Paranoid in Hamburg
American broadcaster HBO has gone for the tagline 'The Talk Ends Now'; German channel RTL has gone for 'The War'. Personally, I would have plumped for 'Paranoia': the air was thick with it at the final pre-fight news call on Wednesday.
There is a great scene in the Martin Scorsese film Casino, which kicks off with the line: "In Vegas, everybody's gotta watch everybody else." And that is what it was like in the rather more sanitised surroundings of the Mercedez-Benz showroom in Hamburg.
Wladimir Klitschko was watching David Haye, members of Haye's camp were watching Klitschko, members of Klitschko's camp were watching members of Haye's camp, tracksuited men were posted on balconies, men in plain clothes were spying from behind ring posts. No all-seeing "eye-in-the-sky" but this journalist was watching it all.
One Haye insider told me he locked eyes with Wladimir's older brother, Vitali, and was unable to break the stare. In a sport of psychological inches, it would have represented a defeat, at least in this insider's mind. "How did you leave it?" I asked. "I raised an eyebrow and he eventually looked away." Victory! At last...
It is fair to say Wladimir was not impressed as he watched Haye training. Photo: Getty images
Earlier, Klitschko's crew had attempted to intercept Haye's entourage on its way into the venue, only for Haye and co to burrow their way in via another entrance. We were then treated to the surreal sight of Klitschko's camp watching from ringside as Haye performed a perfunctory workout. At one point, Haye was shadow-boxing southpaw, before trainer Adam Booth - for a reason that was lost on most - started brandishing a glove on a stick. And so the fun and games continued.
"David Haye is a bad actor," the singularly unimpressed Vitali told BBC Sport. "But all he's doing is showing he's low in confidence. All these games are burning him up - he's only playing games with himself."
Not surprisingly, Haye disagreed. "Wladimir looks rather wound up," said the Englishman, who will be putting his WBA belt on the line at the Imtech Arena on Saturday. "Everything I've done has worked perfectly, their whole team seems rattled."
Haye's build-up to Saturday's fight has been stage-managed to the minutest detail, in and out of the ring. T-shirts depicting a headless Klitschko, dark claims about Klitschko's trainer Emanuel Steward and illegal hand wraps - something categorically denied by Steward - and further claims that Steward offered to train Haye against Vitali.
And as if that was not enough, Haye goes and digs up Hitler.
On Wednesday morning, Haye tweeted a link to the film Downfall, about the last days of Hitler, with mock subtitles referring to the build-up to the fight. An English guest in Germany making references to the former Nazi leader is enough to make you wince and there is a real sense that Haye is alienating a lot of would-be British fans with his boorish behaviour.
Even Steward had to admit that, if it were not for Haye's motor mouth, the fight might not have happened. But the ink is dry on the contract, the fight is days away and fans are tired of the trash talk. "I hope Klitschko shuts up this little upstart," wrote one on a previous blog, "A disgrace to professional sport." And there are plenty more where that came from. That said, Haye and Booth seem so calculating, I'm not sure they care.
"I don't know about that," said American Olympic hopeful Michael Hunter when I asked him if Haye struck him as "classy guy", which is what Hunter assured me Klitschko was. "But I guess it's good for boxing, it gets people to watch. The Americans might even be watching this one - and that's all from him opening his mouth."
I'll say it again so you remember the name: Michael Hunter. The Las Vegas-based heavyweight, who was voted outstanding boxer at the 2011 Golden Gloves, has been sparring with Klitschko for the last two weeks, which tells you everything you need to know about how highly Steward rates him.
"I'm going to London and I'm going to get me a gold medal," Hunter, 22, told BBC Sport. "It's a lot of pressure being an up-and-coming American heavyweight but it's also exciting. It's what the American public wants and I'm coming - but just hold on a little bit!"
Hunter was brought into the Klitschko camp in the hope he could replicate Haye's speed - and his message for the Englishman, having got up close and personal with the IBF and WBO champ - or at least attempted to - is that his chances are "slim to none".
"Wladimir is really hard to hit," says the smooth-talking, handsome Hunter, who ticks a lot of "next big thing" boxes. "If anyone was able to catch him, it would be me. And he hits tremendously hard. Way too hard for David Haye, especially with 10oz gloves on.
"He's a lot faster than you think he is and he's more of an athlete than people think he is, too. People don't make him do anything else except jab-jab-right hand, jab-jab-right hand. But why do anything else if that's all he has to do to win?
"He's so big and when he sticks his arms out he's so far away from you. You have to fight his arms before you fight him. He's like a giant octopus. It's boxing, one punch could land, but I don't see it happening. I see Wladimir winning in not more than five rounds."
When the chief sportswriters are in town, you know it is a blockbuster fight. And the thing is about chief sportswriters, they tend to have a soft spot for boxing.
Therefore, the following exchange did not entirely surprise me: "What happens if Andy Murray wins this quarter-final today then?" "It means I have to fly home. Andy Murray is a bloody nuisance..."