New Guest Bloggers - KaTer PriDre
It's been a big year for Katie Price and Peter Andre. The nation's favourite self-foghorning over-tanned celebrity couple have had to fulfil a hectic schedule, what with the endless trips up to see Heat! magazine and the recording of their very first album together (and don't forget, IT'S FOR CHARITY). So what better time than the festive season to catch up with them both and look back on their busy year, right? That's right. There isn't one.
Course, we didn't actually bother to arrange anything, what with all the other festive rushing around we had to do, so here's a transcript of what might've happened if we'd left the two of them alone with a blank screen and a keypad. Enjoy!
Katie: Hello I am Katie I am typing this right now and in a minute I am going to press the enter button. Hello I am Katie I am Katie I am Katie. I like horses. I love my Pete. Pete 4 Katie 4 EVA. True love for ever, break-up never. Hello I am Katie. I am Katie. I am Katie. I am Katie.
Peter: Ah, sorry about that. Katie's not really used a computer that much for writing stuff, we had to get her a specially-made keypad with reinforced keys cos her nails kept tearing the old ones out. Apart from one stuck key which damn near took the nail out instead. So now we've got our own special keypads for typing
Katie: Mine is PINK
Peter: Yeah, Katie's is pink and has really big keys on it. Mine is black and shiny, and the keys have got rubber on them so my hands don't keep slipping off all the time.
Katie: Mine is PINK. I like PINK. Hello I am Katie.
Peter: Babe, they know that. Try saying something else.
Katie: Don't you try and boss me about, Pete. I'll say what I like...
Peter: I wasn't trying to boss you about, babe, I was just saying
Katie: You WERE TOO trying to boss me about, and I TOLD you not to before.
Peter: Babe, I
Katie: DON'T YOU TALK BACK TO ME PETER! YOU AIN'T GOT NO RIGHT TO TALK TO ME LIKE THIS!
Peter: Kate, I was just
Katie: YOU WERE JUST NOTHING! YOU JUST SIT STILL AND DON'T SAY A WORD. OK?
Peter: I just
Katie: I SAID DON'T SAY A WORD. DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?
Katie: THAT'S A WORD, ISN'T IT PETER? YOU JUST SAID A WORD AND I SAID NOT TO.
Katie: WHY DID YOU JUST TYPE (SIGH) THEN, PETER ANDREW? IS THAT SUPPOSED TO BE FUNNY? OR DOES IT NOT COUNT AS A WORD BECAUSE IT'S A NOISE EVEN THOUGH IT'S A WORD? EH?
Katie: I SAID DON'T TALK TO ME! WHAT ARE YOU, STUPID?
Katie: THAT'S BETTER. Now, where was I? Oh yes, I said I am Katie and I said what I like. Pete, what else is there to talk about? Shall I talk about the album?
Katie: PETE! PETE! I ASKED YOU A QUESTION!
Katie: PETER ANDREW, IF YOU DON'T ANSWER MY QUESTION RIGHT NOW...
Peter: Babe, you told me not to say another word and now you're asking me a question and I don't know whether to say anything or not say anything and you're not making it very clear or easy for me to know exactly what to do and I don't know what to do to make you happy and I'm trying to make you happy and I don't know if I am.
Katie: ANSWER THE QUESTION, PETE!
Peter: YES TALK ABOUT THE ALBUM! JEEZ, BABE!
Katie: ALRIGHT! No need to sulk about it. Hello, I am Katie. I have made an album with my lovely husband Pete, and it's got all songs on it what we like from our lives. They are all special songs to us and we've decided to make an album out of all these songs, and it's for charity. I am singing and I have let Pete sing too, cos he's alright at singing, is Pete. And it's for charity.
Peter: Yes, we've been working really hard and
Katie: PETE! Tell them it's for CHARITY, PETE!
Peter: Babe! I was just saying about
Katie: IT'S FOR CHARITY. Pete! Tell them it's for charity.
Peter: OK, OK! Jeez! Yeah, all the proceeds from
Katie: TELL THEM! DON'T MAKE ME TELL THEM AGAIN!
Peter: Babe, I was JUST telling
Katie: IT' S FOR CHARITY! Come on Pete, I'm bored now. Let's go and poke one of the ponies with a stick...
Peter: OK, Babe. I'll just tell them that we're
Katie: COME ON PETE!
Peter: OK. Bye everyone!
LEGAL DISCLAIMER: It's not really them, OK? It's all made up. It might look like you couldn't make it up, but you can.