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Quotes of the week

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Chris Charles | 12:31 UK time, Wednesday, 13 January 2010

Yes, it's that time of the week again. Sharp-eyed viewers will notice that there are not as many quotes and chants to share with you this week - probably due to the fact that there was hardly any football on.

But fear not - where there's darts, there's hope! And don't be shy to add on any gems we've missed at the bottom, or by using the old-school postform.

"I've been watching Mark Clattenburg this season. He did the Arsenal-Tottenham game - you'd have had to hit someone with an axe before he booked anyone in that game!"
Sir Alex Ferguson has a pop at the ref after Darren Fletcher's sending off at Birmingham. There's a surprise.

"There were some wonderful and weird decisions out there. The linesman gave offside for our goal - it's an own-goal and he gives offside!"
And the linesman doesn't escape the wrath of Fergie either.
Sir Alex Ferguson at St Andrew's
Fergie cuts a dejected figure at St Andrew's
"When we get to Old Trafford we will take the banner down! It is the last year it will be up, for sure."
Manchester City boss Roberto Mancini vows to oversee the removal of a banner at the Stretford End which features the number of years since City last won a trophy. (Currently midway between 33 and 34.)

"Everyone is dressed to impress, but few of them wrap up even when it's below freezing!"
Fernando Torres marvels at the Liverpool lasses who wear next-to-nothing all year round.

"Being a big centre-half myself, it was obviously me who taught him to go and just gently lift it over the goalkeeper!"
Everton boss David Moyes takes the credit for Steven Pienaar's cute chip against Arsenal.

"You cannot have more fun indoors unless you take your clothes off - and even then it won't last as long and you won't hear as many howls."
BBC darts presenter Colin Murray after Martin 'Wolfie' Adams beat Dave Chisnall to win the BDO title.

"Phil is a once-in-a-lifetime player. It's just a shame he came along in my lifetime."
Bobby George on Phil Taylor.

"One of my friends, one of the few I have lately, told me, 'you're like Rocky'.I'm full of punches and blood but I say to my opponents, 'you don't hurt me, hit harder because you're not hurting me'. There's nothing that can knock me out, my mother used to hit me harder."
Under-fire Juventus coach Ciro Ferrara after watching his side lose four of their last five games.

"He is in a great age group and has got good legs and a lovely touch as you would imagine from a Spanish player in La Liga."
Birmingham boss Alex McLeish admires the pins of new signing Michel.

"Until I feel I'm playing like a snooker player then I am not going to call myself a snooker player any more. I'm going to call myself a leisure man who plays a bit of snooker in his spare time."
'Former' snooker player Ronnie O'Sullivan.

"Colly was saying 'How are TV going to make highlights out of that?!'"
Graeme Swann after team-mate Paul Collingwood's dogged 40 from 188 balls helps England's cricketers to an unlikely draw against South Africa.

"Have you seen his hands? They are pretty disgusting. It was a good question, I thought."
Laura Robson after asking mixed doubles partner Andy Murray about his moisturising habits midway through a match.

"Graham Onions: he's a legend, isn't he?''
Andrew Strauss after the number 11 came up trumps again to see England through to a draw in the third Test against South Africa.
Graham OnionsGraham Onions - legend
"They probably need to promote Graham Onions.''
South Africa skipper Graeme Smith concurs - through gritted teeth.

"It's a little bit naughty. We are trying to get it to reverse - not by stepping on the ball, but by shining it.''
South Africa's AB de Villiers on the 'ball-tampering' row, after Stuart Broad stopped the ball with his foot.


