It's one way of looking at it - a Eurocentric way. The statement means just as much, if not more, if it's flipped around. Only South America has won the World Cup away from home.

There's Brazil's win in 1958 in Sweden - had it not predated the age of mass TV, it's probable that the '58 team would be considered a candidate for the all time best. There's Brazil again in Japan and South Korea in 2002, and in 1994 in the USA. And there's both Brazil and Argentina triumphing in Mexico, in 1970 and 1986 respectively.

Does this make the South Americans the favourites to walk away with the title in 2010? Not necessarily. History is a good guide, but predications need to take into account present day dynamics - and one of the most interesting is taking place in Africa.

When the South Americans carried the cup home from Asia and the Concacaf region, there were no local teams with realistic chances of winning the competition. That might not be the case next year. Nigeria, Ghana, Ivory Coast, Cameroon - sub-Saharan Africa would seem to be well represented.

Back in 1974, when Zaire were the first sub-Saharan team to go to the World Cup, their players were not without technical ability. But they defended as if they had never seen a cross (hence the 9-0 drubbing by Yugoslavia) and they were unsure of the rules. The famous incident at a Brazil free kick - where a defender breaks ranks and boots the ball into touch before the kick has been taken - seems to happen because they are perturbed by Brazil placing men in their defensive wall, a tactic with which they were unfamiliar. It is hardly surprising, African football had been kept out of the loop.

That is emphatically no longer the case. The dreaded word 'naïve' no longer applies. The big sub-Saharan powers have been to World Cups and picked up valuable experience, and their players are well established stars with top European clubs.

It might have been thought that this development would weaken the European national teams. With so many Africans and South Americans across the continent, there are fewer opportunities for local players. On the other hand, though, those European players who do make the grade are being exposed to constant high standard football - and the evidence so far would seem to indicate that the European national teams are gaining more than they are losing from the globalisation of the continent's club game.

In Germany 2006 the vast majority of the senior players from all nations were based in Europe. But it didn't seem to eliminate the home advantage factor. Europe supplied all four semi-finalists - and what I saw of Euro 2008 (which was not all of it, since it coincided with two rounds of South American World Cup qualifiers) would seem to suggest that the standard has risen since then. The fact that next year's World Cup is the first held in winter since 1978 should increase still further Europe's chances of finally coming out on top on away soil.

The South Americans, then, will face stiff competition from both Africa and Europe. Can they overcome it?

Will Soccer City Stadium in Johannesburg play host to another South American World Cup win?

It would be a huge surprise if Chile, Paraguay or Uruguay were to go all the way. The three all count on dangerous strikers. Chile's Humberto Suazo was top scorer in South America's qualifying campaign, and tricky right winger Alexis Sanchez could be one of the names of the tournament. Paraguay have the excellent Haedo Valdez, Cabanas and Santa Cruz, plus the options of Benitez and Cardozo off the bench. Uruguay have a dangerous pair in Forlan and Suarez, big Abreu off the bench and the emerging Lodeiro to set up the play.

But there are huge question marks against all three. Can Chile defend in the air? Can Uruguay defend against quick, mobile strikers? Are Paraguay brave enough to take the initiative against strong opponents?

Realistically, all three would be happy with a place in the quarter-finals - something which does not apply to the continent's big two.

Argentina went out at the quarter-final stage in 2006. At the time Diego Maradona described this as unacceptable, so he has set the bar high for himself in his current job as national team coach. There is lots of work to be done before Argentina can be seen as serious title challengers. Serious questions - such as how will the team defend, and how will they get the best out of Messi - have yet to be answered. But there is plenty of attacking talent to choose from, and Maradona can draw strength from the fact that the World Cup is exactly that - a cup. Italy, for example, did not win a game for over six months before the 1982 tournament - and did not win one for over a year afterwards. They didn't even win any of their three group games. But then they caught fire and in four games beat the best the world could put in front of them and went home as champions. Providing their defence is tight enough, Argentina are capable of something similar.

But they would seem to be some distance behind Brazil. Built on the security of keeper Julio Cesar and centre back Lucio, superb on the counter-attack and dangerous from set-pieces, sure of what they are doing and in excellent form, Brazil are looking ominous.

Normally when they are favourites Brazil can become their own worst enemy. It is unlikely to happen this time. The example of Germany 2006, with the showbiz excesses of training sessions open to the public, is still fresh in the mind. And coach Dunga can be counted on to banish complacency.

But they can be stifled - as shown by four goalless draws in front of their own fans in qualification. They are probably overdue a difficult group. If they are drawn against solid defensive teams this Friday then their bid for the title will come under early examination in South Africa next June.

Comments on the piece in the space provided. Other questions on South American football to vickerycolumn@hotmail.com, and I'll pick out a couple for next week.

From last week's postbag:

Q) My question is about Uruguay's Nicolas Lodeiro. I thought he looked impressive against Costa Rica and had the potential to be the new superstar at the World Cup.
Would coach Tabarez build his team around Lodeiro already?
David Furrows

I think Tabarez has already made that decision - it's a bold move to throw in a 20-year-old playmaker for his international debut in the play-offs, and Tabarez was rewarded for his courage.

I was in Montevideo for the game, and came away enchanted with Lodeiro's performance. I've been raving about him all year - excellent left foot and vision of the game, chooses his options with great intelligence - but to play so well in such a high-pressure situation was remarkable. He improves the team in a weak area, and allows Forlan to operate closer to the goal. The worry for the World Cup, I suppose, is 'difficult second year-itis.' He's played so much and made so much progress in 2009, that he might start running into obstacles next year as defenders get to know him better.

Q) I have also just watched the first leg of Sudamericana final with LDU beating Fluminense 5-1. I find it a complete disgrace that this match, a final, has been allowed to be played in a place with such altitude like Quito. I noticed LDU lost 2-1 to River Plate in the first leg of the semi-final, and then go and win 7-0 in Quito to advance to the final.

Teams such as Fluminense simply don't have a chance on in places like this because they are not used to altitude.
Luke Vooght

It's such a huge step to ban a place from staging football matches, so there has to be a very good reason.

There is no doubt that altitude represents an advantage against unacclimatised opponents. But home advantage is part of the game. How much is too much? Games take place on artificial pitches and in extreme temperatures and this is OK - so why should altitude be singled out?

I'm not at all convinced that altitude, though it is a discomfort, represents a health risk. Extreme heat, on the other hand, is a known health risk, but plenty of games, including World Cup ones, take place in high temperatures.

The key at altitude, I think, is to adapt your game. The unacclimatised player loses part of his athletic capacity - so the idea is to run as little as possible, keep the ball, and stay compact. Fluminense did none of this - and understandably, they were tired - they've been through a marathon of games.

A couple of years back their neighbours Flamengo had trouble at altitude. The following year in the Libertadores their president was leading the campaign to ban it - while his team were making him look stupid. Flamengo had learned to adapt, and their best two performances in the campaign came at altitude.

Argentina's Velez Sarsfield only lost 2-1 away to LDU this year in the quarter-finals - and without a piece of slack marking at a set-piece they might have won. Their coach Gareca has experience of the conditions and it showed - his team, unlike Fluminense last week, kept compact.

And there is a second leg - Flu will have a packed Maracana and a hot night in their favour in Wednesday's return match.

The 2006 tournament was relatively stress-free for the 48-year-old Geordie. The short haul meant thousands of supporters were able to make last-minute trips to Germany and they discovered excellent transport, plentiful accommodation and sympathetic policing when they arrived.

More than 150,000 England fans travelled out in total, dwarfing the support of just about every other nation, and things went so well that they were named fans of the tournament by Fifa.

Although Miles, the international co-ordinator of the FSF, believes this can be a World Cup to remember for England fans, he still has three nagging worries about the tournament.

Number one is accommodation.

Although 25 new hotels have been built especially for the tournament and Fifa has contracted non-graded rooms for the first time - including University halls of residence in Pretoria, cruise liners in Port Elizabeth and safari park lodges near Polokwane - there are fears of a shortage of rooms for the 500,000 fans expected to arrive from around the world in South Africa next summer.

Fifa has even gone so far as to include Mauritius, which is a four-hour flight from South Africa, in its acommodation programme and will place some of its sponsors there.

Furthermore, the rooms which are available are likely to be expensive. Fans' first port of call when booking a room is likely to be Match, the Zurich-based company that Fifa has contracted to organise accommodation and ticketing for the 2010 World Cup.

