Listeners' Opinion Poll: the winning question....drum roll please
You set the question and, as promised, we're paying for the poll.
In short
Do you know your neighbours?
In pollster-speak
I would like to ask a question about neighbours, by which I mean other people who live in your immediate neighbourhood. Many people we have spoken to have said they don't know any of their immediate neighbours.
What about you? Do you know any of your immediate neighbours, in the sense of something more than exchanging 'Good morning' or 'Good afternoon' for example?
Congratulations to Anne Dean - and thank you for allowing Eddie to come into your home and pester your neighbours.
On next week's programme (23 May) we'll debate the results. But what are your thoughts? Who would you like to hear discuss this and what issues do you think we should cover?
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Comments
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I like the basic question, but wonder if the reworded question for the poll will elicit the hoped-for result, which is to get a sense of where our society is, and whether it is - as Anne Dean and many others feel - less friendly and social than in the past. If, say, 73% say "no" to the question, what will this tell us? Is it possible to add a second question, such as "Reflecting on your situation 5/10 years ago, do you know fewer or more neighbours?".
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Did Eddie bump into stuff with his thunderous bulk, scaring the cat etc.
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Good question but very little chance I'll be asked.
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I only really got to know mine when their house caught fire. We're good friends now.
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This comment was removed because the moderators found it broke the House Rules.
Does 'If you don't take 16 foot off that leylandii, I'll see you in court!' count as a 'Yes' or a 'No'?
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It is such a pleasant relief to be addressing an issue that is outside the current political or economical crisis. Looking into our own 'backyards' will do us no harm. Petty as it may sound it would be really great to see an initiative being created from the poll's outcome (as we are all already suspecting not to know our neighbours that well). How about a "meet your (not so known) neighbour day (or week)" with results on the ipm blog? Then there would be real driven purpose with results behind the initial thought.
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I have yet to listen to the programme in full, just caught a little of it yesterday, but the bit that really stuck in my mind was when Anne said that when she was growing up in the 50s and 60s in London (as I did, or just a smidge later) the community was smaller and everybody knew one another. This may just be a sign of the times, or it may be (and I tend, rather onbnoxiously to this view and await your post moderation!) that Londoners, or urbanites generally are just so much more friendly and inclusive than rural villagers. (Sweeping generalisation, sorry sorry sorry) Like Anne, I now live in a small somewhat rural community, and the people are damned decent etc etc but I cannot ever envisage KNOWING them. And I am just SO homesick for the smoke!
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Yes I do, you have to make the first move. The people who live close by in my street are Scottish, Irish, English, Afro-Caribean and on the other side of the road Hindu Indian, Jewish, Mixed race, English and Bangla-deshi. Each family has their own customs, culture etc but we get by. Most people are tolerant and don't mind other people's culture/customs as long as it does not encroach on their way of life or require tax payers money. Anyway this is this part of Luton I cannot speak for other parts or other towns. My advice speak to your neighbours and they will talk back to you.
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I loved Looternite's post, it fair warmed the cockles etc etc, but at the risk of going off topic slightly, it sort of proves my point. I mean I kind of see Luton as home counties urban, but more to the point, L speaks of a whole melting pot of diversity (remember Blue Mink anyone?) and the terribly sad thing about where I live is that you just wouldn't get this kind extrovert mix in the first place.
But I must underline that my neighbours are fundamentally really good eggs, as far as I can tell, and, like Anne's neighbours, they take care of the cat etc etc. But I hanker (as I think I picked up that Anne does) for the time/place where neighbours were actually part of your life. I think the photo at the top pf this page says it all: I used to have that very print in my living room. I think my first husband got it in the divorce settlement.