"As captain you've got to talk to the bowlers about what's going on, it's no good standing at first slip and using hieroglyphics."
Former South Africa batsman Clive Rice criticising Graeme Smith's communication skills before the fourth Test in South Africa.
(John Marsh, USA)

"I've got a bus to catch, and so have you!"
Roy Keane after a national newspaper journalist asked him a particularly long-winded question after the Leicester-Ipswich game.
(Simon Braddy, Nottingham)

"There's nothing flaky about that 99!"
Darts commentator after Dave Chisnall took out a crucial 99 in the BDO final.
(Francis Kyan, England)

"Everton, they've got Cahill, Osman and Pienaar. They're not household names - maybe not even in their own houses."
Eamon Dunphy analysing the Arsenal-Everton draw on RTE.
(Kieran Macken, Ireland)

"Coming up later on BBC2, Dave Chisnall meets Tony 'Wolfie' Adams in the final of the BDO World Darts."
BBC2 Announcer on Sunday afternoon - Presumably Tony has been practising with Martin 'The Power' Keown and Lee 'The Count' Dixon!
(Rory, Sutton Coldfield)

"The Bengals got away with one there, but it hasn't solved the problem of Carson Palmer being high all day."
NBC commentator during the New York Jets v Cincinnati Bengals Wild Card play-off game.
(Dan Esam, England)

"We've got three points today, and that's better than one point."
Nigel Adkins being interviewed after Scunthorpe's 4-1 away win against Derby.
(Juan, Leeds)

"Tony Chisnall beats number one seed Dave O'Shea 6-3 to reach the final of the BDO World Championship."
BBC reporters getting in a mess at the Lakeside.
(James Porter, Twickenham)

"He's not really throwing anything at O'Shea."
From darts commentary earlier in the tournament. That's probably a good thing, those darts might hurt!
(Luke D, England).

"Dale Steyn's hamstrings are his Achilles heel."
Shaun Pollock in commentary on the third Test between England and South Africa.

"I know if I was Larry Grayson I wouldn't sell him."
Paul Jewell on Soccer Saturday reveals his pet name for the Leeds manager when talking about Jermaine Beckford.
(John Henry, UK)
Larry GraysonShut that door!

"I dont have to like the guy and I dont like the guy."
Aberdeen manager Mark McGhee referring to the linesman in Saturday's game against Dundee United.
(Glen, Aberdeen)

"(Portsmouth's former owner Sacha)Gaydamak says he is owed £28 by the club."
Taken from an article in The Guardian. I'll lend him the money if he wants!
(Rob Goodall, UK).

"The situation is ongoing but he is with us now until the end of the season - unless Ipswich tell us otherwise. That's the matter closed as far as I am concerned - until it is opened again."
Colchester manager Aidy Boothroyd stating the obvious regarding Kevin Lisbie.
(Paul Charles)

"He's lucky to only get one red."
Robbie Earle commenting on El Hadji Diouf's horror tackle for Blackburn against Aston Villa. Can you get more than one nowadays?

"My experience has shown me that football on the park is a simple game made difficult by players, managers and coaches."
New Watford chairman Graham Taylor.

"That's why you're going down!"
Arsenal fans to West Ham kid who put his penalty wide during half-time entertainment at Upton Park.

"Dot ball to the En-ger-land!"
Barmy Army as England gamely battled to a draw in the third Test against South Africa.

"Stand up if you're top of the league."
Leeds fans at Old Trafford.

"Fergie time! Fergie time!"
Leeds fans when the injury time was announced at Man Utd.
(Spencer Asquith, England)

Pompey fans: "Play up Pompey, Pompey play up!"
Coventry fans: "Pay up Pompey, Pompey pay up!"
During FA Cup tie.
(Scott Danns Four Million)

"One Song! We've only got one Song!"
Arsenal fans against Pompey when Alex Song popped up to score a header.
(Inspired by TA6)
Arsenal's Alex SongThey've only got one Song
"We're all standing on a future block of flats."
Arsenal fans at Portsmouth.


"And here is the Coventry team...
Number 1, Kieren Westwood
Number 2, Stephen Wright
Number 6, James McPake
Number 24, Richard Wood
Number 15, Martin Craine
Number 7, David Bell
Number 4, Sammy Clingan
Number 17, Aron Gunnarsson
Number 11, Michael Mc Indoe
Number 10, Freddy Eastwood
And Number 24, Richard Wood."
Looks of confusion amongst the City fans at that point.
(Scott Danns Four Million)

"Exeter are down to 10 men and are losing 2-0." Followed by a sarcastic laugh.
Announcer at Torquay.

