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K.I.G - 'Head, Shoulders, Kneez and Toez'

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Vicki Vicki | 10:06 UK time, Monday, 16 March 2009

K.I.GThe first time I heard this song, I was brushing my teeth in my flat. Let's be clear: I hadn't put the song on (if I had, brushing my teeth would hardly be a suitable time to listen to it what with all the noisy bristles and need for immense concentration), but I could hear it coming from the flat upstairs.

Now, me and my sister are fairly new to our flat and for a while we've been trying to guess who lives up there, because they really are very noisy, even by our standards (and we spend our evenings working out how to cover Britney songs using a saucepan and a wooden spoon). Until now, we'd only heard a deep voice - which we deduced meant a man lived up there - and a baby's cry, meaning there's a baby as well (yep, we are basically top quality detectives).

But on this day, as I was sat on the side of my bath (well, brushing can be tiring), I heard the words "head, shoulders, knees and toes" filtering down to me, in a musical fashion.

Nearly choking on a loose bristle, I called my sister. "I know who else lives upstairs!"

"Who?!" She practically screamed.

I took a deep breath. "...a toddler!"

Okay, so now that I've heard the full version 'Head, Shoulders, Kneez and Toez', I realise that this is quite clearly not a song for toddlers. But, the point of my story remains true, in that it may as well be.

Yes, the real version (as opposed to the through-my-ceiling one) has got a seriously funky beat and yes, it's also got Dappy from N Dubz in the video (or at least a guy who looks just like him and wears his hat). Yes, it's good fun and yes, it's very memorable. But all these yesses don't change the fact that the song is basically an embellished nursery rhyme.

'Head, Shoulders, Kneez and Toez' will be a hit at school discos up and down the country for months, if not years, to come. After all, it requires dance moves that you learnt when you were five and even the less rhythmically-inclined will be able to follow (see if you can guess them, I bet you can), making it easier to dance to than even 'Kung Fu Fighting'. When I was twelve, I know this is all I ever wanted from a song.

Call me pedantic (don't), but the thing that I find most embarrassing is the title, where they've tagged the letter 'z' onto the end of 'kneez' and 'toez' but not 'shoulders'. Why?! Are shoulders not cool enough?

(I'm pretty sure mine are. As I've pointed out before: I can wiggle them in astonishing ways.)

In any case, 'Z' instead of an 'S' is offically NOT CLEVER ANYMORE.

Z or no z, this song is not to be taken seriously; it's the new Crazy Frog and exists purely to both annoy the hell out of Coldplays of the world by hogging the No.1 spot and to inspire brilliant, tongue in-cheek parodies (see Mista Jam's 'Egg, Soldiers, Beans and Toast' for proof). And for this and its fun factor, I'll give it two stars, because let's be honest, who doesn't like to see Chris Martian having a bit of a tantrum?

Two starsDownload: Out now
12" Released: March 23rd

(Vicki Lutas)

NB: I'd like to point out that although it may appear this way, I am not obsessed with brushing my teeth. I promise.


  • Comment number 1.

    I love this song :D..err are yu daft 2 stars it shud be at least 4.. nd like I sed you guys always review ALL the songs in a bad way. Nd wot if it’s a nursery rhyme its still good get over it lol..nd get over the z thing as well haha..xx

  • Comment number 2.

    Haha! Sorry you don't agree with what I said, I guess I just prefer the, err, original...

    PS. Check out http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pu2cci_RaLE now THAT'S 4 star quality ;)

  • Comment number 3.

    I think Nosheen's (I'm guessing the 3s are in place of the letter E - 3s are rather rare in names) comment basically boils down to "Get over it."
    In fact, you may as well not bother ever writing another review, since all songs are clearly great. Any qualms you may have can be erased simply by telling yourself to "get over it". What a refreshing approach.

  • Comment number 4.

    I have to agree with Vicki...this is just a terrible, pointless remake of a great nursery song that I was really into back then. It's sexualizing something that was made for 3 year olds! I don't like this song at all.

  • Comment number 5.

    Now I think this is a really difficult song to review and rate.

    On one hand it is child like and simple and very disposable.................. but on the other it has the potential to get people talking and dancing.... I could not stop smiling when I was listening to it !

    It could be a big hit in a novelty kind of way and I am looking forward to seeing people dancing to it in clubs.

    As for giving it stars out of five as a song I would agree with VICKI....... but as for commercial success and generating input and participation which I am guessing was the aim... I would have to mark it higher.