The company has hired 80% of the graded rooms in South Africa and 13% of the non-graded ones for the duration of the tournament.

The new Cape Town stadium with Table Mountain in the background

Match has based its prices on "rack rates" - the price you would pay if you turned up and asked for a room for the night - already given to them by these hotels and guesthouses.

Fifa argues this is the best way of preventing prices being inflated close the World Cup, yet there is no proof that the rates supplied were accurate.

Fans might also be interested to know that Match will take a hefty 30% commission for each booking it organises.

The alternative is for fans to try and book rooms direct from hotels or another broker yet the truth is that this is unlikely to be any cheaper.

There are even suggestions that hotel prices could go up by as much as 300% next summer, which is why Miles is imploring South African hotels to be reasonable.

"It would be short-sighted to regard the World Cup as a four-week opportunity to take advantage of foreign tourists," he told me.

"It's far better to create an impression that will encourage people to return to the country in years to come. That's what happened with Germany - there was a big hike in tourism after 2006."

Camping, which was so popular with fans at the 2006 World Cup in Germany, will be out of the question this time, as temperatures often drop below zero in places like Johannesburg during the South African winter.

Miles' second worry is about internal transport within the country. South Africa is five times bigger than England and the teams at the World Cup will have to travel vast distances to play their matches.

In Group G one of the teams faces having to play a game in Johannesburg, followed by one in Cape Town, which is a distance of 880 miles or the equivalent of London to Warsaw.

That would take 17 hours to drive, while Miles warns that "flights will be in short supply and expensive".

Getting to and from the stadiums at last summer's Confederations Cup also proved something of a problem.

Miles admits: "There were teething problems with the shuttle buses from the park and rides and fans won't be able to rely on taxis in the way they did in Germany."

His third concern is, predictably, crime, which has been a major topic of conversation ever since South Africa was awarded the World Cup in 2004.

Everyone knows the country has a crime problem. Violent business robberies climbed 41.5% from April 2008 to March 2009, house robberies were up 27.3%, while there were 15,000 recorded carjackings and 18,148 murders last year.

Jill Morris, a consular official for the Foreign Office, put the issue into some perspective when I spoke to her at the launch of the 2010 fans' website last Tuesday though.

"There were 450,000 British visitors to South Africa last year," she told me. "Of those, we had to give assistance in about 1,000 cases. The vast majority of these cases involved nothing more serious than lost passports, with only 139 involving a mixture of arrest, detention and victims of crime."

And World Cup ambassador Gary Mabbutt emphasised the vast resources that are being pumped into policing the tournament.

About 41,000 police have been trained specially for the World Cup, boosting total numbers to 183,000, and a further 120,000 reservists are available if needed.

The police arsenal includes 200 revamped armoured vehicles, 100 high-performance cars for road security, 40 helicopters, and mobile command vehicles.

Miles has already had a series of discussions with the South African police and is hopefuly that the tournament will be policed sensitively, despite recent talk in the country of a zero tolerance approach to troublemakers.

"The South African police have had some training from the German authorities and there is an awareness they will be on display to the world next summer," Miles says.

His advice to travelling fans is to use their common sense by travelling in groups, planning their routes carefully and taking advice from hotel staff about where is and is not safe to go.

A couple of other issues are also worth mentioning. It's crucial for fans to arrange medical insurance before they travel out to South Africa, or else they could be at risk of a bill of up to £25,000 if they fall ill or suffer an accident.

And the usual advice about avoiding unprotected sex is particularly pertinent in a country with the highest rate of HIV in the world, where just under 12% of the 48m population are believed to carry the disease, according to the 2007 UNAIDS report.

Perhaps the final word should go to Mabbutt though, the highly respected former Tottenham and England defender who has worked closely with the organisers of the 2010 World Cup for the last eight years.

He is eager for fans to focus on the positives about the 2010 World Cup. After all, this is an opportunity for them to sample a World Cup on African soil for the first time.

"Fans have the opportunity to combine the world's best football with some of its best sights and experiences next summer," he told me.

"This is an opportunity for South Africa to showcase itself as one of the most beautiful, vibrant and diverse countries in the world. The country is desperate to do that and vast sums have been pumped into new stadiums, infrastructure and security.

"As long as fans plan their trips in advance I am sure they will have a World Cup to remember."

* For up-to-the-minute updates, you can follow me on my Twitter feed

Wenger's frustrations were many:

1. Disallowed goal for foot-up on Cech. He's watched it four times has Arsene and he can't see what it's about. Well, Cech nearly got tonked on the neck by a high boot so the ref gave a foul. Me, I wouldn't give it, but the modern goalkeeper is a rarer and more protected species than the Giant Panda and the decision was hardly surprising.

2. No penalty for Vela. Well this was because it WASN'T a penalty kick. Vela was crowded out and did that thing that your modern forward does when he's going nowhere - he stepped on the spectral banana skin and hoped - and you can injure yourself badly if you keep hitting the deck with your fingers crossed.

3. No RVP. The club v country debate looms largest when it's deprived a manager of a very influential player. But I don't buy this one. Players can get injured at any time. I don't think the Dutch national team have any vested interest in seeing Van Persie crocked either.

I don't believe that Diaby and Van Persie would've made much difference any road. It's hard to escape the impression that the team in red and white had been formed during a north London schools talent search and the team in blue were Cybermen masquerading as footballers.

I swear I saw Terry shouting 'Delete' as he took out the ball and Eduardo with one top-notch challenge. Mind you, his bleating to the ref after Vermaelen appeared to be fitting him for a pair of slacks took a lot of swallowing. Him and Carvalho virtually patented that kind of corner-kick cabaret.

Then you have the Arsenal footballer, as easy to differentiate from one another as a Subbuteo team: short, fleet, smart, hugely entertaining but, when it comes down to it, weedy (or if you will, Tomas Rosicky).

Drogba, at times, was shrugging off challenges like a quick-change artist getting out of a coat. Essien was a rampaging water buffalo trampling through a bunch of saplings. The Gunners still need some ballast out there.

I'm not claiming my Nostradamus badge here, but I picked Chelsea to win the title at the top of the season and I'll be right by the end of it.

There's some that reckon the African Cup of Nations will hamper them... I doubt it now that they've managed to force open a January window with some jemmy of an appeal.
Here you'd have to whole-heartedly agree with Wenger.

Having postponed the original sentence, Chelsea are effectively not being punished at all. I've heard whispers of Heskey coming in to cover Drogba. Hmmm - it's a bit like depriving a man of a seven-course banquet and saying to him 'Here have a biscuit.' But Chelsea won't struggle too much through that spell.

As they said on MOTD2, Anelka's playing with a smile on his face - a thing as rare and as beautiful as a Mick McCarthy compliment.

Terry's back to his best, the Lampard goal drought of a while back hardly seems to matter now and it's great to see Joe Cole playing the Deco role (far more effectively if you ask me).

So Wenger can bleat all he likes (much like Fergie two or three weeks back, it always takes a defeat to bring it out) and I'd love all that loveliness to win him something, but there's no two ways about it. There's more fight in the Spurs dog right now.

Elsewhere, Everton continue to look a shadow of their former selves. You couldn't criticise their endeavour, but the only thing that looks like causing any real damage is Fellaini's elbow.

Rafa claims the victory at Goodison is a turning point for what he endearingly calls 'the cloob'. Given he's got Blackburn, Pompey and Wolves coming up, you'd have to hope he's right. But by mid-Jan Arsenal home, Villa away, Spurs home will decide whether the Europa League is going to be talked up or not.

Avram Grant was pleased with his new side's efforts against a somewhat stumbling United (the closer they got to the opposition penalty box the more they stumbled). However it's hard to see them scoring with a front two of Dicky Picquionne and Desperate Dindane.

West Ham continue to put themselves in jeopardy by going in front. At 2-0 up I thought they were in real trouble. Turned out they're never more vulnerable than when they're five up.

And Hull seem revived with Bullard in the van. And at a time of utterly tedious goal celebrations - from the 20-yard knee-slider to the Rodallega thumb-suck via the Antonio Valencia deadpan - how great to see a genuinely funny goal celebration by a bunch of lads enjoying themselves.

Sparky didn't know why the pen was given. I suspect if he asks Toure he'll find out. I thought Hughes'd be the first manager to lose his parking space this season. I'll have to settle for second.

Peterborough manager Mark Cooper and Middlesbrough boss Gordon Strachan were united by a common purpose at London Road on Saturday as both men searched for their first victory since they took charge of their respective clubs.

