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Quotes of the week

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Chris Charles | 11:25 UK time, Wednesday, 10 February 2010

"Wenger always finds an excuse but football is not about playing nice passes or how much possession you have. Good football is about winning games and that is what we do when we play Arsenal."
Michael Ballack bites back at Arsenal Wenger after the Arsenal boss said "we didn't get a demonstration of football" from Chelsea in their 2-0 win over the Gunners.

"He'll go bald, lose his teeth and legs, but he'll always have that technique and touch of a top player."
Birmingham boss Alex McLeish paints an attractive picture of 36-year-old striker Kevin Phillips, who came on to score both goals in the 2-1 defeat of Wolves.

"How do I keep so sharp? I'm not - I'm knackered!"
Heroism comes at a price for Phillips.

"It happens every night - about three o'clock in the morning."
Ipswich boss Roy Keane on his recurring nightmares about relegation.
Shame you can't play QPR every week, eh Roy? Ed.
Roberto Mancini You wouldn't like him when he's angry
"Yes I was angry, but I don't shout and scream. There's no hairdryer here."
Roberto Mancini loses his cool but doesn't turn up the heat after Man City's defeat at Hull.

"This is a question which I think I've got 2,500,083 times."
Hearts manager Csaba Laszlo gets riled by queries about new players, but the club ensured he would not have to field any more by sacking him a few hours later.

"We would like to play with a 5-5-2 formation which would leave us compact and
able to hit them on the counter-attack, and then we will park the team bus in
the 18-yard box right in front of the goal."
Mainz coach Thomas Tuchel prepares to face Bayern Munich with 12 men and a bus.

"The idea of having something implanted from a corpse takes a while to get
your head around but it worked brilliantly for me."
New Burnley goalkeeper Nicky Weaver is dead happy with his cartilage transplant operation.

"I don't think you've got any viewers left. It was an abysmal game to be
honest."
Sunderland boss Steve Bruce is brutally honest after his side's 0-0 draw with Stoke on ESPN.

"I feel like a little young boy that has his toy in his hands and just enjoys
himself."
Michael Schumacher on testing his new boy's toy - the Mercedes Silver Arrow.

"I'm normally a one goal every four seasons man, so three in one night is
unbelievable. I think I was a day too late, I could have perhaps gone for four
or five million yesterday!"
Crystal Palace's emergency striker Danny Butterfield on his six-minute FA Cup hat-trick against Wolves, the day after the transfer window closed.

"I've asked the wife for a twin-engine helicopter or the socks that no-one ever thinks to buy me for my birthday. But I'd settle for three points against Birmingham."
Mick McCarthy, who turned 51 on Sunday.
Oh well, maybe he got the socks - Ed.

"If you think you've seen a better goal than Ryan's this weekend, then you're drunk!"
Acrrington Stanley manager John Coleman salutes Jimmy Ryan's cracking late winner against Morecambe.

"It was like One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest in there - and I was Jack Nicholson."
Vinnie Jones on being in Celebrity Big Brother.



AND SOME FROM YOU

"He took a sore one and when he came off the park he looked like Steve Bruce."
Dundee United manager Peter Houston after Mihael Kovacevic suffered a broken nose against Kilmarnock.
(Fraser Smart, Scotland)

"I think in any England team, be it football, rugby or cricket, you should have 11 captains."
Ex-England striker Mark Hateley. Why can't the other four rugby players be captains?
(Jack Tappin, England)

"Celtic manager Tony Mowbray was saving Roy Keane for Wednesday's league game against Hearts before sending the striker on to score the decisive goal against Dunfermline in the Scottish Cup. (Daily Record)."
Found on the BBC gossip column. Surely they haven't signed Roy Keane again?
(Blair Gray, Scotland)

"Baird is dashing around like a steamroller."
Sky Sports commentator Martin Tyler on Fulham's Chris Baird.
(Steve, UK)
Muhammad AliGuess who's coming to dinner?
"Journalist: If you were holding a dream dinner party, who would you invite?"
Steve Bull: "If he was alive, Muhammad Ali."
From the Guardian's 'Small Talk' interview with Steve Bull. I must have missed that particular obituary.
(Simon Constantine, London)

"I was aware of the pitch because a mature woman in the hotel lift said 'the pitch is really bad at Plymouth'. I thought 'even a lady like her knows that!'"
West Brom boss Roberto Di Matteo discussing the state of Home Park before the game against Plymouth.
(Rob the Baggie, England)

"Tottenham have definitely lost a point here today."
Kevin Keegan on ESPN after Tottenham drew with Villa. Spurs should have taken all two points, eh Kev?
(Rob Perks, UK)

"We know it will be a long race until the end of the season and for now we are happy with two more points."
Carlo Ancelotti, after Chelsea drew 1-1 at Hull. Has anyone explained the Premier League points-scoring system to Mr Ancelotti?
(Alfred Neumann, London)
He's obviously been spending too much time with Keegan - Ed.