Enough already
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I think I have done in reverse what Thea_Prentice has done. I was born in a village in Hertfordshire, the same village that my mum was born and still lives to this day. Her father was born in a hamlet within the same parish. My great grandfather was born and raised in the next village. so you see I was brought up in a community in the 50's and 60's where every other person was a second cousin or first cousin once removed etc. My father however was an economic migrant from the celtic fringe. Now we used to say that to be a local you had to be born of local stock and live there all your life. All others were incommers. When I got married to a Luton beauty we could not afford the prices of houses as outsiders had pushed up the prices and so I had to cross the north/south divide and move to Luton, where I have now spent most of my life. Living in a village at that time you knew so much about your neighbours due to gossip and in-family knowledge. In a town you don't have the full history of your neighbours and so what you know is what they tell you.
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I found Looternite's last post fascinating, a) because it demonstrates that perhaps lack of contact is a sign of time times as well as geography...forty odd years ago people actually lived in their families' pockets, so they quite literally were part of their neighbours' lives and b) because L in fact said what I did not dare to (but will now!)...
Now we used to say that to be a local you had to be born of local stock and live there all your life. All others were incomers....
That is EXACTLY how I feel about where I live now! It is however a fortunate thing (though it doesn't really work in my favour) that for some reason the children of locals can still afford to live here!
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When we moved into our house in Leeds 3 years ago, the first remark our neighbour made was "So you're moving in? I hope you don't have noisy kids?" We reassured him we had no children and tried to make conversation but with no success, he quickly disappeared back inside his house and we didn't see him for weeks. We've subsequently tried to chat, invited him round for a drink, and generally tried to be firendly, to no avail. There are lots of other friendly people on our street who we say "hi" to but it's a shame our immediate neighbour is such a recluse.
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I live in a neighbourhood who wouldn't even knock on the door if blue bottles were at the window. Have lived in many places in the UK all my life, this is the first place I have ever lived where neighbours do not want to know each other, apart from a brief nod or rare small talk chat. Sorry I cannot participate in radio interview for obvious reasons.
Even bereavement doesn't affect them, years ago it was common that a neighbour anywhere one lived would invite you in their home for a coffee at such times as bereavement. Then again, wait until sorrow or adversity affects their lives....... I have friends who live elsewhere who have similar neighbourhoods. Sad but true.
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Further to Thea_Prentice last post there are some disadvantages to village life. Examples are grown adults stuck with their school yard nick names. I remember hulking great men of my mothers age, who had been to war etc and here they were with names like Sugar, Bink, Shirty, Dorpel. My childrens favourite was Wecker and his son wacker they think it is so Tolkeinesque.
Also I remember about 1959 or 1960 my grandmother gossiping about a teenage girl, who lived up the road, in her words "silly girl she got herself pregnant" her family adopted the baby. There was no hushing up in those days. Your neigbours know not only you but your full family history and for some it can be a bit disconcerting. My advice enjoy the rural enviroment. If you have children they will fit in and then become teenagers and then feel away from the action and get bored.
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Don't think I will get asked anything, because I live in West Cornwall
Hint:- LOOK AT MAP OF UK AND IT'S THE BIT SURROUNDED (well almost) BY WATER TO THE WEST of TRURO.
My Neighbours...
I know too many of them
Does shooting crows and hanging them in the trees count as child abuse?
My 5 year old was really upset when she saw 2 HANGED CROWS in OUR garden!
I didn't put them there, it was the landowner scaring the birds away from his crops!!!!!
The same crops that have our septic tank as a feeder!!! yuk
I know their farming habbits, i.e the tractors that drive down our lane from dawn until dusk.
the dog walkers who let their dogs foul next to my car.
The local gossip, i.e where the police cars have been AND where they are gonna be tomorrow/next week.
and yesterday the 17th
I visited the last village we lived in and popped into one of the pubs
First person I saw knew who I was, haven't been there for 5 years!
Found out that our former neighbours are divorced
An elderly lady (60+) is now living with a 30-odd year old (the scandle)
Both pub, former, landlords had been declared bankrupt
All that for the cost of £2.95 for a pint, Shocking (YEAH THE COST OF A PINT)
PS I don't stand outside our house watching, I check the CCTV every night
Paul
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How's this for knowing neighbours! I live in a small block of 16 flats in central trendy Spitalfields in east London. Not only do we all know each other but we have 8 nationalities living in these flats so we have our own mini United Nations!
