Lady GaGa ft. Beyoncé - 'Telephone'
Guest reviewer: Kay Smith
You can't blame a man for getting confused. I mean, one minute a woman (and her friend) is purring away at you in breathy, panting tones, demanding that you call her on your video phone so she can show you how naughty she is - and the next, they're telling you not to call at all.
With so much contradiction going on, it's a wonder any fellas keep persisting. But then again, the women concerned aren't exactly average. After the innuendo-riddled (but slightly rubbish) 'come and get me' sexiness of Beyonce's 'Video Phone' featuring Lady Gaga, the superstar pair are back with another telephone-themed collaboration, and this time it seems they're no longer in the mood.
(Video isn't ready yet. It's gonna be another eye-peeler, innit)
For starters, it's GaGa's show this time around, and she's decided she's had quite enough of her man calling, and that she'd much rather be on the dancefloor than talking to him. Plus she hasn't got a signal in the club anyway, which she's trying to tell him, but he just keeps on calling regardless.
At this point you can't help but wonder why no-one suggested to GaGa that she turn her phone off altogether, but if she was wearing those funny fangs at the time then maybe no-one was brave enough. Or maybe they did try but she just couldn't hear them over the music; whatever...
'Telephone' is a pure dancefloor track, yet it also provides a platform for GaGa to show us the sweeter side of her voice. Starting off simple, melodic and slow, the song kicks in after the first verse by shattering your expectations of a ballad. It's got stuttering (and lots of it), it's repetitive, and it's catchy. And if the words don't rhyme - like "play" and "hand", then Gaga just adds an 'eh' on the end, and everything works out fine.
Beyonce comes in somewhere in the middle, providing a semi-rapped vocal which is strong and provides the 'girl power' element. If you like her voice on 'Diva', you'll like this.
In short - and totally against the way modern technology is developing - 'Telephone' more than makes up for where 'Video Phone' fell short, and definitely feels more like the kind of song that you'd expect from such a superstar collaboration.