"If you're watching, Stevie, please get in touch."
Soccer AM presenter Max Rushden after a plea from Trevor Nelson for Stevie Wonder's telephone number.
(Hemant Mistry, UK)

"If it was a boxing match, they would have stopped it on points!"
Radio Wales commentator describes Swansea's win over Preston.
(Dai, Swansea)

"Against the old firm, especially Rangers and Celtic, you need to take your chances."
John Collins on BBC Scotland, during St Mirren v Rangers.
(Richard Nicol, Scotland)

"All I'll say is that if that penalty decision isn't harsh then my name is Jock McTavish and I'm going to be an extra in the next Braveheart movie."
Blackpool boss Ian Holloway after a controversial late penalty awarded to West Brom.
(Anthony Ko)

"Donovan is neat, tidy, disciplined and has come in and coincided with Everton's season turning completely around. That's no coincidence."
Lawro singing the praises of Landon Donovan in his column for the Mirror.
(RobNox)

"It's difficult to see if the whistle has gone."
ESPN commentator during Hull-Chelsea.
(bigg)

"...time running out quickly for Utrecht"
Australian commentator during PSV v Utrecht, near the end of the match. As far as I know time runs out at the same rate.
(Dhaval Jogia, UK)

"Why does Liverpool keep passing to the other team?"
A 7-year-old who was watching the Reds v Bolton.
(Emmett, USA)

"Jermaine Beckford scores for Leeds high into the bottom corner."
Mike Ingham commentary on Beckford's injury-time penalty at Spurs.
(Paul, England)

"I don't know Thierry personally but he's one of the nicest people you'll ever meet and he's probably one of the fairest footballers you'll ever meet."
Seems Harry Kewell is a bit unsure as to whether he has met Thierry or not.
(lafthemus, Australia)



CHANTS OF THE WEEK

"Boom boom boom, let me hear you say Bale, Ba-le!"
Salute to Gareth Bale, to the tune of the Outhere Brothers' classic.
(Peter)
Danny Butterfield celebrates with team-mate Shaun Derry Things can only get Butter
"Danny for England!"
Crystal Palace fans when makeshift striker Danny Butterfield scored a six-minute hat-trick against Wolves in the FA Cup. He hadn't scored in 52 games before that!
(Sean Roennau Wergen, UK)

"We only sing when we're fishing."
Fleetwood Town fans celebrate their heritage against Hinckley.
(Debs Gregson)

"Shall we sing a song for you?"
Portsmouth fans to the quiet Manchester United fans at old Trafford.

"Shall we score a goal for you?"
United fans respond.
(Matthew Doherty, UK)

"Boring, boring Villa!"
Spurs fans during stalemate at White Hart Lane, a few days after Arsene Wenger accused Villa of being long-ball merchants.
(Gary, UK)

"He's one of us!
"He's one of us!
"He's one of,
"Hunty's one of us!"
Hull City fans to Wolves (to the tune of Three Lions) after their bid for Stephen Hunt was rejected.
(Rob B, E Yorks)

"We all dream of a team of Andy Todds!"
Perth fans at Adelaide about their star player(Derby reject).
(Rob Hogger, Australia)

"You only sing when you're offside!"
Villa fans to Fulham when the crowd at Craven Cottage celebrated a disallowed goal after making no noise for the previous 70 minutes.
(Jamie, UK)

"We'll be home in half an hour!"
Cambridge City fans to Truro City counterparts, who had a six-hour return journey ahead of them.
(Stephen Warne, England)
But with a 3-0 win under their belts, I bet the time just flew by - Ed.

"You're getting sacked in the morning!"
St Johnstone fans to Jim Jefferies after he was appointed Hearts manager, two hours after Csaba Laszlo's sacking.
(Chris, Scotland)

"I've got a park, that's better than this,
"I've got a park that's better than this,
"Its got a swing, a tramp and dog mess,
"I've got a park that's better than this!"
Havant and Waterlooville fans take the mickey out of local rivals Eastleigh's stadium, to the tune of When The Saints Go Marching In.
(Mark Cooper, Hampshire)

If you have any quotes, chants or stadium announcements to contribute, please add them at the bottom of the blog, or by using this email postform.

Comments

  • 1. At 12:01pm on 10 Feb 2010, s17scp wrote:

    This comment was removed because the moderators found it broke the House Rules.

  • 2. At 12:06pm on 10 Feb 2010, s17scp wrote:

    looks like it!!! great blog as always!

    Complain about this comment

  • 3. At 12:18pm on 10 Feb 2010, Rovers Return - HKR AWAY DAYS wrote:

    "I think in any England team, be it football, rugby or cricket, you should have 11 captains."
    Ex-England striker Mark Hateley. Why can't the other four rugby players be captains?

    ----

    Rugby teams have 13 players, Chris! ;-)

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  • 4. At 12:24pm on 10 Feb 2010, Raeny wrote:

    Ouyeah!!! In the top 10,finally!

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  • 5. At 12:26pm on 10 Feb 2010, Chelseadub wrote:

    #3 "I think in any England team, be it football, rugby or cricket, you should have 11 captains."
    Ex-England striker Mark Hateley. Why can't the other four rugby players be captains?

    ----

    Rugby teams have 13 players, Chris! ;-)

    Eh HKR.. Rugby UNION teams have 15 players or have you only heard of League??