Not only do we know each, other but I am confident that if I - or any of my neighbours - needed help or advice or assistance of any kind we could all knock on anyone's door and get it. I think our situation is pretty unique living in a block of flats in central London.
And on a wider base - it can sometimes take me twice as long as usual or expected to walk somewhere locally as I can meet up with people you live further away and need to stop for a gossip and catch up!
jil
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We shouldn't forget that now you can get a lot of information without having to actually speak to your neighbours - when ours put their house up for sale we (obviously) had to find it online to see how much they wanted, how our price compared etc.
And now that we can use email, texts, web cams, internet phones, social networking and so on, you can be in touch with many people all over the world, rather than having your main social contact with the people you live near. In the old days,just making a phone call was a big deal. The people in this photo probably didn't have their own phones.
Otherwise it was writing a letter, or telegrams for bad news.
I'm not saying it's better. Just different.
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In response to jilcove, yes yes YES!!! During our last jaunt to London himself and I were walking back through Spitalfields after an EXCELLENT meal in a highly unusual eatery cum bakery cum off licence in Commercial Street (I am sure similar, equally unusual and excellent establishments are available nearby )and I said to him I think it would be impossible to feel isolated or bored here.
We have now started bolt hole hunting in London with a view to selling the rural so-called idyll. (I can dream can't I?) Jilcove...are there any for sale in your block?
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I have lived at the same place in semi rural Gloucestershire for 27 years.
I know a very small number of long term neighbors but the majority of newcomers are most unfriendly, avoid eye contact and seem to let their dogs (and there are a large number) bark incessantly.
Some will not even exchange greetings when I meet them walking their dogs.
What do they think is going to happen to them if they respond to my "good morning"?
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i live in Haringey North London. I know all my next door neighbours well. Some change frequently. Upstairs neighbours change very rapidly. Dodgy landlord in my opionion - but dont tell anyone I said that cos I know him very well. Immensely affable chap, but hopeless at renting out his flat. Next door downstairs are Polish and very friendly and next door upstairs French and mixed French English Ghanaian (cant spell, sorry). Next-door-downstairs-the-other-side are Ugandan. He's a builder, not sure what A does, (his wife). Really sweet kids -v. smart. Over the road very nice chap and his wife - they've v. kindly let me put some stuff in their shed. Down the road...look I wont go on, but suffice to say I've chatted extensively with all of them, swapped plants and garden advice, listened to their children doing English reading and I've been to all of their houses they've been to mine. I think every last one of them's lent me ladder or helped me transplant a tree or something.
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Neighbours. I am very frightened of my neighbours, who bully me. The worst thing is that I don't seem able to deal with the situation.
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Me and my wife laura have been living in Summerville for past 8 years. I work in a Bank while Laura is a [Unsuitable/Broken URL removed by Moderator] law of attractio Coach.
We feel like we are in a marooned place, though neighbors are there but we hardly get to see each other, my neighborhood is full of Yo-yo guys and the mumbo-jumbo's are maddening. I will not call them unfriendly but yes certainly i think twice before befriending with anyone of them. The best places i have stayed was in Hongkong. Our neighbors we so helpful and atleast always used to exchange pleasantries.
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I live in nw London. Say hello to most of my neighbours but little more than that. The one I do speak to once told me that he has an air rifle and lost his last job for shooting the owner's ducks. He offered to shoot the rat living under my shed, I politely declined, he's a bit scary!(The neighbour, not the rat!)
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I told you I wouldn't be asked typical as I like giving my opinion. If I was I was say yes and no. I know some neighbours very well others hardly at all. I would love to know how many people were polled and how many refused to answer. An easier survey to conduct than say one that goes on for a long time. I used to be a market researcher and it used to take ages to find people to answer surveys if there were more than a few minutes long.
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