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Fraser McAlpine | 12:57 UK time, Thursday, 21 December 2006

Katie & PeterIt's been a big year for Katie Price and Peter Andre. The nation's favourite self-foghorning over-tanned celebrity couple have had to fulfil a hectic schedule, what with the endless trips up to see Heat! magazine and the recording of their very first album together (and don't forget, IT'S FOR CHARITY). So what better time than the festive season to catch up with them both and look back on their busy year, right? That's right. There isn't one.

Course, we didn't actually bother to arrange anything, what with all the other festive rushing around we had to do, so here's a transcript of what might've happened if we'd left the two of them alone with a blank screen and a keypad. Enjoy!

------------------------------------------------------------

KatieKatie: Hello I am Katie I am typing this right now and in a minute I am going to press the enter button. Hello I am Katie I am Katie I am Katie. I like horses. I love my Pete. Pete 4 Katie 4 EVA. True love for ever, break-up never. Hello I am Katie. I am Katie. I am Katie. I am Katie.

Peter: Ah, sorry about that. Katie's not really used a computer that much for writing stuff, we had to get her a specially-made keypad with reinforced keys cos her nails kept tearing the old ones out. Apart from one stuck key which damn near took the nail out instead. So now we've got our own special keypads for typing

Katie: Mine is PINK

Peter: Yeah, Katie's is pink and has really big keys on it. Mine is black and shiny, and the keys have got rubber on them so my hands don't keep slipping off all the time.

Katie: Mine is PINK. I like PINK. Hello I am Katie.

Peter: Babe, they know that. Try saying something else.

Katie: Don't you try and boss me about, Pete. I'll say what I like...

Peter: I wasn't trying to boss you about, babe, I was just saying

Katie: You WERE TOO trying to boss me about, and I TOLD you not to before.

Peter: Babe, I

Katie: DON'T YOU TALK BACK TO ME PETER! YOU AIN'T GOT NO RIGHT TO TALK TO ME LIKE THIS!

Peter: Kate, I was just

Katie: YOU WERE JUST NOTHING! YOU JUST SIT STILL AND DON'T SAY A WORD. OK?

Peter: I just

Katie: I SAID DON'T SAY A WORD. DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?

Peter: I

Katie: THAT'S A WORD, ISN'T IT PETER? YOU JUST SAID A WORD AND I SAID NOT TO.

Peter: (sigh)

KatieKatie: WHY DID YOU JUST TYPE (SIGH) THEN, PETER ANDREW? IS THAT SUPPOSED TO BE FUNNY? OR DOES IT NOT COUNT AS A WORD BECAUSE IT'S A NOISE EVEN THOUGH IT'S A WORD? EH?

Peter: It's

Katie: I SAID DON'T TALK TO ME! WHAT ARE YOU, STUPID?

Peter:

Katie: THAT'S BETTER. Now, where was I? Oh yes, I said I am Katie and I said what I like. Pete, what else is there to talk about? Shall I talk about the album?

Peter:

Katie: Pete?

Peter:

Katie: PETE! PETE! I ASKED YOU A QUESTION!

Peter:

Katie: PETER ANDREW, IF YOU DON'T ANSWER MY QUESTION RIGHT NOW...

PeterPeter: Babe, you told me not to say another word and now you're asking me a question and I don't know whether to say anything or not say anything and you're not making it very clear or easy for me to know exactly what to do and I don't know what to do to make you happy and I'm trying to make you happy and I don't know if I am.

Katie: ANSWER THE QUESTION, PETE!

Peter: YES TALK ABOUT THE ALBUM! JEEZ, BABE!

Katie: ALRIGHT! No need to sulk about it. Hello, I am Katie. I have made an album with my lovely husband Pete, and it's got all songs on it what we like from our lives. They are all special songs to us and we've decided to make an album out of all these songs, and it's for charity. I am singing and I have let Pete sing too, cos he's alright at singing, is Pete. And it's for charity.

Peter: Yes, we've been working really hard and

Katie: PETE! Tell them it's for CHARITY, PETE!

Peter: Babe! I was just saying about

Katie: IT'S FOR CHARITY. Pete! Tell them it's for charity.