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  • 6. At 12:27pm on 10 Feb 2010, JacksfromBuxton wrote:

    "It happens every night - about three o'clock in the morning."
    Ipswich boss Roy Keane on his recurring nightmares about relegation.
    -----------------------------
    So do we,Roy.But we get the added bonus of nightmares about our manager as well.
    Ahoy Chris,how are you?Did you do anything pleasant last night?Lovely at Chez Jack,3 points away from home.Splendid.You will be appointing Captain Smith as manager next,you're going down as fast as the Titanic.(Of course,his last words as capt. of the ship were that famous German footballer Effenberg(courtesy Zootmac).I know you are one of the "richest"clubs in the world,but do you need to throw points around like confetti to us paupers?Very kind of you sir.
    Oh,and s17scp.Well done.A real red letter day for you,and all that bunny.Janner...

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  • 7. At 12:29pm on 10 Feb 2010, BeyondThePale wrote:

    This comment was removed because the moderators found it broke the House Rules.

  • 8. At 12:29pm on 10 Feb 2010, Chelseadub wrote:

    1. At 12:01pm on 10 Feb 2010, s17scp wrote:
    am I 1st?!!!

    Well aren't you brilliant!!!!

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  • 9. At 12:31pm on 10 Feb 2010, truebluefrmbirth wrote:

    # 3

    It's union he's talking bout mate - so 15.

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  • 10. At 12:31pm on 10 Feb 2010, Jonathan Hinton wrote:

    rugby also has 15 players as well

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  • 11. At 12:33pm on 10 Feb 2010, Chelseadub wrote:

    “You start to worry when the best thing you can do is to actually compliment his kicking – that’s like complimenting Tiger Woods on his sweaters,”

    RTE Rugby Pundit George Hook on Brian O'Driscoll's performance in the Ireland v Italy Six nations game at the weekend.

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  • 12. At 12:37pm on 10 Feb 2010, Mike wrote:

    Thought this might be of interest - just read a great interview with BBC’s reporter Jacqui Oatley (she was the first woman to commentate on match of the day) here: http://www.betweenthelines.me.uk/

    I thoroughly recommend it!

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  • 13. At 12:43pm on 10 Feb 2010, john wrote:

    552 formation would be 13 players, big bus

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  • 14. At 12:43pm on 10 Feb 2010, Rich_Owl wrote:

    "He's as built like a lighthoue but only twice as bright". Dick Bests assessment of Alun Wynn Jones 'indescretion' in the 6 nations

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  • 15. At 12:44pm on 10 Feb 2010, Rich_Owl wrote:

    Of course that should read "half as bright". D'oh!

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  • 16. At 12:49pm on 10 Feb 2010, s17scp wrote:

    At 12:27pm on 10 Feb 2010, JacksfromBuxton wrote:

    Oh,and s17scp.Well done.A real red letter day for you,and all that bunny.Janner...

    Cheers JacksfromBuxton - Chelseadub (No.8): Jealousy is such an ugly emotion!!! lol!!!!

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  • 17. At 12:49pm on 10 Feb 2010, ControlledMagic wrote:

    #7, BTP

    Chippy, asinine and racist; you must be proud?

    Why does the comment have to be made up? Couldn't you see that the observation in itself is true? "Out of the mouth of babes", and all that?

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  • 18. At 12:49pm on 10 Feb 2010, And if you know your history wrote:

    #5 #9 #10

    I think #3 was a joke chaps.

    I have just registered with 606 to make this point. I have no idea why?

    I don't even like rugby.

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  • 19. At 1:01pm on 10 Feb 2010, Rovers Return - HKR AWAY DAYS wrote:

    "Eh HKR.. Rugby UNION teams have 15 players or have you only heard of League??" Chelseadub

    Reel 'em in!

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  • 20. At 2:03pm on 10 Feb 2010, Richard wrote:

    PLEASE stop quoting Lawrenson. He is not witty, he is not entertaining & he knows less than 0. He is the man in the pub who everyone else avoids who laughs at all his own jokes & is the only one who does. Quoting him every single week only encourages him. P45, please, BBC.

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  • 21. At 2:03pm on 10 Feb 2010, Jordan D wrote:

    What? Nothing about England Captains?

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  • 22. At 2:06pm on 10 Feb 2010, Paul Bailey wrote:

    Arsenal Wenger? I know he's been there a while but didn't realise he'd actually gone as far as to change his name!!

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  • 23. At 2:23pm on 10 Feb 2010, l00py wrote:

    5-5-2, isn't that 13 players?

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  • 24. At 2:34pm on 10 Feb 2010, Kunzvi wrote:

    How come there is no chant of John Terry? The "dont trust him with your wife" chants we heard? Cumon BBC i thot the gagging order was removed???

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  • 25. At 2:35pm on 10 Feb 2010, LABSAB9 wrote:

    GO CHELSEA!!!

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  • 26. At 2:36pm on 10 Feb 2010, MrBlueBurns wrote:

    We supported Terry all the way through Sunday's game. In fact, it was me who he gave his shirt to after the match had finished. It was ironic that he uses the same perfume as my wife.

    Hang on.....

