Fun With Press Releases No.20
The Killers - 'Day & Age'
"The album was another multi-platinum hit that saw the band cemented their position as one of American's biggest musical exports and won the band two Brit Awards in 2006 at a ceremony in which their fire-drenched performance of #2 single 'When You Were Young' was the highlight of the ceremony."
a) Don't read this out loud, you will asphyxiate.
b) Does anyone else feel this would be better if it ended "...and then they woke up and it was all a dream. THE END."
Justice - 'A Cross The Universe'
"The documentary is all about the extraordinary things that can happen when a bunch of frogs gets dropped in dreamy America."
Injured frogs? Damaged box? The possibilities aren't exactly endless, are they?
The Gaslight Anthem - 'Old White Lincoln'
"Kerrang! magazine put the band on the cover before they had ever written a word about them."
Yeah, what a confusing issue THAT was.
Paramore - 'Decode'
"Hayley: "I chose the title 'Decode' because the song is about the building tension, anger and awkwardness between Bella and Edward. Bella is the only mind Edward can't read, and I feel like that's a big part of the first book and one of the obstacles for them to overcome."
Uh...and that all says 'decode' to you, does it? Wouldn't 'Headache Girl' be a little more appropriate?
I Am Ghost - 'Those We Leave Behind'
"'Those We Leave Behind' is a sonic stake in the heart of safe conformist music, defiantly confirming I Am Ghost's place among the scene's most elite bands."
Hear that, safety-conscious music fans? They're elite. They don't WANT you liking them. You won't fit in, and you'll probably hurt yourself trying.
The Chemists - 'Radio Booth'
"The band moniker originates from the fact they once all lived over a chemist in their local high street."
Ah well, it beats the Second-Hand Book Shops, I spose...
Chinie - 'Bless My Day'
"I like to write from the inside out, and sometimes from the outside out."
But never from the outside in. That would require surgery...
Laura Izibor - 'From My Heart To Yours'
"The piano-playing 20 year-old has already won accolades usually reserved for more established artists..."
Such as what, Best Fourth Album? Best Comeback? Most No.1 Singles? Be specific!
Basshunter - 'I Miss You'
"'I Miss You' is set among the mountains of Norway, in a beautiful log cabin. Aylar, Basshunter and a gang of friends have the ultimate Christmas Day, with presents, jacuzzis, snow fights and bikinis..."
Sorry, did you say 'ultimate' or 'most likely to cause pneumonia'?