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When Dizzee Rascal penned his recent hit 'Bonkers', he must have had this summer's transfer activity in mind.
I got the text about Michael Owen on July 1 - my birthday (cheers for all the cards and flowers by the way - very touching).
My first thought was that the clocks had gone back three months, but it turned out Sir Alex Ferguson was the only one taking the mickey - quite literally in fact.
That's now the first games of pre-season been and gone and I'm sure the manager will be giving mixed reviews on the two performances from the weekend.
I missed the 2-1 defeat to Vale of Leithen but returned for the comfortable 6-1 victory against Gala Fairydean. By all accounts the performance was a little rusty on Saturday but hopefully we made amends on the Sunday and can take some confidence into this weekend's game against Morton.
Without sounding disrespectful we would have been disappointed to lose the game on Sunday. Gala certainly worked hard and probably scored the best goal of the game but without being at our best it was a fairly routine victory.
Obviously the main objective in these games is to build on your match fitness and work towards the first competitive games of the season and over the weekend this has been achieved.
Carlo Ancelotti breezed into Stamford Bridge armed with a tinder dry sense of humour and a self-confessed love of "irony" - which may help him see the funny side of Manchester City trying to strong-arm Chelsea into selling John Terry.
Chelsea, the club that once ruled the markets with a wave of Roman Abramovich's mighty chequebook, are suddenly on the receiving end of financial muscle being wielded by Manchester City's Abu Dhabi rulers.
This, illustrated by the once unthinkable notion that a symbolic Stamford Bridge figure could be spirited away by a club that cannot even offer him European football, is the new reality that greets Ancelotti as he starts his Chelsea reign.
If it was a state of affairs that unduly concerned Ancelotti as he was presented in a Stamford Bridge lounge, it did not show as he turned on the charm at a media briefing that even ended in an impromptu burst of applause.
Sir Alex Ferguson placed his faith in something he trusts far more than a glossy brochure when he picked up the phone and offered Michael Owen a new home at Manchester United.
Owen's management team produced the 32-page magazine advertising their client's qualities - aspirational, cool, devoted and sincere to name but four - and delivered a slick reminder of why he was once one of football's genuine superstars.
Ferguson does not do brochures to buy players. Pure instinct and the love of a punt is often enough and the shock pursuit of Owen, mocked only days ago when Hull City and Stoke City declared an interest, is a prime example.
United's vast budget, helped by £80m from Real Madrid for Cristiano Ronaldo, lets Ferguson shop at the sharp end of the market - but also gives him the opportunity to take the odd chance. Owen falls neatly into that bracket as prospective targets Karim Benzema, David Villa and Franck Ribery go elsewhere.
So is this a sign of desperation creeping into United's transfer dealings or another piece of inspiration from the gambler Ferguson?
Well, the boys down at Annan are well into pre-season now and the friendly fixtures begin this weekend.
That's seven sessions down with one more to go before the games away to both Vale of Leithen and Gala Fairydean.
It should be a good weekend with the team staying overnight for a bit of bonding, but unfortunately I'm missing the trip due to a wedding.
June turns into July and the sanctuary of the beach gives way to the toil of the training ground in the scorching summer sun as players return for pre-season.
As Steve Wilson pointed out in his recent blog there is a 24-hour window between the football seasons. The last campaign ended with Monday's final humiliation for the England Under-21 team and the new one started all over again with a Champions League qualifier on Tuesday.
But there are 38 days left until the Football League season starts on 7 August (most teams play their opening game on 8 August but the Middlesbrough v Sheffield United match has been switched to the Friday by Sky Sports) and I personally cannot wait for the new campaign to kick-off.
Antonio Valencia is unlikely to be the most high-profile arrival at Manchester United this summer - but that will not spare him from the pressure of intense scrutiny.
Close examination comes with the territory when you are the first newcomer through Old Trafford's door in the wake of Cristiano Ronaldo's £80m departure for Real Madrid.
And the fact that the 23-year-old Ecuadorian patrols a similar footballing beat to the Portuguese superstar will only bring his contribution to post-Ronaldo life at United into sharper focus.
Valencia cannot, however, be regarded as the straight replacement or a Ronaldo-lite. Sir Alex Ferguson will use the huge cheque banked on Wednesday to sign a variety of players to plug the gaps left by Ronaldo's magnificent attacking versatility.
This will be an accurate measure of the influence Ronaldo exerted on United, but Ferguson will back his own judgement - and the verdict of those who have worked closely with Valencia - to support the belief that he has brought a burgeoning talent to Old Trafford.
Brazil won the Confederations Cup on Sunday, and on Monday England play Germany in the final of the European Under-21 Championship, a match which brings to an end the 2008/09 European football season.
So (hopefully) still aglow from England's youngsters' win in Sweden, the sun will be out, the football will have finished and it'll be time to get the barbeque going, crack open a bottle of beer and settle down to a diet of tennis and cricket until the whole thing starts up again... on Tuesday!
Manchester City's "stratospheric" efforts to muscle in on the Premier League's elite Gang of Four have set a searing pace in the summer transfer market.
Gareth Barry has already been snared from Aston Villa, along with Blackburn Rovers striker Roque Santa Cruz - but they increasingly appear to be mere warm-up acts for the forthcoming main attractions.
Carlos Tevez looks certain to swap Manchester sides by exchanging United for City - a notion that would have been laughed out of Old Trafford 12 months ago - while Barcelona's Samuel Eto'o would be elevated to one of the world's highest-paid players in the increasingly unlikely event that he takes the Abu Dhabi riches on offer at Eastlands.
Arsenal's Kolo Toure and Everton defender Joleon Lescott are two other priority names on Mark Hughes' shopping list. And all the smart money is on the pair being successfully recruited to add some foundation to the attacking riches City intend having at their disposal.
City may be claiming the headlines and signing the largest cheques - while neighbours United bank the biggest in receiving £80m from Real Madrid for Cristiano Ronaldo - but it is a safe bet that the rest of the Premier League will not be shy in spending to reshape their squads for next season.
So who will be the prime movers in the market as clubs prepare to return to pre-season training this week?
There's a famous South American film with a title that translates as 'God and the Devil in the Land of the Sun.'
It's Brazilian, set in the country's arid northeast. But it is Argentina that has the sun in the middle of its flag, and the title could easily and appropriately apply to events in Buenos Aires.
Good and evil are not hard to find in Argentine football, sometimes in the same place - such as the Huracan club at the moment.
They were just about coming to terms with relegation, but now the kit has really hit the fan.
Just when the Geordies thought life couldn't get any worse, along came the unveiling of Newcastle's new yellow strip, which prompted more scoffing than Big Sam at a doughnut convention.
One fan likened it to a deckchair on Blackpool beach, while another described it as "a side-on view of a custard cream". The official club website preferred to describe the strip as a "stylish new change kit", although it was unclear how many supporters had taken up the '20% off' introductory offer plastered all over the front page.
May I first of all apologise for the lack of a column last week.
I was away from home and was relying on my trusty laptop but unfortunately technical difficulties proved too much and I couldn't send my work in.
I must admit to having quite an amazing time since I last spoke to you.
Setanta's rights may well ultimately be picked up by other broadcasters following its fall into administration today - at least that will be the hope of the various sports affected.
But more significant may be the collateral damage it has done to football's governing bodies, in particular the less than brilliant relationship between the Premier League and the FA.
On Friday when the Premier League decided to take its ball home, effectively sentencing Setanta to death, the FA did little to hide its displeasure.
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