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  • 27. At 2:46pm on 10 Feb 2010, Kunzvi wrote:

    Chants in my local at the weekend:

    Man City V Hull : "Terry took your wife, Oh Terry took your wife", "He's (Wayne Bridge) not even first choice at home"

    Chelsea V Arsenal: "Ashley, Ashley, check your wife"

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  • 28. At 3:01pm on 10 Feb 2010, m1ke1976 wrote:

    I think in the 552 + the bus, the bus was instead of a GK. so 12 players and a bus!!!

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  • 29. At 3:12pm on 10 Feb 2010, Anhtuan Nguyen Huynh wrote:


    Rio Ferdinand to captain the England bunch in World Cup 2010.

    England manager Capello finally got it right. The England back field is firmly set.

    With due respect, John Terry could have been striped of the Chelsea captaincy after failing to convert the decisive penalty that cost them the Champions League title in Moscow a couple of years ago. John Terry is at club level, not World Cup level.

    The appointment of Man U centre back Rio Ferdinand to the England captaincy post is just one of the right steps in the right direction made by Capello. PURELY THE FOOTBALL DECISION. Nothing more, nothing less.

    (Baby Sports, USA) http://babysportsinstitute.blogspot.com

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  • 30. At 3:16pm on 10 Feb 2010, Holloway2Holland wrote:

    29 Anhtuan Nguyen Huynh

    "The appointment of Man U centre back Rio Ferdinand to the England captaincy post is just one of the right steps in the right direction made by Capello. PURELY THE FOOTBALL DECISION. Nothing more, nothing less."

    Nothing to do with an alledged affair then?
    --------

    26. MrBlueBurns.

    Nice one.

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  • 31. At 3:19pm on 10 Feb 2010, Bart_E_Slartfast wrote:

    "...time running out quickly for Utrecht"
    Australian commentator during PSV v Utrecht, near the end of the match. As far as I know time runs out at the same rate.
    (Dhaval Jogia, UK)

    -----------------------------------------------------

    Great blog as always Chris!

    The above quote got me thinking. As we all know clocks run at different speeds at different altitudes according to general relativity. Clocks tick faster at lower altitudes.

    http://www.physicsforums.com/archive/index.php/t-105308.html

    purvect describes this well (3rd post down)

    Eindhoven and Utrecht are at different elevations so the clock will run at different rates at their respective grounds.

    http://population.mongabay.com/population/netherlands/2756253/eindhoven

    The average elevation of Eindhoven, Netherlands is 19 meters.

    http://population.mongabay.com/population/netherlands/2745912/utrecht

    The average elevation of Utrecht, Netherlands is 1 meters.

    So according to general relativity a game at Eindhoven last longer than at Utrecht so the Utrecht players will have more urgency as they play more games at the higher rate.

    But conversely if they play at Eindhoven with greater urgency they have more time (at least hypothetically) so time would run out slower...

    But it does depend where the game was played which isn't mentioned.

    I think I've got that right.





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  • 32. At 3:23pm on 10 Feb 2010, Holloway2Holland wrote:

    @31. Bet you're the life and soul of the party.

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  • 33. At 3:26pm on 10 Feb 2010, nick wrote:

    @ 14 & 15 Rich_Owl wrote:

    14 ."He's as built like a lighthoue but only twice as bright". Dick Bests assessment of Alun Wynn Jones 'indescretion' in the 6 nations
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    15. Of course that should read "half as bright". D'oh!


    ----

    He's half as bright as a lighthoue?

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  • 34. At 3:33pm on 10 Feb 2010, United Dreamer wrote:

    So its not only in Ireland where the Unionists have no sense of humour. Its 13!

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  • 35. At 3:33pm on 10 Feb 2010, United Dreamer wrote:

    #31 - is your real name John Motson?

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  • 36. At 3:41pm on 10 Feb 2010, United Dreamer wrote:

    #26 - now thats what I call true devotion.

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  • 37. At 3:41pm on 10 Feb 2010, collie21 wrote:

    I like this style of quotes of the week. Personally however I just find it odd that Keano Holloway Wenger and Lawro all usually make up the most part of it, with that bloke at CP who names escapes me for a moment.

    It's either the big egos or the big noses or both.

    #35 is your real name United Dreamer? Lovely brag on the Unionists...

    #31 According to general relativity if Holland played Bolivia, they would loose as the Dutch would play for about 70 mins and then stop...if the game was in la Paz they might not even come out for the second half.

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  • 38. At 3:42pm on 10 Feb 2010, Whiteoutloud wrote:

    31. At 3:19pm on 10 Feb 2010, Frederick_S_Kitty wrote:

    I think I've got that right.
    ---------------------------------------------------------

    I'm sure you have, but I lost the will to live half way through it.



    29. At 3:12pm on 10 Feb 2010, Anhtuan Nguyen Huynh wrote:

    Rio Ferdinand to captain the England bunch in World Cup 2010.

    England manager Capello finally got it right. The England back field is firmly set.

    ----------------------------------------------------------------
    And if England are stripped of the World Cup because a team member failed to pee in a pot, we'll know who to blame.



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  • 39. At 3:43pm on 10 Feb 2010, collie21 wrote:

    re the 552 plus the bus, of course it's 13, the bus isn't going to walk out and park all by itself. Maybe the guy should change to rugby league.