    It will be interesting to see what this song does... it could disappear or be a commercial success ...... let's see !

  • Comment number 6.

    XxlivsxX (U11665680)..why dunt yu jus shut the hell up nd dunt chat to me..or about me lool..xx

  • Comment number 7.

    Oh blimey...

    No fighting please. I mean I know it's a nursery rhyme, but that doesn't mean it's time to invoke playground law.

    Lots of love

    Daddy ChartBlog

  • Comment number 8.

    Actually, I don't think it's hard to review or rate at all. To wit:

    "Utter garbage. Minus 878 stars."

    See? Easy.

  • Comment number 9.

    Were not fighting lol jus telling her to keep her comments about me to herself.xx

  • Comment number 10.

    The reason you people dunt like songs like heads shoulders knees and toes are becoz yur all OLD lol nd these sorts of songs are for teens yur all like over 25.

  • Comment number 11.

    OK, Nosh, I like what you're saying here.. Let's put this theory to the test...

    Is there anyone under the age of 25 who doesn't like this song and is prepared to say so?

    Spiggy, Curts, Kim, Liv...feel free to jump in, if you're young enough!

  • Comment number 12.

    Im 19 and think that song is awful.

  • Comment number 13.

    I'm the grand old age of 15 (I know!) and I don't like this song.

  • Comment number 14.

    I'm 17, and I heard it via my 12 year old niece, and we're both in accordance that after the first listen it is, in fact, naff.

  • Comment number 15.

    haha..yu got no taste nd yu probably listen to rock!! =]

  • Comment number 16.

    I'm the grand old age of 15 (I know!) and I don't like this song - haha why wud yu talk like that i think yu got the numbers the rong way round!! =]

  • Comment number 17.

    She probably talks like that because it's engaging, coherent and makes logical sense. Believe it or not, these are actually good things to aim for when communicating.

    Now, if only I could think of a contrasting example...

    (BTW, I'm right out of the relevant age range. I have a job and rent a flat and have a serious girlfriend and all that stuff, and probably have no business being a smart alec on a blog about the charts. I even like rock.)

  • Comment number 18.

    *is conspicuously quiet about age, taste and whether it's appropriate to be a smart-alec about chart music, in blog form*

  • Comment number 19.

    Well my nursery teacher did tell my mum I was 3 going on 30, but I think 50 is pushing it, don't you??

    I speak this way because I want to. I enjoy writing, and see this blog not only as a way of enhancing my music knowledge, but also of learning how people write and make their writing interesting. I also like the fact that all of the reviewers clearly have a very comprehensive understanding of the English language, making the reviews a pleasure to read. As such, it feels appropriate to respond in an equally articulate manner.

    I'm not saying it's necessarily right or wrong to "talk" the way I do - except grammatically of course - but it is my choice. I'd also like to add that, at no point have I commented on the way you "talk", Nosheen, simply on what you have said. I thought that was what formed the basis of a discussion? Sorry if I misunderstood something somewhere along the way.

    And yes, I do like rock.

  • Comment number 20.

    (Now we've fallen into the pit of discourse analysis, would I be a bad person to link to Stephen Fry's article on why he loves [and uses] 733T speak?)

  • Comment number 21.

    Not at all. Bring on the geekspeak!

  • Comment number 22.

    Gosh darn it! I can only find the podcast right now, but we will persevere.

  • Comment number 23.

  • Comment number 24.

    Gah! You would think Mr Fry, a man who seems to know a thing or two about technology, would be able to post a blog with pages you could link to! ;-)


    Go to the one called Don't Mind Your Language.

  • Comment number 25.

    That's appropriate, but it's not the one I want; that one had a whole section devoted to leet. I can offer this quote from an article on our very own BBC:-


    You look at a letter written by a 17th or 18th century letter writer, and you'll see far more abbreviation.

    Lord Byron would appreciate the poetic potential of text messages
    There's barely a word that isn't compressed because paper was expensive and ink was expensive, and to get your letter franked cost a lot of money - a Member of Parliament or member of the aristocracy were the only people who could do it.

    And so letters were, as they say, crossed. You'd look at them writing horizontally and then there'd be vertical lines all the way down and round the margins. And 'your' is 'YR', you know just as it is in a text. It's exactly the same point - you're compressing. And the same quality.

    Read Byron's letters. Never was a mind more perfectly expressed and yet in this fantastically compressed form."

    Not entirely relevant, but interesting.

