3Oh!3 ft. Ke$ha - 'My First Kiss'
Some parts of the brain are more important than others. The auditory cortexes, for example, get a LOT of love from various different sensory organs and must feel like the most popular kid in school. Whereas the front plaintive membrane - devoted to opportunities which you have missed, and which could've turned out to be something really special now you come to look back on them - occasionally swells and glows like an inflatable lightbulb and then goes back to being feeble, dark and neglected.
But the one that we're all devoted to is memory. Memory makes us who we are, because without it we'd forget every knock and hug, every boo and hurrah that taught us valuable lessons about how to live. We'd forget how to do things we now take for granted, and we'd forget who we love and who we do not love. Memory is where everything that comes into the brain gets stored, the way an old man stores washers and bolts in carefully labelled drawers, ready to be brought back out again, should the experience prove to have been a useful one.
Songwriters rely on memory. They want to sink bits of music so deeply into your consciousness, they can't be yanked back out without risking severe damage. To do this most effectively, they need to create a musical event which you can process straight away, and which can be recalled forever more. It doesn't matter if you are pleased to recall it, it just matters that you do.
(Here's the video. It's handsy.)
3Oh!3 are masters at making devilish memory harpoons out of rusty old schoolyard cack, and then ramming them into the remembral synapses of unsuspecting listeners with the help of some hot female pop star or other. First it was Katy Perry, now it's Ke$ha. Both seem to have been brought along to add some credibility to this sleazy duo's claims to be able to make women very happy. They have chosen wisely, as sleazy hangs around Ke$ha like a sweaty cloud.
The only question, once the song is stuck in there, forever, is whether this is something you can put up with without smashing your face off on a wall.
(Incidentally, do these pop stars have ANY idea how irritating it is having to carefully type out names like 3Oh!3 or Ke$ha with the special characters in there? Yeah, thought so.)
There's not a lot in it between this and 'Don't Trust Me', musically or thematically speaking. The best bit is the playground rhyme, and Ke$ha's slurry delivery beats that of the '3 by MILES. It's probably cos she's flirting and they're shouting.
Anyway, my favourite bit of low-rent ick is this:
"Your kiss is like whiskey it gets me drunk,
And I wake up in the morning with the taste of your tongue"
Although anyone who has seen the movie Kick-Ass would be forgiven for hearing the word "tunk" instead - because that is an actual rhyme.
And you have to admit, that would make the song memorable, but perhaps not for the reasons 3Oh!3 had in mind when they recorded it.
(PS: docked one star for running out of ideas two-thirds of the way through.)
Kibitzers says: "How can such a simple hook with "Oo's" and "sing-talking" do that to you?!"
Common Sense Media says: "In another classic 3OH!3 move, the song eventually crescendos into a big synth-pop finish that will likely get it plenty of spins in the dance clubs.
Fresh On Campus says: "The first few seconds of it involve listening to people making kissy sounds and as I try to imagine what they must have looked like as they were recording this track, it kinda weirds me out."