K.I.G - 'Head, Shoulders, Kneez and Toez'
The first time I heard this song, I was brushing my teeth in my flat. Let's be clear: I hadn't put the song on (if I had, brushing my teeth would hardly be a suitable time to listen to it what with all the noisy bristles and need for immense concentration), but I could hear it coming from the flat upstairs.
Now, me and my sister are fairly new to our flat and for a while we've been trying to guess who lives up there, because they really are very noisy, even by our standards (and we spend our evenings working out how to cover Britney songs using a saucepan and a wooden spoon). Until now, we'd only heard a deep voice - which we deduced meant a man lived up there - and a baby's cry, meaning there's a baby as well (yep, we are basically top quality detectives).
But on this day, as I was sat on the side of my bath (well, brushing can be tiring), I heard the words "head, shoulders, knees and toes" filtering down to me, in a musical fashion.
Nearly choking on a loose bristle, I called my sister. "I know who else lives upstairs!"
"Who?!" She practically screamed.
I took a deep breath. "...a toddler!"
Okay, so now that I've heard the full version 'Head, Shoulders, Kneez and Toez', I realise that this is quite clearly not a song for toddlers. But, the point of my story remains true, in that it may as well be.
Yes, the real version (as opposed to the through-my-ceiling one) has got a seriously funky beat and yes, it's also got Dappy from N Dubz in the video (or at least a guy who looks just like him and wears his hat). Yes, it's good fun and yes, it's very memorable. But all these yesses don't change the fact that the song is basically an embellished nursery rhyme.
'Head, Shoulders, Kneez and Toez' will be a hit at school discos up and down the country for months, if not years, to come. After all, it requires dance moves that you learnt when you were five and even the less rhythmically-inclined will be able to follow (see if you can guess them, I bet you can), making it easier to dance to than even 'Kung Fu Fighting'. When I was twelve, I know this is all I ever wanted from a song.
Call me pedantic (don't), but the thing that I find most embarrassing is the title, where they've tagged the letter 'z' onto the end of 'kneez' and 'toez' but not 'shoulders'. Why?! Are shoulders not cool enough?
(I'm pretty sure mine are. As I've pointed out before: I can wiggle them in astonishing ways.)
In any case, 'Z' instead of an 'S' is offically NOT CLEVER ANYMORE.
Z or no z, this song is not to be taken seriously; it's the new Crazy Frog and exists purely to both annoy the hell out of Coldplays of the world by hogging the No.1 spot and to inspire brilliant, tongue in-cheek parodies (see Mista Jam's 'Egg, Soldiers, Beans and Toast' for proof). And for this and its fun factor, I'll give it two stars, because let's be honest, who doesn't like to see Chris Martian having a bit of a tantrum?
Download: Out now
12" Released: March 23rd
NB: I'd like to point out that although it may appear this way, I am not obsessed with brushing my teeth. I promise.