The wait goes on after an entertaining 2-2 draw, but you suspect that the need is most urgent for Strachan.

Boro have collected just two points from his four games in charge at the club. He took over with them one point off top spot; and they are now 13 adrift. Rivals Newcastle occupy first place - and that cannot help.

Strachan's mandate is clear - to ensure that Boro's flirtation with the Championship ends in May. The fact that chairman Steve Gibson, normally so patient with his managers, sacked Gareth Southgate hours after a victory hints at the sense of urgency within the Boro boardroom.

The Scot himself arrived at the Riverside months after parting company with Celtic. He was at pains to stress that he didn't need the job; he had taken it because he wanted it.

At his first news conference Strachan described the Championship as an exciting division, yet prior to the match with Posh it had become "a hard, hard league, with nothing cosmic about the football".

With two defeats, one draw and one goal prior to Saturday, Strachan's learning curve had been steep and quick.

It looked for much of Saturday as though his team would collect three points. They were the better team, regularly testing Posh's excellent young keeper Joe Lewis, but also wasting some first-rate chances.

The worst of the lot was a weak header wide of goal from six yards by an unmarked Leroy Lita after another teasing and deadly accurate cross from Adam Johnson.

Strachan was bristling on the touchline for much of the match and admitted afterwards that poor finishing is one of the factors letting his side down.

Scoring goals is obviously an urgent problem for the manager, who has brought in Marcus Bent and David Kitson on loan. Only the other day Strachan said the teams with good goalscorers are the ones that will be promoted.

Kitson, who scored twice against Peterborough, played in the area behind Lita on Saturday and exploited the space with an intelligence that suggests he will be a good signing. Lita and Kitson played together at Reading and should have a ready-made understanding of each other's games.

Strachan is also concerned by what he calls his team's lack of awareness; the split-second decision making required to snuff out a dangerous situation before the opposition can exploit it.

He might also have mentioned set-piece defending as Boro looked vulnerable against corners and, particularly, the extraordinarily long throw-ins delivered by Posh debutant Exodus Geohaghon (rumour has it he can throw the ball from one side of the pitch to the other).

Perhaps the third ingredient Boro desperately need at the moment is a slice of luck. They were denied a cast-iron penalty late on when Aaron McLean clearly tripped Sean St. Ledger. Strachan alluded to as much when he talked about the footballing Gods being against his team.

Boro are not exactly up and running under Strachan but, as Cooper argued afterwards, once they notch their first win they have the quality to start eating up the ground between their current 10th place and the top reaches of the table.

Not that this is of much comfort to the belligerent and taciturn Strachan - the Scot describing the whole situation as "very frustrating". I suspect many supporters will share his analysis.

I asked Strachan whether he had noticed an improvement day-to-day on the training ground since he had taken over.

"Training doesn't matter, it's just preparation," he told me. "The reality is that you are judged by what happens on the football field."

In contrast, Cooper seemed relatively satisfied after he collected his first point as a Championship manager.

"I am happy with the effort but we just need a little more belief," he said. "But it is definitely encouraging."

The match was Cooper's second in charge since he leapt four divisions after leaving Blue Square Premier side Kettering for Posh.

His ascent has been so rapid that if he was a climber he would need oxygen but I think it refreshing to see a young manager from non-league football given an opportunity rather than a chairman plucking one of the same old names off the managerial merry-go-round.

In many ways his appointment is in complete contrast to Boro's decision to exchange a rookie manager in Southgate for a more experienced figure.

Of course, nobody seems to know why Cooper's predecessor Darren Ferguson left London Road. I heard some unprintable theories on Saturday but I suppose rumours are inevitable if the club fail to adequately explain the Scot's departure.

Owner Darragh MacAnthony talked of a new era in his programme notes on Saturday. As part of the interview process he had given interview candidates 16 tapes of Posh games to study overnight.

Cooper, unlike many others, went through the lot of them, impressing with his detailed analysis.

Peterborough owner Darragh MacAnthony was impressed by new boss Mark Cooper's knowledge of Posh

Whether this means he is the right man to drag Peterborough up the table remains to be seen but he does not seem to lack enthusiasm and his team played with plenty of spirit on Saturday after twice falling behind.

Substitute Shaun Batt scored a sensational goal to secure a point and afterwards explained some of the things Cooper has been working on in training. Posh played with adventurous full-backs under Ferguson but Cooper is apparently insisting they concentrate on their defensive duties and leave the attacking to the forwards.

It seems like a good starting point to me. Posh have been far too porous this season, with only Scunthorpe conceding more. Cooper needs to ensure they become hard to beat and must address the fact that the side have trailed at half-time in 12 of their 18 Championship fixtures.

Success for Cooper this season will mean keeping rock-bottom Posh in the Championship. I think that would be an excellent and welcome achievement - especially given Peterborough have not won since 24 October.

Peterborough's old-fashioned ground, with meagre facilities but plenty of character, is a pleasant antidote to the increasing number of number of ever so slightly soulless modern stadiums.

Walking away from it towards the station on Saturday I saw a young lad in a Boro shirt stood outside a bookies.

I wonder what odds he would get on Middlesbrough winning promotion and Peterborough staying up?

The blustering buffoons who rant and rave and foam at the mouth from the sidelines have to be driven out and stripped of their tracksuits if our game is to advance.

They exist at all levels, but particularly in the younger age groups, their bullying, bug-eyed, foul-mouthed tirades, dressed up as motivational coaching, are a damaging disgrace which the SFA must stamp out.

Parents and the players are too frightened to complain about the bully boys, because the consequences are simple and chilling. The rule of the touchline tyrant has always been the same... "My way, or the highway".

Any attempt at reproach or discussion with the type of coach who screams, shouts and generally behaves like a former Eastern bloc dictator, is met with a ferocious response.

An unknown and anonymous individual does not give the opportunity for the guilty to present a false face. So let's set football's Secret Shoppers to work, prowling the touchlines to drive the unacceptable coaches from the game.

One father told me recently of a well known coach at professional level who publicly rebuked an effort on goal by a 15-year-old player, yelling a tirade of foul language from the sidelines in full hearing of everyone.

That kind of behaviour is out of order with young players at any level, whether it be professional or Sunday league. But the truth is it happens in professional football, junior football, and youth football.

The are a great many good coaches. The patient coaches, the hard-working, dedicated coaches, have nothing to fear. These coaches are creative and educative and impart a sense of worth and fulfilment to young players and parents alike.

The rogue coaches do harm not only to their own players, they do immeasurable damage to the good coaches too, since they get tarred with the same brush.

Those whose only talent is to scream, shout, and destroy, have no place in our game, and if takes the footballing equivalent of a Secret Shopper to ensure that damaged coaching goods are taken off the shelves.

Scottish football will be a much better place for it.

When I left the house at half-time, Spurs were 1-0 up and 5 live analyst Alan Curbishley observed: "I think Harry will have the more difficult team-talk." I assumed he'd been talking about Redknapp, but when I switched the radio back on to hear the ninth goal go in, I was beginning to think it was Potter who'd been handing out the oranges.

The improbable scoreline at White Hart Lane was one of those freak results that people repeat back to you as soon as you've told them. "Did you hear the Tottenham score? 9-1." "9-1?!"

It was Jermain Defoe who did most of the damage for Tottenham with his second-half nap-hand and he gave the classic footballer's interview after the game, admitting he was a bit disappointed not to get the double-hat-trick "but I suppose you can't complain with five goals".

Defoe cited the change of boots from his usual green pair to a 'pinkish-silver' combination as a telling factor in his five-for. I initially queried this rather odd colour and it wasn't until I was scrubbing the pots on Thursday night with a Brillo pad that I finally got it.

As for Scharner, he was predictably subjected to chants of "Are you Henry in disguise?" following his indiscretion - although by far the biggest crime he committed that day was to trot out of the dressing room with half his hair dyed blond and the other half black.

Meanwhile Henry was back-pedalling faster than a drunk on a unicycle as he begged forgiveness for his dastardly deed and even revealed he had considered quitting football (a thought that that possibly wasn't on his mind at the moment he wheeled away in celebration last Wednesday).

Things have calmed down a little since last week but there's been no shortage of views on the subject. Eric Cantona laid into Raymond Domenech, suggesting the manager was "the worst coach in French football since Louis XVI". Ah yes, who can forget that great France team of the late 1700s - a revolutionary outfit, if a little prone to losing their heads.

