Ringtone From Hell - Glamorous
Ringtones...why are they so rubbish, eh? I mean you would think in this day and age that technology would have advanced far enough that you could get your phone to sound like your favourite song with the minimum of trouble, right?
WRONG! You either have to record your favourite bit of the song yourself using that built-in microphone - in which case you get a lot of hiss and crackle and it sounds like someone listening to their iPod at the bottom of a deep well - or learn how to edit songs down using technology (geeky!) or buy the 'synthesised' polyphonic version, which is always sort of...well it's a bit...I mean you can tell they try hard but...OH MY GOD THE POLYPHONIC RINGTONES ARE SO BAAAAD.
Thankfully help is at hand in the form of ChartBlog's newest service...the Ringtone From Hell Generator.
We take perfecltly innocent songs, and run them through our Ringtone From Hell mincing machine. The machine is made of old milk-bottles, discarded plastic pipes, bits of old clockwork, a dustbin, a swanee whistle, some keys, and loads of other bits of old junk which have been cunningly glued together according to an ancient blueprint known only to circus folk. If used correctly, the machine can take any song and re-cast it into a thing of beauty, a balm for the soul, and a massage for the ears. That's IF it's used correctly.
Naturally we've lost the manual and never bothered to read it. But hey-ho...
Anyway, we've decided to use it to create ringtones of almost NO commercial value, so that you, THE KIDS, can have the kind of ringtone which you truly deserve for FREE. The kind of ringtone that will make your friends stare whenever your phone goes off, no matter what the social occasion. The kind of ringtone which will get YOU noticed...and possibly slightly bullied.
In short, the kind of ringtone you must NEVER EVER put in your phone EVER. Or risk social exclusion, humiliation, and in some extreme cases, an eternity in Satan's steakhouse.
With that in mind. Please do not click on this link to hear the Ringtone From Hell of 'Glamorous' by Fergie. (Windows media only)
And for the sake of your ETERNAL SOUL. DON'T download the mp3 version and put it anywhere near your phone.
You have been warned!