Don't forget to add on any quotes/chants/announcements we may have missed at the bottom, or by using the old-school postform.


  • 1. At 1:50pm on 13 Jan 2010, Grumpy wrote:

    "I know if I was Larry Grayson I wouldn't sell him."

    Just to explain, Simon Grayson's nickname is actually Larry - after Larry Grayson.

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  • 2. At 2:15pm on 13 Jan 2010, Dirtboy wrote:

    Re 1.

    Jewell has worked with Grayson and calls him that. He's done it before on the show.

    Its not a goof.

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  • 3. At 2:19pm on 13 Jan 2010, I dont want a display name wrote:

    "He's lucky to only get one red."
    Robbie Earle commenting on El Hadji Diouf's horror tackle for Blackburn against Aston Villa. Can you get more than one nowadays?
    Perhaps you ought to look up "irony".

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  • 4. At 2:20pm on 13 Jan 2010, Thoughtsonfootball wrote:

    "If Hull lose against Tottenham Hotspur they cannot play Manchester United because Manchester United were not there, so I cannot understand why you would make such an utterance."

    Danny Jordaan being very confusing following Phil Brown's comments about the attack on Togo.

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  • 5. At 2:28pm on 13 Jan 2010, Didier Drogba- just another Cameron Jerome wannabe wrote:

    trevor4491: perhaps you should look up irony

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  • 6. At 3:06pm on 13 Jan 2010, Chris Charles wrote:

    1&2. Gotcha. I'll amend accordingly.

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  • 7. At 3:17pm on 13 Jan 2010, flatknees wrote:

    bluecity91: perhaps you should look up irony

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  • 8. At 3:44pm on 13 Jan 2010, Chris Charles wrote:

    Right you lot, I've saved you the bother: irony; a figure of speech in which the intended meaning is the opposite of that expressed by the words used.

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  • 9. At 4:29pm on 13 Jan 2010, langboyred wrote:

    Friday's game has gone and come Saturday it was all about starting with a blank sheet of football and starting to prepare for a difficult cup tie.

    Billy Davies following Forest's emphatic win at West Brom

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  • 10. At 4:31pm on 13 Jan 2010, Mikey wrote:

    I was away looking up irony too.. thought it had maybe changed due to the confusion..

    Technically you can get more than 1 red card anyway..

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  • 11. At 4:32pm on 13 Jan 2010, Stevat wrote:

    I need to do some irony tonight, got a massive pile of clothes at home.

    Onions is a legend, tis true.

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  • 12. At 4:35pm on 13 Jan 2010, QuinsFan1987 wrote:

    Is that irony? Or just lying?

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  • 13. At 4:40pm on 13 Jan 2010, jonny_evs100 wrote:

    "That's what I'd call a long short throw-in."
    Steve Claridge during Five Live's FA Cup coverage of Coventry v Portsmouth. Was it long or was it short?

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  • 14. At 4:43pm on 13 Jan 2010, jonny_evs100 wrote:

    "That's what I'd call a long short throw-in."
    Steve Claridge during Five Live's FA Cup coverage of Coventry v Portsmouth. Was it long or was it short?

    Jon Evans, South Wales.

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  • 15. At 4:45pm on 13 Jan 2010, jonny_evs100 wrote:

    "So who's the better looking one? Is it Roberto Mancini or Jose Mourinho?"
    Alan Green and Jan Molby discuss the best looking football managers during Five Live's coverage of Man City v Blackburn.

    Jon Evans, South Wales.

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  • 16. At 5:13pm on 13 Jan 2010, Harlequin wrote:

    Here's what I got -

    Irony is a situation, literary technique, or rhetorical device in which there is an incongruity, discordance, or unintended connection with truth, that goes strikingly beyond the most simple and evident meaning of words or actions.