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  • 40. At 3:47pm on 10 Feb 2010, SimplyZola wrote:

    This comment was removed because the moderators found it broke the House Rules.

  • 41. At 3:48pm on 10 Feb 2010, collie21 wrote:

    I think JT just lost his way he so dedidcated to playing at the bridge he took his job home with him and finished up at the wrong house

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  • 42. At 3:49pm on 10 Feb 2010, Demoremda_AJAX wrote:

    haha that comment of the mainz trainer is great, would crack me up if they really put a bus in front of goal just for laughs

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  • 43. At 3:58pm on 10 Feb 2010, Holloway2Holland wrote:

    This was posted on RR's blog earlier in the week;

    916. At 8:08pm on 07 Feb 2010, blogdignag wrote:
    heres one for chris charles:

    When asked to comment on Avram Grant's visit to a "massage parlour" his wife, Tzofit, said he needed a massage because of the stress of being "a great manager of a crappy team".

    ha ha!

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  • 44. At 4:09pm on 10 Feb 2010, Bart_E_Slartfast wrote:

    @37 Spot on.

    I don't even want to think of the implications when playing at Yeovil town's old ground. The one with a slope (side-to-side I think). That would mean you'd have to favour one winger over the other if time was running out.

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  • 45. At 4:16pm on 10 Feb 2010, United Dreamer wrote:

    "#35 is your real name United Dreamer? Lovely brag on the Unionists..."

    Indeed. It works from all angles;)

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  • 46. At 4:17pm on 10 Feb 2010, United Dreamer wrote:

    "44. At 4:09pm on 10 Feb 2010, Frederick_S_Kitty wrote:
    @37 Spot on.

    I don't even want to think of the implications when playing at Yeovil town's old ground. The one with a slope (side-to-side I think). That would mean you'd have to favour one winger over the other if time was running out.
    "

    The one running down hill?

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  • 47. At 4:17pm on 10 Feb 2010, Neil Boanson wrote:

    #31 Frederick_S_Kitty

    I think you have a point, didn't Einstein also argue that time isn’t a constant and he’s a lot smarter than me ;-)

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  • 48. At 4:17pm on 10 Feb 2010, United Dreamer wrote:

    #46 Side to side - got you.

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  • 49. At 4:34pm on 10 Feb 2010, collie21 wrote:

    Wasnt' einstien acutally a postman or something? and his theory of relativity was something he did in his spare time....

    It's only a theory!

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  • 50. At 4:42pm on 10 Feb 2010, Bart_E_Slartfast wrote:

    @49 "Wasn't Einstein actually a postman or something?"

    No. He was a Patent Clerk who played for Germany as a semi-pro (I think)

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cl7Zg8P0z3M


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  • 51. At 4:53pm on 10 Feb 2010, Chepstack wrote:

    Sean Derry Derry
    He's better than Stevie G
    And tougher than John Terry
    Sean Derry Derry

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  • 52. At 5:04pm on 10 Feb 2010, Vizsla wrote:

    Vijay Armitraj commenting on Star Sports during the Australian Open tennis said something along the lines of "...footballers get a half time and even F1 drivers go to the pits, but these boys [tennis players] run around for 4 hours!" Err, no they sit around for 2 hours, bounce the ball for 45 mins, watch action replays for 10, inspect different balls for 30 and wipe their brows for 20 more. No wonder they go from 0-0 to 15-0. It would take days if they went 0-0 to 1-0!

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  • 53. At 5:07pm on 10 Feb 2010, Chris Charles wrote:

    Afternoon all. Re the rugby players, the person who sent it in assumed he was talking about union and in the case of the 5-5-2 formation, I was counting the bus as the keeper, but yes, it's a bit ambiguous.

    6. JacksfromBuxton: Well done (gritted teeth) - to be honest you could have had five or six in the first half, we were that bad. Bit of an improvement after half-time but barn doors, bolts and horses and all that. We're doomed I tell ye, doomed.

    31. Frederick_S_Kitty: Wow!

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  • 54. At 5:11pm on 10 Feb 2010, Vizsla wrote:

    RE 52 ...by which I mean if they went by one a time to get to 15.

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  • 55. At 5:35pm on 10 Feb 2010, Wash wrote:

    Rio Ferdinand to captain the England bunch in World Cup 2010.

    England manager Capello finally got it right. The England back field is firmly set.

    With due respect, John Terry could have been striped of the Chelsea captaincy after failing to convert the decisive penalty that cost them the Champions League title in Moscow a couple of years ago. John Terry is at club level, not World Cup level.

    The appointment of Man U centre back Rio Ferdinand to the England captaincy post is just one of the right steps in the right direction made by Capello. PURELY THE FOOTBALL DECISION. Nothing more, nothing less.


    ----------------------------------------------------------------

    Ever heard the saying "better to keep your mouth closed and be thought a fool, than to open it and remove all doubt"?



    Thought not...

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  • 56. At 5:48pm on 10 Feb 2010, ulrichtheknight wrote:

    Is it right that Capello called up Wayne Bridge and said "I phoned John Terry, and just to let you know, he's lost the captains armband. So, if you could have a look under your bed for us........"?

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  • 57. At 5:50pm on 10 Feb 2010, slaptonhatter_matt wrote:

    'Its just like being in church'
    Yeovil fans to their silent Wycombe counterparts!

