrote:

    19. SoctraticPosh: Ooh gawd, didn't realise we had the trainspotters in! To be honest, I just put 'train king's cross' into our picture search engine and that's what it came up with. Happy to change it if there are any more objections. Well, happy-ish.

    That's where you went wrong trains from Liverpool to London go into Paddington and its usually a virgin (never trust a hippy) train.

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  • 35. At 9:20pm on 24 Feb 2010, Dan wrote:

    This comment was removed because the moderators found it broke the House Rules.

  • 36. At 10:34pm on 24 Feb 2010, Grinner wrote:

    "The Trotters have only a single goal to show from seven games since a late-December league win against Bolton. " From the BBC Sport report of Tottenham-Bolton FA Cup. I thought Bolton were the Trotters!?!?

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  • 37. At 11:40pm on 24 Feb 2010, Feel MaDullTie wrote:

    @24...And it's platform 5 of York station as well and everyone knows that's for Scarborough and the North. Platform 3 is for King's Cross (occasionally platform 9)

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  • 38. At 00:16am on 25 Feb 2010, ArgentinaBlade wrote:

    Can't remember the game but a commentary went roughly:
    Commentator: "Iniesta - caught offside"
    Co-commentator: "Iniesta was born offside!"

    Too good for me...

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  • 39. At 01:35am on 25 Feb 2010, DennyCraneWHU wrote:

    For me, personally, this has to be the quote of the decade from ESPN's whiney-voiced Tommy Smyth at Tuesday's Man U Champs League:

    " "

    Yup, the only way to watch Tommy Smyth is with the mute firmly on.

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  • 40. At 01:37am on 25 Feb 2010, Steve Cooke wrote:

    On last week's Football Focus when they were discussing Barcelona's Zlatan Ibrahimovic:

    Dan Walker: Ibrahimovic has scored 57 goals in 88 games in La Liga
    Lawro: You mean Serie A
    DW: Yes, I meant Seria A
    Lawro: Bring back Manish!
    ...A Bit later...
    DW: I'm not talking to you (to Lawro)

    Classic Lawro !

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  • 41. At 08:16am on 25 Feb 2010, Zelig_Will wrote:

    This comment was removed because the moderators found it broke the House Rules.

  • 42. At 08:45am on 25 Feb 2010, Andrew wrote:

    It's going back a bit but I still love the Chelsea chant from about 15 years ago:-

    Blue is the colour,
    Football is the game,
    Poor old Matthew Harding,
    He should have caught the train.

    Bit harsh but the best ones usually are.



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  • 43. At 10:04am on 25 Feb 2010, Francis_S wrote:

    Commentator Comment Inter Milan v Chelsea.
    The camera followed Carlo Ancelotti as he walked along the side of the pitch at half time looking very thoughtful and with his hands in his pockets.

    Commentator - "There goes Ancelotti with his hands deep in his pockets" - Short pause - "I wonder what he has up his sleeve" :-)

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  • 44. At 11:20am on 25 Feb 2010, john gow wrote:

    Loved the Steve Cram quote - what makes me laugh is why does Crammy commentate on the curling? Then last night Paula Radcliffe was there???

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  • 45. At 11:29am on 25 Feb 2010, Bart_E_Slartfast wrote:

    From now on I'll always cheer for Number Yellow. Never Number Magenta thought, dirty cheating colour that it is.

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  • 46. At 12:20pm on 25 Feb 2010, Andrew wrote:

    @ 45

    Too right. Number Magenta should not and cannot be trusted.

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  • 47. At 1:47pm on 25 Feb 2010, Bart_E_Slartfast wrote:

    @46 - Hi Andrew! Did you know that Number Claret and Number Burgundy have recently distanced themselves from Number Magenta and are now known as Number Violet and Number Orange respectively.

    You heard it here first.

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  • 48. At 5:56pm on 25 Feb 2010, John_Partick_Thistle wrote:

    STADIUM ANNOUNCEMENT OF THE WEEK

    "Let's give it up for Partick THISTLEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!"
    Announcer at Firhill, followed by a deadly silence.
    (Rob_LFC_Fairbairn)


    LOL, this happens most weeks, all you hear is a massive "Lets hear it from the JAGSSSSSSSSS FANSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!" and everyone purposely doesn't shout, except from one poor guy who always forgets

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  • 49. At 7:40pm on 25 Feb 2010, EssexBairn wrote:


    This was heard last week on Soccer Saturday on Sky, Alan Lambourne was reading the full-times. All the Scottish League 2 games were all postponed, it went something like this, "Irn Bru Scottish League Division 2, all matches postponed, not on coupon, Disgruntled players dragged away shopping for the afternoon."

    Genius !!!

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  • 50. At 09:12am on 26 Feb 2010, Bart_E_Slartfast wrote:

    Itchy Ban!

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  • 51. At 11:35pm on 26 Feb 2010, Jeremy Orbell wrote:

    Team GB chiefs defend Olympic tally of one medal

    "We have achieved what we set out to do," said Team GB chief Andy Hunt. "We never set a target. We just said 'better than Turin'.

    Erm, don't you have to have a target if you are to achieve what you set out to do?

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  • 52. At 1:34pm on 27 Feb 2010, goonernl wrote:

    "The Gunners' last trophy came against Chelsea in the Carling Cup in 2007"

    Saw this in an article on Sky Sports website. I thought the last trophy we won was against United in 2005 in Wales, when we lifter the FA Cup. If I recall, we got beat by Chelsea in the final, after Theo Walcott scored his first goal for the club...

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  • 53. At 2:43pm on 28 Feb 2010, ChristalPalace wrote:

    "[Grzegorz] Rasiak has just ended his horrible run of nine goals without a game."
    Sky Sports News reporter at Reading v Sheffield Wednesday. Nine goals without playing? That's an incredible record!

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  • 54. At 5:08pm on 28 Feb 2010, ChristalPalace wrote:

    After the Carling Cup final:

    Interview: Richard, can you put into words just how disappointing this is?
    Richard Dunne: It is disappointing.

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  • 55. At 08:00am on 01 Mar 2010, 20LEgend wrote:

    'I need to stop diognosins these problems, but it looks as though he's winded himself' The commentater in the carling cup final

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  • 56. At 08:02am on 01 Mar 2010, 20LEgend wrote:

    *diagnosing

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