Peter: OK, OK! Jeez! Yeah, all the proceeds from

Katie: TELL THEM! DON'T MAKE ME TELL THEM AGAIN!

Peter: Babe, I was JUST telling

Katie: IT' S FOR CHARITY! Come on Pete, I'm bored now. Let's go and poke one of the ponies with a stick...

Peter: OK, Babe. I'll just tell them that we're

Katie: COME ON PETE!

Peter: OK. Bye everyone!

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LEGAL DISCLAIMER: It's not really them, OK? It's all made up. It might look like you couldn't make it up, but you can.

Comments

  1. At 07:04 PM on 21 Dec 2006, ellie wrote:

    well....this was very funny and um well it was basically funny! got the point accross is all i can say! (about the charity bit)

  2. At 09:57 AM on 22 Dec 2006, Miriam wrote:

    That was very funny.....a bit OTT though!

  3. At 12:37 PM on 22 Dec 2006, luke wrote:

    r u 16 or 20?
    i am 16

  4. At 09:45 PM on 23 Dec 2006, shazzy wrote:

    iya cum tlk we board lv shauna n jade!!!???!!!

  5. At 09:44 PM on 08 Jan 2007, Neil wrote:

    I love this couple. I find them entertaining and themselves... (unlike other celeb couples I could mention...yeah them). Good on ya guys.. You're always going to attract crytics, but that life.. Where there's a stone, there's a crytic.. Do something for charity, they'll knock you.. Thats free speech for you!! Thats Britain.. Good stuff

  6. At 11:59 AM on 12 Jan 2007, katie hilton wrote:

    hiyaaaa!!! well ..... i luv u both 2 bits i fink ur such a cute couple and i fink u both did really well in the jungle i watched it almost every night coz u 2 was init an u's made it the best but this yr its been crap!!! only person a liked was david guest wiv him storys lol! well i hope u write bk lv katie luv yaz xxxxxxxxx

  7. At 04:36 PM on 10 Feb 2007, Donna! wrote:

    HeHe!! Your Not The Real Peter N Jordan!!

  8. At 09:30 PM on 30 Mar 2007, Lashai Kent wrote:

    Jordan Aad Peter can I meet u

  9. At 12:07 PM on 16 Apr 2007, kerry wrote:

    hi kate i think u can do better then peter

  10. At 04:49 PM on 04 May 2007, Dodger wrote:

    whoa! very funny! well done lol :) it sound just like them and all

    love dddodgeeeeer (extra ds and es added for emphasis!)

  11. At 11:52 PM on 04 May 2007, Sonia wrote:

    I currently reside in America and i watch Katie and Peter on Channel 114{Eonline] and i think their show is freaking hilarious.I love Pete's waxed out brother and the un talented guy with the Eukaleylie.I just think they are great.But can i ask why is their kid so fat?honestly! he looks like he's in 6th grade and he's still in diapers..what tha hell?

    [Aw...poor Harvey. He's had a really rough time of it, medically speaking. You're right about the Katie/Peter show on TV though. It's AMAZING! - Fraser]

  12. At 01:36 PM on 23 May 2007, april wrote:

    hey, im april

  13. At 10:03 PM on 22 Oct 2007, laura ponce wrote:

    katie, you seem to be a beautiful, tough, n ambitious girl. A real 2007 kinda girl! God was watching out for you when he sent you Peter because he is a wonderful guy, from what I see on TV. You two are a real match with great chemistry. You guys are wonderful n real! I love it. I wish I could see more reality tv of you two here in California US. It's awsome

  14. At 09:49 AM on 29 Nov 2007, Eileen wrote:

    well i love peter and katie they are my fave celeb couple but be real here like they would waste there time on here im sorry but its pathetic they have enough things to do then go on this good old site, and i think its pathetic yhuu pretend to be them get a life

  15. At 11:15 AM on 11 Jan 2008, jessica power wrote:

    Well wat can i say about katie and peter, ill tell you shall i, there brill i love the both of them so much. Well thats all i have to say cause im in skool at the mo so Bye! Luv the two of you xXx
    xXx Bye xXx

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