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  • 17. At 5:30pm on 13 Jan 2010, Conorbu wrote:

    "My attitude will be the same in my next match - I won't be surprised if I win or lose."

    Ronnie O'Sullivan not easily surprised after his victory last night

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  • 18. At 6:09pm on 13 Jan 2010, Didier Drogba- just another Cameron Jerome wannabe wrote:

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  • 19. At 6:13pm on 13 Jan 2010, Grinner wrote:

    The managerless Royals have not won in five games (D4, L2). From the BBC website

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  • 20. At 7:44pm on 13 Jan 2010, themadworldofjb wrote:

    Geofrey Boycott during the Third Test against SA,

    "England have a very English attack"

    Really, I thought we used South African imports in all aspects of our game.

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  • 21. At 7:45pm on 13 Jan 2010, themadworldofjb wrote:

    Not saying we do, just Boycott is stating the obvious about our attack.

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  • 22. At 7:46pm on 13 Jan 2010, themadworldofjb wrote:

    "Let me buy him a drink"

    Sir Ian 'Beefy' Botham hailing the only man ever to run Nasser Hussain out in Test cricket, Grahame Thorpe.

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  • 23. At 7:54pm on 13 Jan 2010, themadworldofjb wrote:

    "Let me buy him a drink"

    Sir Ian 'Beefy' Botham hailing the only man ever to run Nasser Hussain out in Test cricket, Grahame Thorpe.

    Josh in London

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  • 24. At 11:06pm on 13 Jan 2010, In Off The Ghost wrote:

    "On his day there isn’t a defender in the league who can hold a Roman Candle to Sol, and I back him to come back with a bang against Bolton."

    Guy Fawkes on Sol Campbell's return.

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  • 25. At 11:09pm on 13 Jan 2010, BeyondThePale wrote:

    "Rafa Benitez is safe in his job"

    Me, about three hours ago.


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  • 26. At 11:14pm on 13 Jan 2010, Martin Ferguson wrote:

    Reading fans singing at Liverpool fans as they won 2-1 away in the FA cup...
    "were winning away, were winning awaaaaaaay, how s**t must you be, were winning away!
    (Martin Ferguson, Chichester)

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  • 27. At 11:37pm on 13 Jan 2010, DennyCraneWHU wrote:

    Could the irony-ista please settle down? But until then…

    The supreme irony of life is that hardly anyone gets out of it alive.
    Robert A Heinlein

    Irony is an insult conveyed in the form of a compliment.
    Edwin P Whipple

    I have no race prejudice. I have no colour prejudices or caste prejudices. Indeed I know it. I can stand any society. All that I care to know is that a man is a human being – that is enough for me: he can’t be any worse.
    Mark Twain

    Sentimental irony is a dog that bays at the moon while pissing on a grave.
    Karl Kraus (No, me neither.)

    With supreme irony, the war to “make the world safe for democracy” ended by leaving democracy more unsafe in the world than at any time since the collapse of the revolutions of 1848.
    James Harvey Robinson (Readers probably didn’t know that.)

    It is fitting that under Richard Nixon, “launder” became a dirty word.
    William Zinsser

    And finally, a simile and an irony…
    A mind is like a parachute. If it doesn’t open, you’re f..ked.
    Don Williams, Jnr

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  • 28. At 11:45pm on 13 Jan 2010, AmarantineBlue wrote:

    "i now watch the NFL"- facebook status update, from disgruntled liverpool fan.

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  • 29. At 11:48pm on 13 Jan 2010, AmarantineBlue wrote:

    are we setting up an irony board? so to speak.

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  • 30. At 00:15am on 14 Jan 2010, robbtheroyal1988 wrote:

    Noticed on ITV during the Liverpool vs. Reading FA cup replay:
    OFF: 25 Gylfi Sigurdsson
    ON: 9 Shane Long

    12 minutes later Sigurdsson scored a levelling penalty... not bad for a player who had been substituted!

