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Raise, Educate , Bring up children

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Sophea Sophea | 10:08 UK time, Monday, 24 October 2011

Today is Saturday and I am so happy to be home and relax after a long week of work. There were so many things to do at work and home this week. Our garden looks very green because it is raining. I love to walk around it to see the orchids and other flowers blossom. My husband loves to plant different species of orchids and roses. It takes a lot of energy to take care the garden but worth it.

While writing today, my 23 month old son, Joshua, is playing outside in the rain. I told him to stop playing in the rain, but with little affect.

"No, No, Mommy," he said.

I then reply back, "Please come inside the house now!"


The debate goes on and on until he cries because he could not get what he wanted. I get upset when he talks back to me, but realize I did the same with my parents. How can I communicate with him and teach him right and wrong? Being a working mother is not easy. At the end of the day, I just want to lay down and sleep but I have to force myself to play and read books with him. When I have my child, I realize how difficult it was for my parents bring me up to the world and help me to achieve what I have right now. Although get upset with him, I am happy to be a mother. The house without him is not colorful. When I speak, Joshua always mimics me. It is amazing to watch this child grow up. It is hard to believe how fast he has grown up.

Last week, I talked about relationships between couples in rural Cambodians, they rarely express love or speak romantic words with each other. Well, unfortunately, this is also the same case with children. My parents rarely expressed their love to me. Their generation held the belief that if children knew how much their parents loved them, this was like spoiling them or letting them do whatever they wanted to do. In fact, as my generation now knows, this is not true. I love to have feeling that my parents love and appreciate what I have done and be with me all the time. I want to feel warm and know how much my parents love me, but they rarely showed this expression.

When my parents' generation raised, educated and brought up children, it was very different from what is done right now. When they disciplined children, they simply shouted and hit them, but didn't tell them what they did was wrong. They just used power over children and considered them as their property. Children were considered like a piece of white cloth, they learned from the parents and family. This is not just in Cambodia, but in through out Asia and other developing countries. However, this mindset is being eradicated in my generation. The majority of my generation, especially amongst educated people, don't believe that physical discipline or not expressing love is the best way to educate and bring up children.

Through my personal and professional experiences working with children, I know how much children need from their parents, not just financial support, but mental support as well. It is very important to bond the relationship between parents and children. Good communication between parents and children helps them to grow throughout the years to come. Children need to be taken good care of in the home in order to be a good citizen. I hold a strong belief that a good verbal and nonverbal communication is critical step to bond relationships with children in the years coming, especial when they become teenagers.

Because of this belief, I always say, "I love you sweetie," and "you did a good job." I show him how much I appreciate what he has done. Not only verbally, but also with non-verbal communication - lots of hugs and kisses. These words are magic words that make my son respond positive and more active with me and my husband. So the communication is a vital step in any relationship. What do you think? What is your belief to raise, bring up and educate children?

That all for now.. Talk more next week.


  • Comment number 1.

    Hi Sophea
    Indeed ; you subject touch me a lot as i am extremely interested in the ways followed to bring up a child nowadays.it is difficult i can tell to raise a child as you want because children and as a result to technology they want to bring them up by themselves if i can say that.rephrasing to that, it means they have become more and more independents than 50 years ago. we see children aged even from 5 to 10 have their own I pod and their own PC, consequently they are always in touch with the extreme world rather than the parental world.this makes the parents'roles even harder and tougher. however , this doesnt mean that parents should neglect their duty towards their children.

  • Comment number 2.

    Hi Sophea
    I am very impressed by your way of thinking that it is important to tell your children how much you love him/her in words and behavior. If children know their parents love him/her, they would trust their parents and even understand (someday) why their parents have scold them. In other hand, parents sometimes need to be more patient and listen to children why they want or want to do something. Then, parents can explain why it is not acceptable or let children do something they want if parents agree with that.
    As you mentioned in your article, such communication is fundamental in any relationship and children learn to communicate in their family at first-hand.

  • Comment number 3.

    Hi Sophea
    I share your points of communicating with children in the way of pouring out our hearts. Scolding or blaming children, or even giving physical discipline when they did something wrong is the common way to educate children in most Asian countries. From my point of view, we should get rid of these out-dated and brutal education methods nowadays. It is not effective to educate children in these ways. Children have the abilities to explore the world by using sophisticated tools like computers and I pad, so they know you are using the relentless methods to teach them. Children should not be recognized as the properties of their parents. They are individuals and they have unique characters. Your article really give me tremendous ideas of how to bring up children and I hope you and your children would have happy life experiences in the future.

  • Comment number 4.

    Hi Sophea,
    Your article is really touchy with lot of useful information. As you mentioned, most of the developing countries in Asia and Africa, the children are mistreated by their parents and forced to do whatever their parents wants. However, parents alwasy love their children and because of illiteracy most of the parents in developing coutries forces their wish upon their children. Fortunately, this scenario is changing rapidly everywhere, as the government and other UN organizations are coutinously working to aware parents about proper conduct towards their children. In my opinion, the relationship between the parents and the children has to be friendly in order to encourage children to share their social difficulties with parents. Sometimes a negative idea grow among children from their parents rude behaviour and too much strict rules. So parents has to be more careful that their children patronize a positive idea about them and follow them as a role model of their life.

  • Comment number 5.

    Hi Sophea,
    The topic of your blog has really touched me. The reason might be I am also raised by my parents in the same way, but today I am raising up my teenage kids with lots of love and affection but still they are not happy , they don't try to understand me although i know that they are teenager ,at a turning point of their life ,some times it seems that lots of love have made them stunned and demanding then i think what is the best way ?

  • Comment number 6.

    This comment was removed because the moderators found it broke the house rules. Explain.

  • Comment number 7.

    Hi Sophea,

    First of all, I would like to thank you for the important topic chosen.

    Communication between parents and children are changing due to the grace if technology as well as the gap between generation. Once children afraid their parents and thought they are master and we have to follow them every steps of our life. They will choice the path of their life. They, children have no choice but will do whatever their parents advice.

    Now the situation is being changed and children are choosing their life based on the advice their parents, out world’s experience what they are getting by technology like internet, cellphone, T.V. channels etc. They are arguing with their parents when they thinks they are right and their plan is better than their parents.

    On the other hand, parents are treating their children as a friends. They are sharing many thing with their beloved. They are evaluating their kids opinion and minimizing the gap between parents and children what we have experienced. Parents are not pushing to do anything if their kids not interested. They respect their children’s opinion if it’s logical and appreciate it.

    Moreover, parents try to give more time to their children and aware whether their beloved are engaging with any kind of illegal activity? Try to find are their children missing anything?

    Lastly, I want to say relation like friends can be a better communication between parents and children to make a great nation.

  • Comment number 8.

    I agree with you In some point but I want to comment In some point Ididnt have an experine about how to raise childern I mean practaclly I want add essential point as myths it important to fade them a way of thier cheldern Ididn't except a religions and stories . Ibelive we must have fight as long as lay this myths out thier history.


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