Meanwhile Pat Rice Evra was busy stoking the fires by telling Ireland he would happily replay the match on his PlayStation and cheekily calling for Henry's feat to be commemorated with a statue - presumably in the mould of Eric Morecambe's with one hand raised in the air.

Last week I commented that the fine men of Ireland may be ditching certain shaving products favoured by Henry in the wake of the controversy and it seems that cleaners in the Emerald Isle have also been losing their rags, not to mention their hoovers.

Users of the famous happy Henry contraptions have fallen out of love with their little friend and are calling for a substitute. One worker was quoted in The Sun as saying: "Several cleaners say they're unhappy working with vacuum cleaners with the cheat's name written on them. Some have painted over the name and wiped the smile off its little red face."

Strangely I have found myself feeling sorry for these little machines innocently caught up in the scandal - but then I've always been known to have a sob at a sucker story.

One set of supporters who couldn't blame their competition exit on a dodgy decision were Liverpool, who crashed out of the Champions League after Fiorentina secured the win they needed against Lyon. And it wasn't long before the knife was being twisted.

Gav McDermott on Twitter observed: "Manchester United have MUTV, Chelsea have CTV. Liverpool have the History Channel", while a United fan set up an end-of-season party website for the Merseysiders 'celebrating Liverpool's earliest ever finish to a season'.

In the Premier League, Hull's mini-revival continued with a win over Everton, while Fulham, in the absence of Sam Allardyce, trounced Blackburn 3-0.

Big Sam is currently in hospital for a minor heart operation and I'm sure you'll join me in wishing him all the best. It's hoped he will be out in a couple of days, although after his comments in Saturday's Daily Express that "I've always had the self-belief and confidence to know I can manage any team in the world" they may decide to keep him in for observation.

Elsewhere Manchester United's youngsters slipped to defeat against Besiktas in the Champions League. The Turkish side's fanatical fans are known as the Carsi, but it was United's unbeaten home record that went down the toilet.
Beckham and Neville in the good old days
Gary Neville was captain for the night and earlier in the week he ripped into the generation of players whose every whim was catered for by agents. "A player doesn't need to pay between five and 15% of his wages to a guy to buy him a new fridge," he reasoned.

Hang on a minute isn't this the same Red Nev who got David Beckham to cook for him in his own kitchen and didn't know where the wooden spoons were kept?

Beckham suffered the agony of another penalty shoot-out in the MLS final, although Her Majesty's Press seemed far more interested in the asthma inhaler he was using in the dug-out. As a fellow-asthma sufferer, I can't see what all the fuss was about, although my other half will tell you he's been leaving her breathless for years.

And finally, a warm welcome back to Premier League management for Avram Grant, following his move downstairs at Portsmouth. Previously likened to Baron Greenback, the Israeli has now been dubbed Yoda by David James. And what better game than Manchester United at home for Pompey fans to witness the Return of the Jedi?

Have a good weekend one and all. I'm off to Hammersmith to see The Specials tonight (Friday) followed by a trip to Loftus Road for the visit of the band's hometown club, Coventry.

Lead singer Terry Hall is actually a massive Man Utd fan and rumour has it the throat infection he suffered in May, forcing the postponement of the date I was due to attend in Brixton, was caused by him screaming too loudly during the Champions League game with Arsenal. Memo to Terry: Please resist the urge to watch a dvd of the 1999 final on the tour bus until after the gig.

There was no great escape for the Reds as they stumbled past the might of Debrecen on Tuesday night and then stood in forlorn hope of a late late Lyon goal that might save their bacon. Unfortunately Insua and Skrtel weren't in the Fiorentina line-up so the goal never came.

Hansen and Lawro would've been growling about how that's not 'the Liverpool way', but at the moment it's the only way.

The thing is, Benitez has had this coming. He's got out of jail so many times in Europe. His two great successes with the club were the work of fiction writers with a highly-developed imagination. 3-0 down to Milan, 3-2 down to West Ham, and the No.8 pulls on Stevie's Magic Boots and saves the day. (And even more miraculous, Smicer scores).

I'm not saying these triumphs weren't damn exciting - hell that night in Istanbul was probably the most exhilarating club final ever. In fact, if you want to know why Liverpool fans still cling to the Red Rafalution just watch the highlights of that match again.

Whatever else the Spaniard does he has given the Koppites an unsurpassable night of bliss. I mean I used to have a recurring dream that I was under a duvet with the Three Degrees but that just pales into insignificance in comparison.

The thing is, what does Rafa do now? Torres's hamstring nags away like a 70s sitcom wife and Gerrard is reportedly playing with pain-killing injections (perhaps they could hand out some of them to the fans 'n' all). And now Ryan Babel's been chipping away to the press. I'd ground the adolescent fool.

One good strike in 105 appearances and he's bleating to the papers. 'It's too cliquey, they're too greedy'... Get over yourself, son. Benayoun's got more of a case for complaint and he's keeping schtum. So should you.

I really don't think they'll get fourth place this season and then where's the money going to come from to fund next year's revival?

Bill Kenwright'll tell you. From building a new stadium. Only Everton won't be doing that. And their form's worse than Liverpool's, just about. At the KC and you're three down after half-an-hour? And that was just the number of pints my Bluenose pal had sunk in that time.

At least Moyes is not using the injury list as a get-out-of-jail free card. No Arteta makes the Toffees very dull boys. But you can't see a manager of his capabilities holding out for a transfer budget while various Merseyside boroughs come round to Uncle Bill's for canapés and Chianti for another decade.

So here's where we're at. Everton fans don't want to move from Goodison, and Kenwright, even with the big Tesco connection (in fact because of the Tesco connection in the latest ruling) can't get his plans through anyway.

Liverpool, with Statler and Waldorf loading up the club with debt, and a manager who keeps handing over cows for what he hopes are magic beans, haven't got enough in the coffers to build their new ground either, even though the location is far less unsettling for the fans.

Now everyone in the city of Liverpool knows there's a solution. It's as easy to swallow as a porcupine coated in wasabi, but it is a solution. Ground-sharing.
Will Liverpool and Everton ever share the same ground?
There's only a bit of a park between the two grounds anyway. Knock down Anfield, knock down Goodison, build a new stadium directly between the two and you'll have a spanking new ground and twice as much green space for the happy Scouse toddlers everywhere.

I know the rivalry's intense - hellfire, Babel's not even allowed to wear his precious blue boots - I mean crikey even Tony Blair got to wear a blue tie once in a while - but let's face it, the real enemy has never been within - they're a short trot down the M62, and what's worse there's two of 'em now.

It may seem hard to put aside age-old allegiances and traditions - although from what I can gather there's a whole host of Liverpool greats (Carragher, Fowler, McManaman, Owen) who grew up as Everton fans, so it's not like people can't put these things to one side when they have to, eh? And it's not as if opposing fans will see each other on match days any road.

And if you're worried about the state of the pitch then I suggest Everton replace Moyes with Allardyce and then every other week the ball won't get anywhere near the grass.

The home ends can be at opposite sides, directors' boxes too, and you know what? If this former European Capital of Culture is to mean something significant, how about years of enmity being put to one side in the names of a celebration of two great names in British football history coming together to share the same piece of green sward in the name of community cohesion, common sense and, let's face it, financial desperation.

They do it in Milan. It's not like them two teams have achieved nowt since. It makes sense in every regard except that the people who are most intimately involved are football supporters. Oops! That's logic out the window, then.

But the time has come for summat to give, before the Europa Cup truly becomes something worth winning.

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You can't forget it, it was the one where he delivered his half-time team talk to the players on the pitch.

It was Boxing Day 2008, and it was the moment it all went wrong for Hull City. At least that's what everybody says, so it must be true - mustn't it?

Cast you minds back - Hull had already won at Spurs and Arsenal, drawn at Liverpool and almost got a point at Old Trafford. They were sixth in the Premier League as they headed for Manchester City and were threatening to be the story of the season.

Perhaps a 4 - 1 defeat to Sunderland just before Christmas had burst the bubble?

And so did the media as over the course of the weekend Brown found himself on the end of tirade. We were told he had scored a spectacular own-goal, that the dressing-room would not forgive him.

And so it seemed for a long time. Hull's spiralling descent to the relegation zone seemed unstoppable, and people queued up to say "I told you so".

The City game marked the half-way point of the season and despite the defeat Hull had 27 points.

But they won only one more game and took just eight more points all season.

I was at the KC on that nerve-shredding final day.

