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What is love?

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Jinghua Jinghua | 09:35 UK time, Friday, 6 July 2012

What's the real love?By my side there are many couples. Some are lovers, some have been married.

My friends Nan and Jianren

They are my best friends. I still remember the day they became lovers from friends. The boy said, "I feel I'm in love with you already. In my eyes you are so perfect, and you're a good girl. So..." In the fairy tales, the "prince" and the "princess" lived happily ever after. However, the real life is always different. There are many problems in front of them: quarrel, jealousy, trust and so on, just like the other couples. With the understanding of each other, they know the "perfect" is not exist. But the real love is: Although you have known he or she has many shortcomings. You still choice and love him or her.

They remind me of my parents. They have lived together for 25 years. My dad is bad tempered, and is not good at expressing emotion. I have never heard him say love to my mom. When they are in disagreement my mom make concessions first. To be honest, I don't understand why my mom could tolerate my dad all the time. Until my mom was ill, and I saw my dad's anxious look. I could know the meaning of this word, "In the world the perfect love is not exist, maybe you're not the best, but you're the one know me best, you're the one care about me most. So I love you.

There is a saying in China. To hold your hand., to grow old with you. I think it's the best explanation about love.

Nan's grandparents

Jinghua, China


  • Comment number 1.

    Hi Jinghua

    I loved the saying you quoted ....

    From my point of view, I think if you love with your soul, with your heart, with your mind, with your body surely you are feeling true love ... I think I have felt it only once and it was a wonderful experience, I don't regret anything, but as you say nothing is perfect and although the love story ended I remember him with gratitude because he left his mark on my heart :)

    Good blog and nice pics.

    God bless you Jinghua!

    Lina Má. Becerra, Colombia

  • Comment number 2.

    Hi everyone!
    As for me love is not those tales which we see in films or read in books! Of course I belive in love and longterm relationship, because I have a good example of my parents! And also I have experienced the feeling of love, and it's really great!But I must confess that love is like an every day work, you should also work on it, percive the man with all shortcomings, and maybe even sacrifice your views or lifestyle to other man, if you really love him/her, in order to preserve this love! I 'm sure that is hard, and not everybody can cope with it, but I think that is a secret of a long relathionship.

    It's a really good blog!
    Best wishes!
    Veronica. Ukraine.

  • Comment number 3.

    Hi everyone

    i think that love is sacrifice in many moment of our life, if you feel love for another person and that person feel the same nothing can stop the love in good time o bad.

    all the best to everyone from Panama

  • Comment number 4.

    Hi Jinghua and everyone!
    This topic is interesting, but it's so difficult from a linguistic point of view. I never wrote about love in English, but now I'm trying to do.
    Kahlil Gibran wrote : “Love has no other desire but to fulfill itself”. When you fall in love with someone you can only understand that your life needs him. You cannot think about what is going to happen, nor about problems. You feel that your life was waiting for him and this is all.
    But your life needs something else and love cannot kill you. Kahlil Gibran wrote about marriage too: "Love one another, but make not a bond of love". I have been married for 30 years and every day I know that I stay with him because I love him. But I can love him all this time because I'm free
    Kind regards to everyone

  • Comment number 5.

    I think the real love exist. This is different and change, at first when you fall in love with someone, you think he/she is perfect. Latter this person makes some mistakes and you don´t mind. Latter you have another point of view and maybe she/he isn´t perfect. For my the most important thing is don´t try to change the other person. Everyone are different and if you love someone you have to lover him/her like this.
    Don´t try to change him/her. This is my secret.


  • Comment number 6.

    Simple ... my loves are Ketty, Giulia and Beatrice. Only this!

  • Comment number 7.

    Hi Jinghua,

    Thank you very much for choosing the topic which is heart touching for everyone - male/female, old/young, rich/poor. They way showing love is vary from person to person but the real thing is same to everyone. Yes-we can experienced some love doesn't last long but this not means that love is not good!!! The focus should be on your expectation... if you really love someone try to understand the mentality as well as good and bad things of the opposite one - rather than starting one sided love. Possibility of the ultimate result last long forever.

    On the other hand if you start loving and later discover the thing available on the opposite person that will ruin the innocent love.

    Jinghua and everyone - many many thanks for the good comments which helps to know the meaning of love from different perspective.

  • Comment number 8.

    We learned about type-I and -II errors in statistics; I find it quite applicable in love.

    One makes type-I error if one rejects the good guy. To avoid type-I error, one have to look for strong signals-head over toes kind of thing, so that the specimen is right on target, not way out on the tail end of the distribution curve.

    Type-II error is erroneously accepting the bad guy. To avoid that error, one needs a large sample size--that is to kiss a lot of toads before finding the real prince (or princess).

  • Comment number 9.

    Hello Jinghua,

    Love is a matter of two persons.


  • Comment number 10.

    Oops, I wrote "head over toes" earlier. Then I realize the saying should be "falling head over heals in love."

