The Horrors: Night Time Is The Fright Time
See this lot here? They're the Horrors. They lurk in dark corners (or well-lit photographic studios), ready to leap out at unsuspecting music fans and scare the willies out of them with their uncompromising blend of '60 garage rock and screamy-shout nastiness.
They've got some nice tunes too, mind, and they dress very well. So it's not all doom and gloom.
Anyway, ChartBlog's roving reporter Amy V recently had some backstage face-to-scaryface time with the band's singer Faris Rotter (NOT his real name, no. His real name is Barney Rotter), while he tried to cram as many noodles into his mouth as inhumanly possible.
NOTE: Amy asked him about dreams. She did not ask him if he had ever thought about doing terribly rude things with members of his own family. He offered that information entirely voluntarily, as you will see if you read on...
ChartBlog: So this is how it works. The Horrors = nightmares = dreams. So this interview is about dreams. The most common dream to have is where you're naked in public, have you had such a dream?
Faris: Erm. No. Not at all actually. I used to read a lot about dreams when I was younger and that was one I never had.
ChartBlog: I had a dream that I was naked in a beer tent at Glastonbury and no-one batted an eyelid, then an old man started singing to me...
Faris: Well that's unusual, the normal naked dream is when you're caught like sat on a toilet in a crowded place or something, that's the standard thing isn't it, embarrassment.
ChartBlog: Maybe I don't get embarrassed. Who would you least like to come across if you were stuck naked in public then?
Faris: My mother!
ChartBlog: I wouldn't care about that. I'd be more bothered about coming across someone really lairy and have no clothes as protection. Russell Brand for instance, you'd be doomed.
Faris: That's very true.
ChartBlog: The next common dream is that of being chased...
Faris: Yeah I get them all the time [shovels in a big mouth of noodles, gets sauce down his face]
ChartBlog: Who's chasing you?
Faris: Wolves and dogs.
ChartBlog: I was going to have a go at analysing your dreams but I don't know where to start with that. Have you seen Little Red Riding Hood?
Faris: No, I've got two dogs. I'm not scared by them at all. Maybe the wolves represent the bosses of my label.
ChartBlog: They'd be chasing you because...
Faris: They want to suck the blood out of me.
ChartBlog: I bet. Now, flying...
Faris: Well air travel in general yeah, flying quite a bit but more often than not – throwing myself off the edge of a building. I dream about that all the time.
ChartBlog: ...and you don't try and stop yourself?
Faris: No! In fact my most common dream is killing myself.
ChartBlog: Nice and morbid – always by jumping off a building?
Faris: Jumping off a building, jumping in front of a car, jumping off a cliff. A lot of jumping. It's never shooting myself or anything.
ChartBlog: Isn't that a tad scary?
Faris: No, it doesn't bother me. I don't get nightmares or anything, this doesn't bother me.
ChartBlog: You're weird. Another common dream is that you're falling. What or whom would you most like to fall on or er, in.
Faris: A big bowl of jelly.
ChartBlog: Any particular colour?
Faris: I don't know, black. That's what you want me to say, right?
ChartBlog: Eww no, that's horrible, why would anyone want black jelly?
Faris: [he laughs! Shocker] I know, it'd be horrific, erm, I don't know...
ChartBlog: I reckon you'd go for pink.
Faris: No, I hate pink.
ChartBlog: Didn't see that coming... green then?
Faris: Yes, a nice dark green.
ChartBlog: So what would be your worst nightmare?
Faris: Well the only nightmare I've really had is when I was really young. You kinda have this overview of the world and all the earth in the world is being turned inside out by this massive bulldozer and all these flowers are crushed by the earth being turned and landing on top of them. You can see it all through a window pane. That was it, that's what I used to dream about not every night but about every week for years.
ChartBlog: What would be your worst nightmare on stage?
Faris: [too busy eating noodles and not listening...]
ChartBlog: Your mouth is too full of noodles to sing properly?
Faris: Sorry, I wasn't listening!
ChartBlog: Are they that good?
Faris: They are! D'ya want to try some?
ChartBlog: No thanks, they look dodgy to me. Anyway, worst nightmare on stage.
Faris: Well I don't really mind, cos anything that would happen to me is likely to definitely be my fault. The other night I was climbing up a balcony and nearly fell, if I'd fallen that would have been bad, however it would have been my fault completely. So I'm not bothered. I've had people shove their hands down my trousers before, actually I find that quite funny really, cos I mean, it's in such a non-sexual context it's ridiculous.
ChartBlog: Have you ever had a dream that you really shouldn't have? One were you wake up disturbed by your actions...
Faris: I've shagged all my family.
ChartBlog: Have you? Lovely.
Faris: Yes. I've had sex systematically with every one of my family one by one except for my dad.
Faris: I've got three little brothers [laughs]. I imagine that a lot of people have had that dream but won't admit it but I don't care cos it's only a dream. I bet that's actually quite a common one, especially one of your parents.
ChartBlog: I bet it's not... I've never heard of anyone having that dream!
Faris: But would you tell me if you'd had it?
ChartBlog: I'd tell a psychiatrist first. Do you dream about your band members?
Faris: What like, shooting them in the face? No, maybe cos I've spent so much time with them my subconscious feels no need to add to that. I think a few hours off a night from being a Horror is nice. Although sometimes I write songs in my sleep, I wake up and I've got like half a song written, which is good. But that doesn't happen very often. Actually the last song on the album, 'Train Roars' yeah, I dreamt that.
ChartBlog: Apart from sleep, what else do you do when you've got time off from being a Horror? Watch Takeshis castle in pink slippers?
Faris: Yeah! Dressing gown. That's a good show actually, if I could go on any game show that would be it.
ChartBlog: Lovely image. I'll let you get back to your dinner.
Faris: Mfff! [stuffs more noodles into his mouth]
Your horrified ChartBlog reporter was: Amy V...V for VAMPIRE!