Hull played like exhausted and petrified novices, losing to a team of Manchester United youngsters - but staying up because of Newcastle's astonishing incompetence.

At the final whistle the then chairman Paul Duffen was in tears and Brown grabbed a microphone, looked for the nearest camera, and embarked on a truly terrible rendition of Sloop John B.

"Lucky, lucky Hull" we were told, as they were installed as one of the firm favourites to go down this season with Brown top of the list to be the first manager sacked (that "honour" has since gone to Portsmouth's Paul Hart).

Even a month ago you could still have argued the City debacle was the beginning of the end.

Duffen's resignation removed Brown's biggest ally from the club's board, and Adam Pearson returned as chairman with Brown not given any long-term guarantees about his future.

So what's happened? Contrary to what everyone expected the players he "lost" at City have rallied round their manager.

They scrapped to victory over Stoke, rallied superbly to draw with West Ham, and swept aside Everton in a 30-minute blitz which left David Moyes' side with too much to do.

Hull are far from out of the woods, but they are four points above the relegation zone in only their second top flight season.

At the beginning of their Premier League adventure 16 months ago, I'm sure most Hull fans would have taken that.

It was end-to-end in the second half but there weren't too many clear-cut chances. It was nice to get a point though because it was the kind of game Wednesday might have ended up losing late last season by giving away a silly freak goal or something. Credit has to go to our goalkeeper, Lee Grant, and our back four because they did a tremendous job in difficult conditions.

We had a card-happy ref and three of our back four were booked in the first 20 minutes. It was a bit of a concern with three defenders on a yellow card but the lads showed real discipline to make sure they stayed on the pitch.

The result has certainly given us a bit of confidence going into this weekend's match against West Brom at Hillsborough. They are one of the best teams in the division this weekend so we'll have to be tight at the back and take our chances. The festive fixtures will soon be upon us so if we are to go on a bit of a run there's no time like the present to start it.

For some reason we often seem to play better against the top sides in the Championship. Maybe because they play a more open, attacking game that suits us better. But we lost against Newcastle and Middlesbrough earlier in the season despite playing well, so we're hoping make up for that by getting one over on West Brom this time.

Somebody asked last week whether I had considered playing abroad. You might think at this time of year with the cold, wind and rain it would be attractive to play in Australia or the USA but it's not for me.

Over the last couple of years I have had opportunities - people phoning up to ask if I wanted to play in Australia, Abu Dhabi, Dubai or America. Those approaches tend to come along more when you're in your 30s. They can be tempting but as soon as I've thought about it for a bit I've said 'no' because I learned my trade in the Premier League and the Championship and this is where I want to finish playing.

English football has been very generous to me over the years and hopefully I'm giving a bit of payback to English football now because I enjoy my football here. I think the fans here are the most passionate from around the world and it's great to be a part of that.

I have had friends go out and play in other countries and I'm still in touch with Andy Todd, who is now with Perth Glory in Australia. He's thoroughly enjoying himself out there with his family but I know pretty much every game involves a four-hour flight and that's not something that appeals to me.

Perth provides beautiful weather but long away trips

Last time I spoke to Andy he'd had a flight and a two-hour coach journey to get to a game. Yes, the weather must be nice and family life sounds fantastic but I don't like aeroplanes or long coach journeys so that has put me off a bit.

All I've known since I was a kid is English football. I used to go to watch Sunderland at Roker Park and because the north-east is a passionate place, the football is just instilled into you. This is my bread and butter. I love to visit every away ground and see the passion in the different sets of fans and I love playing at home too. I've been very fortunate over the years to play for some great clubs with very passionate fans and that's no different now at Sheffield Wednesday.

In places like Sheffield and Sunderland the first thing people speak about when they go into work on a Monday is the game at the weekend and I'm no different. I've got football in my blood.

I'll still have the same appetite for the game when I finish playing too. I've made some good friends in football and those friendships won't stop when I hang my boots up. I expect I'll be coming back to Hillsborough or going to Molineux on a regular basis even when I'm no longer playing. I love watching football; it's not the same as playing but I will certainly be a fan again one day.

Now I'm 35, I've been asked quite a few times about what I plan to do when I finish playing but I still feel that I have plenty to offer on the pitch. I am playing for a great club and I enjoy being a part of it. I am reminded by my team-mates at least three or four times a week how old I am and I don't mind it one bit because it's just a bit of dressing room banter. All I say is that "you'll be my age sooner than you think", because it does come around very quickly. That banter helps make you feel young and that's why I still love putting my boots on every time I go out to train.

I know that I don't want to move into coaching when I do eventually hang up my boots. I was on course for my Uefa B badge when I was at Blackburn but I had to stop that because the guy coaching us at the time, Neil Bailey, ended up going to Sunderland with Roy Keane. That put a stop to it and I've never been interested in picking it up again, to be honest.

A lot of my team-mates now talk about coaching when we're at the training ground and most of them are nowhere near as old as me! James O'Connor is one of those lads and he's not far off finishing all of his badges. He's very dedicated to the management pathway and I wish him well because he's a really good guy and I think he'll make a good coach or manager one day.

Thankfully, as a player, other opportunities tend to present themselves and I've got some ideas about what I want to do when I retire. I've already got a car business with Nick Summerbee which is doing quite well, but it's not something I want to be my sole focus when I finish football, it's just something I can enjoy doing while I'm still playing.

In the meantime, I'd better get back to concentrating on getting three points this Saturday...

The Football League has just launched a new supporters' survey - you can find it on their website and I would recommend you have a go as there are some quirky, original and interesting questions.

I recently came into possession of a document outlining the findings of a 1962 survey conducted by the Football League. I would wager the conclusions eventually drawn by the current version are radically different.

Worried by a decline in attendances, the League, which then presided over the top four divisions (then called Division One down to Division Four), commissioned the 1962 report to work out why it was happening and what could be done about it.

Nestled in among the reasons for crowds being on the slide is a section simply entitled 'Women'.

Are you laughing or horrified?

It's a truly staggering observation, but one that I think tells us more about how society, rather than specifically football, has changed over the intervening 47 years.

Obviously some women enjoyed watching football in 1962

Another intriguing suggestion is that a general increase in the standard of living had presented people with a wider range of options in their leisure time - and football was being squeezed out.

This is categorised under the headline 'The overall social climate' and notes that people have "a greater variety of old and new leisure equipment, eg cameras, do-it-yourself equipment, cars, gramophone records and players, paper-backed books etc".

The thorny issue of the impact of television is also addressed. It had become steadily more popular throughout the 50s, but the report notes that "in general television only becomes an attraction when people become dissatisfied with football itself".

Nonetheless, when suggesting remedies for the decline in attendances the report concludes that television is a threat to football - and makes two subsequent recommendations.

"A - it would be unwise to televise matches at any time. B - football must be made more attractive than television then some ex-attenders may return as spectators."

Clearly, television and football were viewed as direct competitors. The notion that one is a broadcast tool and the other is a sport - and that they should work in partnership - had not yet taken hold.

Floodlit football and matches on Sundays were rejected as a method of attracting the menfolk back to football, while the theory that there was too much travelling by club teams was considered. Perhaps some reorganisation leading to greater frequency of local derby matches would help? Tell that to the organisers of the Champions League.

The findings of the survey were written by AD Bannatyne, PhD, and based on a sample of 4,046 people.

Compiled during an age before computers becamethe norm, the survey was hand-typed and neatly presented inside an A4 blue folder. At the top of page one, underlined and in capital letters, is the word CONFIDENTIAL. The rivets used to bind the document together are now rusty.

The methodology is described as a "randomised probability sample" and some of the conclusions are ridiculous. Could such a small sample really tell us with any accuracy that "frequent attenders last season who no longer go this season" tend to be skilled workers who live in the Midlands and the southern half of England? I suspect not.

In many ways I think the document is most interesting when considered as a piece of social history.

It was written at the start of a decade that would witness profound social and cultural change. By the end of the 1960s, man had been on the moon, children no longer dressed like their parents and the feminist movement had gained an irresistible momentum. The rigid W-M formation had finally disappeared from the English game and the Dutch were close to unleashing Total Football on the world.

The survey provides a glimpse into a bygone era, with all its inherent anachronisms. Yet in several ways the survey shows how certain themes in football have remained. Issues that concerned supporters back then still cause alarm today.

It explores "causes in the match itself" that have turned people away from the game.

After a rather verbose preamble, we are informed there are three main problems - football matches are slow and tame, they are unskilful and defensive and they tend to suffer from poor sportsmanship (fouls and dirty play).