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  • 58. At 5:57pm on 10 Feb 2010, als wrote:

    This comment was removed because the moderators found it broke the House Rules.

  • 59. At 6:05pm on 10 Feb 2010, No_surrender_to_the_BOA wrote:

    "Can someone do England a favour and give John Terry the telephone number of Heskey's Mrs before the world cup?"
    -Caller TalkSport

    "The reason Rooney is such an improved player is he's finally learned how to count to 10!"
    -Chris Waddle, 5Live

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  • 60. At 6:12pm on 10 Feb 2010, JackSH wrote:

    "People have to realise we’re the only northern-hemisphere team in cricket..." - Paul Collingwood in the Metro (10 Feb) appears to have forgotten about that West Indies, India, Pakistan and Sri Lanka also are cricket playing nations from the, erm, northern hemisphere.

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  • 61. At 6:44pm on 10 Feb 2010, I dont want a display name wrote:

    #3 "I think in any England team, be it football, rugby or cricket, you should have 11 captains."
    Ex-England striker Mark Hateley. Why can't the other four rugby players be captains?

    ----

    #5 Rugby teams have 13 players, Chris! ;-)

    Eh HKR.. Rugby UNION teams have 15 players or have you only heard of League??

    ----

    #9 It's union he's talking bout mate - so 15.

    ----

    Chelseadub and truebluefrmbirth have you never heard of irony?
    Wasn't the ;-} enough of a clue?

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  • 62. At 7:48pm on 10 Feb 2010, ChristalPalace wrote:

    I know this can't go up there, but this one WAS funny:

    Swansea' short and rotund female physio 'runs' onto the pitch during their win at Crystal Palace last night.

    The Palace fans start singing "that's why you sh@g sheep" and "what the f-ing hell is that?"

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  • 63. At 10:44pm on 10 Feb 2010, Jamie wrote:

    Palace chant recently:
    Shaun Derry, Derry
    He's better than Stevie G
    He's better than John Terry
    Shaun Derry, Derry

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  • 64. At 11:45pm on 10 Feb 2010, RyanAFCT wrote:

    Inverness fans at Kilmarnock to Jimmy Calderwood:
    "Jimmy says aye to the Killie pies!" About 200 times!

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  • 65. At 06:44am on 11 Feb 2010, JacksfromBuxton wrote:

    I know the season is almost over,but this is more of a case to get it set up for next season proper.(Call this bit a practise runhttp://www.premierleague.com/page/Home/0,,12306,00.html
    League is called Robbos blog league
    Code needed to join:2261350-436496
    Sign up one and all.
    That includes you too Chris.See if you can beat Robbo...

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  • 66. At 07:00am on 11 Feb 2010, TheRealAuntieDoris wrote:

    This comment was removed because the moderators found it broke the House Rules.

  • 67. At 07:03am on 11 Feb 2010, hagi_now wrote:

    Great stuff on Terry/Bridge.
    But surprised no one has mentioned the chants at the start of the Chelsea-Arsenal game the other day (unless they've been removed already).
    Arsenal fans to Terry: "You're not captain any more!"
    Chelsea fans' reply: "You're not English any more!"
    Arsenal fans ... silence.
    To be fair, the Gunners did field one English player that day: Walcott

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  • 68. At 09:28am on 11 Feb 2010, Bart_E_Slartfast wrote:

    "It's difficult to see if the whistle has gone."
    ESPN commentator during Hull-Chelsea.
    (bigg)

    Neurological research suggests otherwise. Especially if you looked at the whistle through your peripheral vision.

    http://www.livescience.com/health/080818-seeing-sound.html

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  • 69. At 09:32am on 11 Feb 2010, Aston ScriVilla wrote:

    Chris..... what about the Garth Crooks quotes on MOTD2 re JT?? "love affair with the Chelsea fans" etc etc

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  • 70. At 09:51am on 11 Feb 2010, Tommy B wrote:

    CHRIS!!! COME QUICK!!!

    http://www.premierleague.com/page/Home/0,,12306,00.html
    League is called Robbos blog league
    Code needed to join:2261350-436496

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  • 71. At 10:09am on 11 Feb 2010, Cyril wrote:

    You missed off all the chants from the Hull fans to John Terry and Wayne Bridge?

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  • 72. At 10:13am on 11 Feb 2010, Superwomble wrote:

    Maybe Steve Bull wasn't being dim? Muhammad Ali is dead - he died in 1849! http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Muhammad_Ali_of_Egypt

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  • 73. At 10:41am on 11 Feb 2010, Andrew wrote:

    Muhammad Ali is dead - he died in 1849!

    ------------------------------------------

    I think he was on about the other Muhammad Ali, you know, Casius Clay.

    Or to quote Trigger from Only Fools and Horses "and if Del and Raquel have a boy, they're gonna call him Rodney after Dave"

    Trigger I salute you.

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  • 74. At 10:43am on 11 Feb 2010, Bart_E_Slartfast wrote:

    This is what happened in the nightmare I had at 3am last night.

    Journalist: If you were holding a dream dinner party, who would you invite?
    Wayne Bridge: John Terry
    Journalist: And what would be on the menu.
    Wayne Bridge: John Terry, some fava beans and a nice chianti.