    What is falling head over heals in lover anyway? I did have it once. That is all the little things she did for me: my favorite dishes she made, the shirts she ironed, the hugs when I felt down, the kisses when I least expected, ...and the smell of her hair, the way she looked at me and the children, ..., but then she left me, the children and the world unexpectedly ... all I have left are memories, sweet memories of her love, enough to last for a life time.

  • Comment number 11.

    Hi everyone,

    I think there must be something wrong in our idea of love. Most of couples end up breaking up when they thought their love was forever. What's wrong? In my opinion, people tend to think that their couple have to behave like they would do. It's really common to hear or only think - If you loved me you would do it. Or - I would have done it for you. This is the problem. We must respect the way our couple love us and not waiting for someone that behave exactly like us.

  • Comment number 12.

    Spectacular post.

  • Comment number 13.

    Hi Jinghua,
    I like your post and I agree with you "Love is to grow old togheter". Bye

  • Comment number 14.

    The blog needs some proof reading!

  • Comment number 15.

    Love live on trust.

  • Comment number 16.

    Well, Your comments about love are so interesting, some day one oriental girl said "Love is like a kind of state of relaxation, If you love somebody you are relaxed and you can know you are in love with someone". This girl was Yoko Ono. Well there are another kind of love the love that you show for your country. So I want to tell you in Mexico's democracy are being corrupted by a bunch of crooks, so there is a lot of tension in the air. Mexico need internacional cooperation to correct the way and avoid the violence on his streets. God bless you.

  • Comment number 17.

    I like your impress blog ........
    i m trust.. LOVE must be live on Trust of both of them....

  • Comment number 18.

    Love is like magnate which attracts every thing in this glob. It is really undefinable concept because of diversification and variation.

  • Comment number 19.

    Why not think of love as a form of selfishness? You fall in love with someone just because it makes you feel good.
    Currently....I am the great selfish! What about you?

  • Comment number 20.

    Hi Jinghua this me the new blogger . In my experience if you love with your soul and you feel that the other share with you happiness and sadness at this status you say that you live a true love .

  • Comment number 21.

    HI jinghua
    are you chinese?

  • Comment number 22.

    I think real love is not just emotions. Real love, is to love your partner like Jesus loves us. God sacrifice himself for giving his son a new life. Jesus forgive us without our apology. and his love doesn't decrease when we make sins, but he loves us forever.
    we need to love each other like this kind of love.

  • Comment number 23.

    Hi everyone,

    In my opinion love is not just emotion. If you try to reduce love to emotion so have to conclude with Paolo, that love is a form of selfishness. But we have to draw the line between falling in love and loving. The former is a question of emotiones, whereas the latter requires the whole person (my reason, will, feeling...). The former is (or can be) just an occurrence in my life (and I can stay passiv to the other person), whereas love needs my response, my activity. Greek philosopher Plato said, that to love means to wish well to other person. When I will stay selfish I cannot love, but I can be crazy about somebody.

    You can see it much more clearly, if you compare love and hate (which is a form of selfishness). Martin Buber (a german Philosopher) exposes in his work I and Thou the real difference between these "feelings". If I hate somebody it is not so difficult for me to name the reasons for my hate. But when I love somebody, It's impossible to say: I love him, because... - This proposition would not make sense.

    Best regards


  • Comment number 24.

    Hi Jing...

    Really whatever you told and wrote in your Blog. very true. awesome!! i read this Blog and remind my parents . they never express any emotion & expression but when any trouble/illness ..they show how deeply they love.

    Thanks for writing this kind of Blog

  • Comment number 25.

    I've got an annoying wife, she's talking and talking every minute at the day, sometimes I want listen to music or watch tv but she makes a lot of loud noise. It isn't true, she is great!, since I met her, I'm fallen in love with her, only I'm sure for one thing I don't know who I live without her before. She a few times is talkative but doesn't matter together we are a beautiful couple

  • Comment number 26.

    ı think, that is very important a article. so thanks

  • Comment number 27.

    hi Jinghua!

    thank you for your story!
    Regardless of nationality, race, age and culture Love has some common "symptoms"))
    My parents married when they were 17! They loved each other so much! But unfortunatelly my father dead at 24 in the crash...and my mother has never married again...I'm not a supporter of her decision & I really wanted her to build her life, but I understand her feelings, my father-her first love is still irreplacable for her...

  • Comment number 28.

    i think ....LOVE has a magic, it make we can change...

  • Comment number 29.

    I think you just know what love is when you find it. The problem is that sometimes you think you found the love, but then something even stronger happens that make you be not sure if you really were in love before...

    Great post, Jinghua!

    Winnie (Brazil)

  • Comment number 30.

    In my view, the term love, we can sense oharakterizova before which can not resist. Feeling from which stops the heart and breathing. Is the love of one man next to whom you feel good. First, it is difficult, it is difficult to admit that you love, and then more and more want to say you love this man, what do you want to live with him forever in sorrow and in joy. and if you are standing before choosing love, for example music and choose the latter, then your love for man was not sincere

  • Comment number 31.

    Of course perfect love doesn't exist , but i belive true love do.


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