What people really want, in order of preference, is football that is skilful, fast and clean.

"Standards of sportsmanship need brushing up if some groups (who are pained by foul play) are not to be lost to the game," it concluded.

Is this much different from what modern supporters want to see? Certainly the Irish have been pretty upset recently by dubious on-field behaviour.

The survey also notes that out-of-date facilities, such as poor seating, toilets etc, drive people away from football. Combine that with poor parking facilities and bad weather and a supporter might just decide to do something less boring instead.

Related to the rudimentary standard of the stadia is the observation that facilities must be improved if women and young children are to attend in greater number.

This suggestion, which sounds very reasonable to me, is followed by this priceless comment: "In addition, attempts might be made to encourage the wives and girlfriends of football supporters to be a little more self-sacrificing by letting their menfolk for out to watch League matches."

Exactly what methods should have been deployed were not specified.

The Football League in its modern form has been running a supporter survey bi-annually since 2006. The results of the latest one will appear early in 2010. Questions relating to issues such as sin-binning and video technology are asked - and if you feel strongly about these I would advise you to have a go at the survey.

Just don't expect too much discussion about the women and their menfolk.

Until recently I thought a similar goose/gander connection existed between the Premier League and England's bid to stage the 2018 World Cup. A symbiotic win-win if ever there was one.

O to live in such simple times! These days, GM is more likely to bankrupt America than sustain it and the Premier League's commitment to the Football Association-led World Cup campaign is looking increasingly half-hearted.

That is a crying shame because England has everything it takes to stage a superb tournament, as will be demonstrated when the 15 cities hoping to host World Cup football in 2018 come to Wembley on Thursday to deliver their applications.

I refuse to spend too long on the squabbles of English football's numerous chiefs, though, and not just because I wrote about them last week. The main reason is that they are depressingly trivial: x doesn't like y, y doesn't like z, nobody likes z, but nobody can really remember why.

In case you have no idea what I am on about, Sir Dave Richards, the chairman of the Premier League (among other titles), has chosen this week, the week the 2018 bid team hoped to talk about how many excellent potential venues this country has and the enormous passion for football we share, to resign from the bid's main board.

This week as opposed to two weeks ago, when that board was restructured to streamline the decision-making process, bring in the key powerbrokers and show a united front to the rest of the world, particularly the 24 members of Fifa's executive committee who will vote on which country gets the World Cup next December.

Richards must have missed that memo. Why else would such a loyal servant of English football destabilise an already wobbly situation a fortnight away from the bid's "first interview", the draw for the 2010 World Cup in Cape Town?

Let's hope the bid team insider I spoke to earlier this week is right when he asked me if I had met Richards. "No? Well, him leaving actually makes our job a lot easier," he said.

He's probably right. But then Karren Brady, one of board members who did step down at the correct time, is also probably right when she admitted the bid was beginning to look like a "shambles".

Ho hum, perhaps we did not like being frontrunners. Coming hard on the rails worked for London 2012, after all. Might be an idea to stop yanking on the reins now, though, hey?

So with that in mind, let's turn our attention to the pitches and places we hope will persuade Fifa's sphinx-like electorate to bring football back home.

As previously mentioned, 14 cities and Milton Keynes are throwing their hats into the ring, and those 15 places represent 22 different venues, although Liverpool's inclusion of Anfield alongside its replacement and Everton's Kirkby conundrum is really just to add something concrete to an otherwise computer-generated proposition.

Not that there's anything wrong with pictures. Munich's Allianz Arena was still an architect's dream when Germany won the right to stage the 2006 World Cup. It did not even open until the summer of 2005. A year later it would be hosting a World Cup semi-final.

Much the same can be said of South Africa's 10 locations, the majority of the 20 venues used during the 2002 World Cup and most of Italia 90's too.

Not having your World Cup venues built now can almost be an advantage (well, that's what Bristol, Liverpool, Nottingham and Plymouth are banking on). The drawings always look better than the finished article and you can trade on Fifa's desire to "leave something behind". It's not just the Olympic movement that bangs on about "legacy" nowadays.

There is, of course, a flipside to legacy, and it brings us back to that over-sized grey thing I failed to ignore earlier, but this time in white. Being able to say you have "left behind" a selection of state-of-the-art stadia and broken new territory for top-flight football is one thing, being accused of saddling mediocre clubs with grounds they cannot afford is another.

This was certainly my first thought when I considered the chances of Bristol, Milton Keynes and Plymouth, none of which struck me as hotbeds with pent-up demand for 45,000-seat sporting cathedrals. But then I spoke to them.

Bristol's bid is based on City's move to a new ground at Ashton Vale. A former council tip, it is now home to a herd of cows but should, in three years' time, be a football stadium with a capacity of 30,000 that can be taken to 44,000 in two 7,000-seat stages, should Premier League football arrive or otherwise.

There is similar ambition at Plymouth Argyle. The club's new owners are confident the team can progress to the Promised Land at last but Home Park's transformation into the "Wembley of the South West" will be financed by more than just football.

The region's natural beauty also features highly in the Plymouth plan. They are even promising to land 747s direct from Japan on the airstrips at Exeter and Newquay, if that is what it takes. I'm not sure about that but I think both Bristol and Plymouth have an excellent chance of making the cut when the final decision is announced on 16 December.

I would like to say the same about MK but I fear its quirky charms will be squeezed by Birmingham and London, particularly as the latter is putting forward four venues: the Emirates, Tottenham's new ground, Wembley and, slightly controversially, the 2012 stadium, running track and all.

I think four is greedy, no matter what London's bid leaders tell me about the city being of unique significance to a World Cup bid - the Emirates and Wembley, with the former getting a semi-final, seem nailed on, though.

Tougher choices exist elsewhere, particularly in the East Midlands, where some fear it might not be one from three but none. This seems unlikely but I have no idea if England's bid leaders will back the solid but unglamorous locations offered by Derby and Leicester or go with Nottingham's artist's impression of Forest's new home. It does look lovely but I would worry about its ever-changing location.

Artist's impression of the new stadium being planned by Nottingham Forest

Another battleground is Yorkshire. You would normally assume Leeds is a dead cert but then you remember the last time you went to Elland Road, try to work out who will actually pay for its upgrade (to achieve Fifa's 40,000-seat minimum you actually need about 44,000 seats because you lose that many to hospitality and the media) and wonder if you are not better off at Bramall Lane, with its history, new hotel and planning permission. Hull has a chance, too. Perhaps it will be two from three.

There were concerns in the North East that Newcastle-Gateshead and Sunderland were chasing just one place. I think both of these famous football centres, with their large, iconic grounds, will be fine.

So will Liverpool, despite current headaches, and Manchester, possibly for both Old Trafford - a certain semi-final venue - and the City of Manchester Stadium. Much has been made of Fifa's "rules" about only one city getting more than one venue in any bid. I do not think those rules are as firm as some believe. There is plenty of flexibility in them and we could end up with 18 venues in 14 cities or 12 in 11.

What is certain, however, is that a successful England bid in 2018 would be a success for the entire country. Take those recent PriceWaterhouseCoopers predictions of a £3.2bn bonanza for the country with a small pinch of salt but there will be significant rewards in terms of inward investment, tourism and global prestige.

Plymouth did its own research and thought the return on investment - £15m is the figure most of the cities will have to shell out - could be as much as £300m. Which is why so many cities have decided wading through forests of Fifa documentation - one bid leader told me he had spent the day finding a company director to initial each page of six 60-page contracts for just one of four practice pitches he must provide - is worth the trouble.

There are risks, of course, and Portsmouth's decision to pull out at the 11th hour demonstrates just how costly this process can be at a time of squeezed budgets (although there were some other factors at play there as well) but the earning capacity of the Premier League means the vast majority of infrastructure spending is taken care of - there will be no £9.3bn budget for this month of sport.

So let's stop bickering and start remembering why the England 2018 bid was the bookies' favourite from day one. It's the best bid, plain and simple.

As well as my blogs, you can follow me when I'm out and about at http://twitter.com/bbc_matt

Despite that, Monday was rather fruitful. At 1300 in Executive Box 30 in the East Stand at Old Trafford, I was due to interview Wayne Rooney, while next door Dimitar Berbatov was going to have a chat with his boyhood hero... Alan Shearer. You'll be able to see the Rooney interview this Saturday, while the "Shearer meets Berbatov" extravaganza will make an appearance in the next couple of weeks.