    (pauses for a second)

    and some Pickled Onion Monster Munch.

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  • 75. At 10:49am on 11 Feb 2010, Andrew wrote:

    This is what happened in the nightmare I had a 3am this morning:

    My leg jolted forward really fast as if I'd just fallen off a curb. It wasn't really a nightmare as such but I did kick my girlfriends ankle, not that she knew cause she was asleep.

    I'm hoping for one with a nice young lady in it tonight.

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  • 76. At 10:54am on 11 Feb 2010, Superwomble wrote:

    @73: Andrew - no, really, you think?!

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  • 77. At 11:05am on 11 Feb 2010, Andrew wrote:

    @73: Andrew - no, really, you think?!

    ------------------------------------

    Yeah I do! It just suddenly occurred to me, I felt so stupid up until then.

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  • 78. At 11:14am on 11 Feb 2010, Bart_E_Slartfast wrote:

    Andrew - Superwomble is correct. Steve Bull is well known for his interest in the dawn of the Arabic literary renaissance, known as the Nahda.

    Since leaving Wolves he's published several notable works on Egyptian history between 4th March 1769 and 2nd August 1849.

    I though everyone knew that.

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  • 79. At 11:15am on 11 Feb 2010, Rich N wrote:

    This has to be in next weeks:

    "John isn't infallible, he will miss headers and he will get beaten in the air" - Ray Wilkins gives John Terry the boost he needs after recent weeks.

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  • 80. At 11:20am on 11 Feb 2010, Andrew wrote:

    Frederick_S_Kitty

    It makes sense now then, I saw Bully down the pub one night and he said to me "Rifa El Tahtawi, an emissary by Mohamed Ali Pasha suggested that we have a lot to learn from the West" I thought he was on about the North West clubs dominating the league and cups, I was clearly wrong.

    Thanks for clearing that up.

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  • 81. At 11:29am on 11 Feb 2010, Bart_E_Slartfast wrote:

    No problem Andrew

    If you cast your mind back to when Bull's England debut at Hampden Park he was booked for dissent when he suggested to the ref that Ali was "not a builder, but rather a conqueror. He was not Egyptian in any real sense". The ref later stated that he viewed Muhammad Ali as the ‘Father of Modern Egypt' and therefore had no alternative but to take Bull's name.

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  • 82. At 11:33am on 11 Feb 2010, Andrew wrote:

    Yes, it's all clear as mustard now.

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  • 83. At 11:37am on 11 Feb 2010, United Dreamer wrote:

    #81 and how does Modern Egypt feel about that revelation? Refs today are absolutely clueless.

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  • 84. At 11:40am on 11 Feb 2010, Andrew wrote:

    Unfortunately, the paranoia of modern day fundamentalist ideologies, both religious and secular have chocked any breathing space for new ideas to be brought to the table that could potentially change the current system used by refs.

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  • 85. At 11:47am on 11 Feb 2010, United Dreamer wrote:

    Its clear Wiley is an obvious victim of breathing space choking. Does he keep his paranoia in his stomach?

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  • 86. At 11:51am on 11 Feb 2010, Bart_E_Slartfast wrote:

    Your are the ref - by Keith Hacksaw & Trevor Paulillion

    http://www.guardian.co.uk/football/2010/feb/05/you-are-the-ref-laws

    1. A player comes over and issues a contemporary revaluation of the role of a prominent historical figure.
    2. This view is based on imaginary dinner parties that cannot exist because one or more of the guests is dead.

    Keith Hacksaw's view.

    You can't be too lenient with this sort of behaviour. For me it's an instant yellow card.

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  • 87. At 11:56am on 11 Feb 2010, Andrew wrote:

    Sufi meditation is sometimes called Muruqaba which means 'to watch over one's soul'. By partaking in Muruqaba, one is able to develop along their spiritual path by developing a better awareness of their self in gradual stages ascending through into an awareness of the Universe and then of God. The final aim of Muruqaba is for the individual to become extinguished within God (Fanah Filla) before returning to their original state, but with their new knowledge of God and their place within the Universe.

    Not sure if this applies to Wiley though, think he just bottles it.

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  • 88. At 12:22pm on 11 Feb 2010, oldnickyb wrote:

    Another from Steve Bull, talking about an old 'Wolves' goalkeeper,
    "If I live to be half his age I'll be happy"

    The Keeper was 90 years old the next day, Steve Bull is 45!!

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  • 89. At 12:31pm on 11 Feb 2010, Bart_E_Slartfast wrote:

    On 20 January 2010, Wiley did not penalize Arsenal's William Gallas for his tackle on Bolton's Mark Davies in a sequence that led to an Arsenal goal. Bolton manager Owen Coyle said that Gallas should have been sent off.

    Wiley responded to Coyle's comments by divulging the he'd taken no action after Zat Knight had earlier lectured him to the effect that Mahatma Gandhi was "the pre-eminent political and spiritual leader of India during the Indian independence movement. He was the pioneer of satyagraha—resistance to tyranny through mass civil disobedience, a philosophy firmly founded upon ahimsa or total nonviolence" and not the drug-crazed hedonist he is remembered as today.