  • Comment number 26.

    Bottom line for me is that it's more important - if you want to judge people - to judge them by what they say, rather than how they choose to say it.

    ChartBlog tries to be pretty good, grammar-wise, partly because it's the BBC, and that's how we, as a corporation, roll, and partly because that's how we as people tend to write anyway, but we do love the slang, and we do love the bits of text-speak that can't be expressed using other words, and we also love the old, archaic slang words like rumpus and malarkey and doohickey. It's all out there to play with.

  • Comment number 27.

    I think that was very well put, and I think the aspect of "play[ing] with" language is the most important bit. English has always been a live language, growing and developing regardless of what is considered polite. I myself can take no part in many of the internet based abbreviations, sounding quite a lot like a period drama character in real life, but I have few qualms about others playing to their heart's content.

    (I have no idea what "doohickey" means, but as soon as I've found out it's being used in every single sentence I utter for the next two days.)

  • Comment number 28.

    My point entirely Fraser, I haven't said anything about Nosheen's chosen writing style as I don't think it's relevant. The only time I correct people (and I'll admit, I have been known to do so on several occasions) is either when somebody is clearly trying to write in a grammatically correct style, or when I'm feeling particularly obnoxious. Generally, however, I'm more interested in the content, as this is what interesting conversation, in whatever style, stems from.

  • Comment number 29.

    Can I just say that I think K.I.G - 'Head, Shoulders, Kneez and Toez' is a load of rubbish to listen to? It might be good to dance to though if you like dancing. And what else can you really say about it? It is like being asked to give a serious review of The Very Hungry Caterpillar.

  • Comment number 30.

    Serious review of The Very Hungry Caterpillar? Easy. "This book could be linked with childhood obesity..."

    Haha, only kidding. I totally get what you mean thranjax - that's why I loved Fraser's review of the 'Islands In The Stream' Comic Relief single! Maybe we should take to reviewing the more novelty singles in that way, with jokes?? A great solution!

    Also, I'm under 25 (okay, so I'm only a couple of years off... but still... I'm under!), although you should know, i'm not pointing this out because I think it validates my review (it doesn't: since when has loving music and talking about it had anything to do with age?) but because, basically, it makes me feel young that 25 was named as the cut off point!

  • Comment number 31.

    Yeah I knew you would like rock xx

  • Comment number 32.

    Noshy! There you are!

    Welcome back.

  • Comment number 33.

    Today's Google image is The Very Hungry Caterpillar!

  • Comment number 34.

    *headpat* Thanks, Rachel.

  • Comment number 35.

    Glad to be of service!

  • Comment number 36.

    That's so weird?!

  • Comment number 37.

    Thirty seventh.

  • Comment number 38.

    THIRTY EIGHTH !!!! hey curtains I BEAT YOU !!

  • Comment number 39.

    2 stars was actually extremely generous. please dont reward this sort of 'music' with your money, we deserve a lot better.

    39th spirit! YOU HEAR ME?!

  • Comment number 40.

    I hear you BASS .

    I agree with you on this song but unfortunately this song is gaining word of mouth momentum as I thought it would , the band were even on RADIO 1 with GRIM tonight.

    Some children and their parents were singing it at a bus stop today and I heard it on a girls ipod in the queue for TESCOS.

    Take cover everyone !

  • Comment number 41.

    This song is number 41 in the u.k singles chart .

  • Comment number 42.

    Sorry Spirit. I think we're just going to have to accept that this song will be this year's Do You Really Like It?, or Cha Cha Slide. It will be ubiquitous for a short time, then will sink without trace and we won't have to hear it again until breakfast show DJs five years from now break it out to laugh at.

    Until said disappearance, just steer clear of the upper decks of buses, cos that's where you're going to hear it most I suspect.

  • Comment number 43.

    I have to agree curtains. The key thing will be how high in the charts it will be on Sunday.. this will be a clue to its success.
    RADIO 1 have it on their C list..... we cant deny that there are some people out there who want to hear it and will like it.
    I must admit as an idea to have fun and get a single into the charts its an excellent idea done well and I respect that... there will always be a place for a fun song like this in some peoples lives !!!
    As for credibility and the coolness factor ... these guys are not RADIOHEAD ........ but then they are not trying to be...
    However if there is a spare seat near you on the lower deck of the bus I will join you CURTAINS if thats ok ?


  • Comment number 44.

    TAKE COVER !!!


    HIDE !!! lol lol


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