Just to make the day slightly more showbiz, the Stereophonics were also scheduled to show up. Lead vocalist and guitarist Kelly Jones is a Leeds fan but he and Wayne have become quite friendly. Wayne lists them as his favourite band and has the words "Just Enough Education to Perform", the title of their 2001 album, tattooed on his right forearm.

Sitting down with Wayne Rooney - yep, I've got a camera sticking out of my head

Weeks of planning went into getting everyone in the same place at the same time, and my normally resilient phone battery was on its last legs by midday on Monday. I was checking with agents that people were going to be there on time, giving directions to various band members, talking managers through our plans, telling a photographer bloke that we would not be wearing make-up, making sure the club had set aside rooms for us to use and ringing my wife to see how potty training was going with my children.

As we - that's producer Anton, producer James and I - left Euston station in London at 0920, it seemed that everything was in order. I settled down to my prawn sandwiches and Yum Yums, and went through the questions we were going to ask Wayne. My mind went back to the previous Thursday, when we made the same journey to interview Joleon Lescott. I was hoping for a smoother journey this time round...

As we waited to board our train almost a week ago, the following announcement was broadcast across the station: "Ladies and gentlemen, due to major delays on tonight's Virgin trains to the north-west, tickets for the 1900 and 1920 will now be valid for the 1950 train to Manchester Piccadilly, departing from Platform 5".

Cue crazy stampede to Platform 5, where old ladies were jostled and young men with briefcases elbowed their way to the table seats.

"You can't reserve seats, you stupid women," shouted a red-faced man at a terrified teenage girl. "It's for me mam!" she hollered back. "What do you think this is? Happy Families?" he responded.

Just when everything seemed to have died down, there was another eruption. A young chap, who looked a bit like a drama student, went toe-to-toe with an old guy who was in his seat. "Look at my ticket... 32a... why are you sitting in it?" "Because it's also my seat?" The stand-off lasted 10 minutes before the elderly bloke played his trump card. "Look, I'm sitting here," he said. "I'm not moving and if you want to do anything about it you'll have to lift me out of the chair." The drama student realised that he didn't really have the bicep power required to remove the rotund individual, so he made a hasty retreat to the catering coach.

I tried to lighten the mood by handing round some Percy Pigs to the passengers I was wedged against in the gangway. A guy with an iPod on full blast looked at me as if to say "if you shove those little jellied pigs in my face again I will throttle you with my earphone wire". Just when I thought the trip couldn't get any worse, a man got on at Milton Keynes who honked of cheese. He was either a cheese-worker or he had smothered himself in Stilton whilst waiting on the platform. Sadly, he stood about six inches away from me all the way to Stockport!

In contrast, Monday's trip was a complete delight. We arrived at Old Trafford at 1145 to meet our three cameramen and sound warrior. Q magazine were already set up for their photoshoot, but, sadly, the room we had wasn't big enough to fit Wayne and the band in so we thought about doing it outside. As simple as that sounds, we were required to make another round of phone calls to managers, agents and press officers to check that everyone was happy to step out into the chilliness. The band were keen and their manager assured me that if Kelly wanted to go outside, it would happen.

Dan prepares to interview Wayne and Kelly on the side of the Old Trafford pitch

Slowly but surely the protagonists arrived. Guitarist Adam was first up at 1230, followed closely by Kelly and Stereophonics manager Dan at 1245. Two minutes later, in walked Wayne and instantly went for a chat with his favourite musicians. Tony, the keyboard player, was late so we decided to press on. It all went very well. Wayne got his tattoo out, the boys chatted music and football, while Kelly pulled out a rather inappropriate gift for his footballing friend... a Leeds shirt!

Back inside we went. Wayne met Alan, who had just arrived, and then, as we disappeared for a one-on-one interview, in strolled Dimitar. He was really nervous meeting his hero and admitted during the interview that as a young lad he supported whichever team Alan was playing for... Southampton, Blackburn and eventually Newcastle.

By 1455, our work was done. We bade farewell to everyone, I had one last look at Kelly's enormous hair and we headed back to London. I tried to sit in seat 32a, but a bloke who looked remarkably like a drama student was in it!

You can see the Wayne Rooney interview and our chat with Stereophonics on Saturday's programme. We are live at Fratton Park this weekend for the build-up to Portsmouth against Manchester United, so we'll hopefully see you at 1215 on BBC 1.

I have to say that, as I'm about to turn 31, the last two games haven't been kind to the old legs. With the weather we've been having recently the pitches have been really heavy and I've been waking up on the Sunday with aches in places I never knew existed.

If I'm feeling like that, goodness only knows how Derek Townsley felt after his 90 minutes against Albion Rovers!

Well, there has only really been one person dominating the front and back pages of every newspaper up and down the country since last Wednesday - I give you Thierry Henry.

I honestly can't believe the furore this incident has caused. We've had demands for the game to be replayed and even Damien Duff blaming Adidas.

I think the officials have got away with this big-time as well. Without doubt, Henry is the main culprit but this was a massive decision - and a completely obvious handball (twice) - and neither the referee nor assistant were in a position to call it correctly.

It was a shocking decision to allow the goal to stand. I really do feel for Ireland and their supporters but I genuinely believe that anyone else in Henry's position would have done exactly the same thing.

As far as I'm concerned, it was complete instinct. It doesn't make it right but it was a natural reaction and any one of us would have reacted in the same way.

I'm not sure anyone actually believed that Ireland would get the opportunity of replaying the game. Whether that's down to believing Platini and Blatter really were high-fiving each other at the result I don't know.

But let's just say it was replayed, where would things stop then? There are incidents going on all over the park in games every week where players try to gain advantages over their opposition and there are decisions potentially costing clubs points because of this. We'd have clubs contacting their respective associations every other week.

What I can see happening from this incident is the five officials per game being rapidly introduced to reduce the risk of it happening again.

Platini has already trialled the idea in the Europa League and, let's face it, had there been an official behind each goal in Paris that night, Ireland might have been heading for penalties.

Personally, I'm not one for tinkering too much with our game - players are already barely allowed to tackle these days and it's not only my partner, Laura, that doesn't know what offside actually is anymore. But if it meant major mistakes costing clubs and countries then, for me, video technology might be the way to go.

It's done in other sports so why not football too? I was watching Murray v Federer on Tuesday night and it's exciting waiting for the decision on the big screen and the fans get right up for it as well.

There is a lot of thinking to be done and I'm sure the subject or something similar will be on the agenda when the men running our game meet two days before the World Cup draw.

I'd just like to finish this week by congratulating our under-19s on their first victory of the season. The young team faced the long trip to Elgin on Sunday and came away with a superb 4-1 victory.

It's been a long time coming and hopefully the hard work of coaches Buff, Ronnie and Jimmy is finally paying off. I'm sure there have been times of enormous frustration but they are a team who were quickly put together for the debut season in the SFL, pretty much like the first team, and everyone involved deserves credit for their efforts.

I trained with the boys a couple of weeks ago and not only was the training superb but there was a committed bunch of young players there and you could tell they were enjoying things, even though results weren't going there way. That's testament to the guys helping the kids and I hope they can really kick on from their win at Elgin.

See you next week.

"It was a major shock to us, especially when we knew it was the heart. He's a big man so he must need a big ticker to keep him going. But it will take a lot to knock over that old elephant."
Blackburn captain Ryan Nelsen on Sam Allardyce's heart op,

"A player doesn't need to pay between five and 15% of his wages to a guy to set up a bank account or buy him a new fridge."
Players who over-use agents get a frosty reception from Gary Neville.

"They are all probably clapping hands - Michel Platini sitting up there on the phone to Sepp Blatter, probably texting each
other, delighted with the result."
Robbie turns his anger to the presidents of Uefa and Fifa, following the last-minute decision to seed the play-offs.

"When they (France) come on the telly during the World Cup I will spit."
French chef Jean-Christophe Novelli is dismayed by the actions of his countryman.

"What shocks me the most is that this player, at the end of the game, went to sit next to an Ireland player to comfort him - when he had just screwed him. If I had been an Irishman he wouldn't have lasted three seconds."
Henry will be hoping he doesn't bump into Eric Cantona anytime soon.

"The replay? I'll do it when you want on a PlayStation."
Patrice Evra believes he has the answer.

"Henry? We should make a statue of him."
The mischievous Evra continues to pour oil on to troubled waters.