    Owen Coyle has yet to respond to these revelations but the BBC understands that Zat Knight faces an internal disciplinary inquiry for earlier comments relating to Andy Warhol's role in the Suez crisis.

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  • 90. At 12:35pm on 11 Feb 2010, grimois wrote:

    I sphinx that this thread has got into a Pharoah mess with all of the middle eastern references....

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  • 91. At 1:13pm on 11 Feb 2010, Andrew wrote:

    @90

    Despite trying for an entire hour in the canteen over my lunch I have nothing to offer that comes close to that, so very well done.

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  • 92. At 2:08pm on 11 Feb 2010, JacksfromBuxton wrote:

    Are you in denial then Andrew?

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  • 93. At 2:30pm on 11 Feb 2010, Sam Burgess wrote:

    Is it just me, or does anyone else think that in the 'Your Quotes' section, people just tailor the quotes to get on the page?

    Take the quote about Utrecht, for example : "...time running out quickly for Utrecht".

    Now to me the ellipse suggests information has been deleted/omitted for humour purposes. I have no idea how this match went, nor the original quote, but perhaps it could have gone along these lines:
    "2-1 down and time running out quickly for Utrecht", which would then make sense, and not be an amusing quote.

    Slight rant there, but we need standards from the Beeb! And I'm also in agreement with anyone who thinks Lawro should never be published on this page, nor appear on the screen ever again.

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  • 94. At 2:38pm on 11 Feb 2010, Andrew wrote:

    Are you in denial then Andrew?

    ---------------------------------

    No, in fact I've never even been to Africa.

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  • 95. At 4:29pm on 11 Feb 2010, Bart_E_Slartfast wrote:

    @93 Sam Burgess - I think your expanded quoute sounds a bit fanciful. Isn't "It's a home match so ... time running out quickly for Utrecht. Incidently Johan according to general relativity time would run slower if it was played at PSV's ground. Is that right, Ruud? It's a funny old game." a bit more likely.

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  • 96. At 5:07pm on 11 Feb 2010, peterborofox wrote:

    Stadium announcment at Leicester vs Doncaster

    "Replacing number 6 James Chambers, is number 21 Sam Hird"

    In fact it was number 16 John Oster who came off.

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  • 97. At 5:19pm on 11 Feb 2010, Ulstershaker wrote:

    @34 So its not only in Ireland where the Unionists have no sense of humour. Its 13!

    I'm a Unionist and I haven't stopped laughing since Thierry Henry's Harlem Globetrotter impersonation :-)

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  • 98. At 6:46pm on 11 Feb 2010, JackRVA1 wrote:

    Donovan takes out Cole. Next week Rooney. Successful loan spell.

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  • 99. At 11:47pm on 11 Feb 2010, Fun_n_Games wrote:

    @87
    Of course Buddhism has a similar revelationary philosophical principle.
    Unfortunately I have only learned about these matters recently. When an orthodontist friend of mine told me one day that he had a transcendental experience, I thought he was talking about some overseas work experience he'd done.

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  • 100. At 11:48pm on 11 Feb 2010, Fun_n_Games wrote:

    I wonder what loser is going stay up late just so he can post the 100th comment.

    Oh . . .

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  • 101. At 07:27am on 12 Feb 2010, simitomi wrote:

    Well, Ballack should learn how to play football before he makes comments. And change his shrewd style for example.

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  • 102. At 7:31pm on 12 Feb 2010, Holloway2Holland wrote:

    67. At 07:03am on 11 Feb 2010, hagi_now wrote:
    Great stuff on Terry/Bridge.
    But surprised no one has mentioned the chants at the start of the Chelsea-Arsenal game the other day (unless they've been removed already).
    Arsenal fans to Terry: "You're not captain any more!"
    Chelsea fans' reply: "You're not English any more!"
    Arsenal fans ... silence.
    To be fair, the Gunners did field one English player that day: Walcott
    --------
    Is this the same Chelsea that is owned lock stock and barrel by a Russian?


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  • 103. At 09:28am on 13 Feb 2010, DP Foulkes wrote:

    best shout i've heard lately has been "*inaudible*...You've got crap eyebrows!" At the Cambridge United vs York City clash, and then heard against Salisbury City at Cambridge.

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  • 104. At 9:07pm on 13 Feb 2010, wynnne wrote:

    "Great beard, great horn, he's obviously up for it!"

    Commentator Rob Walker describing an excited far during the Women's 7.5km biathlon.

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  • 105. At 9:28pm on 13 Feb 2010, wynnne wrote:

    Fan, obviously, not far. That doesn't make sense.

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  • 106. At 10:17am on 14 Feb 2010, todd wrote:

    i dont understand ...
    we have replaced the England captain with an ex - druggie ( Rio Ferdinand
    and our vice captain beats up young men in night clubs (Steven Gerrard)
    ???

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  • 107. At 10:55am on 24 Feb 2010, trigg_27 - Keep 606 alive for Rambo wrote:

    The above quote got me thinking. As we all know clocks run at different speeds at different altitudes according to general relativity. Clocks tick faster at lower altitudes.
    --------
    What altitude is Old Trafford at then? We may have an explanation at last...

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