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  • 31. At 00:52am on 14 Jan 2010, Grinner wrote:

    I noticed that too Rob, was quite confusing!

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  • 32. At 10:01am on 14 Jan 2010, ben wrote:

    Mancini or Mourihno? Surely Mancini? He's way cuter.

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  • 33. At 10:54am on 14 Jan 2010, Middle14 wrote:

    "With only 10 games, 3 or 4 might get washed out and you're only left with about 8 games, so you lose nearly half a season."

    Monty Panesar explaining why the South African first class season wouldn't work in England.

    Joey, Southampton

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  • 34. At 1:14pm on 14 Jan 2010, RoverElliot wrote:

    "Jenson is literally putting his balls on the line going up against Lewis"
    David Coulthard talking about Jenson's move to McLaren. I definately don't understand why he left Brawn now, they were going to pay him more to leave his balls scot free...

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  • 35. At 1:29pm on 14 Jan 2010, Mikky_C wrote:

    "He's lucky to only get one red."
    Robbie Earle commenting on El Hadji Diouf's horror tackle for Blackburn against Aston Villa. Can you get more than one nowadays?

    Err. . . Yes.

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  • 36. At 00:14am on 15 Jan 2010, Fred Crellin wrote:

    Evening everyone... sorry I'm a bit late but having technology difficulties. Don't you just love the stuff eh.

    Right them, headline writing time..... brace yourselves


    Firstly, I'll lay my cards on the table and admit I'm a dyed in the wool, blue running through my veins Man City supporter.

    Before you start scoffing at the last two lines together, here's my train of thought.

    The last month has been rife with stories about Utd's financial difficulties, as I've mentioned in previous comments on the BBC sports site as far back as the beginning of December 2009.

    Utd have had a stratospherically successful time under Furguson and what he has built and achieved in nearly quarter of a century. But just how must he really feel about the financial mess the club is in thanks to their current owners.

    Just to remind people what I mentioned a month or so ago (I'll skip the bit about City pushing Utd down the pecking order and the financial implications of that): Utd won the premiership and finished runners up in the champions league. Yet even with this level of success, they still only managed to produce a financial profit with the sale of Ronaldo.

    Ferguson has said he won't be buying any players in the Jan tranfer window, despite a crippling injury list. Surely the 'richest' (translate that how you like)football club can afford to buy in some quality backup to ensure further success?

    Apparently not.

    So where does Ferguson go from here? Based on all the stories doing the rounds at the moment, the only logical solution I can come to is that if Utd fail to win ANY trophies this year (and by that I mean the EPL or CL), he doen's really have anywhere to go.

    He hasn't got the financial clout he's become accustomed to.
    He's fast approaching his 'winter years'.
    It's becoming increasingly obvious to many that Utd's grip on English football is coming to an end and that he will struggle to keep up his phenominal record in football.

    I think that he has probably thought quite recently that he should quit soon (very soon) while he still has the admiration of the vast majority of footballers and fans for all that he has achieved.... me included.

    Stories of his imminent departure have made headlines in the past which have come to nothing. However, the current economic climate at Old Trafford bears a far greater threat of this proclamation becoming reality than in the past.

    Should City beat Utd over 2 legs in the next couple of weeks, I think an announcement along these lines won't be far behind. Sir Alex will leave with his head held high and his record in tact.

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  • 37. At 12:42pm on 16 Jan 2010, jordanuk90MUFC wrote:

    Irony used by a womany to iron your clothesy

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  • 38. At 7:33pm on 16 Jan 2010, butter fingers wrote:

    "Dale Steyn's hamstrings are his Achilles heel."

    I sent that - why no name check?

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  • 39. At 11:28am on 18 Jan 2010, Chris Charles wrote:

    39. Oops, butter fingers - sorry about that. Must have accidentally been erased.

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