"When I was manager I said Fifa stands for 'Forget Irish Football Altogether'."
Former Republic boss Mick McCarthy - a master of the comedy acronym.

"I was given a commemorative teapot to mark my achievement - it was my number one trophy for some time."
England rugby new boy Ayoola Erinle on the days when he was a Countdown contestant. Pity he can't solve the on-field conundrum.

"The days of me pounding the treadmill are over. As you can imagine, I was
gutted to hear that."
Freddie Flintoff on the news that part of his recovery from knee surgery will include a less high-impact training regime. Every cloud....

"I haven't lost any sleep over it. I had to find out what Twitter was. I thought it was the new guy playing fly-half for England."
New Zealand rugby union coach Graham Henry after Neemia Tialata and Cory Jane announce their non-selection for the clash with England on the social networking site.

"I don't think what he wanted to do got across to some players and also I think some of them are too thick to take it on board and not good enough to take it on board anyway to be perfectly honest with you."
Craig Burley gives his view on uncle George's unsuccessful reign as Scotland manager.
Comedy glasses - hours of fun

"The other day I refereed a little game with the first-team players. I did a bad job. The day after, the players arrived with a present for me. I opened it and there was a pair of big joke glasses."
Carlo Ancelotti has specs appeal.

"The ball hit my hand, I will be honest."
Bit late for that, Thierry.

"As you say Jim, if the boot's on the other foot it's sauce for the gander."
RTÉ's George Hamilton brings out the cliches during the France-Ireland play-off. (Kevin Threadgold, Ireland).

"We still haven't won anything, you know. We might have won our division..."
David Beckham ahead of his MLS play-off final clash. (Winny McFeloola, UK).

"The challenge of going up against Lewis in his environment was a challenge. Tough, but a challenge. For me, I achieved everything I wanted to with Brawn with winning the title in '09 and I'm looking for new challenges."
From Jenson Button's interview with 5 live. Sounds like it might be a challenge, then? (Paul Vincent, UK).

"I don't know if you guys watched the game last night but the whole world was watching."
Representative of the Irish FA talking to Eleanor Oldroyd on 5live. If the whole world was watching, why did he have to ask? (Chris, Manchester).

"We should have seen this coming and kept an eye on them: Olympics 2008, French crowned handball champions." DaffyBoy on 606. (Tom A, UK).

"Clattenburg's given a penalty - some of that gel he's got on his head must have dripped in his eye."
Paul Merson on Soccer Saturday, following the soft penalty given to Hull against West Ham. (Chris, London).

"It's certainly not altitude sickness, in Greenwich."
Andrew Castle during the Murray-Del Potro match at the O2. Del Potro had called for a medical time-out after getting a nosebleed. (Shiraz, Harrow).

"If you want to win the title, one thing you need is consistent consistency."
Arsene Wenger on Match of the Day after losing to Sunderland. Is there any other kind? (Rory Chesworth, Norfolk).

"He gave a corner to Bristol when Kevin Maher kept the ball in play and he was at least 50 yards away. If the Irish had had him then they probably would have been in the World Cup."
Gillingham manager Mark Stimson lays into the linesman in his post-match interview after the match against Bristol Rovers. (Baz, UK).

"So are you feeling a little bit sheepish in New Zealand about going through?"
James Richardson on the Guardian Football podcast asks a NZ journalist about qualifying for South Africa - I don't think the national sterotype was intentional.
(Conor, N Ireland).
Don't mess with the baldies
"There's not too much hair in the midfield for Bologna."
ESPN commentator comments on Bologna's three bald midfielders during the Bologna-Inter game. (CJ, UK).

"Hull goal: It's a thriller at the DW."
BBC text commentary - didn't realise Hull played at Wigan. (Sanu,UK).

"I'm not gonna train any harder or any less because I moved to a club for this amount of money. Obviously I want to repay the club's faith and persistence in me, but I'm gonna be trying just as hard as I did at Everton, if not even harder."
Joleon Lescott sending mixed messages in a BBC interview. So will he be trying harder or not? (Phil Birkett, England).

"Damien Duff, who played in the 1970 and 1999 youth World Cups for Ireland..."
A Setanta announcer apparently thinks Duff is in his 50s. (David, USA).

"And it looks like right-back Peter Vincenti, on loan from Millwall, is set to come on for Stevenage".
Commentator on The FA.com. He's actually been with us permanently for over two years, and is a striker! (Jack, UK).

"If Maclaren hadn't gone for Jenson, they'd have gone for someone else."
Kimi Raikkonen's manager states the obvious. (Thom, England).

"That was a great pass to Warburton - right in the bread basket."
Jonathan Davies is on a roll during the Wales v Samoa match. (Al, Swansea).

"This is Englands' 500th game. It started with Scotland and 498 victories later here we are."
Commentator at the England-Brazil match. That's some record!
(Si Culley, England).

"A trio of Irish players, including Tiger Woods, share the lead going into the final day's play."
On Newstalk (Irish Radio station) sports bulletin. (Colm McDermott, Ireland).

"All the winning shots are at the end of a rally."
Federer v Murray on 5 live sports extra. No, really?!
(Rick Maloney, UK).

"Tsotsobe to Trott, 3 runs, driven to mid-off, sets off for a quick single, shye hits the stumps and reqocets"
Seen on Cricinfo during England v SA 'A' 50 over game: Has a 16th century time-travelling scribe infiltrated Cricinfo? Have Gordon Brown and Ed Balls decreed that 'ricochet' should be spelled differently as it sounds too French? (smellslikesalmon)
Welcome home!
"It's like a domestic game now, everyone on the field is South African."
Darryl Cullinan when KP joined Jonathan Trott at the crease for England in the second T20 game. (Matthew, South Africa).

"He gets a bit lucky there, Morgan. It's the luck of the Irish."
Cullinan continues his mischief-making. (Matthew, South Africa).

"That has never happened to me before. I've seen something similar on a football bloopers film. I thought I'd done all the hard work then the ball stopped on the line."
Bury striker Danny Nardiello thought his goal against Notts County had won it for Bury, only for the ball to be stuck in the mud.
(Anthony Ko, UK).

"Mahmood went down like a dying giraffe."
TMS's Simon Mann on Sajid Mahmood failing to take a catch during the 2nd ODI on Sunday. (davidscc)

"He's big, he's bad, he's better than his Dad, Rory Fallon!"
After Fallon scored the goal for New Zealand against Bahrain that ensured qualification for the World Cup - a nod to Kevin Fallon , who was assistant coach the last time NZ made the World Cup finals in '82. (kiwizeppelin).

"We've got Glenn Whelan, and tonight's gonna be a good night!"
My mate Nigel in Belfast's Rose & Crown pub to the tune of Black Eyed Peas' I've Got A Feeling, ahead of the France-Ireland game. Pity about the result...
(Ronan Trainor, Ireland).

"Down with pneumonia. We're going down with pneumonia!"
From the rain-soaked, wind-swept Charlton fans behind the uncovered goal at Yeovil's Huish Park. (Dave Rudd, UK).

"Are you Henry in disguise?"
Spurs fans to Paul Scharner after his handball in the build-up to Wigan's goal in the 9-1 rout. (Matt Williams, UK).

"It's just like watching Henry!"
Variation on a theme for Watford fans after they thought a Scunthorpe player handled the ball to prevent another Hornets goal.
(Jimmy, UK and leeds_n_proud PLC).

"My Hangeland, my Hangeland I want you to play with my Hangeland."
To the tune of Chuck Berry's My Ding-a-ling, heard at Birmingham-Fulham to the Cottagers' Brede Hangeland.
(Philip O'Brien, Birmingham).
Be afraid...
"Rhydian, Rhydian what's the score?"
Sang to Stevenage's bleached-blond defender Mark Roberts following his poor back pass for Port Vale's winner in the FA Cup - in honour of his X-Factor lookalike!
(Mark, Stoke-on-Trent).

"Jedward are better than Robbie!"
Stevenage fans during their FA Cup game with Robbie Williams' team Port Vale. (Jack, UK).

"Ten men went to carry, went to carry Nade. 10 men, 9 men, 8 men, 7 men, 6 men, 5 men, 4 men, 3 men, 2 men, 1 man and a forklift truck couldn't carry Nade."
Sung by Hibs fans to Christian Nade at Tynecastle to the tune of One Man Went To Mow.
(Liam Macpherson, Scotland).

"Ladies and gentleman...shhhhhhh."
Tannoy announcer at Chelsea before the minute's silence against Manchester United. (linn-dog)

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